Knock Knock
“Then we’ll leave you now.” Jiheun says and leans forward to place a kiss on Yejis forehead. It is tempting to make a little protesting grunt but Yeji does not want to risk hurting her mother’s feelings. Because even though she treats her daughter like a little kid she does it out of pure love and kindness. Therefore Yeji only smiles and waves them off. Hyunjin, who was standing at the bottom of the staircase, runs back up into his room and thereby leaves Yeji alone on the first floor. She goes into the kitchen and tries her best to make it look representable. It is fairly new and well taken care of by her parents. None of them are a big fan of cooking but they find it important to look after everything in the house and therefore the kitchen is in a good condition.
Yeji leans towards one of the counters. Ryujin said she was going to arrive after five and there is still, at minimum, an hour for Yeji to wait. She spends the time by sorting her clothes, dusting her shelves, and doing other small household chores. Hyunjin leaves the house at five and when he shuts the door closed it works as a start signal for Yeji’s nerves to live a life of their own. She passes the hallway mirror and takes a glance at herself in it. Her dark brown hair is tied up in a high ponytail which she tightens. On her face she has a dark eyeliner and matching mascara as well as color in her eyebrows. Usually she does not put on make up during the weekend but this time she felt like it was suiting. It is nothing more than what she usually wears to school, so it did not take long to put on. During any other circumstance she would have been happy about it, however this time she wishes it had taken longer, because what is she supposed to fill her waiting time with?
So finally, the sound of the doorbell is echoing through the house. Slowly Yeji walks toward the door. She hesitates when she stands in front of it. Her guest is here now, and she better take care of her as the good hostess her parents expect her to be.
“Hello!” Yeji says with a voice a bit too loud when opening the door. Wow, what a great start Hwang Yeji!
“Hi.” Ryujin answers and smiles brightly. Oh no, those eyes again, starting up an emotional flood to run through Yeji’s body.
“How are you doing?” The question is coming out from her mouth automatically as she opens the door wider.
Ryujin nods affirmingly and takes a step over the doorstep. “I am fine, how about you?”
“I am okay.”
“Just okay?”
Yeji forces a smile over her face and feels the heat spreading over her cheeks. “Yes, because,” She sighs quietly and lets her gaze drop to the floor. “To be honest I am a bit nervous.”
Ryujin laughs softly. “You don’t have to be, I don’t bite.”
Yeji laughs with Ryujin as the newly arrived guest proceeds to take off her shoes and jacket. With a slightly less tense body Yeji leads them into the kitchen. She turns on the light switch and sweeps with her left arm over the room.
“This is where we will spend the evening.” She says and smiles awkwardly. How is she doing? Is she doing all right? Would her parents have approved of her skills as a hostess? Can she compensate for any lacking part in the beginning by being extra competent now? What would her parents have done?
The thoughts are racing through her mind like a highspeed train and her eyes are running over the room at the same speed.
“I brought a paper copy of the recipe, it’s easier to read from there.” Ryujin says and pulls up a piece of paper from her bag and lets it rest on the kitchen island. Her deep voice forces Yeji’s thoughts to shrink in size. Let’s not lose it before it has already started, alright? This is only two people cooking together. Why make such a big fuzz of it? Yeji won’t be examined by her teacher, her parents or anyone, except for Ryujin that is.
Yeji does her best to convince her wild thoughts to stop raging like barbarians inside her mind. The only thing that keeps them in their spot is Ryujin’s calm yet happy voice. It’s soothing and makes her nerves relax.
“So, do you have all the ingredients?” Ryujin asks.
“Depends on what is needed.” Yeji answers.
“I can read for you and you can pick them out.”
Yeji nods and Ryujin immediately starts reading of the recipe. Product after product is gathered on the kitchen island until every single one is out.
“Perfect!” Ryujin exclaims smiling. “Last time I was here you had aprons.”
Ryujin does not have to say anymore as Yeji understands where she is going. On light feet she makes her way across the kitchen to get them one each. When putting on their aprons Ryujin starts talking about the cooking process. Her skilled fingers tie a nice ribbon at her back as she continues speaking. Yeji does her best to listen closely while at the same time tying her apron, it does not go too well as she struggles with the ribbon. With a frustrated grunt she tries again. Ryujin raises her eyebrows at her and smiles playfully.
“Do you need help?” She asks but Yeji shakes her head firmly.
“No, no, I can handle it.”
When Yeji goes in for a third try Ryujin walks up to her.
“You know I can help you.” She says and reaches out for the bands Yeji is trying to tie. As she does her fingers touches Yeji’s and forces something like an electric chock to pulse right through her body. Only Yeji seems to feel it though, because its only she who pulls her hands towards herself again. Ryujin continues her magic work, even though Yeji hasn't given her permission to. If it wasn’t for the electric waves traveling through her body she might have told her to stop, but all Yeji’s power is sucked up by the electricity.
Then Ryujin’s fingers accidentally touches Yeji’s back once more, and the wave comes over her again. This time she manages to stand still. What is going on? She has never experienced a phenomenon like this. Her pulse has raised and so the need for breathing. Why can’t Ryujin finish already?
“There you go.” Ryujin says when finally letting go of the apron’s bands. Yeji has no words to use, her tongue is numbed by the electricity. Fortunately, Ryujin needs no immediate answer. Instead she goes back to the kitchen island.
“We need bowls and stuff.” Ryujin continues and Yeji immediately goes into action. With slightly tense movements Yeji goes up to the different cabinets and drawers. As she opens them, she feels the electric waves continue to run through her blood. How come the feeling won’t let go? It causes her mind to replay the short scene over and over again. Skin against skin, skin against fabric, emotional overload, repeat. No, Yeji has to get a hold of herself. She must focus on the task, picking out the right cooking tools.
She struggles hard for a few silent seconds, feeling her hands slowly getting sweaty in the meantime. But once Ryujin’s soothing voice is heard again her mind immediately redirects all its focus to her, forgetting everything that is not the present. The calming voice works like medicine, medicine delivered from the very same person who started the electric waves. How can one person have such power over Yejis emotional state?
With Ryujin’s instructions Yeji brings all the tools to the kitchen island. It turns out that Ryujin is a very passionate teacher, even though Yeji does not always understand what she means. However Ryujin listens well to Yejis follow up questions and together they manage to work in harmony. Their laughter spreads over the room and out through the walls, giving the house an aura of happiness. As the time progresses Yeji feels more comfortable with meeting Ryujin’s gaze, her deep and intellectual eyes. Because as they chit chat, Yeji realizes just how much knowledge Ryujin possesses. If she doesn’t know about food she knows about history, medicine or just about anything else. When thinking about it, Yeji remembers a conversation her parents once had over a family dinner. They had talked about Ryujin during the time she was still Hanguk’s girlfriend and had praised her for her good manners and quick wit. If she isn’t mistaken, they said that they wished Hyunjin would find a girlfriend just like her. The thought makes Yeji laugh out loud, earning a confused look from her cooking partner.
“What’s so funny?” Ryujin asks.
“Nothing!” Yeji quickly says and does her best to avoid eye contact. She can’t tell Ryujin what she had just thought. That would be considered weird, wouldn’t it?
Ryujin stares at her with a questioning and very suspicious face. Her eyes narrow and forehead wrinkles playfully. After a few seconds she seems to give up her mini investigation. “Okay, I won’t force you to speak.”
Yeji thanks her lucky start that her guest is such an understanding person.
“You know, Jisu wouldn’t have stopped until she got the words out of me.” Yeji starts. “She would have tickled me to death only to hear what went through my mind, even though it usually ends up being nothing special.”
Ryujin laughs at the comment. “Is Jisu a friend of yours?”
“Yes, we’re in the same class.”
“I see.” A silence hover over them. The same class. Guess who else is a part of the same class? Yes, none other than the ex-boyfriend and neighbor Shin Hanguk.
“Can I ask you something?” Yeji says, not knowing where she got her courage from. Is she really going to ask about the breakup? Is this the moment she has been waiting for during the last weeks?
“Sure, go ahead.” Ryujin answers.
Yeji breaths in.” How, “She starts. No, is it to private to ask? It is, right? She probably shouldn’t, but now she has already started.
“How was it to share the same last name as your boyfriend.” She bursts out instead, almost immediately regretting her back up question. Was this even weirder to ask? What happened with the smooth conversations they just had? Why can’t she just keep her feet on the clean path and not walk in the moody dirt to the side of it?
Ryujin burst out into a big laugh, surprising Yeji so much that she jumps in her spot. With wide eyes she stares at her guest.
“I have heard way too many jokes about us having the same last name.” Ryujin says smirking. “At least people have the good taste to not joke about me being a widow or divorcee, or him for that sake. You know, because we still have the same name even though we are no longer a couple.”
“Would you switch it?”
“No, my last name reminds me of my own family, which I love very much, so I wouldn’t change it.”
“Even if you were to marry someone with a different name in the future?”
“Even then, but that will probably not happen.”
Yeji focuses her gaze on the blonde girl. “Why not?” The atmosphere suddenly changes and gets more serious, the laughter dies off.
“I don’t believe that is a necessary thing.” She shrugs as if it was nothing, but Yeji can tell her posture has gotten more tense. Yeji feels it within herself too. Not getting married. In Yeji’s family and their social circle that is an obvious thing to do. There is no questioning. It’s not like some of the very traditional families where you must get married before even moving in together, but marriage is revered as one of the highest goals in life. Did Hanguk know about this side of Ryujin? Or did he not plan to marry her anyways? Maybe he was going to persuade her into doing it? The brain is running warm from the intense thinking. What would Yeji herself have thought if someone she loved didn’t want to marry?
The long silence must have made Ryujin uncomfortable because she turns her head away. “I know your family,” She starts, still looking away. “They share the same values as Hanguk’s family. There are several reasons why I chose to break up with him, and not sharing values was one of them.” She turns back her head and meets Yeji’s gaze. Ryujin looks incredibly serious, almost sad in a sense. In her eyes there are traces of what Yeji would call tears. Is it possible that also Ryujin was hurt in this breakup? This breakup seems to be more complex than Yeji thought initially.
“But wait, you said you broke up with him?” The memories of the conversation with Yuna last Sunday comes back to her mind. Ryujin nods without saying a word, pressing her lips together tightly. “But, from what I have heard, Hanguk says that he broke up with you.”
Ryujin shakes her head. “No, I broke it off with him. As I said, I had plenty of reasons to. But it wasn’t easy. It took me a few weeks from the day I decided until I had the courage to go through with it.”
With compassion taking her over Yeji slowly reaches out to stroke Ryujin over her back. The electricity from before is replaced by a warm breeze, not pushing her away in fright but rather drawing her closer. Ryujin opens and closes her eyes quickly a couple of times, as if she is pushing back tears.
“But I’m fine now.” She says after having swept a finger under each of her eyes. “At least when I’m with people that I enjoy spending time with, like right now.”
The warmth from before grows stronger and forces Yeji’s face to heat up. Ryujin smiles at her and pushes her playfully in the side.
“Shouldn’t you respond to my compliment. I thought your parents were very keen on that.”
“They are.” Yeji feels her face heat up even more and she puts her hands against her burning cheeks.
“I can tell you are blushing.” Ryujin laughs teasingly. “That is good enough for me.”
“Thanks.” Yeji lowers her gaze but can’t stop smiling.
“No problem.” As Ryujin responds to Yeji’s weak answer the timer rings and they are forced back into cooking. They finish their project without any major failures. The food tastes delicious which get highlighted by the good company. When they have washed all the dishes and Ryujin is about to leave Yeji feels a sudden emptiness in her heart. Does Ryujin really have to leave now? Yes, she does, of course. She has other things to do, has a life of her own.
As Yeji watches Ryujin put on her shoes she wonders when they will meet again, meet like this, spend quality time together. Will this be the last one? No, Yeji cannot let that happen. What she felt today was something she just has to experience again, and she doesn’t mean the food. No, it was the master chef, the teacher, the guest herself, who caused this incomparable feeling. A connection. Yes, that’s what she would call it. She cannot let go of something as rare as that.
“Maybe,” Yeji starts but has to clear her throat. “Maybe you would like to meet again?”
Ryujin laughs and straightens her back. “You sound like we just ended a romantic date.”
Yeji laughs awkwardly at the thought. Romantic date? What would that have looked like. Maybe if Ryujin was a boy, but now she is not. Imagine Yeji dating a girl. No one she knows has ever done that before.
“Nonetheless.” Ryujin adds. “I would like to see you again. We’ll keep in touch.” She takes a step closer to Yeji and leans in for a hug. Her soft body is so incredibly close to Yeji’s. The scent from her sweet shampoo filles Yeji’s lungs and all she can think about is the turbulent storm that now rages inside of her.
“See you later, darling.” Ryujin says when she pulls away. She locks eyes with her hostess and by doing so snaps a piece of Yejis heart with her. She can feel it, physically, it hurts. It doesn’t get any better the further away she goes.
“Yes, see you soon.” Is just about everything Yeji can muster to say. As soon as she has closed the door her knees crumbles under her. She falls to the floor and presses her hands towards the cold stone. Indeed, she has fallen, fallen into the infinite dark hole that her parents has always talked so bad about. Damn it!