第一季，第二集：Alice 爱丽丝
我以为你死了 爱丽丝
I thought you were dead, Alice.
我曾如此坚信
I really did.
我知道没有任何证据证明你的死亡，但…
I know that there is no evidence for it, but…
我没法— 我根本不能—
I couldn’t think – I really couldn’t –
除去死亡 我根本找不到别的理由解释你的失踪
I couldn’t think of another reason you would vanish like that.
你就那么消失了
Just gone.
再也没有你在早晨躺在我身边 在床前咳嗽了
Just not you next to me in the mornings or coughing before bed.
你的体温在空气中留下的痕迹已经消失殆尽
The halo of warmth you made in the air around you, just air now.
我为你哀悼 爱丽丝
I mourned you, Alice.
该死的 在我心里 我从未像爱你一样爱过任何人
I’ve never loved anyone so hard. From my goddamn gut.
所以 你还是见鬼去吧
So screw you for that.
我说真的
I mean, really.
一走过盐湖以北
Once you go north of Salt Lake,
沿途的风景就一下子变低了
the landscape starts winding it down real quick, doesn’t it?
之前路边还有雄伟的高山
It’s all majestic mountains before that.
当你接近平原时
As you move down to the flats,
就很容易忘记宏大山脉的存在
it’s like you forget the grandeur ever existed.
我倒不觉得这景色很差
I don’t think the landscape is that bad, really.
只不过 所有东西和山峰比起来都低了一些
Just…anything’s a letdown from the mountains.
我现在正在一座小镇里等红灯
At a stoplight in a town right now.
路牌上说 这个镇叫做沙拉屯
Sign says the town is called “Charlatan.”
这算是什么名字啊？其实也不赖
What kind of a name for a town is that? Nice enough.
镇里有家叫法伦菲尔德的餐馆
Breakfast/lunch restaurant called The Fairenfield,
还有一座没写名字的加油站
gas station (no name on the gas station),
一辆白色福特牌敞篷皮卡停在站内
white Ford pickup truck at the pump,
花季少女正在给车加油
teenage girl pumping gas into it.
远处有个小小的住宅区
Little neighborhood beyond that.
大片房屋 修建得整整齐齐的草坪
Tract homes, well-kept yards.
还有个信风塔基旅馆
The Trade Winds Tiki Motel.
一个女人和她的儿子
A woman with what looks like probably her son,
正从204房间离开
leaving room 204.
她看起来像在骂他 但是充满慈爱
She looks like she’s scolding him, but in a loving way.
一位穿着法兰绒衬衫的老人正在过马路
An elderly man in a flannel shirt crossing the crosswalk.
他意味深长地看了我一眼 但没有任何敌意
He gives me a long eye, but not in an unfriendly way.
尘世似乎忽略了这里
I don’t think the world passes through here.
尘世一定很久都未在此喧嚣了
I don’t think the world has been to this town in a long time.
我参加了互助小组
I went to groups.
和别人围坐在一起 谈论你
I sat in circles and talked about you.
现在大家不都爱干这个吗？
That’s what we do now, right?
作为一个文明 我们围坐在一起
As a civilization, we sit in a circle
一同描述那个正在吞噬我们的怪物
and we describe the shape of the monster that is devouring us.
我们希望这种描述能像护身符一样
We hope, like a talisman, that our description
从怪物口中拯救我们
will provide some shelter against it.
但这都徒劳无功 我们早已丧失一切希望
It won’t, though. We are helpless.
不好意思
I’m sorry.
我刚开了九个小时的车 现在可能有点急躁
This is hour nine of driving, so that might be getting to me a little.
围坐在一起没什么问题 实际上 那样也挺好的
The circle was fine. It wa– It was good, actually.
我和他们说到你 以及你平时有点奇怪的性格
I talked about you, how you were always a little strange,
但爱丽丝 我从未料到…
but Alice, I never thought….
我从未料到 从来没有
I never thought. I never.
当然 我本以为你已经去世了
So, instead, I thought you were dead.
但是呢 我又看到了一条新闻
And then, it was the news.
新闻里播出了一次谋杀
I had to see it on the news. A murder.
手法非常残忍 发生在中西部一座我不认识的小城里
Brutal, somewhere in the midwest. Not a city I knew.
一座除了当地人 没人知道的城市
A city no one knew except those that lived there.
某个处于某地的地方
Somewhere in the heart of somewhere else.
路人在现场围观着 站成了一圈
And bystanders gawking, standing in a circle and
单凭面部表情描绘着
trying to describe with just their faces
他们共同目睹的怪物的样子
the shape of the monster they had seen,
企图解决掉它 应付过去
trying to get a handle on it, trying to get by.
而你就站在那里 在他们之中
And there you were. Right among them.
脸上一副了如指掌的表情
Looking like you knew exactly what was going on,
就像你已经预料到了一切一样
looking like nothing was a surprise to you.
你确实已经预料到了一切 对不对？
Nothing ever was a surprise to you, was it?
你总是无所不知
You always knew everything.
我又在高速路上开了几个小时 差不多都到博伊西了
A few more hours down the highway, to Boise almost.
我知道这很诡异
And I know this sounds crazy,
但我又开到之前那座城镇里的红绿灯前了
but I’m at a stoplight in the same town I was in earlier.
我回到了沙拉屯 看到了法伦菲尔德餐馆 信风塔基旅馆
Charlatan. Fairenfield, Trade Winds Tiki Motel…
但一些细节变了
but something’s different.
现在天黑了些 已经晚了
It’s darker now, obviously, later in the day,
马上就要入夜 但重点不是这个
edging onto evening, but that’s not it.
在加油站外还停着一辆白色福特牌敞篷皮卡
There’s still a white Ford pickup truck at the pump.
但它现在沾满了泥土
It’s covered in mud and dirt.
镇上的一切都沾满了泥土
Everything is covered in mud.
在餐馆的玻璃窗上盖着黑色的淤泥
Black silt on the windows of the restaurant,
潮湿的黑气笼罩在住宅区内的草坪上 形成像沼泽一样的湿地
wet murk in the front yards of the homes, a swamp like a bog.
我看见了那个花季少女 但她背对着我
There’s a teenage girl, but she’s turned away from me,
她的脸紧贴着卡车车身
her face pressed into the side of the truck.
在街角站着那位老人 但他没有过马路
There’s an elderly man on the corner, but he’s not crossing.
他同样背对着我
He’s turned away from me too,
他的脸紧贴着路灯的灯杆
his face pressed into the pole of the streetlight.
在旅馆的204号房间外 那对母子
Room 204 of the motel, the woman and her son,
双双将脸贴到房门的外侧
faces pressed into the outside of the door.
没有人移动
No one is moving.
为什么还不变灯 我想离开沙拉屯
I want this light to change. I want to leave Charlatan.
终于 绿灯了 我要离开这里了 离开了
Okay, green. I’m going. I’m going.
我狠狠地踩下油门
I’m putting my foot on the gas hard.
黑色的泥土飞溅在轮胎上
There’s a deep black mud splashing against my tires.
泥土在街上漫延
It’s running into the street.
你知道的 我本来就不是很喜欢看新闻
You know I never watch the news much,
但自从看见了你 我就生怕错过新闻 哪怕一分钟
but after that I try not to miss a minute of it.
每天我都盯着不同频道的新闻看 新闻已经吞噬了我
Multiple channels of 24-hour news, it devoured me.
但是 我看见了
And I started to see.
在塔科马城外的火灾现场
A fire outside of Tacoma,
千橡市的山崩事故 还有圣约瑟夫的一次人质绑架案外
a landslide in Thousand Oaks, a hostage situation in St. Joseph.
表情认真的人们认真地讲话
Earnest folks speaking earnestly,
给世界带来种种负能量
describing only the bad parts of the world.
而在背景里 我看到了你
And in the background, you.
有时你只出现了一下 有时却时间很长 格外显眼
Just for a moment sometimes, or sometimes long and staring.
只有你 一遍又一遍
You, over and over.
我列下你在新闻上出现过的地点
I made a list of every place I saw you on the news,
就相当于列下了美国地图
and that list became a map of America.
好吧 所以我的妻子没有死
So, my wife wasn’t dead.
这是件好事 这倒是新信息
That’s good to know. That’s new information.
我不再参加互助小组了
I stopped going to the groups.
我不再和别人分享我的故事
I stopped sitting in a circle.
我开始四处奔走
I started going, started moving,
想要去理解 去弄懂那…
trying to understand, trying to get a grasp on the…
就是 弄懂那个…
you know, the…the…on the…
唉 我也不知道我在说什么
Oh, I don’t know.
我还是在分享我的故事
I’m still sitting in a circle.
将它反复录进这台收音机里
Just telling the story over and over into this radio,
希望当你听到的时候 能够明白
hoping that you will hear it, and understand.
希望能通过描述避开那只怪物
Hoping to ward off the monster by describing the shape of it.
我把工作辞了
I quit that job.
哦 你会为我骄傲的
Oh, you would have been so proud of me!
我大摇大摆地走到梅丽尔的办公室 告诉她我在
Walked right into Meryl’s office, told her I didn’t see
预付借记卡行业没有前途
a future between myself and pre-paid debit cards.
她没说什么
She didn’t say much in return.
现在一切都明了了 全都在预料之中
It’s all so clean now. So…expected.
每一段感情 不管延续了多久
Every relationship, no matter how long,
两人经历了什么 都注定不会长久
no matter the history, is expected to be temporary.
人们注定要离开彼此
Separation is never a surprise.
我开始查看你留下来的东西 之前我没动它们
I started to look through your things. I had left them alone;
我当时还不想陷入回忆之中
didn’t want to get tangle in the memories just yet.
但现在那些东西不再是回忆了 它们是线索
But now they weren’t memories. They were evidence.
是关于一个你未能向我讲述的故事的条条线索
Clues to a story you had failed to tell me.
从博伊西向北，出现了新的景色。有很多树。树，谢天谢地！
你知道，沙漠有很多不同类型。有些沙漠里有些东西—平顶山和沙子，它的轮廓，它自己的语言—而有些就……没有。一片平地，除此之外空无一物。我想，这也是它自己特殊的语言，但是……哎呀，我真高兴我能再看到树。
这是你干的吗？是你对我这么做的吗？
我又在沙拉屯了。已经过了几个小时，开出去好几里，而又到了这条路上。我在绕圈子吗？我知道我没有，其他城镇都像地图上显示的那样过去了！
沙拉屯不在地图上。
它着火了。整个镇子都着火了。加油站，信风塔基旅馆。这就像是地狱但我一点也没感到灼热。
我看到有什么东西在加油站里正在燃烧。我想那可能是个人。我不觉得我想知道那是哪个人—哦，天呐！
（叹气）爱丽丝，那个老人正在横穿街道。他身上着着火呢！他转身了，看着我，他的脸表情空洞，正在燃烧。在他皮肤下面的东西已经融化殆尽了。他张开了嘴，嘴里也是火焰！他的体内也在燃烧！
我得走了。我在开了。我不知道要怎么做！我不知道！
一次又一次的。在你的电脑上，废弃的纸片，被你藏在一堆衣服下面的信，我听不懂的那些短语。“坎伯兰项目。”“向量H。”还有，出现频率比其他的都要高的，“湾溪航运。”你一次又一次的写着湾溪航运。
爱丽丝，为什么？为什么这家卡车公司让你这么感兴趣？我能在那找到什么？
所以我找了份工作。湾溪航运。他们区域任何正经企业需要运输服务的地方。我必须去学校学习如何驾驶这些东西。一旦你掌握了之后，就没那么糟糕了。我猜很多人都做过，所以这不会那么难，对吧？
这人工作占据了我的全部精力。这就是你所在的地方。到处都是。
湾溪航运的一名忠实员工，把东西从一个地方运输到另一个地方，每英里只需要几美分。
我以为你死了。（叹气）也许你已经死了。也许我只是在追逐一个幽灵。卡车上写着“湾溪航运——您的运输好帮手”。
我开过了很多溪流。没有那么多的海湾。大多数还是陆地。主要是大片的陆地。
这是你给我的礼物吗
Your gift to me, I suppose?
我又到沙拉屯了
Charlatan again.
现在一切都已经恢复原状
Everything’s back the way it was before.
变得又新又亮了
Everything is clean and new.
在法伦菲尔德餐馆有顾客在吃薄饼
Customers in the Fairenfield eating pancakes,
加油站内的花季少女在为卡车加油
the teenage girl filling her truck up at the gas station.
她在哭泣 她偷偷地看着我 止不住地哭泣
She is crying. She looks at me furtively, and she is crying.
所有人都在哭
Everyone is crying.
那对正在走出信风塔基旅馆
The woman and her son are leaving
204号房间的母子也一样
room 204 at the Trade Winds Tiki Motel;
两个人都在哭泣
they are both crying.
我知道此时 在整齐的草坪后那些
I know that behind every window on every one
小住宅楼里的每一扇窗户内
of these little tract homes with their neat yards,
都有人在看着我 哭泣
there’s someone watching me and crying.
而那个老人
And where’s the elderl–
爱丽丝？爱丽丝 那老人现在在我的货车里
Alice? Alice, he is inside the truck.
他就坐在我身边
He’s sitting here with me.
我不敢动
I’m afraid to move.
他也在哭
He is also crying.
他的脸被泪水侵蚀了
His face is eroded by the tears,
就像他已经连续哭了好几年一样
by what looks like years of weeping.
他什么话都没说
He isn’t saying anything.
你想干什么
What do you want?
他举起手 指了指出城的路
He’s raising his hand. He gestures toward the road out of town.
他点点头
He nods.
我要发动货车了 我要离开沙拉屯
I’m letting my foot off the brake. I’m leaving Charlatan.
老人不见了
The man is gone.
在后视镜里 我看到他正在过马路
In my mirror I can see him crossing the crosswalk.
我要将沙拉屯置之身后
I’m leaving Charlatan behind.
我不知道这意味着什么
I don’t know what this meant.
只知道我并不被包括在其影响范围之中
I only know that it’s meaning does not include me.
世界上存在很多种自由
There are a lot of different types of freedom.
自由其实就好比艺术
We talk about freedom the same way we talk about art,
比起描述 更像是阐明质量
like it was a statement of quality rather than a description.
艺术这个词不能用来形容好坏 艺术只代表艺术
“Art” doesn’t mean good or bad. Art just means art.
一件艺术品也可以很差劲
It can be terrible and still be art.
自由倒是可以分好坏 有种自由是糟糕透顶的
Freedom can be good or bad, too. There can be terrible freedom.
你没经过我的同意就解放了我
You freed me, and I didn’t ask you to.
可我不想被解放
I didn’t want you to.
我现在比以往自由多了
I am more free now than I have ever been,
我的轨迹却乱成一团
and I am spiraling.
我在国内四处奔波 也许你也一样
I am spiraling across the country. Maybe you are, too.
真希望我们的轨迹能重合啊 哪怕只有一次
I want our lines to cross, even one more time.
到了华盛顿东部 路边景色完全变了
Eastern Washington. The landscape is completely different.
一望无际的平原不见了 我终于走出了圈子
No more mile after mile of flatland. The loop is broken.
我知道我再也不会回到沙拉屯了 我终于摆脱了它
I don’t think I’m going to see Charlatan again. I am free of it.
这种自由真好
That’s a good freedom.
你得给我个解释
You owe me an explanation,
不然我是不会轻易放弃的
and I am going to see that you make good on that.
我要听你背后的故事
I’m going to hear whatever story you’ve got to tell,
而且我要亲耳听你来讲
and I’m going to hear it from you direct.
你可能觉得自己解脱了 爱丽丝 但你想都别想
You may think you’re free, Alice, but you’re not.
你是不会摆脱掉我的
You are not free of me.
现在呢 公布谜语的答案：
And now, the answer to our riddle:
为什么小鸡要过马路？
Why did the chicken cross the road?
因为路的一侧有它所熟知的一切
Because on one side was everything she had ever known,
而或许 另一侧却是未来
and on the other side was a future, maybe.
尽管它生怕离开它熟知的一切
And even though she was afraid to leave everything she had ever known,
或许 它还是想有个未来
she also wanted a future, maybe.
于是它迟疑着 接着下定了决心
And so, hesitating, and then not,
它快速地移动 跑路 甚至冲刺
and then moving quickly, running, sprinting even,
孤注一掷地穿了过去 也许 它寻到了未来
desperate, she crossed and found a future. Maybe.
并抛下了它所熟知的一切
And left behind everything she had ever known.
这 这就是为什么小鸡要过马路
And that is why the chicken crossed the road.