The Fallout (Kya POV)
Kya shut the door behind her, seething with anger. She can’t just push me away! Damn it I thought we were being open with each other then she pulls this shit. She paused in the hall when the thought raced through her head What if she doesn’t trust me? What if she doesn’t love me? She felt herself breaking down and ran out of the building towards the people she knew wouldn’t leave her.
She hopped on the ferry, holding back tears. The ride seemed to go by too fast and before she knew it, she saw Tenzin, Pema, and Bumi walk up to her chattering excitedly. She just looked at them and plastered on a smile, barely holding back tears.
“Kya are you okay? You seem out of it,” Tenzin said as Bumi wrapped an arm around her. She leaned into her older brother, just enjoying his presence again.
“Yeah, I’m just tired,” she lied, feeling like she was breaking in two.
“You know we love you, but if you don’t mind me asking, why are you here? Don’t you room with Lin?” Bumi asked.
“Yeah I do.” She sighed. “I just missed you two,” she said softly.
“Here, we have a spare room set up,” Pema said, guiding her to the room. “Are you okay?”
“Yes I’m fine,” she said, ignoring how she felt like breaking down. They have so much on their plate dammit, you can’t add to it. “I’m just tired.” Pema shot her a concerned glance, but left.
Kya took off her dress and changed into her sleepwear. She put her hair back in a braid, desperately ignoring the trauma that surged within her. She forced herself to go to sleep and surrendered to the darkness on the hard mattress.
She opened her eyes to a room full of her loved ones. She felt herself smile as she saw her brothers and girlfriend. She even saw her mom and felt joy rise within her at seeing all of her loved ones in one place. The smile froze on her face as she saw the sad looks on everyone’s face.
“Why did you leave me? I needed you to be there with me, not off traveling,” Tenzin said, voice cracking. “I was left with the burden of an entire nation on my shoulders and you ditched me.”
Before she could reply, Bumi spoke. “You let me flounder on my own. I was a nonbender surrounded by bending prodigies my whole life. You always said you would make time for me, where were you? Why did you leave?” he asked through tears.
Her mother looked at her with disappointment. “You dropped everything to come see me, even when I insisted I was fine. Did you ever consider that I didn’t want you? Did you consider that I would spend years resenting you?” Kya felt tears begin to roll down her face.
Lin walked over to her, placing a rough hand on her face and wiped away the tears. “Did you ever think about how you hurt me?” she asked, tilting Kya’s head up to look her in those beautiful emerald green eyes. “When I needed you, you left me alone in our apartment. I trusted you with trauma and you threw it in my face. You knew how to hurt me,” she mused, stroking her face.
“How do I know that you even love me? You can’t seem to ever be honest with how to feel,” her girlfriend said with a sweet smile.
“I-” Her voice trailed off as she held back sobs.
“Why did you leave us?” her brothers cried out. She screwed her eyes shut, desperately trying to block out the noise.
“Why did you insist on attaching to me like some fucking parasite?” Katara said, voice laced with anger.
“Why are you even alive? You’re just a waste of space,” Lin said, voice strangely devoid of emotion.
Kya woke up, breathing labored. The sunlight streamed in, disorienting her even worse. She felt sheer panic surge within her and she broke down. She didn’t know what to do anymore. She pulled her knees to her chest and began to sob, rocking in a ball. Why are you even alive?
The only good part left of her screamed at her to stay positive. You didn’t mean to hurt her!
The more toxic part spoke in seductive logic. Well you did, which is no surprise. You always hurt those who love you. You push those who love you away because they’ll realize what a fucking wreck you are. You’d be better off dead.
She was so lost in her inner battle she didn’t hear the door open. She flinched at the slender arms that embraced her and the small weight that slightly dipped the bed. “It’s okay to cry,” Jinora said softly. “I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk.”
Kya simply shook with more tears and her niece held her tight. It should be the other way around. I shouldn’t be so fucking weak. “I don’t know what you’re thinking right now, but it’s okay to accept help,” her niece said with a wisdom beyond her eleven years. “I still have nightmares from Amon, it’s okay to be sad.”
After what seemed like years to Kya, she was able to stop crying. She pulled her niece in for a tight hug. “Thank you,” she said softly, placing her head on Jinora’s. Jinora simply hugged her tightly, knowing she wasn’t ready to talk.
“I’ll be okay, go spend time with your family,” she said. Jinora looked at her and opened her mouth to say something, but decided against it and left. She walked over to the sink and simply washed her face, trying to make it seem like she hadn’t just fucking broke down like a child.
She walked out into the kitchen, ignoring the concerned looks from her brothers and Pema. She simply took a sip of tea and went outside without eating. She couldn’t make herself eat if she wanted to. She just took her dress off and went into the cool water of the bay. She simply floated in the water ignoring the voice that screamed at her to end it all. No matter how tempting it was to simply let herself drown and end her problems, she couldn’t put that pain on her family.
She dove under the water, feeling the water embrace her like a hug. She let out tears she didn’t even realize she still had. She broke the surface, feeling the sun warm her face. With a sigh, she began to bend some of the water between her hands. Much like Lin, whenever she got upset, she tended to bend. She gently passed the water back and forth between her hands, feeling the bending help calm her mind.
She eventually got out of the water and put her dress back on, bending the water off. She flinched at the rough hand on her shoulder. “Ky, you know I don’t push. Something is wrong and you need to tell me what it is,” Bumi said, voice full of concern.
She looked at him with blank eyes. “I’m fine. I always will be.”
“Bullshit Kya! Jinora told me in private that she was fucking scared for you. She had never seen you break like that.”
“I’m still fucking alive though! I didn’t fucking kill myself like I wanted to,” she said, voice cracking. Instead of responding, he pulled her into a tight hug. She let him lead her into the temple, tuning out all conversation. She looked at the ground, ignoring the concerned looks from her brother and sister in law.
Bumi gently sat her down on her bed and sat next to her. “Tell us what’s wrong,” Tenzin said gently as Pema handed her some tea.
She took a sip, feeling the lavender tea seep into her system. “I fucking broke down again. At least I didn’t kill myself like I wanted to, despite the fact that I’m a fucking waste of space.”
“Kya, what’s wrong?” Pema asked.
She laughed, drawing concerned looks from the other three. “What isn’t wrong? I just fucking snapped at Lin and threw trauma she trusted me with back in her face. I pushed away yet another person I care about because I’m a piece of shit.”
Pema looked at the other two, shooing them out of the room. “Tell me what’s wrong,” she said, sitting on the bed with Kya.
Kya sighed. “Well, it started small. These past two weeks she’s been pushing me away and working longer days. Then we had an argument that blew up.”
Pema nodded. “Trust me, I know how you feel. What happened next?”
“I threw trauma back in her face. She trusted me and I broke that trust. I can’t even repeat the shit I said. She told me our family is good at hitting where it hurts and damn she’s right. Agni, she’s even right by saying we run when shit gets hard. That's exactly what I did.”
“Kya, I’m-”
She cut the other woman off. “Don’t waste your breath. We all know I’m a pathetic mess who can’t get her act together. I’ve….I’ve always fled whenever I loved someone. When I was with my first girlfriend, I broke up with her as soon as I started falling in love with her because I got scared. That’s why I stick to hookups, it’s less pain and less risk. I decided to take a risk with Lin but-” Her voice cut out as she sobbed. “But I fucked that up too. I don’t deserve to live with how I treated her.”
Pema held her as the other woman cried. “You did fuck up Kya, I’m not going to lie.” She grabbed her face and pressed a kiss on her forehead, knowing the other woman needed some love, even if it was platonic. “Lin fucked up too. You both said hurtful things and you both got hurt for it. I think you both need therapy, you’ve been through a lot.”
She let out a sigh. “Do you want me to be brutally honest?” At her nod, she took a deep breath and continued, “You have two choices: you either patch things up with Lin, go to therapy and resume your relationship or break up.”
Kya’s sobs intensified. “I can’t…” She paused, but her body was wracked with sobs. “I can’t lose her.” Tears continued to stream down her face as she wheezed out sobs. “I can’t lose the one woman I’ve loved more than myself,” she said, voice cracking.
Pema stood up and grabbed a towel, wetting it with cold water. She walked back over to Kya and gently wiped the tears off of her face. “Then you’ll figure it out. You are the strongest woman I know,” she said softly. “You two will figure it out. Now, go to bed and rest. I’ll tell them that you’re okay, but they’ll probably still want to talk tomorrow.” Kya nodded and laid down in her bed. To her surprise, Pema stayed in the room, gently running her fingers through her silver hair. “It’ll be okay Kya, we’re here for you.” Kya was able to give a genuine smile before letting blissful blackness consume her.
The next day she woke up with her head pounding. She sat up with a groan and noticed there was a note left for her on the bedside with a plate and a glass of water.
Hey Auntie Kya,
We didn’t know when you would be awake so we made you some cookies! We were gonna make tea but then realized it was probably going to be cold. Anyways, here’s some cookies and water. We’re just out in the city, hopefully Uncle Bumi is still at the temple when you wake up.
We love you,
Meelo the Manliest, Ikki, and Jinora
She smiled at the note left for her, complete with doodles and a plethora of hearts. She gratefully ate some of the cookies and took the pain medication left with the water. She sighed, feeling her headache recede as she got food and relief into her system. She got out of bed and took a nice shower. She felt the warm water wash away some of her worries and gently brushed through her wet hair. After feeling more human, she pulled on her dress and walked out to the kitchen.
“Hey,” Bumi said with a smile. “It’s good to see you up.”
She shot a small smile at him when she realized he had prepared tea for her. “I heard the shower running and put some tea on for you,” he explained.
She poured a cup and walked over to him, simply holding his hand. “I’ll try and be open,” she said in a soft voice. “I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal shit and being on the force dealing with everyone else’s problems doesn’t help. Lin scares me sometimes. She came home one day and she was so injured she could barely walk, but insisted she waited because her officers needed attention.” She paused, taking a sip of the tea.
“She’s so damn stubborn it scares me. I’m afraid I’ll come to the station or back to the apartment and find her dead since she was too stubborn to get the help she needed. Agni, she’s so damn closed off with all of her feelings. If she has a problem, she’ll just suffer in silence. Despite knowing all of this, I fucked up her trust.” She sighed, feeling shame rise in her. “She trusted me by telling me about some of the shit she’s been through. As soon as it was convenient for me, I used it against her,” she said with tears in her eyes.
Bumi squeezed her hand reassuringly. “You both said some cruel things to each other. It doesn’t excuse what you two said, but maybe it cancels out. You are an amazing woman and you deserve to live. You scared me last night by saying you wanted to kill yourself.”
“I don’t even know anymore. It seems like I fuck up something with every person I care about. The only good thing I can contribute to the world is my healing, but there are so many healers. I honestly just feel like a waste of space. I’ve never felt like I had a purpose, that’s why I traveled all the time when I was younger.” She took a sip of the tea, finishing the cup. “You know, I thought that I would find a purpose when I got older, but I never did. With all that I’ve seen and been through, it feels like I shouldn’t be alive.”
Bumi nodded and let out a sigh. “Agni, you’re making me be honest which eww.” She punched his arm and he laughed. His expression quickly sobered up. “I know how you feel. After dealing with all the shit in the Forces, I have PTSD. It feels like I shouldn’t be alive with all that I’ve done and seen. It’s gotten better since I’ve talked with a therapist, but I still have my days. You should talk to one, you might need it,” he said gently.
She nodded and let out a sigh. “I’ll probably go see one soon.” The two sat in silence, just holding hands. “Thank you Bum. I’ll go back to the apartment tomorrow and see if I can talk with her.”
“That sounds good. If you need us, we’re here,” he said with a smile.
“I know and I appreciate it. Now, let me kick your ass at Pai Sho,” she said with a grin.
“Oh it’s on!” he said, racing to grab the game. The two quickly got drawn into the game.
Tenzin let out a sigh as he walked into the temple with the kids. He and Pema had taken them out all day, figuring Bumi and Kya could talk. He looked at his wife in concern when he heard yelling. “Damn it Bumi! You can’t do that!”
They walked in, expecting them to be in a yelling match. To their surprise, the two siblings were glaring at each other over a Pai Sho board. “I can too! Fight me,” he said, sticking his tongue out. Kya leapt across the table and tackled him to the floor. The two wrestled each other while arguing about who was right.
Tenzin just let out a sigh. “You two are insane,” he said, pretending to be irritated.
“You know you love us,” she said with a smile.
“Yeah, we’re the best siblings ever,” he said with a manic grin. Tenzin rolled his eyes and the two got off of the floor. They all sat around the table and ate. He noticed Kya smiling and felt hope rise within him that his sister was feeling better. After eating, she decided to head to bed.
Bumi walked over to him. “She’s not doing so hot,” he admitted with a sigh. “I’m pretty sure she has PTSD and other shit, it all just boiled over at once. I don’t think she’ll actually kill herself,” he said in a low voice to him and Pema.
“She’ll talk when she’s ready,” she said with a smile. The three then put the kids to sleep and sat down on the couch, quietly talking. Bumi filled them in on the epic Pai Sho match they rudely interrupted while Pema talked about their day with the kids. Tenzin smiled, just content that his family was safe and somewhat okay.
The next morning, Kya woke up with a yawn. She felt much better after talking with Bumi and actually being able to eat a meal. She got up, gently combing out her hair before pulling it back into her signature ponytail. She pulled on her dress and walked out into the kitchen. She wordlessly joined Pema at the stove, helping her prepare breakfast. “Hey, how’d you sleep?” Pema asked.
“Good. I’m going to the apartment today and I’m going to talk with her,” she said nervously. “If..If things go wrong can I come back?”
“You’re always welcome here, Lin too if you two ever want to spend the night with us,” she said with a smile. The two chatted easily as the rest of the island woke up.
“I forgot to say this yesterday, thank you three for the note. It made me feel much better,” she said with a smile. Meelo and Ikki gave her large smiles while Jinora looked at her and raised an eyebrow. She gave a nod and smile in response to the unspoken question. Her niece’s face then split into a smile as she turned to talk with Ikki about some romance novel. She quickly dished breakfast and the family ate around the table.
Breakfast was going smoothly until Bumi decided to be Bumi. He flung some eggs at Tenzin’s head as he turned to talk with Ikki. Everyone erupted into laughter while Tenzin’s face turned red. Instead of replying, he simply bent the air around his chair, causing his brother to fall down. Kya began manically laughing with Meelo. After breakfast continued without any large issues, she decided it was time to leave. “Thank you for everything,” she said, hoping they understood the weight behind her words.
“You’re always welcome here,” Tenzin said with a smile.
“Yeah! Even if you question my Pai Sho abilities, I think I can tolerate you,” her brother said with a smirk. She simply rolled her eyes in response and gave Pema a tight hug, silently thanking her. She hopped into the ferry with her bag, feeling anxiety set in. She stepped off and took a deep breath.
Kya walked towards Lin’s apartment, feeling dread set in. She knocked on the door and when she received no answer, decided to use the keys in her bag. “Lin?” she called out. When she received no response, she set her bag down in the spare room with a sigh. She walked back into the living room when she heard the doorknob rattle.
Blue eyes met green as Lin walked into the apartment.