Mad Apothecarist

Even though I know my magical parents died on Halloween, it's still my favourite holiday (I don't like it as much as I like Helloween though). I like scaring kids and if lucky, even teens or adults. And mum saw it as the only time I could watch horror movies on our TV – which is a shame because the stupidity of the characters is better than in any comedy – in real life I would want to get to them before the killer, but I don't mind when I know they are only (hopefully) playing it.

And Hogwarts makes it even better – I might not like most candy but chocolate cake for a diner is a fantastic idea (maybe not for my mostly non-existent sleep schedule…). Nonetheless, it still had its fuck-ups. Like the fact that I was forced to sit with my shitty House – and without my usual company consisting of three Gryffindors (fake Gryffindors, each of them is as much Gryff as I am Hufflepuff). Not that Hermione is even here – the worst Weasley, Ronald Motherfucker Weasley made her cry (he called her annoying bookworm, bossy bitch and know-it-all – in my books all of these, apart from the annoying, were compliments, but his tone made it into an insult). She stopped me from breaking his bones with a nasty hex I learned from a book I stole from one of my roommates (if they can, I can too), although it only slowed down his punishment. I somehow calmed down her tears with my muttering of how I will torture him and then she excused herself because she wanted to calm down in solitude. Twins will for sure help me, they like Hermione. And their brother? Not so much, I heard the story about how they transfigured his teddy bear into a venomous spider.

So when Quirrel ran into the Great Hall and screamed about the troll before fainting, I was thinking about Hermione. I sneaked through the panicking students and grabbed George by the shoulder (his robe has a visible stitch on the shoulder because when he was helping Hermione with cutting spell for her homework she shot a little too far up): „I don't know your secret but you need to find where Hermione is.“

Fred's eyes widened and pulled a paper out of his pocket. „I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,“ he said after pointing his wand on it. A drawing started to bloom on the aged parchment and when he opened it I could see what can be only described as a map filled with names. One spot was overfilled – I would guess that it is the Great Hall. We started to look for Hermione and before we drew attention to ourselves we found her. She was in a bathroom, near a hall that I recognised as the passage to dungeons.

„Fuck,“ we said in unison and after few clumsy steps and getting through the crowd we ran in that direction. I was lagging behind before one of them noticed and slowed down for me. Still, it was a crazy run without looking around so we almost ran into the beast. Thankfully the faster twin served as our stop sign when he stood still on the corner. „Shit, shit, shit, shit,“ he was whispering when the troll opened the bathroom door – a room where our only female friend was hiding.

„Fuck. What will we do?“

„Do you know any spell that works on trolls?“ asked… Fred. Yes, he has a dark freckle under his left eye. „I know none, only the spells that don't work.“

„I know a few darker spells from the book I stole, but I don't want to be expelled.“

„As long as we get away quick enough we should be ok. And I know only a few prank-like spells that could work – like jelly fingers or leg-binding. Or conjunctivitis curse, it makes it harder to see.“

„So you two try to distract it and I will grab Hermione. When I yell, you ran away.“

„Sure.“ '

„Let's hope we survive.“

„Nice optimism, Henry.“

„Go fuck yourself.“

George and I went first. He tried conjunctivitis curse and it didn't work. I saw Hermione, she was hiding under one of the sinks, scared into silence. That stupid troll (it makes sense that Troll is the worst grade in the magical community) was smashing porcelain few meters from her and hadn't even noticed our sneaky attack. Thankfully the leg-binding curse worked so when the beast tried to take a step towards her, he fell on the ground. I tried one of the strong fainting spells on him but he got only misty-eyed and tried to smash us with his wooden club. We jumped back and fell to the ground because of course, Fred chose that moment to run behind us. That broke Hermione's silence and she grabbed the trolls attention with her ear-piercing scream.

Then he broke the spell.

„Hey you motherfucker!“ I screamed when he came close to her. He turned around and I fired piercing spell into his eye. His skin wouldn't budge under it but his eye exploded into gory mush. It roared but Hermione successfully ran into Fred's arms and he helped her to escape the girl's bathroom. I almost got hit with the club when I paid them more attention then to the smelly monster. I fired a slashing hex but it bounced off and broke a mirror. Better than me.

George hit its weapon with a blasting curse which made it explode into tiny splinters – some pierced human flesh, but we were so pumped with adrenalin it wasn't painful. We ran after the second part of our group but the troll was surprisingly fast and because I'm the slower one it grabbed the back of my robes and then turned me around. It breathed into my face and I almost puked, before it opened its mouth-

I fired overpowered blasting curse into its mouth. The sound was deafening, simply because I was like a foot from the epicentre of the explosion. I fell on the ground and my ankle started to hurl like a bitch but I stood up regardless and limped to the shocked trio. „Let's go, before teachers arrive,“ I gritted through my teeth in pain, vanished the blood and brain chunks on my body and before I could hurry them up George offered his back to me.

„So we can be quicker,“ he reasoned with me. The pain made me do it and in ten minutes of quick walking and occasional running, we arrived in Gryffindor dorms. Everybody looked at us, but one sharp look from the twins shut them up.

„You think there will be no repercussion that I'm not in my dorms?“ I asked after George put me down on his bed. Hermione sat next to me and looked at me long enough that I figured out what she wants and offered her my hand. She smiled and grabbed it in a bone-breaking grip. „Ouch, woman. I have enough pain for one day.“

„Sorry,“ she lessened her grip but started to fuss around with my hair – and started pulling pieces of troll skull out of it. „You are disgusting, Henry.“

„It can't vanish solid things, because then it would be usable on bodies. And the brain is soft enough that it's counted as a vanish-able substance. Not that books wrote about it, I only hoped it would work on it. It's mostly used in potion-making so it vanishes the potion and not the vial.“

„Can you heal your ankle?“ asked Fred, George went into the public part of their dorm.

„It's not broken and it popped back into the socket so no spell can help me – I need to make a potion for dislocated joints.“

„And that works how?“ The bushy-haired girl asked.

„You either massage it into the skin or you make yourself a compress. I can make it in two hours but cold compress will work for now. However – George, come here, I will help you with those splinters.“

***

Teachers found the crime scene only few minutes after it was left by the group of students. And the pure gore made them sick – the knowledge that it was probably a student who did that made it even worse.

Walls, floor and even the ceiling were covered in parts of the troll – blood, organs, bone and teeth. Most of its upper body was damaged but the head was obviously the entry point for the curse that killed him. Thankfully not Avada, which made them little more calm – but Snape recognised the darker version of Bombarda – normal one marked the bathroom they found in ruins.

Flitwick and Quirell went and started to repair the female toilets, broken mostly by the dead beast – but there was magic in the air. Those wooden splinters were the worst because they were everywhere and cleaning them up was a chore.

McGonagall, Dumbledore cleaned up the hall and Snape, as the only Dark Arts expert in the school looked at the corpse with his sharp gaze. After few spells he even knew what happened to the beast – its eye was pierced with piercing charm (dark grey, on the verge of being illegal), there were attempts to cut it and some splinters surprisingly pierced through the softer skin on its hands. Then the blasting curse hit it in its mouth – killing it instantly. So no major surprises – but who did it? Most teachers suspected some Slytherin that found the troll when coming to their dorms because the murder was never reported. Not that it would be punished – Dumbledore was more than happy to cleanse the stench of dark magic and he would even award points to the brave beast-slayer. Did it mean that person was ashamed that they used such means? Or worse – did they enjoy it and were secretive because they feared their nature would be revealed?

Was there a monster in the group of students?

***

Jordan Lee is twins' friend that doesn't really hang out with them when I do, so it was weird to see them talk with him so friendly. Their fourth roommate was called Kenneth Towler, a rather calm Lion.

Hermione was a little nervous around them and I hoped it would make her sleep in her own bed but she made her mind and I became a teddy bear against my will. I offered I would rather sleep on the ground or with one of the twins but they only laughed. I cursed them (not only with my words).

After we got out all the splinters we showered and I ended up with too-big sleeping pants and sweater with a big F in the middle of it. It was nice, soft and warm, the best type of sweater there is. I would sleep in my day-clothes but twins almost wrestled me into these (I would never tell them I was comfortable in their stuff). Hermione went to her room and came back in flannel two-piece pyjamas (I was never happier that someone didn't wear a nightie) and even brought me a bandage roll.

„Thanks,“ I put my swelled ankle on the bed and fixed it into place with firm tugs on the pristine white cloth. „I will give you one of mine tomorrow.“

„No need, take it as a thank you,“ she went red and sat next to me. „Does it still hurt?“

„Not as bad as an hour ago, but it will be so much fucking worse tomorrow from my experience.“

„The girl will sleep here too?“ Lee asked, surprised when she started to close the curtains from his side.

„She's a little scared of the troll,“ reasoned George with a tight smile. „And Henry got lost in the crowd so that's why he's here.“ They exchanged long looks but after a while, the boy with afro backed down. If Hermione cut her hair sort, would she have an afro too?

„Hermione, do you have any fun book? I don't know if I have a sleep-night tonight.“

„We read books too, you know?“ said mockingly hurt Fred and jumped on his own bed that we occupied. „And you should go to sleep little raven, you had a long day. Sleep heals all wounds!“

„I'm not feeling like-“ before I could finish that thought I broke into a yawn that made all people in the room roar in laughter. „You fucking bitches, shut up.“

So I went to sleep before two in the morning that night – but I still stole twins' book about runes. It was easy – heavy on memorising which is my strong suit. I fell asleep on it and almost woke up when one of the gingers slipped it from under me. I vaguely remember trying to defend it but after he took it for good I fell into the depths of sleep soon after that.

Then I woke up there was warmth on my back, curtains drawn and silence behind them. It was easy to see I wasn't sleeping in my own bed – so much red almost burned my eyes out. Then I remembered yesterday and hissed when I moved my leg. Fuck my life and anyone that contributed to my existence. „Leech, stop your abuse of my personal space,“ I told Hermione and with well-aimed elbow jab I made her turn her back on me.

„Bad teddy,“ she mumbled and crushed a pillow in her death-hug. Wouldn't want to be that poor stuffed corpse.

After a much-needed piss, I washed my face, combed my hair with fingers and went on a hunt for my glasses. The book thief must have taken them down too and now I can't find them! So I opened their bed-curtains and shook them awake. „Hey dumbasses, where are my glasses? I can't see shit!“

„On the bedside table,“ he pointed on HIS table where after few misses I finally found my eye-sight. I put them on and finally was able to look them in the eyes with a stern gaze.

„You look like Minnie,“ yawned Fred from the other side of the bed. „Why are you up so early - it's Saturday.“

„I'm an early riser.“

„And you usually go to sleep super late.“

„Correct.“

„You're a fucking monster,“ George moaned into the pillow while his twin put on a robe.

„I will help you to get to your dorms for your things if you want.“

„I will need some help with the potion, I'm afraid I won't be too swift when danger arises.“

„I will happily help you, my master,“ he bowed mockingly but I took it with my most regal face.

„I always enjoy a cheap workforce.“

An hour later we were in a vacant dusty classroom that we cleaned into perfection and with my supplies, we started the potion for damaged joints and swelling. I also prepared a cauldron for a painkiller potion.

„This is kind of nice – not brewing in the blasted room where we sleep,“ Fred said after he prepared the base of the potion. It was a proper pale blue colour and it had almost an hour of simmering in front of it. In another cauldron, I was making the second part that will be added after that long wait.

„Yeah, my experimentation was cut short when everybody in my dorm room learned how to vanish potions,“ I furrowed my brows in my never forgotten fury. He put water in the third dish and began to cut lavender (used in most potions for its calming properties – like calming or sleeping draughts). He put it in the water and started the fire under it – it was kind of like making a lavender tea.

„Think you could charm this room enough so nobody could get into it?“

„Sure, especially after some research into warding. Why?

„We could use it in future – like our personal laboratory.“ That kind of surprised me so I lifted my head and looked at him. I went through the pluses and minuses in a fraction of a second and then nodded. I found only few minuses – like the problems if we fucked up and nobody could find us or if somebody found us.

„I think we can even make it into our personal study room if we hunt down some furniture,“ I mussed and threw spider exoskeleton into the second part of the potion. „It would certainly be better than a crowded library, dorms or some random place we would change every time.“ I thought about it, but then I said: „Good idea.“ He deserved that one.