The one where Blackhill hacks Fury’s phone
Natasha: [picture]
picture shows the side of her laptop, the hole for the charger is filled with parmesan cheese crumbs
Natasha: guess who’s never gonna throw a bag of unsecured parmesan in her laptop bag ever again?
Maria: you just took Mac n’ cheese to a whole different level
Natasha: i hate you
Maria: no i hate YOU more❤️
————————————-
Nat snickers quietly from her spot, hanging with her head above the slightly loose tile that had shifted just enough for the redhead to see through.
“Masha, come here!” she whispers. her girlfriend is laying flat on her stomach on the other side of the ceiling, keeping an eye on the hallway through a tile she had carefully and professionally removed.
Maria turns her head and crawled over. Natasha makes room for her while still watching Fury through the small gap. the man had rolled his chair back to open a drawer, looking around carefully. he grabbed a glass jar full of what looked like colorful candy and opened it. Maria had trouble to refrain from laughing as she watched her boss eat secret candy.
Natasha had pulled a phone out of her pocket and was focused on the little screen. the brunette moved a bit so she could watch along over her girlfriend’s shoulder.
“don’t” she warned the redhead. Natasha only smirked.
“bad idea.” Maria hissed between her teeth. Nat, however, doesn’t listen. within a few clicks she’s hacked into Nick Fury’s phone and begins scrolling through his contacts, barely containing her snorts.
Maria, who had been studying Fury to see if he was on to something, moves to watch over her girlfriend’s shoulder again, a grin slowly spreading across her face.
Contacts
second-in-command motherfucker (Maria wondered if that made him the “chief motherfucker”)
super spy motherfucker
annoying vent-crawling motherfucker (their soon-to-be label, Maria is afraid)
motherfucker #4
attached to those names where the numbers of Natasha, Maria, Clint Barton and.. the fourth came up empty. Natasha tries to get more information but everything is either blocked or written in some code she doesn’t bother to understand. they continue to scroll through contacts. he seemed to have Phil Coulson’s number labeled as “soft motherfucker”, Melinda May as “most traumatized motherfucker”, Sharon Carter as “another-one-motherfucker” and so on.
most of his higher ranking agents where labeled as “motherfucker” this, “motherfucker” that, whereas the technicians seemed to have “dumbfuck” as alias.
Maria grinned at how unprofessional her boss turned out to be. she was, however, afraid their alias would become a lot worse when Fury found out that they where a) spying on him and b) hacking his phone, so she nudged her girlfriend with her foot. Natasha continued to stare at the screen, with a wide grin on her face, and the brunette went to peer over the edge to see if Fury had found out yet. he was staring at his phone, slightly confused and very, very annoyed.
“we really should go”, she whispered to Natasha. the redhead was looking down now too, still with the dumbest smile on her face. she reached out for the tile, and before Maria could stop her, she moved it with a horrible scratching sound. Fury’s eyes immediately went up, and Natasha smiled at him. Maria quickly ducked out of eyesight and covered her ears for the ballad of curse words to come. something hits the tile underneath her, and Nat flinches away from the edge. “ok we really should get going right about now.” the redhead states.
“wow, i’m surprised you only thought of that now.” Maria responds, mildly irritated. they both begin to crawl away on topspeed, but even on the other side of the building they can still hear Fury curse and slamming with doors. they quickly find a safe spot to hid in for the next, well.... years.
it’s months later when Nat dares to hack into his phone again, and indeed, their alias has gotten a hell of a lot worse.