What is Love?
Yeji and Jisu are having lunch together, only the two of them. They have just finished a test and had turned it in almost at the exact same time. When they had raised from their chairs they locked eyes and nodded towards each other, a silent agreement of meeting outside. When the door was closed behind them Jisu immediately popped the question.
“How did it go?”
As they continued down into the school cafeteria Jisu babbled about the questions and her answers to them, wanting to compare them with Yeji. When having reached the first floor Jisu grunted in frustration over the fifth question, which she apparently might have misunderstood. Yeji only smiled at her and patted her comfortingly over her back. The topic is still going, mostly from Jisu’s mouth, because Yeji has stopped listening a while ago. She has other things on her mind, things that creates tickling bubbles in her stomach. She is going to see Ryujin tonight, at her place. It’s been a long time since she went to a new person’s home. Usually Yeji only socialize with the same old people that she has known forever. Alternatively meeting new people at public places, in the company of well known friends. However, that is not what’s causing her thoughts to run of track, not the meeting itself, rather the person she is going to meet. It’s been like this for a while now and Yeji has her theories, but has not yet come to any clarity of which one is correct, if any of them. Perhaps Jisu could help with that? She has experiences that Yeji doesn’t.
“Can I ask you something?” Yeji interrupts Jisu in her rant about the test.
With big eyes Jisu stares at her classmate. “Sure.”
“When did you know you were in love with Seungmin?”
Jisu bursts out in a loud laughter. “What? Why do you ask?”
Yeji shrugs, trying to seem as unbothered as possible. “I just wondered, you are so cute together.”
“Aww thank you.” Jisu replies, eating up all of Yeji’s compliments. “You know me and Seungmin met through your brother, I was friends with you and he was a friend of your brother. It wasn’t anything like love at first sight. At least not from for my part. I just thought he was a sweet and nice guy.” Jisu makes little gestures with her hands while talking, as always when she is engaged in the topic. “I don’t really know when I fell in love with him, I guess it just happened. You know, time flies by. We did spend more and more time together and so I just naturally fell for his charms, I guess.” Jisu smiles so that her eyes take the form of crescent moons.
“But how did you feel?”
Jisu giggles at the question. “Wow, you seem eager to know. Are you going to write a scope about this or something?”
“No, I’m just curious of how it feels to be in love with someone.”
“I see.” Jisu nods with a sudden dose of seriousness over her face and in her tone. “For me it was like adrenaline ran though my blood whenever we got physically close or spent time alone. Like I wanted to see him all the time.”
“Any butterflies in your stomach?” Yeji jokes, she does have to put up a facade of not being too eager to get a nuanced answer. She doesn’t want Jisu to figure out her true intentions.
“Sure, a very stereotypical description, but it kind of felt like that.” Jisu answers and puts a finger towards her cheek, looking just as focused and deep in thoughts as during the test earlier. The silence embraces them as their brains run warm. How to continue? Yeji urges to get an answer to her question, preferably before finishing lunch.
“Did it ever feel like you were going to burn up from the inside?”
“What?”
“Yea, like did you get really warm, or something?” While speaking of the heat Yeji feels it coming over her, spreading over her face. Did she go too far in her questioning? Will Jisu figure out where the question comes from?
“Do you mean warm like sweaty?” Jisu ads and gives her friend a confused look. Yeji nods rapidly, anything to make her classmate continue speaking. Jisu seems to hesitate before answering.
“Well yes but mostly during sex.”
Yeji feels her cheeks heat up even more. She throws a glance over each shoulder. Did anyone hear them? Jisu only laughs at her.
“I was just teasing you.” Jisu picks up her cutlery which she had laid to rest against her plate. “I’m not gonna say anything more about that. I’ll spare you from any details.”
“Thanks.” Yeji says between her teeth. She has never been too comfortable with the topic. When Yeji grew up her parents never talked about sex openly. Whenever the topic did come up they tried to hush it and got really awkward. Too bad Yeji has inherited their manners. Because most youth today aren’t like that. They can talk about sex like others speak about food, completely casual. So when other teenagers start talking about their latest adventures Yeji falls silent, wanting to become invisible and disappear. One of her biggest social fears is that someone would ask her about her sexlife. Fortunately, she has managed to avoid it so far, but she fears that the day will come soon enough. That day she will sink into a pile of shame, never to raise again. However, at the same time, Yeji has noticed a change of thoughts, a change in her feelings. There is something that has grown inside of her during these last couple of months, something that has escalated since the start of this school year. These feelings have been exceptionally prominent when a special person has taken the center spot in her mind. It’s something she has never experienced before. It feels similar to what she has heard from others, seen in movies and read in books. This new experience is scaring her, consumes time and energy. It makes her tired but still restless. Has Jisu felt this way about Seungmin? Does she still? There are so many questions that Yeji doesn’t have the guts to ask. Partially due to her upbringing, at least that’s Yeji’s own theory. What if she would have had different parents? What if they would have allowed topics like this to exist in their home? What if Yeji was as open as Jisu? Would she then have been able to speak her mind? Talk about what’s been going through her mind lately? Probably. However, that is not the case, and therefore Yeji keeps her mouth shut, with a hint of uneasiness still lingering in her body. The topic fades away and soon they speak about something totally different. Yeji doesn’t know if Jisu’s answer gave her any clarity. All she knows is that her feelings remain, the butterflies are still fluttering inside her stomach, especially when thinking of her upcoming meeting with Ryujin.