The Reason Why
Yeji is waiting for Ryujin at the school entrance. Student after student rounds the corner and passes through the door. There are still 5 more minutes before Ryujin should appear. For the fifteenth time Yeji tightens her high ponytail and reassures herself that she has closed her bag. For how much longer will she have time to do this before Ryujin arrives?
Then she sees a familiar face pass through the corridor. It’s Ryujin’s classmate Jeongin. After him, several other students follow. Yeji directs her attention to the upcoming mass, and there, in the middle of it, she sees Ryujin. She has her eyes set on the notebook in her hand. Her blond hair is held back in a low ponytail which enhances her elegant facial features. To Yeji’s surprise Ryujin continues walking down the hallway. Weren’t they supposed to meet here, at the entrance? An uneasy feeling comes over Yeji. What is she supposed to do now? Follow her? Call her? Leave?
However, Yeji doesn’t have to wonder for too long as Ryujin returns. This time with her jacket and cap on. She smiles brightly when seeing Yeji, her eyes shining and radiating pure joy. It eases Yeji’s nerves and makes her relax.
“Have you waited for long?” She asks and leans in for a hug. Speechless by the sudden touch Yeji only manages to shake her head as an answer.
“Great, I thought we could take the bus to my place?” Ryujin continues as she leads the way out of school.
“Sure!” Yeji says, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically.
As they enter the autumn cold Yeji hears a familiar voice behind her. She turns her head around, only to meet the dark eyes of Shin Hanguk. The muscles in her body immediately tenses, which makes it difficult to walk casually. However, Ryujin doesn’t seem to take any notice, probably for the better. Because those eyes are no eyes one wants to look into, especially not an ex-girlfriend.
After several long seconds Yeji turns her head back towards Ryujin, who is still talking about something and Yeji realizes she has no idea of what the topic is. That, however, is nothing she wants to admit. Therefore she does her best with nodding and humming whenever she finds it’s suitable.
After half an hour long ride they step out of the bus. A chilly breeze catches Yeji’s scarf and she puts her hand on it. Ryujin is walking right in front of her, with her white beanie covering her blond hair. Yeji hurries to catch up with her, because even though Ryujin doesn’t have very long legs she has a great pace when walking.
As Ryujin leads the way Yeji feels something against her bare hand, a soft fabric that time after time touches her. It seems to play with her fingers, almost grasping after them. When looking down to see what it is Ryujin suddenly speaks up in a firm tone.
“Aren’t you wearing any gloves?”
Yeji quickly looks up and meets Ryujin’s gaze, it’s fully focused on her and radiates a new type of energy, an unfamiliar one. The look sends a tickling shiver through Yeji’s body that reaches all way down to her deepest core, almost making her gasp for air.
“No, I don’t.”
“Well you should, it’s cold outside, you know.”
“Yes.” Yeji’s gaze drops, and so does her head, now turned against the solid asphalt.
Then Ryujin suddenly laughs, to Yeji’s big surprise. She turns her head back up and stares at Ryujin in confusion.
“Do you know what this conversation reminds me of?” She asks, still laughing a bit. Yeji only shakes her head. “A parent and child situation. Like if I was your mother and you my kid.”
Yeji can’t help but to smile. “True that.” She says as Ryujin starts walking off the road.
“Where are we going?” Yeji continues as Ryujin leads them onto a dirt path.
They have to dodge under a low hanging tree branch and Yeji puts a hand over her head to avoid her hair from pulling down the autumn leaves.
“We are going to my place.” Ryujin answers and throws a glance over her shoulder. “You see, we live a bit off. Not in distance but in location, you’ll see what I mean.”
As they continue walking they leave the city’s grey facades behind and enter a green oasis. Yeji gasps when putting her eyes on the flourishing environment. The treecrowns are full and prospering even though it’s early September. On the ground there are low bushes growing, with slight traces of the late summer’s flowers. The path they’re walking rounds a pond where the leaves of the seasons water lilies are floating. Yeji can only imagine how this place looked like a few of months ago. She wishes she could have come here earlier.
“It’s over there.” Ryujin points in the direction of a small house. The facade is nothing like the rest in the city, no concrete, no metal slabs, no tarmac. Instead it’s built in a dark and rustic wood, horizontally placed on top of each other. A tiny porch decorated with lots of flowerpots and two wooden chairs greet them when coming closer.
“This is my home.” Ryujin says when opening the front door, leaving the hall and living room visible for Yeji’s eyes.
“Wow.” Is all she can say. Most of the furniture goes in a farm-like style, reminding Yeji of the lives former generations lived. Yeji can’t stop her eyes from wandering all over the place. Ryujin must have noticed that because she speaks up.
“My mother has a special interest in history. She works as a furniture reconstructor and has restored many of these items herself.” Ryujin makes a sweeping gesture with her arm before continuing to take her jacket off.
“I’m impressed.” Yeji says in astonishment.
“I can tell.” Ryujin laughs and takes her cap off. Her hair is a bit messy which she takes care of by pulling a hand through her blond locks. Yeji almost forgets to take off her own outwear and when realizing does so in a hurry.
“We can sit in the kitchen.” Ryujin says and disappears into an adjacent room. “This is the most spacious place for us to study in.”
Yeji follows her into the room which goes in the same style as the hall and living room. White lace curtains, weaved carpets and even an old stove in black metal. Ryujin puts her schoolbag on one of the wooden chairs in front of the kitchen table and starts to unpack it. Yeji follows her lead and they prepare a setting with books and computers, ready to enter the world of driving. As they start studying Yeji comes to realize just how little she actually knows. The whole session turns out more like a private lesson, with Yeji as the student and Ryujin as the tutor. At one time Ryujin rounds the table to show Yeji something on the computer. They stand close, head to head, close enough for Yeji to hear Ryujin’s soft breath and feel her sweet scent. When Ryujin leans forward to point on the computer screen with one of her hands the other one goes towards the back of Yeji’s chair. Yeji can’t help but to lean backwards and thus coming in physical contact with the hand. As Ryujin continues speaking Yeji can feel Ryujin’s fingers softly caressing her back. Even though Yeji keeps humming as if she understands the explanation she has no clue of what Ryujin is saying. The soft touch is currently taking up all her focus. Soon enough Ryujin stops talking and leans away from the screen. When leaving for her own spot she strokes with her hand over Yeji’s back. Her hand falls back to the side of her body as she rounds the table and sits down. Once again her gaze penetrates Yeji’s soul and her grin warms Yeji’s heart like few people have done before. An oddly comfortable silence embraces them, giving Yeji the world’s opportunity to drown in Ryujin’s deep eyes. God if this girl in front of her isn’t beautiful. The shoulder length hair frames her face beautifully and the blond color fits well with her easygoing approach. All her facial features are harmonizing in proportion and shape. However, the highlight of her beauty is in her eyes, and how she radiates an energy that casts a spell on you, making it impossible not to find her utterly attractive and approachable.
The silence suddenly breaks when the front door opens and an unfamiliar “Hello!” Echoes through the house.
“Hi.” Ryujin takes a quick break to answer the person before going back to explaining what she tried to show Yeji on the computer. “So, if you meet a walking person here.” Ryujin points at a drawing in her notebook that she made earlier. “Then you will have to stop and let it pass.”
Yeji nods slowly. “I think I understand now.” She says, even though she doubts her words the second after uttering them.
“And in this situation,” Ryujin draws another picture. “What will you have to do here?”
Yeji stares at the paper. Think logically now. Even though she didn’t hear much of Ryujin’s explanation a minute ago there must be a rational answer to this that Yeji herself can come up with. She gives a possible answer a try. “But there is nothing other than a road there.”
Ryujin nods affirmatively. “Yes, and then?”
“The walking person has no right to pass?” Yeji guesses.
“Exactly, even though people walk however they want sometimes. Especially in smaller neighborhoods.” Ryujin rolls her eyes and leans back in her chair.
“True.” Yeji pictures all the hundreds of times where people have just crossed the street at home, without having a pedestrian crossing to lean on.
“How are you doing, honey?” A new face enters the kitchen. “Oh, you have a guest, I see.”
The woman pushes a black hairlock that has escaped her hair bun behind her ear and gives Yeji a friendly smile. Yeji smiles back as the person puts down two bags and goes up to her.
“Hi, I’m Sumin, one of Ryujin’s parents.” She extents her arm to shake Yejis hand.
“Yeji.” Yeji answers as she takes Sumin’s hand.
“So, what are you doing, huh?” Sumin continues as she goes to pick up groceries from the bags.
“Studying for the drivers license.” Ryujin answers and puts down her pen.
“That’s great, but I was thinking of cooking here now, so if you want some peace and quiet you will probably have to move into another room.”
“If we don’t disturb you we’ll stay.” Ryujin looks at Yeji for a confirmation, which she gives in the form of a nod. “Perhaps you can even help us?”
“If you have any questions you can always give it a try.”
“Okay, nice.” Ryujin turns back to her computer and starts talking with Yeji again. The time flies by without Sumin having to answer more than a handful of questions and all of a sudden the dinner is finished.
“Perhaps our guest here would like to eat with us?” Sumin asks.
Yeji throws a glance over at Ryujin who smiles at her before answering. “That would be very nice of you.”
Sumin laughs heartfully. “Such a proper friend you have brought Ryujin. It’s almost as reliving the first meeting with Hanguk.”
A silence enters the room and mutes every sound. Ryujin gives her mother a warning glare. Doesn’t Sumin know about the breakup? Or why did she suddenly talk about her daughter’s ex-boyfriend? Yeji looks at the two and can tell they are having some sort of silent communication that Yeji doesn’t understand. They are making different faces and mouth silent words. It goes on for several long seconds, which makes Yeji a bit uncomfortable as she gets completely left out. After a tired sigh Sumin breaks the silence.
“Ryujin, I must be able to speak about him casually.”
“Yes but please don’t.” Ryujin responds in a tone that Yeji has never heard her use before. It’s strict and almost a bit angry.
“I actually know Hanguk myself.” Slips out of Yeji’s mouth, in a desperate attempt to stop the rising tension in the room.
Sumin turns her head and looks in surprise at Yeji. “You do, how?”
“He is my neighbor and son to my parent’s friends. Also my classmate and member of the same danceclub as my twin brother.”
Sumin stands speechless at the stove, only making slight movements in the boiling pot. “That was a great amount of connections to him. Are you two friends?” Her face suddenly looks a bit worried, as if she is afraid of a yes, but Yeji shakes her head.
“To be honest I find him a bit scary.”
“You do?” Ryujin exclaims and stares at her with big eyes and raised eyebrows.
“Yes.” Yeji laughs a bit awkwardly. Was that too much information? Should she have kept quiet about her opinions?
“You know what, when I first met him I actually found him a bit weird as well.” Sumin ads.
“You did?” Ryujin gasps but then furrows her eyebrows. “Why didn’t you tell me before, already back then?”
“I thought it might have hurt you. Besides, I wanted to give him a chance, and after the breakup I didn’t find it suitable either. You were pretty low back then, you know.”
Ryujin turns silent, breathing heavier and narrowing her eyes. Sumin turns off the stove and brings the pot to the table.
“You might not want to realize it, honey, but doing so is a part of the healing process.”
“Mom!” Ryujin whispers intensely, however she doesn’t seem to take any notice as she continues speaking.
“One is allowed to trash talk one’s ex. That’s a universal rule. Everyone with an ex has done so, including myself.”
“Perhaps, but you were trash-talking my ex, not your own.” Ryujin points towards herself.
“I don’t trash talk him. I’m just airing my opinions about him.”
Ryujin sighs and leans her elbows against the table where the cutlery is set up. Yeji doesn’t really know what to do. Should she agree with the mother and be polite, or agree with Ryujin and be loyal? Or should she just air her own true feelings about Hanguk?
“What are your opinions on Hanguk?” Sumin asks, just as if she had read Yeji’s mind and she shivers a bit at the thought.
“I,” Yeji starts. How should she put this without being dishonest or hurting Ryujin’s feelings? Because it does seem as she wants to keep the negative opinions at a minimum, for some reason. Can she perhaps still have feelings for him? Is that what’s behind her sudden change of behavior when the topic was brought up?
A lump of discomfort forms inside of her, making her feel uneasy. This was not what she had wished for, no doubt about it. Were those caresses from before just a friendly comforting gesture and nothing more? Is Ryujin intentionally misleading her or is it Yeji who misinterprets everything?
As the uneasy feeling grows stronger it changes character, a stroke of anger colors her mind red. She has no obligation to hold anything back concerning Hanguk. Ryujin shouldn’t be with him and Yeji will make sure to not support a reunion.
“I have never been to fond of Hanguk.” She starts, with a newly found power in her voice. “There is something with his eyes, as if they’re filled with darkness. Looking into them drains energy from me.”
Sumin raises her eyebrows. “You do? I thought that was just me.”
“Can you please stop talking about him” Ryujin asks with a face that has completely changed. She sits with a slightly crooked back and radiates an aura of sadness. Her gaze is not present and her overall look makes Yeji feel guilty, as if she should have known when to shut up. Seeing Ryujin like this pains more than she would have guessed.
“I’m sorry.” Yeji says.
Ryujin sighs. “It’s okay, you don’t know the whole story after all.”
“Perhaps you should tell her?” Sumin proposes as she sits down at the table. With eyes completely drained of energy Ryujin stares at Yeji.
“I could tell you, if you are interested.”
Yeji nods slowly while trying her best not to look too enthusiastic about finally getting to know the whole truth about the breakup. Ryujin takes a deep breath and closes her eyes before opening her mouth again.
“I have already told you that one of the reasons to why I broke up with him was our different values.”
Yeji nods and Ryujin falls silent for a few seconds, probably thinking of what to say.
“When looking back at the relationship I have no idea of what made me fall for him. Because I did love him, at least I think so. Maybe it was because of our differences that I found him so fascinating.”
Yeji must say she agrees, Hanguk and Ryujin aren’t very much alike. Not only the values but also the intellect, energy and interests, at least as far as Yeji knows. The only thing they have in common must be the last name.
“However,” Ryujin continues, now locking her gaze in a corner of the room. “We started fighting more and more. We couldn’t agree on anything. He was very controlling, always wanted to know where I went and who I was going to meet. Sometimes I called him out for it, and then he immediately answered back with all the force he had. Sometimes even by throwing stuff or pushing me. After a fight he always wanted to have makeup sex. He wanted it rough and on the spot. Several times it escalated.” Ryujin stops in her storytelling. If Yeji doesn’t mistake herself there is a layer of tears covering Ryujin’s eyes. Her wonderful, beautiful, sweet eyes covered in tears. It makes Yeji’s heart fall into pieces. All of that raising anger inside of her gets blown away. If she was a bit braver she would have given Ryujin a warm comforting hug and whispered into her ear that Hanguk is gone, that she won’t have to worry about him anymore, but she doesn’t. Instead she stays here, on the other side of the table.
“One day I came home with bruises on my arms and my mother asked me what I had done. Then everything crashed. I told her about our relationship and when I heard my own words,” She inhales deeply before finishing her sentence. “It was then I realized I had to move on, I had to break up with him.”
Yeji stares at Ryujin with teary eyes, shaking her head in disbelief. Is Hanguk really capable of things like these? Did the little boy she grew up with turn out like this? The guy who practices dance with her brother every week and shares several of her own classes? Though he has always had an aggressive attitude and when thinking back at what she saw during one of the Sunday dinners there is no doubt about it, he is definitely capable of it.
“You did good who left him, you were brave.” Sumin says and looks at her daughter with compassion in her eyes. “I am proud over you.”
Ryujin mouths a silent thank you and extends her arms to serve herself of the food. The others follow and they naturally fall into a different topic. However, Yeji has a hard time letting go of the words she has just heard, even harder to push back the lump of disgust. She never wants to see Hanguk’s ugly face ever again. A person like him doesn’t deserve to walk the earth unpunished. Facing him during dinners and in school will be harder than ever.
As they have just finished their food Sumin is in the middle of explaining how to smoothly maneuver the car when parking in cramped spaces.
“And when you come back, you hope for the car in front of you to have left.” Sumin laughs. “It’s a tricky thing but I’m sure you’ll learn.”
“Can we try it?” Ryujin asks enthusiastically, seemingly in a much lighter mood than before the dinner.
Sumin raises from her seat and starts clearing the table. “Of course.”
“Can we do it now, after we have cleaned up in the kitchen?”
Sumin stares at her daughter in confusion. “But you have a guest here.”
“Can’t she join us?” Ryujin throws a glance over at Yeji. “I’m sure she would like to learn as well.”
“No, Ryujin, we’ll do that another day.” Her face and tone are serious, as if giving no room for counter arguments.
“Okay, but can we practice parking on the gravel driveway?”
Sumin sighs but laughs effortlessly afterwards. “If you insist, my dear. The car key is in the commode in the hall.”
“Thank you, mom.” Ryujin kisses her mom on the cheek before starting to fill the dishwasher. Yeji can’t help but to grin over the sweet peck, and also over the fact that a kitchen in this old style has all modern facilitates installed. Sumin must want to save time but also have the funds to pay for it.
When they have finished cleaning up Ryujin leads the two of them out to the car. The darkness is creeping closer and Yeji throws a glance at the clock on her phone. Almost seven o’clock now. Yesterday she had told her parents about her meeting with Ryujin, so they know she’s away. However, she can’t stay out later than eight, then her parents will flip out and give her a long lesson about respecting promises and following rules.
Ryujin opens the door to the driver’s seat and Yeji takes the spot on the passenger’s side. As Ryujin puts the key into the ignition she hesitates and stops. She lowers her arm and inhales the cold air around them. Yeji stares at Ryujin from her seat. As there is no light around them, and the sun is setting, it’s hard to make out Ryujin’s facial expressions. However, Yeji does catch up on the sudden change of energy. If Ryujin was determined before, now she suddenly seems unsure.
“Hey, can I ask you something?” Ryujin says in a low voice, almost as if waiting for an unwanted answer.
“Sure.” Yeji answers as friendly as she can, even though her heart starts beating faster due to the raising suspension.
“Can you promise me to keep quiet about what I told you before, about me and Hanguk? It’s a bit sensitive. I hope you understand.”
“I do, and I promise you.” Yeji says and suddenly reaches out for Ryujin’s hands. Why is she doing this? It’s so uncharacteristic of her. This is something she would only do with close friends. She and Ryujin doesn’t know each other that well. Or do they now? Because apparently Yeji’s subconscious mind feels comfortable enough to reach out for physical contact.
“Thank you.” Ryujin answers weakly. Her eyes are blank and her lips are trembling slightly. Yeji strokes her thumb over Ryujin’s soft hands, as a way of reassuring her of her support. The physical contact once again sends electric waves throughout Yeji’s body, but this time she doesn’t let go. She lets it flow right through her, faces the waves, rides them. Yeji holds her steady gaze, and so does Ryujin. Their eyes meet through the darkness and creates a spark of light, visible for them only. Yeji can feel it in her bones how Ryujin along with the electric waves sends something more, something new. Ryujin’s gaze penetrates her soul and tickles all her insides, down to the deepest core, and makes her heart go crazy. As a result, a raising heat emerges and forces Yeji to let go of her steady gaze. As she does Ryujin pulls back her hands, instead letting them rest on the stearingwheel. She moves them over the black leather before letting them rest. Her body language is visibly tenser, just like Yeji’s. In the dark Yeji lets her eyes shamelessly run over Ryujin’s figure. They follow her soft curves and smooth turns, run over her strong thighs and apparent hips. The gaze wanders up to her waist that, due to Ryujin’s extended arms, is left bare and naked without any protection. Thanks to the low ponytail Yeji can also study her delicate side profile, her nose, her chin, her lips. Even in a dull light like this Ryujin manages to draw Yeji’s eyes to her. This time however, Yeji can’t blame it on some unexplainable witchcraft, because Yeji knows what this is. She can’t deny it anymore. It’s something very natural, a phenomenon as ancient as the human race itself. It doesn’t matter what her parents think about it. Sometimes things don’t turn out the way it was planned, and this is a prime example. This is love.