Truth
Yeji and Ryujin continue to talk in school, because they can’t see each other at any other place since Yeji’s parents still har orders on her coming home right after school. Her parents are also checking her phone regularly so it’s hard to keep a conversation over the internet. Therefore Yeji has started longing for her time in school. Hyunjin, who has been asked by their parents to guard Yeji, is loyal to his sister and therefore lets her do whatever she feels like. Yeji is glad for that and can’t thank him enough for being on her side.
This Friday afternoon Yeji waits outside Ryujin’s classroom. The clock is slowly ticking towards the end of the lesson. Yeji has long ago stopped counting how many times she has lighten up the display on her phone to check how much longer she will have till wait until Ryujin finishes. Then finally the clicking sound from the door is heard and a stream of students exits through it. Yeji stands a few meters behind, leaning against the cold wall, watching them all create the slight chaos always coming up after Friday’s last lesson. The last student out before the teacher closes the door is her long-awaited Shin Ryujin. Just seeing her from afar makes Yeji’s heart beat faster. Ryujin has a look around, as usual with her books and computer tightly pressed against her chest. Her hair har grown longer since Yeji first saw her as a blond at the start of the semester and now it touches her shoulders. At the top of her head dark roots has shown themselves, however Ryujin doesn’t seem to really care. That is one of the things Yeji admires about Ryujin, she has such a relaxed attitude towards her own and other’s looks. It makes Yeji feel no pressure when set up for a meeting with her. Yeji can come as she naturally looks and Ryujin would neither care nor comment about it. Because Ryujin values other things, and to be honest Yeji is very thankful for that.
As the door closes behind her Ryujin turns in the correct direction to find Yeji. She grins widely when seeing her.
“Have you waited for long?” Ryujin winks with her eyes like a cute little puppy and Yeji can’t help but to laugh at her.
“No,” Yeji answers smiling and leans forward to whisper into Ryujin’s ear. “For you I could wait an eternity.”
Ryujin bursts out in a loud laughter and hits Yeji several times with her hand. “You cheesy girl!”
They laugh together and starts walking towards Ryujin’s locker. Their steps echo through the corridors as they make their way forward. When opening the locker Ryujin speaks up again.
“I was thinking of something.”
“Yes?” Yeji answers, looking at the wonderful person in front of her, feeling her heart swarm of love. In the midst of everything she is so lucky to have this girl in her life.
“You know I brought a bag with me to your mother’s party, I had my party outfit in it. I never took it with me when I left.”
“Right, it’s still in my room.”
“Yea, my dad would be happy to have it back.” Ryujin laughs as a sudden thought enters Yeji’s mind. She looks at Ryujin, who is busy putting down the computer in her bag.
“What if you follow me home and get it? My parents won’t be home until at least four o’clock.”
“Really?” Ryujin asks and looks at Yeji with a surprised face. She has a look around before continuing in a lower voice. “Aren’t you afraid of getting caught breaking the rules?”
“Of course I am, but I also want to spend time with you, and as you said, you need the bag.”
Ryujin smiles with eyes sparkling like evening stars. “What’s with you know days, such a flirt.”
Yeji bends forward and puts her finger over her mouth. With a firm look she faces Ryujin who smiles stiffly and nods as if she understands her mistake. Even though Yeji is willing to let Ryujin into her home they have to be careful in school. If a rumor about them starts going around it might reach her parents. They have to be especially careful with Hanguk. He has showcased that he is more than capable of destroying their relationship before and might want to do it again.
As they start walking out of school Yeji brings up the topic and proposes they pretend they don’t know each other. Ryujin doesn’t seem to buy it at first, stating that Hanguk will most definitely recognized her under any circumstance anywhere. Then an idea enters Yeji’s head and she takes of her hat and scarf.
“Here, put this on. They are big enough to cover most of your face.”
Ryujin takes of her own white beanie and covers herself in Yeji’s outwear while Yeji continues explaining her plan. “If you get off at the bus stop before me and walk the last part I’ll leave the front door open for you to just walk in. But don’t say anything, be quiet. You see my parents want me to video-call them immediately when I get home so I might be in a call with them.”
Ryujin raises her eyebrows but doesn’t say anything, instead she just nods agreeingly. With several meters apart they start wandering down to the bus stop like strangers. They follow the plan and Ryujin manages to enter through the front door just a minute after Yeji has hung up the video call.
“Is your brother at home?” Ryujin asks when having closed the door behind her.
“I don’t know.” Yeji answers and throws a glance at the hangers and shoe rack. “But it doesn’t matter, he won’t tell our parents if he notices you.”
“Such a good brother you have.” A heartwarming smile spreads over Ryujin’s face as she stands there with her hands in her jacket pockets. “Oh right,” She then says, suddenly realizing something. “I’ll give back your hat and scarf.”
“You can put it on the shelf.” Yeji weighs on her tip toes, suddenly feeling butterflies swarming inside her chest. A flashback of their first time alone together hits her. They had cooked and Yeji had for the first time felt those electric waves, those that only Ryujin have been able to make her feel. A sudden crave for reexperiencing the waves grows strong within her. Therefore she just can’t help but to reach out for Ryujin’s hands. At first Ryujin only stares at her in confusion, but then she seems to understand her hint and grabs Yeji’s bare hand. The touch is just as Yeji remembers it, small electric waves pulsing through her skin. Dear how she wishes they could become even stronger.
“Do you want to tell me something?” Ryujin suddenly says with laughter hidden in her voice.
Yeji, who has been staring at their hands, now raises her gaze and meets Ryujin’s glittering eyes. Does she have anything to say? Anything that she should say? Well, perhaps not should say but want to say. The emotional urge is stronger than the rational will and therefore the words just slips over her tongue like wild fire.
“Join me upstairs.”
“What?” Ryujin answers while widening her eyes slightly.
“Yes, my parents won’t be home for a while. We could spend some time together.” Yeji makes sure to keep her gaze at Ryujin taking in every little gesture and facial from her. A breeze of relief sweeps through her when she notices the growing smile over Ryujin’s face, reaches all the way to her joyful eyes. After Ryujin has taken off her outwear they walk up the stairs and enters Yeji’s room. There, next to the end of Yeji’s bed, the bag remains in the exact same spot where Ryujin left it. She pokes it with the tip of her toe and then pats it with her hand as if it was her beloved pet.
“I see you’ve taken good care of it for me.” She laughs while Yeji sits down on her bed, smiling. However, the smile is quite forced as her nerves suddenly has started to live a life of their own. There is something she wishes for, something that only can come true by her own initiative. She knows Ryujin has made advancements before but Yeji has rejected it, she wasn’t ready then. However, it’s different now, now it’s all that she wants. Still, she can’t bring herself into taking any initiatives. Asking Ryujin to join her here was a big enough step.
Therefor Yeji remains on her bed while Ryujin opens her bag and checks its inside. She watches the blonde nod for herself and then seal the bag with its zipper. Then Ryujin straightens her back and turns to Yeji with her precious smile. When no words come from Yeji she raises her eyebrows as if to ask what’s going on. Yeji would really like to tell her what’s going through her mind, but she can’t bring herself into doing so, her nerves are blocking her lips and tongue. Instead she just sits there, with her hands playing restlessly in her lap. Ryujin furrows her brows and comes to sit down next to Yeji.
“Is something wrong?” She asks and looks at Yeji with her deep eyes, the very same eyes that has gifted Yeji a sacred place to grow and prosper in, a safe haven. That’s right, a safe haven. Ryujin is the one person on earth that currently possesses the ability to make Yeji feel a hundred percent safe. If with anyone it’s with Ryujin that Yeji can make an initiative and not be scared of a hurtful rejection or declaration of stupidity.
Therefor Yeji decides to focus the last of her energy to regain control over her nerves. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Then, slightly trembling, she leans forward and lands a kiss on Ryujin’s lips. Slowly she lets their lips part and meets Ryujin’s surprised face. However the expression changes quickly. Once again she smiles, both with her soft lips and glittering eyes. Yeji can feel the electric waves from before flowing stronger within her and pushes her actions further. With a higher intensity she lets her lips play with Ryujin’s. She puts a hand on Ryujin’s shoulder to turn her towards herself.
“Do we really have time for this?” Ryujin whispers in between a kiss, suddenly sounding a bit worried.
“We’ll make ourselves time.” Yeji answers assuredly yet a bit breathy. Slowly she lets her hand slip in under Ryujin’s oversized cozy shirt, feeling her silky-smooth skin.
“That’s my girl.” Ryujin replies with a confident smile over her face. With her slender hands she cups Yejis face and locks her gaze. When looking into Ryujin’s sparkling eyes it’s like falling free and it sends a tickling feeling throughout Yeji’s whole body, reaches out in every little cell. It’s addictive. Yeji must have more. It’s like her oxygen, her source of energy, what’s making her continue functioning.
As the feeling takes over her she takes a steady grip of Ryujin’s shoulders and brings her down towards the bed sheets. With her back pressed against the soft mattress Yeji receives dozens of kisses, ranging from her neck and down towards her chest. The kisses stop where the bare skin is covered by the fabric from Yeji’s shirt. With the skillful aid from Ryujin Yeji manages to take off her top and bra which they throw across the room. Ryujin laughs at it sailing down towards the floor, making Yeji’s heart melt of pure love. This girl is so wonderful it’s impossible to describe with words. Her eyes, voice and body language radiate the same type of energy that Yeji feels within herself, and sharing that same energy is a connection that goes deeper than Yeji has ever experienced before. When meeting Ryujin’s gaze it’s like travelling to a paradise where all love and peace she could wish for exists in a perfect harmony. How could she ever have considered trading this for her parents’ approval?
As Ryujin’s hands continue to wander over Yeji’s body her jeans also land on the floor. Almost completely naked she receives the softest, yet most passionate, touches and kisses.
“God bless me.” Yeji moans when Ryujin lets her fingers and lips play with her bare nipples.
“Ain’t I already?” Ryujin answers with an unexpectedly deep and sexy voice that sends trembling chills down towards Yeji’s core. Indeed, Ryujin couldn’t have said it any better. Only a goddess can make her feel this much without completely sucking the soul out of her. Only Ryujin can make her want to stay in this feeling of total loss of control and yet never want to leave. Dear if she isn’t ready to go further, go higher, reach the limit she knows is there. She knows that Ryujin can take her there.
With slightly clumsy movements she grabs a hold of Ryujin’s wrist and slowly leads it down towards her lower area. She notices Ryujin raising her eyebrows before they lock eyes. It’s clear that she understands just what Yeji wishes for, but with those eyes dear sweet Ryujin asks for permission anyways, like the considerate angel she is. Yeji nods as an answer, but then adds a comment anyways, just can’t resist it.
“I want you to make me come.”
A big smile spreads over Ryujin’s lips as the words themselves sends a thrill through Yeji’s body. Similar waves hit her one after one when Ryujin goes down on her and lets her tongue do its magic tricks. One time after another it hits just the right spot and forces Yeji’s back to crook. It’s hard to be completely still and Yeji has to grab her blanket with her hands to stay in place. As the waves hits her faster and harder her breathing intensifies. She lets quiet moans slip over her lips as the waves pushes her closer to the edge.
“It’s okay, you can let it all out.” Ryujin suddenly whispers and quickly throws a glance up towards Yeji’s face. Yeji only notices it in the corner of her eyes as it is hard to really focus her gaze on anything at all. Then one big final wave showers her in the most euphoric feeling she has ever experienced, and she can’t hold back a long deep moan. It’s like leaving the surface of earth and entering the palace of eternal and pure pleasure. Then it’s over and Yeji finds herself slowly travelling back into reality, panting intensely. Dear what just happened? What an out of earth experience. She was not prepared for the full strength of this heavenly feeling.
“Is my goddess blessed friend back in reality now?” Ryujin says teasingly and takes a step aside to lay beside Yeji on the bed. Her eyes are still sparkling like the bright stars in the night sky, acting like traces of where she can take Yeji and what she can make her feel.
“I like to hear that you enjoyed yourself.” Ryujin continues and reaches out to stroke a piece of hair from Yeji’s face. During any earlier circumstance Yeji would have crumbled under the heat of embarrassment, but not this time, now she just turns her head and smiles triumphantly, owning her emotions and actions. If she only knew a time and place like this existed before, then she would have been sure to come visit earlier. They lay still, listening to the house’s natural sounds and the occasional sound of cars and busses driving by on the street. With Ryujin’s hands playing in her hair Yeji closes her eyes and embraces the cozy atmosphere surrounding them. She could stay like this forever.
“Tell me,” Ryujin suddenly asks, waiting for Yeji to open her eyes before continuing. “Was this your first time?”
Yeji can feel her cheeks heat up, still not completely comfortable with the topic she just assumes Ryujin is referring to. “My first time what?” She therefore says.
“Having an orgasm.”
Yeji might have been able to comfortably keep a steady gaze earlier but a direct question like this really pushes her towards the edge. Still she manages to stare right into Ryujin’s sparkling eyes when answering. “Perhaps.”
A wide grin spreads over Ryujin’s face, a proud grin and Yeji can’t help but to laugh at it. “I’m glad I could help you.” Ryujin says and leans in for a peck on Yeji’s forehead, however Yeji redirects it to land on the lips instead.
“Stealing a kiss, huh?” Ryujin says teasingly, poking Yeji on the nose. “What a naughty girl.”
Just as Yeji is about to answer a loud knock on the door can be heard and instead she freezes. In a millisecond her heart is beating twice as fast and her muscles tenses up as if in stealth mode. Is her parents already home? Do they know that Ryujin is here?
Then her brother’s voice is heard from the other side and she relaxes a bit.
“Umm,” he starts, sounding a bit rushed. “Mom and dad will be home early today, like in a minute.”
“What?” Yeji immediately sits up in her bed with a back as straight has a stick and muscles tenser than a string on a bow. She throws a glance at Ryujin whose eyes are almost filled with the same amount of panic that Yeji herself feels running though her blood. When did Hyunjin come home? Does he know that Yeji has Ryujin over? Well, he must have seen the extra pair of shoes and the jacket not belonging to anyone in the family. What are they going to do now? The parents will most likely notice that as well. If her parents really are coming home in a minute Ryujin will have no time to get out.
“Are you having someone over?” Hyunjin asks. “I don’t wanna to be sneaky but if you do you probably want to get that person out of here.”
“Keep them from coming in here.” Yeji shouts back and jumps out of bed to get dressed.
“I’ll do my best.” Hyunjin says and just then the sound of a key turning the locker in the entrance door is heard. Afterwards the familiar “hello” echoes through the house. Shit, they are home already! Yeji must come up with a plan to get Ryujin out of here, both with her stuff and without being noticed by Yeji’s parents.
It doesn’t take many seconds before Yeji can hear her parents’ voices from down the stairs. As she gets dressed she remains close to the door to try listen in on their conversation. Meanwhile Ryujin has moved out of the bed and is now standing on the light carpet.
“We’re screwed.” She whispers and Yeji hushes her by silently putting a finger over her lips. They cannot give up just yet, Yeji refuses to. There is now way she will give this up.
“If Hyunjin manages to keep them busy, then I can sneak you out.”
Ryujin doesn’t look too sure about Yeji’s words, and to be honest Yeji can’t really trust them either, but they must at least try.
Yeji leans towards the door to better hear what’s happening on the other side. It’s then she hears them, the steps, and the voice. Oh no, her mother is on her way up! Ever since the party her parents has always come to check on Yeji as soon as they arrive home.
In panic Yeji turns around. “Hide!” She whispers intensely to Ryujin.
“Where?” Ryujin answers and makes a hasty gesture with her arms.
“I don’t know, the wardrobe, or under the bed?”
“Yeji?” Jiheun’s voice can be heard through the door and after that a soft knock on the door. Then she just opens the door and Yeji has to take a step back to avoid getting hit by it. At first Jiheun har a vague smile over her face, but when seeing Ryujin standing in the middle of the room her smile falls dead. Yeji’s heart is beating hard and her pulse raises for every millisecond they stand there without uttering a word or moving a muscle.
“Donjun!” Jiheun then shouts, still standing on the doorstep, still with her eyes set on Ryujin.
“What is it?” Donjun father answers.
“Come here.” Her voice is steady and loud yet seems to tremble. Yeji shifts her gaze towards Ryujin, who stands on the carpet unprotected and vulnerable. There must be something they can do to save this.
As Yeji’s mind start thinking hard the footsteps of her father draws closer. They too stop at the door and Yeji can see his eyes turn black. For a long few seconds she watches him inhale deeply, seemingly to either calm himself or prepare for an upcoming fight. Please let it be the former, please.
“Yeji,” Her father starts with an obviously tense voice. “Why is this girl here?”
“She was just going to get her bag that she forgot after the party.” Yeji hastily answers.
“Yes, but why is she here?” Her father continues and turns his gaze towards his daughter. “You could have given it back in school. Or even better, let your brother or us do it. I thought you had understood that any contact with this girl is forbidden.”
“I know you’ve said so but-“
“You should have respected that, Yeji! No excuses.” Her father almost spits out his words makes a dash cutting movement with his arm. Then he seems to realize something, and he quickly changes his direction towards Ryujin. Yeji notices how Ryujin’s face goes from relatively calm to completely crack under Dongjun’s gaze. She looks prepared to make a run for it any minute.
“Or perhaps it was you who forced yourself in here.” Donjun continues, pointing accusingly at Ryujin, as if she is some kind of witch, guilty of bewitching his innocent daughter. “Yeji has never before disobeyed our orders, you must have forced her to. Such a trashy human being is not allowed in our house and especially not in our daughter’s life.”
Trashy human being? Yeji stares in chock at her father, feeling a sudden rage crawl up from deep inside of her. How could he stand there, talking about respect, and then say something like this? He has no idea of how much Ryujin means to Yeji. She has only done good for her, made her feel safe, made her feel special.
Then it hits her, perhaps that’s the problem. He doesn’t know. What if Yeji would tell them? Yes, that might actually be the last chance for her to make this work. She must do it.
With big steps she walks the few steps up to Ryujin and stands by her side. Her dad stares at her with his intense and scary gaze, but it doesn’t break her. Rather it makes her realize how much she has to go through with this.
“You don’t understand.” She starts, swallowing hard, there is no going back now. Shakingly she grabs a hold of Ryujin’s hand, pressing it hard, as if it was her last lifeline.
“What is it that we don’t understand?” Jiheun says, sounding as if she is about to cry.
“We understand everything just fine.“ Donjun replies. “This is all just nonsense, that girl must have manipulated her.”
“That’s not true!” Yeji shouts back.
“See, that’s what I mean!”
“Stop it!” Yeji raises her voice loud enough to silence her father. “Ryujin has only done good for me. She has supported me when things have been though. She, unlike you, could listen to my struggles with my identity. She also accepted me for who I am, unlike you. Normal parents would support their daughter when she’s struggling with her sexuality.”
“That girl is destroying your sexuality, she is misleading you into unnatural territories.” Donjun states firmly.
“No, she’s not. She helps me evolve it.”
“Being with a girl is not evolving, it’s degenerating.”
“Why do you even care about my sexuality? How is that relevant to you?”
“Because you’re bringing shame upon our name by engaging in these unnatural activities.”
Yeji bites her lips, feeling the tears draw closer. Shame, bringing shame upon her family. Is that why they react like this? Do they only care about their own reputation and not their daughter’s well-being? How egoistic.
As she focuses all her energy on keeping the tears away she feels Ryujin’s hand press her own. That’s right. Ryujin supports her, every word she utters to her parents are backed up by his wonderful person. With that knowledge Yeji takes a deep breath and feels the power form Ryujin flow through her trembling body. As she leans even closer to Ryujin her father speaks up again.
“It’s time for you to choose a side.”
Jiheun stares at her husband in chock and Yeji feels her heart skip a beat. Her father’s eyes are even darker than before and his voice drips of anger and disgust.
“Either you choose us, your family, we who have raised you, we who make sure you have something to eat everyday, we who assures that you can live a comfortable life with everything you need. Or you choose her, and then you can forget about ever redeeming yourself in our eyes.” He makes a pause to catch his breath. “If you think outside of that bewitched box that she has put you in, then you know what the correct option is.”
Yeji feels it like being run over by a truck, thrown across the air and land bloody and scattered on the asphalt. How can her own father say something like this, force her to choose between her family or being her true self? Her loyalties are fighting, are having a war inside her mind, causing her emotions to flee and run around like crazy. A sudden nausea comes over her and she has to put a hand over her mouth in to prevent anything from coming up.
“So Yeji, tell us the right answer now. Chose the ones who love you.” Her father stares at her. Chose the ones who love her? That’s right. The realization could not have been any clearer. He said it himself, gave her the answer, served it on a silver plate. Chose the ones who love her.
“If that’s what you’re saying,” Yeji starts, staring intensely at her father. “Then I can’t choose you. Because you don’t love me.”
“Nonsense, of course we do.” Jiheun says desperately, as if she just now realized that she’s losing her daughter.
“No, you don’t. If you can’t even accept who I am, then how on earth can you love me?”
A thick silence expands in the room as the uttered words are slowly sinking in. It’s true though. She has made a last attempt to make them understand, but they just kept shouting at her, claiming that she was manipulated. As if she doesn’t have an agency herself. She chose to continue walking this path, no one fooled or forced her. That’s why the knife her parents planted in hear heart goes deeper and deeper the more words coming out of their mouths.
“Well, if you say so.” Donjun says in a voice suddenly calm yet dead, as if he really stopped caring. “Then we’ll leave you know, don’t except anything from us any longer.” With those words he grabs his wife by the wrist and leads them both out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. The loud noise creates a ringing sound in Yeji’s ears. Dear, what just happened?
On trembling legs Yeji walks over to her bed and collapses on it. Ryujin follows her and sits down beside her, carefully stroking her hair. Inside, Yeji’s thoughts are caught in a storm, being pushed from side to side, turned upside down and torn apart. What will follow now? Can she unbothered spend time with Ryujin? How will her parents act to her, and how do they except her to behave around them? There are so many things to consider and it makes Yeji’s head thick and heavy.
With a hand on her warm forehead she sighs deeply.
“How are you feeling?” Ryujin asks softly, as if wanting to take baby steps in her approach.
“Chaos.” Yeji answers and looks at Ryujin. “What just happened?”
“You stood up for yourself, that’s what happened.” Ryujin smiles proudly with eyes shining like two bright stars. “It was really impressing.”
“Thanks.” Yeji smiles back at her while feeling the tears press though and slowly start dripping down her cheeks. She actually stood up for herself, she finally stood up for herself. Now she can be who she truly is. But at what cost?