Chosen Stars
Pidge growled, barely wrestling back the urge to slam her fist into the nearest hard object. They had been so close! If she had just managed to keep their connection open for a little longer, she could have figured out where that stupid comet was! They had been out here for over a movement now, for the express purpose of gathering intel about the comet, and Pidge had about as much intel as she did extra inches! And, sure, they didn’t have a time limit per say, but Pidge knew they needed to make it back in time for Hunk to go to the Balmera and come back to Earth again before Zarkon arrived. Plus, she was already slowly losing her mind at not being with her family.
Matt sighed, flopping against the wall and tilting his head back as his sister clenched and unclenched her fists. She had been restless (bordering on reckless in the last few days) since they had first touched down on Earth, and although space seemed to have soothed her nerves, the mission had distinctly not. Or, namely, the fact that they weren’t making headway on their main objective was driving her crazy. Not to mention, the recent discovery that Sendak had been tasked with going to Earth and sabotaging the Paladins was nearly enough to send her shooting back home with the intel they had. Sooooooo, yeah, his sister wasn’t doing particularly great at the moment.
“Right, I’m going to check our cams,” he groaned. “Rover, scan the perimeter. Pidge, don’t break anything.”
“No promises,” snarled Pidge.
Matt simply held up his hands in surrender and backed away from the enraged gremlin, Rover beeping on his way out as well.
The tick that both of them were out of the room, Pidge groaned and flopped on her back. She pulled the hood up and tucked her face into it, pressing her fingerless gloves to her cheek. She wished she could feel Lance’s arms around her stomach as he tucked her close to her, the faint chords of a song vibrating between them. She had always felt safe there, like she could climb into those notes, curling the soft words around herself like a blanket, and simply hide away from the world for a few days. Maybe there, safe in Lance’s words, she could just…take the chance of being herself.
And god, what she would give to share a fist bump with Keith again. It was like a silent acknowledgement, a symbol of the bond between two people who had been willing to go to space if that meant getting their families back. Oh man, a Hunk hug would be perfect right now though, just firm enough to still the tremors running through her body, but squishy and warm enough to soothe the tears pricking at her eyes. A hand on her shoulder from Allura, or one on her back from Shiro would be more than appreciated too. A patented Adam hair tousle right then would hardly be amiss either, and Pidge had to bury her face more firmly into the hood to stifle her whimper.
She just wanted her family back again.
But, to keep them with her for the rest of her life, she had to lose them for now. Two movements (max) without them was nothing compared to a lifetime wishing she had done a better job right now.
Pidge blew out a long, steadying breath, and pushed herself back up. She crushed the tears under her palm, cracked her shoulders, rolling her neck the way Lance insisted would make it easier for her to work for longer, and popped her knuckles.
“Alright,” she growled, smirk overtaking her lips and amber eyes absorbed by her computer. “Let’s find some intel for the guys on the ground!”
Matt smiled as he slid the door fully closed, winking at Rover as Pidge’s manic pounding on her keyboard began. They were the Holt siblings, after all. They would figure this out.
Matt sucked in a harsh breath, squared his shoulders, lifted his chin, and hopped into the nearest ventilation shaft. He had cameras to check.
“If you want to live, put the coffee down and back away slowly,” growled Keith as he shuffled into the kitchen vargas past midnight, clutching an empty cup and drowning in Lance’s hoodie. “It. Is. Mine.”
Allura raised both hands and leapt away from the counter, nearly tripping over Adam where he perched on the ground, glaring at his computer screen, and stumbling into Acxa’s steadying arms. Her cheeks flushed at the smile that the general met her gaze with.
Lance shoved the coffee pot towards his muttering boyfriend, flipping the white hood over Keith’s hair and giggling at his sister even as his cerulean eyes remained fixed on the diagram flickering in front of him. Keith shoved him lightly before hopping onto the table to blink harshly at the rapidly translating text in front of him. Krolia joined in a few ticks later, tucking his hair out of his eyes and whispering corrections over his shoulder. Hunk snored from his perch in the chair Lance said he had claimed for as long as they lived here, and Shiro squirmed in his sleep on the McClain couch. Coran patted his shoulder, bags pulling down at his eyes as he finished his…extensive studies into the Olkari’s latest inventions and prototypes. With the knowledge that they were losing yet another sister and their only space uncle in the morning, none of them really had it in them to detach from each other’s sides at the end of the day. And, since Lance’s home was the nearest, well…
“Okay! So, right now we have a rebel detachment coming that Matt’s going to be in charge of along with someone named N-7?” Asked Lance softly, spinning the map in front of him to face Allura and rolling his shoulder to loosen up the black Garrison uniform; he had gotten used to his paladin armor and this new fabric was strangely stiff despite how weak it was. “And they’ll be here in about five quintants? Even though we don’t know when Matt will be back?”
“Correct,” replied Allura, leaning back against Acxa as she cracked her neck and squinted in the low lighting of her hou—of her brother’s household. “General Acxa?”
“Lotor is currently coordinating with Ezor and Zethrid to procure a larger fleet of Galra battleships, and Kuron had successfully made contact with the clones,” replied Acxa, flicking through searingly blue pages so fast it made Lance dizzy just watching. “They shall both have full reports for us on that situation tomorrow.”
The silent message flickering between the siblings’ eyes, the simultaneous twitches of their hands towards each other, and the slight purse of their lips practically screamed into the room. You’ll have to handle those alone.
“I’ll have these boosters figured out by morning,” called Adam, clicking steadily at his computer and chugging coffee. “Coran, where did Pidge’s fuel calculations go?”
“Into your inbox, Professor Wazir,” replied Coran without looking away from his article. “I shall be forwarding you her wind resistance checks in a few shakes of a telpan’s ear.”
“I have word from Narti and Romelle; they’ll arrive on schedule in a couple of movements,” called Keith, flicking away the email and rubbing at his eyes; Krolia patted his shoulder gently. “Krolia, would you mind—”
“I’ll have a briefing ready by tomorrow,” promised Krolia.
“You mean later this quintant?” Teased Lance, eyes flickering over the clock on the wall as it clicked past two in the morning.
“Correct.”
“Allura, same for you?”
“Indeed,” replied Allura, a smile twisting at her lips as if to combat a scowl. “Yet again. I am sorry; I hate to turn your home into your workplace as well.”
Lance knocked his shoulder against hers, grinning as he flicked the map through her. Her nose wrinkled at the tickle of the blue particles, and Lance giggled at the flurry of bunny twitches that followed.
“‘Lura, this is my choice! Plus, I did this all the time as a cadet, I’m used to it!” He retorted, eyes flickering over the photographs lining the wall. “I’d rather work here and get to tuck in my kids than miss any more time with them and finish my work elsewhere.”
“Plus, Lance’s family has the most comfortable furniture,” added Adam, flashing a grin over his shoulder. “Do you know how many times I’ve crashed here helping mi hermano study?”
“Too many!” Complained Hunk, rubbing at his eyes and yawning as his free hand began tightening the holographic gears on his diagram. “Lance dragged me along for most of them; I thought I was going to throw up when a Garrison guard came within two inches of our hiding place one time!”
“That was nothing,” commented Adam with a snort, twisting to look at the two cadets he had known almost too well back at the Garrison. “Remember when Lance jammed you and Pidge into cabinets to hide from Iverson? I didn’t know terror could make someone that flexible!”
“If terror could make people flexible, we’d all be gymnasts,” deadpanned Keith. “Especially given how many times Lance over here has decided to get himself dumped in a cryopod!”
“Oh, you do not get to lecture me on being reckless!” Protested Lance, snatching a hat off the table and flinging it into the back of Keith’s head. “Not after that whole astral plane shindig!”
“Yes, while you got yourself blasted out of a corrupted quintessence lightning cannon,” retorted Shiro, arching an eyebrow at the Black Paladin. “None of you can talk about being reckle—”
“Papi?”
Shiro’s mouth snapped shut, Allura winced, Keith slashed down the program he was reading, and Lance bolted upright. He hopped off the counter and spun to face his niece with a wide smile.
“Hola, mi princesita,” he said softly, opening his arms for the eight-year-old girl to scamper into. “Estás despierto temprano. ¿Todo bien?”
“Tuve una pesadilla,” whispered Nadia, nestling her face into her dad’s shoulder as he cradled her in his arms. “Volviste, pero eras un esqueleto, y luego había un gran nave y lo estar tiroteo fuego y Sylvio estaba llorando y yo no podía respirar y—”
“Shhhhh, está bien,” promised Lance, cuddling Nadia close to his chest and standing to gently rock her. “Tu padre es demasiado fuerte para que alguien lo convierta en una bolsa de huesos, y yo derribaría cualquier nave antes de que pudiera hacer llorar a Sylvio. Está bien, mi princesita.”
Nadia whimpered, curling closer to her dad, and Lance ran his fingers slowly over her braided hair, pressing a kiss to her forehead and rocking steadily from one foot to the other. Shiro and Krolia twisted like owls to gawk at Lance, and Coran toppled off the arm of the couch. Allura, Acxa, and Keith arched an eyebrow at one another, Hunk hovered nearby anxiously, and Lance ignored all of them. “¿Vamos arriba y vamos a volver a escribir ese sueño, bien? ¡Encenderé esa luz de la noche de la estrella fugaz y podemos tratar de romper nuestro registro para ataques del elfo de sorpresa!”
Nadia snuggled into her dad’s shoulder, nodding and refusing to look at anyone else in the room. Lance dropped a kiss atop her head and shot a quick smile over his shoulder to his family before swaying out of the room, murmuring to Nadia the whole way.
A soft click from upstairs floated down as he closed the door, and Coran leapt to his feet at the same time that Shiro and Krolia whipped around to stare at Keith and Allura with unhinged jaws.
“Um, unless my device is incorrect in its translation, I believe papi means father in your language?” Managed Coran, eyes still popping out of his head. “From my understanding, she is approximately eight years old and Lance is only recently eighteen, which does not stack up with what I have been briefed about human anatomy.”
“Lance is a father?!” Hissed Shiro, eyes cutting to Adam. “How did I not know about this?”
“Huh?”
Hunk’s eyes widened, Allura gaped, Adam stared, and Keith blinked rapidly at the rest of the room. The four all turned to each other, Hunk’s mouth flapping a bit like a confused fish. Keith shrugged, Adam shook himself back to reality, and Allura held up her hands innocently. Acxa just tilted her head, blinking as if unfazed by the idea of Lance raising two children only ten years younger than him.
“Well?” Asked Shiro.
“La—”
Hunk nearly pivoted off the chair as he spun to gawk at their former leader.
“You seriously didn’t know? Shiro, why do you think they started calling you ‘space abuelo?’ Dude, they’re why Lance wanted to sneak out that night he met you! He snuck out every night to see his kids! He would say ‘out on the town’ and ‘meet some girls’ as code words so the Garrison didn’t go attack mode on his mom. Uh, most of his family still at home are girls now, and Sylvio gets pouty at being singled out, so Lance just started calling them all girls.”
“Na—”
“Ah, wait a tick!” Cried Coran. “I believe I remember a ‘Nadiea’ and a ‘Sylivio’ from his stories! However, I believe that was in reference to his niece and nephew? And, once more, according to my studies, they should be too old to be his offspring!”
If someone interrupted Keith one more time, they were going to end up with a knife at their throat.
“Adoption?” Asked Krolia, one finger on his chin as her glazed eyes flickered over the fridge littered with pictures of Lance playing with Nadia and Sylvio. “I believe I heard of that from Keith’s father. However, I believe he would also be too young, so perhaps his mother took them in and didn’t have time to raise them…?”
“No!” Snapped Keith. “They’re his niece and nephew! But Lance chose to raise them, so they’re practically his kids!”
…He was only playing with his knife, so that counted as kind of a win?
“Quite close though, Admiral Krolia,” replied Allura with a soft laugh as she gave Keith’s mother an acknowledging nod. “As Keith said, Nadia and Sylvio are Lance’s niece and nephew. However, his older sister Veronica was not in a position to raise them, so she asked Lance to. As such, he single-handedly brought them up for seven decaphoebs. He is their papi.”
“I am glad he is back with them then,” replied Acxa, a glint rippling off her eyes. “He clearly loves them deeply.”
“That does not explain why we didn’t know about it!” Protested Shiro, rubbing at his forehead and staring at the ceiling with eyes wider than moons. “That—that’s a huge part of someone’s life to just not know about! We’re a team, a family. I thought we were past surprises like this.”
Krolia glanced down and Shiro winced at his own words, Coran’s face falling as silence slowly filled the room. Acxa bit her lip, tugging on her finger like she always did when she was nervous, Allura and Keith glanced at one another, their eyes flitting to Hunk after a tick, and he began fidgeting with his fingers again while Adam stared determinedly at the table. The silence grew oppressive.
Why hadn’t Lance told everyone?
Lance grinned as he bounced back into the room, running a hand through his already rumpled hair and snatching a cookie from the jar.
“Sorry about that; Nadia had a nightmare,” he commented, swinging himself back up onto the counter and reclaiming his map. “She’s asleep now; everything’s fine, don’t worry. What’d I miss?”
He started munching on the cookie, setting the holographic battle sequence to play out before him and tilting back to glance at his teammates. Allura was in one corner with Keith having another heated debate, flying hands and muted yelling sending Hunk inching away while Adam looked on in thinly veiled amusement and Acxa helped Krolia with a programming error (those two got on surprisingly well). Welp, no way they were noticing his arrival anytime soon; when those two got into one of their arguments, the entire universe could be burned down (heck, they probably could be set on fire) and neither of them would so much as stutter! Lance quickly glanced away before he could get embroiled in it, flashing Coran a smile as the man turned towards him. The poor Altean looked like he needed another 10,000 decaphoeb nap, geez! Lance would have to try and get him to bed soo—
Lance froze. Shiro was looking at him, large grey eyes unblinking in the low light of the kitchen, and he bit back a shudder at the similarity between that look and the one Kuron had given him so many phoebs ago—
“Lance?” Shiro’s voice jarred Lance nearly off the counter; he shrieked and flailed, toppling over backwards and sprawling over the countertop with a cookie clutched desperately to his chest and a shattered holographic map around his leg.
Keith spun, knife whipping out from his sheath and shooting from his hand. Allura snatched it out of the air before it could go anywhere, glaring at both of her Black Paladins and shushing Lance. He couldn’t help it. Shiro’s voice was so…so gentle. It made him feel safer than he had become used to.
“Sorry, Shiro!” Yelped Lance, trying to swallow the words enough that he wouldn’t wake up his niece again, but making no move to rise from his current position. “What’s up?”
Shiro shifted, propping himself up on his elbows, and Keith growled, making grabby hands at his knife. Allura stuck out her tongue and hid it behind her back in response, prompting an affronted squawk and another hissing battle as Hunk slid further away and Acxa’s eyes softened with pure adoration. Lance cackled, making similar grabby hands at the knife.
Allura chucked it at his head immediately. Lance got the vague, oh so very misty feeling she still wasn’t too pleased about being forced to stay away from Earth during the impending strike on Sendak. If it weren’t for Acxa’s gentle coaxing, her choice to sit with Allura for vargas and work through all their whispered words, Lance wasn’t sure if he would have been able to get her off the planet.
That being said, he nearly toppled the remaining few inches off the table, snagging the blade by the edge of the hilt with a little triumphant crow. Spinning it between his fingers, Lance raised an eyebrow at the Blue Paladin, ignoring his boyfriend’s attempt to lunge at the pointy death knife. Shiro smirked at the two, though his expression sobered when locked eyes with Lance again, and something dropped in the pit of Lance’s stomach. He wished he’d had more time to talk to Kuron; these things shouldn’t make it so hard to breathe.
“Why did you never tell me that you raised Nadia and Sylvio?” Replied Shiro, his voice sounding like it was trapped in a vice grip. “You didn’t tell Coran either, and none of us know whether you told Pidge or Matt. Why?”
Shiro compressed his lips as his muscles locked, waiting for a reply. He had never been particularly close with Lance, he knew that. It was something he hated, but he could never see a way to connect with the cocky young man before he left, and especially not after he returned. Lance practically flinched back from his every movement for the first phoeb, and held himself like an iron soldier for even longer afterwards. Allura had tried to explain to him the extent of the damage that Kuron had done, the shots at Lance’s self-esteem that had torn too deeply, the way Lance had to dig his heels in and turn his skin into titanium to fight back against the clone’s orders, the helpless terror that had consumed his face when Kuron threatened to take away his place on the team, but she didn’t need to. Shiro had seen it in that heartbreaking flash of fear in Lance’s eyes every time he glanced at him, though the younger man was quick to cover it up with a flashing smile.
It had lessened when Lance was selected as a Black Paladin, hopefully assuaging some of the fears Shiro could hardly comprehend the paladin having about his role in the team. It had eased considerably when the two teamed up with Adam to help Keith deal with Krolia, but Shiro couldn’t do much to bond with him then because Lance spent every free tick running around performing diplomatic duties or hauling his siblings to bed. After Kuron’s return, though, all the lingering horror surged forwards again, and Shiro had been keeping his eyes peeled for an opportunity to talk to Lance directly about what had happened in his…rather extended absence.
He knew they weren’t close, but he never imagined Lance still didn’t trust him after so much time in space together. And the fact that Lance hadn’t told Coran and potentially Pidge or Matt, three people he demonstrated a deep trust and love for, threw Shiro for a loop. Was Lance somehow ashamed about raising Nadia and Sylvio? Did he feel like everyone would view him differently because of it? It was such a large part of his life, but it was incredibly admirable of him to take on such a taxing role at such a young age, Lance couldn’t possibly think they would look down on hi—
“Huh?”
Lance cocked his head, blinking like a chicken that had just walked into a wall. Then his eyes blew wide open and he gave a barely-muffled shriek. “I didn’t tell you guys?!”
“Uh, um, no?”
“Quiznak! I thought I had!” Cried Lance, twisting until he was on his stomach and rubbing the back of his head with a sheepish smile. “My bad! I’m so used to having told the people who were supposed to know that I kind of forgot that you guys didn’t! Oh great, Pidge is going to kill me when I tell her!”
“What?!” Shrieked Hunk, gawking at his best friend. “You really didn’t tell Pidge?!”
Lance groaned, dropping his head into his hands.
“Nooo, and she’s going to kill me! I was supposed to bring her home that night we ended up getting shot into space, so I was going to tell her then! You know, she tends to like more tangible explanations and evidence and hard facts, and that kind of stuff, so I figured she’d rather be shown it than have it explained to her. Great, I’m definitely going to get my head chewed off by a temperamental gremlin and her bigger gremlin brother now!”
Lance sighed then, sliding off the table. He stood, turning and facing his family head-on, eyes glowing a sapphire-blue that reflected off the Altean marks on his cheeks. “But, I never intended for you guys not to know. Things got hectic and I forgot to tell you, and then I just assumed I had at some point. It’s such a big part of me that I kind of don’t remember who I’ve told and who I haven’t. It’s kind of like my sexuality,” he added, lips twisting painfully, and Shiro remembered with a wince that Lance still hadn’t gotten the chance to come out to his family despite his best attempts. “You know how you have to come out a thousand times, so you just end up forgetting who does and doesn’t know? It was like that, I guess.”
“Ah! Shiro forgot to tell his aunt that he was engaged to me for over a decaphoeb because of that!” Commented Adam, smirking as he stood and placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “I still don’t remember how many of my friends have picked up on my bisexuality by now. You all know, right?”
“I didn’t!” Squawked Hunk, and Keith cackled. “I just thought you were gay!”
Lance turned to Adam, smile spreading as he gripped his brother’s hand in silent gratitude.
“See? When things are just part of who you are, you kind of forget,” concluded Lance, breathing out a short puff of relief. “You guys are my family; I trust you. That doesn’t mean I’m not a space case!” He quipped, smirking as Coran tilted his head in confusion at the Black Paladin.
“A…space case? Does that refer to some unsolved mystery that comes from space? In that case, I do believe Princess Allura and I have a better argument to make for being the ‘space cases’ of this, but I do not believe there are many mysteries surrounding us! We are simply cryogenically frozen aliens that come from a planet 10,000 decaphoebs ago that was far more technologically and alchemically advanced than your planet; it’s quite normal, really.”
Lance just stared at him for a long, long dobash. Allura snickered, and Keith flopped onto a nearby chair to pin Coran with his deadpan you-have-got-to-be-joking stare. Lance was pretty sure he wasn’t, though.
“Uh, sure, not going to complain about getting to call you two ‘space cases,’” teased Lance, hopping back onto the counter and stretching his arms over his head; he craned his neck over backwards and grinned at Shiro. “We good, man?”
Shiro compressed his lips, pulling back a scowl, and nodded. The reason seemed genuine, and Shiro knew he had surprised the quiznak out of Matt when he mentioned off-handedly that he was gay during the Kerberos Mission even though they had been friends for decaphoebs and it hadn’t meant to be a secret. That wasn’t what bothered him.
“Yeah, we’re good,” he replied, settling back into Adam’s lap and closing his eyes while his fiance’s fingers ran through his hair.
As if closing his eyes to the world around him would make him believe his own words.
“Alright, unless you guys want to be woken up by Ronny tripping over you,” warned Lance, slinging Coran onto his back and grinning at Keith as he started awake, “you’re all going to want to head upstairs or claim some furniture. Krolia, you can take the guest room; Keith, go ahead and use mine. Allura, could you put Hunk in Luis’ room?”
Allura nodded, cradling Hunk in her arms and already starting up the stairs with a soft good night to her family. She usually used Rachel’s room, as Lance’s sister was still fighting to get a cheap enough plane ticket to see her brother again, and it just felt like second instinct at this point for her to link her fingers with Acxa and tug her along to the sunny room. Coran had stolen the comfiest chair to snore from, and Adam had already fallen asleep on the couch, though Shiro continued to stare up at the ceiling. Krolia was gently helping Keith down from the table he had nearly nodded off of, and Lance had to bite back a grin at the lopsided smile his boyfriend offered Krolia, as if sleep had already claimed half of his face.
“Shiro, if you need to escape Adam’s snores, there’s a great view of the stars in the backyard,” commented Lance, twisting to glance at the older man. “I rarely go to sleep without taking at least one long look. Plus, the cicadas drown out almost everything else, even the avalanche mi hermano likes to pretend is snoring.”
Shiro giggled, petting Adam’s hair and casting a pained smile at Lance. Lance, who had walked away from those cicadas to get a closer look at those stars he once admired, who had made the brutal decision every morning to fight for that universe which kept him galaxies away from the squiggly yellow stars speckled across the drawings Nadia and Sylvio made for their papi. Lance, who stood in the doorway to help his nearly-drooling boyfriend on his back, bags biting at his eyes, one family asleep and scattered throughout the house, the other clustered in this small kitchen, a sister and brother up in space, and a smile tugging at his lips as he looked at the one man who couldn’t to protect him. The man who had never protected any of them.
“I think I’ll take you up on that.”
The doors clicked shut behind Shiro, a soft sound that clashed harshly with the slam of a Galran prison cell. Shiro smiled, fingers splaying against the balcony as he leaned off of it.
“Hey, Lance,” he greeted without turning around. “Keith sleeping okay?”
Lance’s stride faltered behind him, an aborted half-step breaking his pace, and Shiro kept his eyes raised. He had finally found his favorite constellation.
“Kind of. He seemed to be having a nightmare, so I calmed him down. I don’t think any of us are sleeping that well,” admitted Lance, his words measured and even, as if to methodically build a wall between him and the man across from him. “So, do you want to talk about this?”
Shiro hummed.
“About what?”
“Us,” replied Lance. “About this weird limbo we keep getting stuck in. I mean, maybe it’s just me, but whenever we finally seem to get comfortable with each other, one of us always pulls back. It was definitely me at the beginning, and I’m sorry about that. I just don’t understand why it’s still happening. And…and I don’t think this is something I can fix by myself anymore,” murmured Lance, fingers tightening by his side. “Please, Shiro. You’ve got to help me out here.”
“Can I?”
The snap slipped from Shiro’s lips before he had time to process it, and Lance’s sharp intake of breath seemed to split the night. The cicadas went dead silent, the moon’s light taking on a glaring edge, and the wind falling to stillness around the two. Or maybe Shiro’s heart was the only one that actually stopped.
“Wha—”
“Sorry,” interceded Shiro, turning to face Lance and not even trying to cover the wince consuming his expression. “Sorry about that; I’m not upset with you, I promise. Just a little mad at myself.”
Lance blinked, his shoulders rolling loose and his jaw softening, and Shiro swore he heard the wind come back to life around them. Maybe that was just the familiar pulsing of his own heart through his skin, though.
“How come?”
And then Lance was swinging beside him, hands planted on the balcony and eyes drinking in the constellations shining over his house. He leaned his weight forwards, back exposed to Shiro, but still leaving his eyes far away from Shiro’s face. And, for once, Shiro couldn’t bring himself to mind that. The anonymity of the darkness, the faint echo of Adam’s snores, and the warmth of the night as June neared seemed to cocoon him away from the endless void of space so high above him. A void for all except the children his mistakes had dragged up there.
“Lance, do you wish you’d never left Earth?” Asked Shiro.
Shiro had seen how much happier Keith was now, how much more comfortable he was in his own skin, in his sexuality, in his history, in his future. He knew Keith would just stare at him and ask what there was to regret; the only ones Keith loved other than Mrs. Shirogane were already in space. He had nothing to lose and everything to gain; space was a third chance he couldn’t pass up. If anything, he would probably thank Shiro for shooting them all up into space.
Shiro didn’t know if he could say the same for the others.
Pidge would have made it up there at some point anyway, knowing the girl, and she had gotten her family back as a result. She had saved her father and brother, had come into her own as a technician, a fighter, a sister, and a human. She had left her mother behind, a regret Shiro doubted would go away easily, but she had saved everyone else she loved as a result. Sure, Pidge probably wouldn’t hate him for putting them all in that position.
But what about Hunk and Lance? What about the two who had so much to lose and so little to gain by going up there? Hunk had found so much courage and strength, so much power in himself that he never could have imagined was there. He had become an amazing mechanic, a brilliant chef, and a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield. But he hadn’t even been able to say goodbye to his family, had spent so much time in desperate fear for them, had come to training so many mornings with bags under his eyes and a red nose. Shiro had spent vargas flying with him, running drills with their Lions, both trying to step into their proper roles on the team. But, even with all that, Shiro didn’t know if, given the opportunity, Hunk would have chosen to go into space back then if he knew what that choice would entail.
At least that wasn’t a question Shiro held with Lance anymore.
“Huh?”
Because there was no way the teenager that swooped his daughter off the floor and sang her back to sleep, the one who plastered pictures of his son all over the fridge, the one who had held them tighter to him than anything else would ever have chosen to leave them for over a year. Shiro already knew that.
“You lied back there. About why you didn’t tell the team that Nadia and Sylvio were your kids,” replied Shiro, twisting his head to the side a bit and cocking an eyebrow as Lance’s lips compressed. “Maybe part of it was that you were so used to keeping it a secret from the administration and other kids, that it was such a natural part of you that you thought you’d already told us. Scratch that, I’m pretty sure it is,” added Shiro, smile twitching as Lance stared at him blankly. “But that’s not why you forgot, is it?”
Lance’s eyes snapped wide, his fingers clenching on the balcony, and teeth grinding together. Shiro just nodded and turned his eyes back to the sky, the unspoken words hanging between them like shattered glass, poised to strike anyone who went too near them.
It was too painful to remember the ones I left behind.
Shiro got that. Thinking about his mother whenever they were up there had only prompted breakdowns and crying fits that left him anxious for a punching bag. Not exactly the best for morale.
And morale, in a way, was a burden Lance had borne just as much as Shiro even before becoming a Black Paladin. From the very beginning, Lance had kept the team running on jokes and laughter, had helped them cling to a shred of normalcy, of humanity, of hope for their own futures in this intergalactic space war. Shiro had given them discipline and teamwork, Lance had given them motivation and joy. They were the two who couldn’t be shaken, who couldn’t show how much of a toll this war was taking on them. And Shiro had failed to notice that until it was too late.
“Yeahhhh, it kind of hurt too much to remember, so it was pretty easy to forget to mention it.”
Shiro blinked as Lance plunged his hand right into the glass shards and grasped the words he couldn’t even imagine saying himself. “And that’s the reason you’re mad, right? Because you managed to trace the whole Lance-wasn’t-with-his-kids thing back to us leaving and the fact that we ran from the Garrison to help you get out, which is how we discovered the Lions and blasted into space where, by the way, we all agreed to keep going multiple times despite the dangers, both when we did and didn’t know what was at stake!”
Lance snorted, turning to face Shiro and grin at his hero figure. “Believe me man, blame? That thing’s a rabbit hole!”
Shiro stared at his friend, the image of a cocky, headstrong, insecure, flirtatious boy springing to his thoughts, yet not to his eyes. Lance just kept talking, hands rolling in time with his words, so much more limber from phoebs of gun training. “Look, if we wanted to, we could blame anyone and everyone aboard the Castleship for getting us up here—there—to space—oh, whatever!” Huffed Lance as Shiro bit his lips to hide a giggle. “You know what I mean! I am the master of blaming myself, I’ve already thought of all of it! We could blame Keith for breaking into the facility and driving us away, we could blame Hunk for building a device to find the Lions and leading us there, we could blame Pidge for being on the roof that night and finding the signal telling us about Voltron, we could blame me for bonding with Blue and shooting us into space, we could blame Allura for recruiting us for the mission and honestly just existing, and we could probably even blame Coran for something if we wanted to!”
Lance’s laugh tilted off his lips, and he tipped his head back to gaze up at the stars he had spent so long dying to see again. “What matters is that we don’t. We don’t blame them for any of it, so we have no reason to blame ourselves.”
Shiro squinted at the paladin in front of him.
“What if the others do?”
“Heh. Trust me, they don’t. We’re all too eager to blame ourselves so we don’t have to blame the ones we love. And I don’t think I have to convince you that we all love each other.”
Somehow, that teenager so desperate to be acknowledged had grown into a fine paladin. One overflowing with genuine confidence, with wisdom, with strength, and with love not only for his family, but also for defending this universe they lived in.
“No,” promised Shiro, smiling to himself, “you don’t.”
“Well, thank god for that!” Replied Lance, stretching his arms high above his head before bopping Shiro on the arm. “You ‘gane brothers are usually really really reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy—”
“Okay, okay—”
“REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY—”
“Lance!”
Lance cackled as Shiro bopped him on the arm in return, hands raised in surrender and eyes flashing with mirth.
“Really bad at knowing your worth and how loved you are,” he concluded, laughing as he fended off Shiro’s attempts to mess up his hair. “And all of us are happy to remind you every time.”
Shiro laughed, sneaking his arm around Lance’s neck and yanking him into a headlock to thoroughly destroy the paladin’s perfectly styled hair amidst a series of squawks.
“Alright, alright, I got it!” He promised, his eyes glowing as the same stars overhead that he had dreamed about so long swam in the tears of laughter dancing in Lance’s eyes. “Thank you, Lance.”
“Anytime and everytime, nOW GET OFF!”
“Nah.”
“Shiroooooooo!” Whined Lance, and suddenly the pouty lip he stuck out at their former leader snatched the boy Shiro had first met so long ago, and pulled him back into the eyes of this strong paladin he had come to know.
Because neither had lost that light of the pure love for life that made Lance extend a helping hand no matter who was reaching out, whether it be his daughter, his old captain, a random alien, his boyfriend, his sister, an enemy, or anyone else in need. It was what had made Lance into a paladin.
And Shiro would do all he could to protect that light now, just as he had always done.
“Take care, Allura,” said Shiro, wrapping the Red Paladin into a tight hug. “Take Acxa on a date for my sanity’s sake.”
Allura groaned, and Shiro laughed; from Lance’s intense eyebrow wiggling to Adam’s stifled guffaws to Keith’s quiet attempt at encouragement (punching people in the arm only works sometimes, Keith), Shiro got the feeling Allura might confess at this point just to get the others off her back.
About time.
“Yeah, bring back your giiiiiiiirlfriend,” insisted Lance with that lilting edge to his voice that nearly got him decapitated by Allura’s glare alone.
Keith patted her shoulder even though his own lips were practically trembling as the giggles pounded away relentlessly at the barricade.
“Good luck confessing.”
“Keith, I swear on Altea’s throne—!” Warned Allura, sending the small group into another round of laughter.
Even as Shiro stepped back, he stole a look at Lance, who was practically fusing with Allura in a tight hug. When he had poked his head into the hangar, the two had been whispering together, their gestures jerky and halting in a way he wasn’t used to seeing, but their laughter soft and ringing like the first sleigh bells of winter.
Even after all this time, they somehow hadn’t lost themselves to the war.
“Don’t look so worried,” said Keith, his feet sliding beside Shiro’s and his eyes coming to rest softly on his boyfriend. “Allura will do just fine, and so will the rest of us.”
He smirked, bumping his shoulder into his brother’s. “Together.”
Shiro chuckled, embracing Allura as she turned to her family to say her goodbyes. Together. For one last part.
Together, with Keith wrapping an arm around Lance’s shoulders and Lance dropping a kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek. Together, with Hunk nearly tackling Allura off her feet with a hug when she mentioned how long she might be gone. Together, with Krolia double-checking the coordinates with Coran, even though she had to prepare for a scouting mission. Together, with Allura face-planting over her words when Acxa walked into the room in traditional Galran royal armor, and with the General blushing a mercury silver at the princess’ stuttering compliments. Together, with Adam interlocking their fingers and smiling, that knowing tilt to his lips, and that unbreakable love glowing like twin suns in his eyes.
“Uh, you guys, I have an announcement to make,” declared Shiro, digging his heels into the ground as his family blinked at him. “Um, there’s not really an easy way to say this, but…well, after the war, I’m going to step back.”
The room dropped to a silence more dead than Shiro hoped Sendak would become, and Shiro was pretty sure the only thing keeping him from bolting right then and there was Adam’s hand in his. “I know you guys will still have a lot of paladin duties to attend to, like keeping the peace, rebuilding planets, and handling diplomatic things, but I just…I can’t. I have to step down when this is over. I’ve got to know that I can…that I can leave the battlefield behind.”
He had to protect that light in Adam’s eyes, and in his own. “Um, it might not be for long, and it definitely won’t be forever. But, even for just a few years, I’d like t-to-to just come home to Adam every night in our apartment and relax. I want to look up at the same stars with my husband and know that my crazy space kids are having fun among them and, one day, I’m going to join them again. I want to have that choice.”
Shiro swallowed, the last shreds of glass from his conversation with Lance last night vanishing along with the air rapidly dissipating from his lungs. He locked his shoulders and steeled his jaw, raising his head to meet their eyes. If he was going to let them down, the least he could do as their former Black Paladin was face that reality head-on.
“HECK YES!” Cheered Lance, pumping his fist in the air while Hunk let out a resounding whoop. “LET SHIRO RESSSSSSSSSSSST!”
“About time!” Huffed Krolia as if she weren’t beaming ear-to-ear. “And you guys call me a workaholic!”
“It is a break well deserved,” agreed Allura, pulling Shiro in for a longer, slightly firmer hug. “I am glad to see you finally taking care of yourself.”
“Indeed!” Insisted Coran, clapping Shiro on the shoulder and straightening his moustache with a slight snap in a way that Shiro was pretty sure signified pride. “This was a very long time coming, Number One, and I am exceptionally pleased to see you prioritizing your own needs!”
Lance grinned, and Hunk pointed a warning finger at Shiro like he wasn’t still containing full suns in his smile.
“Shiro, if you don’t take a good five decaphoebs off once this is all over, I will lock you in your house until you learn to relax!”
“I’ll help,” muttered Adam.
“I have a few knives that might come in handy,” chimed in Keith with a wink at Shiro; he wasn’t sure if he liked how Lance was influencing his little brother. “And the occasional sword.”
“Oooo, we’ve got him now!”
Hunk’s finger dropped away then, and he picked up Shiro to spin him around, blubbering while Shiro squeaked out protests and the others laughed until their cheeks ached. Shiro didn’t even hold out a full dobash before joining in. After all, no matter what happened in this war, Shiro would always be their Space Dad, and they could always come home to him just like he could always come home to them. And nothing in the whole universe could change that.