UP NO MORE
When they reach Ryujin’s house they immediately change into dry clothes. They had already planned for Yeji to stay the night which means she has brought another set of clothes, comfortable ones. Afterwards they enter the kitchen and start preparing the dinner. Yeji’s stomach is growling and they laugh over the loud noise it’s making. Ryujin explains that her other family members will be home late so they have the house for themselves during a couple of hours. Together they stir down some vegetables in a pot and cook a delicious soup that warms their frozen bodies. It’s now completely dark outside and when they look out through the window all they can see is their own reflections in the glass. After the dinner they decide to lay down in the sofa and rest for a while with the news on the TV running in the background. When seeing the familiar news anchor Yeji’s mind goes to her parents. They are probably sitting in the sofa with a coffee in their hands, watching the news like every other night. She cannot let them know about what happened earlier today. No one is allowed to know, not a living soul. Yeji will keep her mouth shut and the event will be her heavily guarded secret. Although, there is one problem, the secret is already shared with a second person.
Yeji discreetly turns her head towards Ryujin. She is laying down in the sofa, leaning towards its corner. Her blond hair has dried after the adventure in the rain and now lays around her like the soft angel she is. Ryujin is typing something on her phone and therefore is not aware of Yeji’s stare. Or so Yeji thought at least, because Ryujin suddenly shifts her gaze and meets Yeji’s, creating a soft spark between them which warms up Yeji’s body. A curious smile spreads over Ryujin’s face and she lowers her phone.
“Do you want to tell me something?”
Yeji raises her eyebrows. “Me?”
“Yes, you’re the only one here but me.” Ryujin laughs.
“No, I was just thinking.”
“What were you thinking of then, because you really looked like you were gonna say something.”
Yeji falls silent. She did think of the kiss, but she cannot pick up that topic now. Or perhaps she should? How many times before has she wanted to ask Ryujin something and then just switched it up with something different? Now she is going to follow her heart and not her stupid rational brain.
“I do want to ask you something,” She starts and then makes a short paus to gain the last pieces of courage. “Can you not tell anyone about our kiss?”
Her heart beats fast as she looks over at Ryujin, waiting for an answer.
“I can keep quiet,” Ryujin starts, keeping her gaze locked at Yeji. She seems hesitant. Please don’t say that she’ll only do it under a condition. Ryujin is a better person than that.
“I have to ask you something back.” She continues instead, all of a sudden looking troubled. “Why do you want to keep it a secret? “A layer of water suddenly shows over her deep eyes, almost as if she’s hurt.
“I think you know why.” Yeji continues but realizes the options are endless and therefore quickly ads. “My parents would cry their eyes out, send me to gay therapy and then lock me inside my room until they find me, so called, cured.”
Troubled wrinkles appear in Ryujin’s forehead and the energy radiating from her eyes shifts.
”That’s so unfair.” She presses her lips tightly together, obviously trying to hold something back.
“I know, I wish it wasn’t like that.” Yeji sighs heavily.
“But Yeji,” Ryujin starts and doesn’t continue until she has Yeji’s gaze locked and secured on her. “I just want you to know that I support you. Your parents have a weird way of viewing the world. Nothing is wrong with you.”
A flood of tears suddenly makes themselves very apparent behind Yeji’s eyes. She has to forcefully hold them back to not drench her whole face. “Thank you.” As she utters those words the first tear finds its way out and slowly wanders down towards her chin.
Ryujin raises from her seat and comes over to Yeji with extended arms and pouting lips. She embraces Yeji and shares her comforting body warmth. With a slender hand she wipes Yeji’s tears away and caresses her wet cheeks in silence. The soft touch only pushes the tears to continue flowing, but Yeji doesn’t mind. These are no harmful tears, they are tears of happiness.
“I'm sorry.” Yeji sobs.
“For what?” Ryujin answers calmly.
“You don’t have to sit here with me.”
“Stop it. It's my duty as a friend, and your friend is something I have chosen to be, so you don’t have to be sorry for anything.” She strokes Yeji over her hair and after a while of silence she speaks up again. “By the way, I never answered your question before.”
For a few seconds Yeji doesn’t remember what she had asked earlier, there are so many questions going through her mind that it’s hard to keep track on which she has asked, but then it comes back to her. She had asked if Ryujin likes girls, and then Yeji just kissed her. Why had she done so? Why couldn’t she do like anyone other normal person and just wait for an answer before deciding on the next move? Why did she take the risk?
An urge to lower her gaze comes over Yeji, but the strong eyes of Ryujin makes it impossible to break the eye contact. Ryujin keeps her eyes locked at Yeji as she opens her mouth to speak. “I do like girls, and I suppose you do the same?”
Yeji nods as butterflies starts flying inside her stomach. So Ryujin does like girls, even though she had a boyfriend just a few months ago. For some reason Yeji felt like this would be the case. It’s just something with the air around Ryujin, as if there is a special scent that gave Yeji the intuition. Luckily enough she wasn’t wrong, which means she actually might have a shot with her.
After the answer they both fall silent, almost as if they don’t know what to say. For Yeji’s part that’s completely true. Or rather, she knows what she wants to say but doesn’t dare to speak up about it.
The time flies by and they realize just how tired they are and therefore decides to prepare for bed already at ten o’clock. Yeji goes into the bathroom to wash of her makeup and change into pajamas. Apparently Ryujin doesn’t ever wear make-up to school and therefore remains in the bedroom in the meantime. When Yeji comes back Ryujin is in the midst of changing clothes. She stands there, with her bare back towards the doorway, wearing nothing but her underwear. A sudden burst of an undiscovered feeling draws through Yeji and centers its force around the lower area. It’s not the first time she has felt this way, but never before has it appeared because of such an obvious reason. Yeji is not totally oblivious. Jisu has talked several times about this feeling, even though Yeji has not wanted to listen 100% of the times. However, those words can now help Yeji define this feeling. It’s the feeling of lust.
As Ryujin bends forward to pick up a big shirt Yeji remains in the door post. She watches Ryujin extend her arms over her head and smoothly lets the oversize piece of clothing fall down over her. When she seems ready to turn around Yeji quickly takes a step into the room.
“You took a bit of a time.” Ryujin says teasingly.
“Yes, I’m not too quick with my makeup.”
“I meant at the door.” Ryujin sits down at her bed and grins mischievously.
Yeji’s pulse raises. “What?”
“I’m just teasing you.” Ryujin continues and tilts her head to the side. “You don’t need permission to walk into my room. As long as you don’t snoop around that is.”
Yeji listens to Ryujin’s words and gets a feeling that this is not what she initially was going to say. When looking into her eyes Yeji understands, Ryujin heard her footsteps, she knew that Yeji was staring at her.
The realization makes her face heat up and she quickly looks away. A silent laughter can be heard from Ryujin. Then Yeji realizes she has no idea of where she is supposed to sleep and she is forced to face Ryujin again.
“Uhm,” She therefore starts. “Where can I sleep?”
“Here, if you like.” Ryujin pats with her hand on her own bed. “Its wide enough for two, if you’re comfortable with that of course. Otherwise I can find another spot.”
“No, it’s fine!” Yeji quickly exclaims without thinking any further, without thinking at all actually. Sleeping in the same bed as Ryujin? A few days ago that only happened in her dreams. Now she gets to spend a whole night shoulder to shoulder with Ryujin. Her heart is beating so fast, she was not prepared for this, didn’t see it coming.
“Would you like to sleep on the inside or outside?” Ryujin asks and refers to the spot closest to the wall or closest to the edge.
“It doesn’t matter to me.” Yeji almost mumbles as her mind is racing so fast that she hardly can come up with a sensible answer.
“Then you can take the inner side.” Ryujin says and moves away to make room for Yeji to take her spot. While at the same time trying to keep her breathing intensity at a normal level Yeji crawls over there.
“Do you want another pillow?” Ryujin asks. “I usually have two.”
“If you have any.” Yeji answers carefully and Ryujin leaves the room to go get some.
“Catch!” She encourages as she throws two white pillows in Yeji’s direction. Yeji barely manages to catch them before they hit her face.
“Nice catch.” Ryujin laughs before she throws herself over the bed. Yeji smiles as she rearranges her new pillows.
“Is it okay if I turn the light of?” Ryujin asks.
“Yes.” Yeji answers but secretly wishes for her to leave it on. That way she would have an easier time to study Ryujin’s face up close.
A clicking sound is heard when Ryujin presses the light switch off. She sighs heavily, as if laying down is what she has been waiting for the whole day. Yeji smiles, relating a bit too much. That forest walk and those teary break outs has drained Yeji from her energy, making her limbs feel heavy and body weak. Only her heart is still running on a high level, all thanks to the close contact with the girl lying beside her.
“By the way, do you snore?” Ryujin suddenly asks and Yeji can’t help but to laugh straight out at the out of nowhere question. “What?” Ryujin defends herself. “Was it a weird question? In my opinion the information is relevant for the occasion.”
Yeji turns to lean on her left shoulder and by that face Ryujin, who lays on her back. “For your information, I don’t snore, miss formal.”
“Miss formal?” Ryujin turns her head and they lock eyes in the dark. “Speak for yourself.”
“Perhaps we both speak like that at times.”
“You more often than me.”
“But you are also exceptionally good at that. I’ve heard you during the family dinners.”
“Of course, I had to flex my amazing skills in front of the streets most civilized and proper pair of adults.” Ryujin laughs at her words and Yeji grins widely.
“I must say you succeeded, my parents have never said a bad word about you, they have only praised you.”
“They have?”
“Yes, a few weeks ago they even said that Hyunjin should get himself a girlfriend like you.”
“Really? They proposed me?” Ryujin laughs in disbelief and shakes her head as good as possible when laying on a pillow. She both seems flattered but also doesn’t seem to understand how they could have done so. For Yeji it’s clear as crystal glass. How could anyone not want to live their life with Ryujin by their side?
“Well,” Ryujin then continues, a bit more seriously. “What about you. Didn’t your parents think you should date some like me?”
Yeji falls silent, her eyes are still locked with Ryujin’s as she too turns to lean on her right shoulder. Their faces are only a few decimeters apart, close enough for Yeji to hear Ryujin’s breath.
“They said you would be a good friend for me.”
“I should have expected as much.” Ryujin starts, while at the same time letting her fingers slowly walk up over Yeji’s hand and up towards her arm. Carefully, as if made of glass, she caresses the bare skin. Still with her eyes set on Yeji she continues speaking in her deep tone.
“But if you were to decide by yourself, would I be a dating option?”
Yeji’s heart is pounding hard in her chest. If she weren’t already lying down, she would have had to do so now. A thousand times yes. There is no one else Yeji would like to spend the rest of her days with. Still, she hesitates, can she really say it? Is Ryujin even serious or is she just teasing Yeji?
When no answer follows Ryujin pulls back her hand and turns her head away. “I’m sorry,” She says. “If I went too far.” She starts to turn around.
“No!” Yeji exclaims and puts her hand on Ryujin’s shoulder to keep her still. “I’m sorry. I have an answer, I just didn’t know how to put it, or if I should even say it.”
Ryujin stops in her movements and Yeji sighs heavily. It’s now or never, lose or win, do or die.
“I would love to have you as my girlfriend.” The words remain floating in the thick air around them, seemingly impossible for both of them to process.
“I would be a dating option?” Ryujin almost sounds unsure, as if she didn’t understand the answer fully.
“Yes, and to be honest you would be my only option.”
Ryujin raises her eyebrows at Yeji as Yeji’s heart is beating so loud that it’s the one sound she can hear. Then Ryujin smiles, smiles with her whole face so brightly that it lights up the dark surrounding them. The grin pulls out the plug from Yeji and releases all the bottled-up suspension. Showering in pure relief Yeji grabs a hold of Ryujin’s hand. It doesn’t matter what Ryujin answers now, this feeling is strong enough to take her through anything. She made it, she walked through the fire, she confessed her love to Ryujin.
“You know what?” Ryujin starts and presses Yeji’s hand. “I would call you my only option as well.” She leans forward and lets her lips meet Yeji’s. Yeji feels like she’s stuck in a whirlwind with all the emotions flying around inside of her and she can no longer control her limbs. She leads their intertwined hands towards Ryujin’s body and lets them rest at her soft waist. Ryujin pulls herself closer to Yeji and releases her hand. Instead she takes a steady grip of Yeji’s thigh and pulls it closer to herself, all while caressing it softly. Yeji gasps quietly when Ryujin lets her hand run up towards her shorts as a tickling feeling shoots through her.
“Are you okay?” Ryujin suddenly whispers in between two kisses.
“Yea, don’t worry.” Yeji mumbles. “Just kiss me.” She pulls Ryujin even closer by a grip on her shirt. She can feel how Ryujin is smiling. Then Ryujin suddenly sits up and puts her hands on one side each of Yeji’s body. The gesture forces Yeji to turn around and lay on her back. The physical effort makes Yeji gasp for air and Ryujin hesitates in her kissing, instead locking eyes with Yeji. Those galaxy eyes are sparkling as the night sky itself and Yeji can’t possibly help the feeling of wanting more, partially of the kisses but mostly of this connection. How did she manage to live through all these years without having Ryujin by her side? Yeji once again feels the tears rushing towards her eyelids and out over her cheeks. Ryujin’s gaze immediately changes when she notices the wet cheeks.
“Darling, don’t cry.” She whispers softly and presses a peck on Yeji’s forehead. She lays down against the bedsheets once again and pulls Yeji into a warm embrace.
“I’m not sad, so don’t feel bad about anything.” Yeji sobs as her tears stains Ryujin’s pajamas.
“I know.” Ryujin answers. “And it’s okay to cry, just let the tears flow. I have also cried a lot.”
Yeji takes a deep breath to ease her tears. At the same time she feels Ryujin’s sweet scent so strongly. It’s like coming home. Having Ryujin’s arms around her makes all her troubles shrink into the seize of nothing. She could lay like this forever. They remain laying close and Yeji treasures every second. Because in Ryujin’s arms she can fully relax, all her troubles seem to disappear. Thus, the sleep train comes to pick Yeji up rather quickly. Peacefully, in her beloved's arms, she let’s herself fall into a deep and worthwhile slumber.