The Fallout (Lin POV)
The next morning, Lin woke up to Kya’s arm gently draped over her waist. Kya’s soft snores were right next to her ear and her breath was hot on her neck. Normally, Lin hated people invading her personal space like that, but for some reason Kya just made her happy.
She sighed, realizing she had to get out of bed. The police chief still felt too lazy to put on clothes, just walking out undressed. She prepared the tea and heard Kya grumbling as she got out of bed. She felt her lover come up behind her, knowing Kya still undressed as well. “Hi,” she said, pressing a gentle kiss to her bare shoulder as she put her head in the crook of her shoulder.
“Hey baby,” she said with a soft smile, turning her head to press a kiss to her cheek. “Thank you for everything last night. You’ve done so much for me, not just in the bedroom. You actually push me to take care of myself and help me clean the apartment when you don’t have to,” she said, afraid she was rambling. “I just-”
Kya shut her up with a kiss. “I’m happy to do this for you my love. You make me happy and I want to help take care of you,” she said softly, knowing her lover’s tendency to spiral.
Lin smiled and pressed her forehead against hers. The two just held each other for a few minutes, waiting for the tea to get ready. Kya then reluctantly took her arms off of her, knowing she had to get dressed. Lin poured the tea while she got dressed. “Here, I’ll get breakfast, you go get clothes on,” she said, poking her stomach. Lin rolled her eyes and got dressed.
The two ate and drank their tea in comfortable silence. They left the apartment and went down to the police station. Kya noticed Lin seemed much more relaxed and saw how a day off removed so much tension from her shoulders. The two went their separate ways and went about their days as normal. After the day was done, they went back to their apartment and ate dinner together.
This comfortable routine they had fallen into was broken about two months later by a small argument. Kya walked in, staying late at the station to help some new recruits with strained muscles, complaining about their intense training. She sighed, already in a bad mood when she realized Lin was cursing and pacing anxiously. “What’s wrong?”
“Almost all of the food in the fridge has gone bad,” she said, running a hand through her short gray hair.
“What? I thought you went shopping yesterday,” she said confused.
Lin sighed. “I was, but then Saikhan called me in.”
“He’s been calling you a lot lately. Is there something else going on? Is there some kind of mission going on that I’m not supposed to know about?” she asked.
Lin rolled her eyes. “Everything is fine babe, just been busy lately.” The two then argued over where to eat. Finally, Lin slammed the teapot down. “Damn it Kya, something is bothering you. What is it?”
“What’s bothering me? What’s bothering you? You’ve been coming home late for the past two weeks and I can tell that you’re hiding something. There’s tension in your shoulders that isn’t normally there. Just be honest with me,” she said, irritated that her lover wasn’t being honest with her.
Lin exploded. “I have been! Spirits Kya, I’ve been working so hard. These damn nightmares have kept me up for so long that I stay at the station to work myself into exhaustion. I’m having Saikhan put me on everything he can because I can’t sleep anymore. I’m just fucking breaking,” she spat.
Kya stood up, immediately throwing her hands in the air. “Agni Lin! What the fuck? You can’t just unload all of this shit at once damn it. You have to be open in a relationship.”
“Well what about you? Little perfect healer over there isn’t suffering from mental trauma that makes it hard for her to communicate, oh no,” she said sarcastically. “If you were that worried you should have said something earlier. It’s normal for your family to act like everything is fine when it’s going to shit.”
Kya was done, she was so tired of Lin treating her like a child and insulting her family was the last straw. “This is why your mother had to remind you of how you fucked up with Raini. Without her telling you the mistake you made over and over, you’d end up exactly how you are now: a bitter old bitch who can’t learn to communicate.”
Lin clenched her hands into fists. “Well, yet another fun family trait: attacking at weaknesses. You know where to hit exactly where it hurts, just fuck off. I’m tired of you trying to guilt trip me into sharing everything. I am not an open person but I’ve been trying.”
Lin turned to their room and let out a harsh sigh. “This is why you left, isn’t it? Once shit gets hard you can’t stay, you have to go off and leave. Your dad did it when he was alive. Your brother broke up with me because he couldn’t fucking handle the fact that I didn’t want kids and have emotional baggage. Just run, it’s what you do best,” she said, slamming their door shut.
Kya saw red. She didn’t even reply, simply heading towards the room she used to sleep in. She grabbed one of her extra dresses she hadn’t moved to their room yet and stuffed it in a bag. She grabbed the bag and paused with her hand on the door. “You need to learn how to stop being such a bitter old woman. Stop pushing away the people who actually give a shit about you,” she said. She shook her head and walked out of the apartment.
On the other side of the door to their bedroom, Lin collapsed to the floor sobbing. She just wanted her to come back. This is why you don’t get anything nice. You always fuck it up. First you screwed Tenzin over by wasting years of his life with you. Now, you thought it would be different?
She curled into a ball, just rocking back and forth to try and stop the shaking. It got worse when she heard Kya leave the apartment. She tried to stop the tears streaming down her face, but she couldn’t control herself. Everyone leaves because you push them away. You are a toxic waste of space who just can’t stop herself from hurting others.
She didn’t know how long she spent curled up on the floor, just trying to keep it together while everything was collapsing. She eventually ran out of tears and stood up. She walked to the bathroom, washed her face off with water and looked in the mirror. She waited until her face wasn’t blotchy with tears anymore and got dressed. She left the apartment and went to the station.
Mako looked up in surprise when she walked in. “Hey Chief, it’s late. I thought you went home for the night,” he said, voice slightly concerned.
She waved a hand dismissively. “I’m perfectly fine kid. I just have restless energy that I need to get out,” she said, fixing her face into a fake mask of calm.
He nodded, not liking her answer but unable to do anything. She walked into her office and shut the door. She heard the sounds of those working the night shift come in. She looked at her desk, determined to get through as much paperwork as possible. She sat down and began to fixate on her work. She only stopped once the words starting blurring together and she could no longer see straight.
She walked to the break room and got a cup of coffee. She didn’t normally drink the bitter stuff, but she felt like shit. Everything is breaking down, I deserve some coffee dammit. She ignored the looks of concern from her officers and avoided Mako’s gaze. “I’m fine, just on a case binge,” she said, taking a sip of the drink.
Everyone nodded, too afraid to argue with her. She left the room and Mako stood up. He walked over to Saikhan, feeling slightly nervous as he approached the captain. “Hey, do you mind if I have a word in private?” he asked.
Saikhan led him to the hallway, glancing to make sure they were alone. “What’s up kid? You’re shaking like a damn leaf,” he said.
“I’m worried about Chief Beifong,” he said. At his superior’s raised eyebrow, he sighed. “I stayed late last night working on some paperwork. I saw her come in as I was about to leave, so it was probably around ten or so last night. She went into her office and hasn’t left until now. She seemed really shaken, I-” His voice trailed off and he sighed.
“I’m worried about her. She tried to put on a calm mask, but it looked like she was breaking. Can you make sure she’s actually okay?”
Saikhan looked at him in shock. “She’s been working straight for twelve hours?” At his nod, he sighed. “Well, Lin is as stubborn as you can get. She should go home tonight, she does this sometimes. When shit gets hard, she’ll throw herself into work. If it keeps up, I’ll intervene. I would appreciate it if you didn’t say anything, we don’t need to start rumors,” he said with a pointed glare at Mako.
“I haven’t said anything to anyone besides you. Thank you sir,” he said with a salute, turning to head back to the break room. He poured another cup of coffee, just trying to get through the day. The firebender went back to his desk and focused on his work.
The time flew by in a blur for Lin. She couldn’t make herself eat, the very idea making her nauseous. She knew repressing her issues wasn’t healthy, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. It’s not like it matters anyway. If I show any weakness, it’ll be used against me. You’re a Beifong damn it, don’t break under pressure.
She let out a frustrated sigh, deciding to take out her anger on a punching bag. She walked to the gym that was thankfully empty. She didn’t even wrap her knuckles, simply bending her armor off and attacking the bag. She kept pushing until her arms were shaking with fatigue but she couldn’t bring herself to stop. I deserve this pain. I hurt her- She cut off the thoughts about Kya before she broke down again. She flinched at the hand that landed on her shoulder.
“Lin, when was the last time you slept?” Saikhan asked, turning her to face him. “You have these giant ass bags under your eyes and you look like shit.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said, turning to avoid eye contact.
“It does. Mako said he saw you come in late two night ago.” At her startled look, he nodded. “Yeah, you spent an entire day working.”
“I-I was just in the break room this morning,” she protested.
“That was yesterday Lin. I came in early this morning to check on you,” he said. “I know you and I know that you haven’t gotten any sleep. You probably haven’t eaten anything or drank anything besides coffee.”
At her guilty look, he sighed. “I’m enacting the Wellbeing Code,” he said in a sad voice. “I have to make sure that you’re okay.”
She saw red. “I don’t need you to enact a damn code that says I can’t take care of myself.”
He grabbed her arm, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “That’s not what it is. Agni, it means that you’re jeopardizing your mental or physical health, which you’re doing right now. You’re coming home with me and I’m going to make you eat and sleep, no arguments,” he said, holding a hand up to cut off her protests.
She sighed and let him take her to his apartment. She walked in, feeling the homey space embrace her. “Nice space,” she commented.
He smiled. “Thanks, here go sit while I talk with Hoya.” She sat down on the couch, feeling like she didn’t deserve any of this. She didn’t deserve Saikhan’s hospitality, understanding or kindness. She would just fuck up the one friendship she couldn’t afford to lose.
She was so lost in thought she flinched when a slender hand landed on her shoulder. “Hey dear, I’m Hoya,” she said, extending a hand out.
“Lin,” she replied simply, shaking her hand.
“I can tell you haven’t been feeling well. Come on, I have some jook on the stove,” she said, dishing her a small bowl.
“You didn’t have to do this,” she said, feeling awkward having others care for her.
“Nonsense dear. We had to clean out the fridge anyways since this one has eyes bigger than his damn stomach,” she said, poking her husband’s stomach. “We always have leftovers and end up eating jook with everything. If anything, you saved me time because now I don’t have to make it later.”
Lin nodded, too emotionally drained to speak. She simply ate, forcing the jook down her throat. “Here, I set up a place for you in the guest room. I have an extra pair of your sweats from that one time you crashed here,” he said, gesturing towards the spare room. She gave him a grateful smile and took a shower. She stood under the water, feeling unworthy of the kindness. She sighed and changed, letting herself flop onto the bed. Sleep quickly overcame her and she surrendered to the blissful black.
She woke up to sunlight forcing her eyes open. She got up with a sigh, realizing she probably slept for almost all of the previous day. She quickly brushed her hair, attempting to make herself look somewhat presentable. She walked out into the living room where Hoya and Saikhan looked at her with a smile. “How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I feel better, thank you,” she said. Hoya dished her some breakfast, handing her a plate of rice and a small bowl of jook. “You weren’t kidding, you eat jook a lot.”
“Blame this one,” Hoya said, gently slapping his arm. He stuck her tongue out and she was hit with a pang of loneliness.
They ate in silence until Saikhan addressed the elephant mandrill in the room. “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?”
She let out a sigh. “Look, I’m not good with feelings but...I need to try. Kya and I got into an argument,” she said, avoiding his gaze.
“Well, was it bad?” Hoya asked, concerned for her husband’s close friend.
“She hit at all of my weak points. She reminded me about Raina. She told me Mom kept reminding me about it in order to help force me to communicate. She said to stop being a ‘bitter old woman’ and pushing away people who actually care,” she confessed in an uncharacteristically shaky voice.
“What the fuck? That’s not okay,” he said, pulling her into a hug.
“I said some really hurtful shit to her too. I don’t even want to repeat it, but I did the same thing to her. I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t lose her,” she said, voice laced with pain.
“You two love each other, I can tell based off of how you talk about her,” Hoya said. “You two are both stubborn as hell and seem to repress issues. You’ve probably had underlying issues and it all exploded.”
Saikhan nodded. “That doesn’t excuse her actions or yours. Honestly, you are both hurting and just need to figure out what to do.”
“That’s the problem, I don’t know,” she said, shaking and holding back tears. “I still love her but I’m afraid I pushed her away.”
“You two need therapy,” she said, voice strong. Lin looked at her in surprise. “I never thought I needed it, but after our first huge fight I realized I repressed a lot of shit. You’ve been through so much trauma and I’m sure she has as well. You two need to decide if you’re willing to forgive and work on the relationship or break up,” she said, voice soft.
Lin nodded. “I’ll try,” she said, voice breaking. “I don’t deserve the kindness you’ve shown me.”
Saikhan and Hoya wrapped her in a hug. “You’ve done so much for us, let us help you,” he said softly. The three just held each other tightly.
“No matter what happens, we’re still here for you no matter what you decide,” she said, placing a reassuring hand on Lin’s arm.
She stood up with a shaky sigh. “I’m going to try and talk with her.”
“Go get your girl tigerdillo,” he said, punching her arm gently. She flashed him a genuine smile and went back to her apartment. She opened the door with a sigh.
She looked up and her heart stopped. Kya was already there.