How we "group bonded"
So. This was awkward.
"And that's when I learned, never put a live wasp in your pants!" Terasaka said, finishing the most disturbing story I had ever heard. "The end!"
"Uhhh..." Hara said, looking mildly scared.
"Dude, tmi." Yoshida said, scrolling through a playlist on his phone. I saw it was titled "Angry boi hours" It looked like his mood hadn't improved.
"Who else wants to tell a story? Asano?"
"No." Asano was looking out of the window, looking like he'd appreciate the "angry boi hours" playlist too.
"Great! Everyone shh, Asano's gonna tell a story." Terasaka said, giving me a thumbs up. I gave him one back. He'd earned it for the effort.
"Fine. Once upon a time, I was kidnapped by morons. The end."
"Good story!" Terasaka said, running a red light. I poked him in the shoulder.
"Dude. Why do you have to be such a prick?" Yoshida asked, still scrolling through his playlist.
"EXCUSE ME?" Asano yelled, looking ready to throttle Yoshida. Well, things weren't going well. Thankfully Terasaka finally snapped out of his "everything's fine" mentality and decided to do something.
"LISTEN UP YOU DUMB FUCK! THIS IS A VAN FILLED WITH FRIENDSHIP! SO GET WITH THE PROGRAM OR I'LL TIE YOU TO THE ROOF!"
"Think about it like a surprise vacation!" Kurahashi said, trying to soften the blow. Honestly, she was too good for everyone in this car, just throwing it out there.
"Yeah, you said your old man hates your guts. So just relax and enjoy yourself. Or at least shut up or whatever." Yoshida said, still not looking up from his phone.
"I never said-"
"Shhhh." Terasaka said, turning on a classical music station. "Only nice thoughts in the friendship van." I saw Yoshida turning up the music on his phone.
"Terasaka, turn that shit off or I'll kill you myself." Hazama said. "I'm not riding to god knows where in an awkward hellhole like this. Icebreakers. Let's go."
Well, that was the most surprising turn of the trip so far. Hazama wanting to socialize.
"Good idea!" Terasaka, said, turning off the music.
"Ok, question one. Why is there someone in the gps?" Asano said, crossing his arms.
"Oh, uh, well, fun story." Terasaka said. "Uhhh...look man, I'd tell you, I really would, but I don't know big words. It's kind of an issue, I'm not good with brain stuff-"
"I've figured that out." Asano said, rolling his eyes. "Kotaro, say something smart."
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Takebayashi said, displaying a somewhat sassy sense of humor that I could appreciate.
"Hey, I think I know that guy!" Terasaka said brightly.
Asano groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm convinced that I died, and this is hell."
Takebayashi rolled his eyes, but ultimately caved, explaining Ritsu in more detail than Terasaka ever could. Asano seemed to understand, nodding along. When the explanation was finished, he didn't even seem surprised. Unfortunately he then turned to me.
"What about him?"
"He has a name." Terasaka said protectively. "And he's a brutally abused human experiment."
Well, that shut Asano up for a bit. Alas, only for a bit.
"Prove it." He said, narrowing his eyes. I glanced at him without responding. I hate meeting new people. It's a whole process that I don't wanna deal with. It's not that I'm scared of social interactions...Ok just a little. People are scary, and my ability to speak goes into hiding.
Terasaka seemed to sense my discomfort. "Let's talk about something else. Tell us something about you."
"Why?" Asano asked.
"Oh, so we're available for questioning, but you aren't?" Rio asked, crossing her arms.
"What? No. Fine." Asano said. "What do you want to know."
"How long did it take you to get a stick that far up your ass?" Matsu mumbled.
"And how long is it?" Yoshida joined in.
"Really guys?" Hazama sighed, before asking, "What kind of wood is it?"
"Guys, come on." Kurahashi chided. "What's your favorite animal?"
Asano seemed to think. "A shark."
"Nice! You should watch shark week with us!" Terasaka said, doing a little fist pump. "Shark bros unite!"
"Ooh! Oh my god! You watch shark week?" Kurahashi asked excitedly. "I have a list of eco-friendly realistic shows there that don't portray the poor sharks as evil villains!"
"And shark sis!" Terasaka cheered. "Let's go!"
"Why do you like sharks?" Ritsu asked kindly.
Asano seemed slightly freaked out at first, before regaining his composure. "People know not to mess with them. They can sense blood and weakness."
"Cheerful..." Matsu said.
"If you scare the shit out of someone, you can smell their fear." Terasaka said brightly. I was proud of him, somewhat gross comments aside. He seemed to be really making an effort to be less of a bully and make more friends. I knew he was afraid of just being a dumb bully for the rest of his life.
"Thanks for that Terasaka." Matsu said, as Rio cackled. "I really needed to think about that."
"No problem buddy!" Terasaka said. "Let's keep going! My favorite animal is...uh...a lemur!"
Going around saying our favorite animals ended up taking a lot longer than anyone thought it would. Kurahashi ended up listing just about ever animal in existence, Hazama listening adoringly the entire time.
"...and sugar gliders. And those are just my really favorites! I have a lot of regular favorites too!"
"Do continue." Hazama said, blushing slightly.
"What are you, a disney princess?" Yoshida asked.
Asano had managed to doze off in the back seat. He had a definite resting bitch face, that much I was sure of. I could relate to having a less than friendly natural facial expression though. Hazama said that my expression was the definition of "the lights are on, but nobody's home, but there might be several traps inside."
"Wow, it's been six hours already!" Terasaka said. "I think it's time for some lunch."
Everyone agreed to that. Hara gently shook Asano awake, who quickly agreed to the idea. "I don't suppose you morons have money."
"I brought coupons!" Terasaka said, opening a glove compartment. A pile of crumpled coupons fell on my feet. "Whoops, dropped my coupons."
"Do you even know how coupons work?" Asano asked, eye twitching. Damn, just when I thought he was warming up to us.
"Yeah, you get free stuff with em." Terasaka fished around in the pile of coupons. "See? Free taco!"
"It's ok, he did a great job on his basic money worksheet last week." Hazama said. "He's really getting the hang of adding up all of the numbers.
"I genuinely can't tell if you're joking or not. And that scares me." Asano said, sighing again.
"Chillax man, we know what we're doing. Most of the time."
"Seventy five percent." I said. Terasaka rolled his eyes at me, before ruffling my hair.
"Alrighty, food it is." Terasaka said, swerving off of the highway. "If we keep going in one random direction, we'll probably find a restaurant before long!"
"I'm literally going to die here." Asano said gloomily.
"Hi! I'd like to order some food." Terasaka said, leaning out the window. "Hello? Is anyone there?"
"That's a trashcan." I said, patting his arm.
"Oh. I knew that." Terasaka said, quickly pulling forward.
By some miracle we'd arrived at a somewhat run down fast food building. It looked like it was a solid 10/10 on the sketchy scale, but hey, we were hungry.
"Is this the order thing?" Terasaka asked me.
"Yeah, there you go. Good job." I said, offering him a smile.
"Hey." Asano said, tossing something at Terasaka.
"HEY! NO THROWING STUFF IN THE FRIENDSHIP VAN-Oh. Money!" To everyone's surprise, Asano had tossed his wallet of all things to Terasaka. Terasaka grinned, before narrowing his eyes in suspicion. "Wait, what's the catch?"
"No catch." Asano said. "It's my father's money anyways. Go all out."
"Woah, no way man! We can't do that!" Muramatsu protested. Terasaka snatched the wallet.
"Hell yeah we can! And we will!" he grinned. "Guess you're not so bad after all."
"Wow, your opinion was changed by money. Amazing." Asano said, before turning to me. "Would you quit staring at me?"
"Sorry. I do that." I turned to stare at something else. Alright, I was officially interested in Asano. He seemed to have family issues, something that I could obviously relate to.
"WHAT'S YOUR MOST EXPENSIVE ITEM ON THE MENU!" Terasaka yelled, still going through the seemingly endless wallet.
"Sir, you don't have to yell-"
"CAN I GET ONE OF EVERYTHING?!"
"Yes, but sir, I can hear you just fine-"
"WHAT DOES EVERYONE ELSE WANT?"
"Do they have fish?" Rio asked.
"DO YOU HAVE FISH?!"
"Sir, I heard the lady just fine-"
"WAIT, WHAT KIND OF FISH IS IT!"
Thankfully, at that point the employee decided it wasn't worth it to argue with Terasaka, choosing then to just try and get us out of there as quickly as possible.
"Wow, I've never used one of those before." Terasaka said, as we drove to the window to pick up our food. That made several others chuckle, and I was sure that I saw Asano smiling for a moment, before catching himself and looking annoyed again.
"New question for Asano." Hazama said, as Terasaka passed out food. "Why don't you have your own plans for break?"
Asano shrugged. "I don't know. It's not like I ever go anywhere with my father. Most of the people I talk to already left, and I don't really have anything to do."
"I thought you had friends!" Terasaka said.
"Friends is a strong word. They're more like acquaintances. I don't need friends, they only disappoint me."
"Jeez, high standards much?" Rio said, taking a handful of fries from Terasaka.
"HEY! EAT YOUR OWN!"
"You have five servings! Learn to share already!"
"No arguing in the friendship van." I said quietly, but just loud enough for everyone to hear. I saw Asano smiling again.
"Well, sucks to be you, but we're fresh out of spots for gang members." Terasaka said, fitting as many fries in his mouth as humanly possible.
"Wait...you're a gang?" Asano asked incredulously.
"Yeah, the one and only badass Terasaka gang." Terasaka said proudly.
"Wait a minute, I do remember you! You were that moron who wrote your name across the lockers trying to be edgy a few years back!" Asano said.
"Yeah, that was me! I don't get how they traced it back to me." Terasaka said, looking genuinely dumbfounded.
"Me either. It was such a good prank." Asano said sarcastically.
"Hey thanks! I was pretty proud of it." Terasaka said. "Incoming condiments!" he tossed a handful of ketchup packets into the back. Hazama started layering her food in it.
"That's disgusting!" Asano said, face twisting.
"Did I ask?" Hazama asked, giving him a dark look. "I prefer having my food give off the illusion of it being covered in blood." She gave him a creepy smile. Asano shifted away from her, looking uncomfortable.
"How can I convert this into a ramen dish?" Muramatsu said, examining his food. "hmm.."
"Not everything has to be ramen. Just enjoy the food for what it is." Hara said, patting his shoulder.
"The chemical makeup of this food is concerning." Takebayashi said, chewing slowly.
"No! Don't make food educational! There is no learning involved in eating! Unless you're learning not to eat something." Terasaka said firmly. "Ritsu, did I give you yours?"
"Terasaka, I can't eat."
"Oh. Right. Well if I had a digital hamburger, I'd give it to you."
"Aw, thanks!" Ritsu said brightly, little star emotes flashing around her.
"I don't think I've ever eaten shitty fast food before." Asano said, looking mildly disgusted by the food.
"Hey, don't insult shitty fast food! That's like, Muramatsu's life!" Rio protested.
"WHAT?!" Matsu yelled, looking like he was ready to cry.
"I don't mind the food at his place." Asano said. "We ordered it as catering for a school event once."
"Really!?" Now Muramatsu's eyes were shining. "You did?! What did you think? Can I have you fill out a survey? We broke your phone, so here, use mine..."
Asano begrudgingly filled out a ramen survey while the rest of us feasted, watching the scenery go by.
"New question for Asano." Rio said. "Is that your natural hair color?"
"What? Yes." Asano said defensively. "What's wrong with it?"
"Nothing-"
"It's kinda girly." Terasaka said.
"It's the twentieth century. Feminism." Hazama said.
"Oh no, not feminism." Terasaka groaned. "What did I do to deserve this fate?"
"Everything, you cisgender male."
"What does that even mean?!" Terasaka wailed. It was a big word for him.
"Not to get political, but I need to take a shit." Yoshida said.
"We were just stopped!" Terasaka yelled. "Why didn't you use the restroom then?!"
"I didn't have to go then!"
"Can't you just, go on the side of the road?"
"WHAT THE FUCK? NO!"
"Fine." Terasaka sighed. "I'll look for a place to turn off."
"Can you like, hurry?"
"Yeah, I guess I need to use the bathroom too." Kurahashi said apologetically.
"Ok, when we get there, everyone's using the bathroom. It's mandatory."
"Public bathrooms are so icky and germy!" Matsu protested. I was inclined to agree.
"What's the worst that could happen?" Terasaka said, rolling his eyes.
"Crabs can crawl into your private hair." Matsu said, pulling an industrial sized bottle of hand sanitizer out of his bag.
"Ew! That can happen?!" Rio yelled.
"How would a crab live in a toilet? I thought they lived in the ocean." Terasaka said, sounding confused.
"Not that kind of crab, Saka." Hazama said.
"Cancers? I thought they were just emotional wrecks, not toilet dwellers."
"Not that kind of crab." I said, face palming. "You know, the sexual one."
"Sexy crabs?? I mean, I'm not into it, but you do you. I don't kink shame."
"NO!" Yelled the entire van.
"What the hell were you doing in health class?" Matsu asked.
"I dunno, sleeping probably."
"Who wants to explain crabs to Terasaka? Not it." Hazama said, placing a finger on her nose. The rest of us quickly followed suit.
Thankfully, the topic of crabs was quickly dropped as Terasaka sped through yet another red light. "Terasaka!" I yelled, poking him again.
"Whoops." He said. "I thought it was yellow."
"Why would you speed up?!" Hazama yelled.
"Because that's what it means! The yellow light means speed up!" Terasaka said. "Quit, whining, we're all fine...uh oh." The sound of sirens was now audible.
"Way to go." Matsu sighed. "I knew we were gonna end up in jail."
"Not if I can help it." Terasaka said, pressing down harder on the pedal.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Matsu shrieked, clinging to the back of my seat.
"Outrunning the cops! Obviously!" Terasaka said, swerving around.
"Woohoo!" Rio cheered. Takebayashi wordlessly tightened his seatbelt.
"THIS IS A BAD IDEA!" Matsu yelled.
"Do it."
We all turned to look at the source of the voice. Asano. He had a scary grin on his face, looking strangely alive. "Do it. Bet you won't."
"Bet." Terasaka said, also grinning scarily. I hoped that I was still pretty indestructible. "Buckle up friends, here...we...go!" Terasaka floored it, sending the van off at a speed I didn't think it could go.
"AAAAAAAAAGH!" Matsu screamed, practically merging with my seat.
"WHEEE!" Terasaka yelled, weaving between cars and buildings. But the cop proved to be persistent, swerving after us. "Shit, so he wants to dance huh? Ritsu, give me some help here. Find a route that's good for losing cops."
"There's a cemetery a little ways away." Ritsu chirped.
"Perfect, we're going to need it." Matsu said, looking pale.
"Turn left here!" Ritsu said, and Terasaka jerked the wheel, following her directions as we sped through an unfamiliar city. Asano was laughing now, appearing to thoroughly enjoy himself. It seemed like he was slightly unhinged.
"Almost there! Two more right turns!" Ritsu said, appearing buckled into a digital seat.
"Alrighty!" Terasaka said, swerving more, leaving tire tracks across lawns. "This it?"
"Mhm, go behind those trees!"
"Those aren't on the road!" Matsu yelled.
"Quit backseat driving! I got this." With one last crazy jerk of the wheel, Terasaka swerved us off the road, into a patch of trees, completely concealing us. He took the key out of the engine. "Now everybody shut up."
A few moments later, the cop car sped by, sirens and lights fading into the distance.
"We did it!" Kurahashi cheered!
"Nice." Yoshida said, smiling for the first time in a while. "That was fucking badass."
"Let's do it again." Asano said, still looking strangely excited.
"See? Hanging out with us is fun!" Terasaka exclaimed.
"You all enjoyed that way too much." Matsu said, looking completely dead inside.
"There are two ways to break rules and cause general mayhem. The first is quietly doing so, manipulating and controlling everything behind the scenes. The second is out front blatantly obvious idiotic rule breaking. And the second is so much fun!" Asano laughed.
"Welcome to the wild side." Yoshida said, before turning to Terasaka. "Next time we piss off a cop, I wanna drive. I bet I could pull off way better moves than you."
"Not a chance!" Terasaka said.
"Only one way to find out." Yoshida shrugged.
"Shit, you're right, we need another cop." Terasaka said, pulling out back onto the road. Yell if you see one, and I'll do something dumb to get their attention."
"You're all psychotic." Matsu whimpered, nails dug into my seat still.
"Alright, alright. We'll be regular law abiding citizens for like and hour or something. Sound good?"
"I'll take what I can get."
We stopped at a clean looking rest stop, that passed Muramatsu's inspection. I still saw him bring his own roll of toilet paper though.
"Not a bad trip so far." Terasaka said, stepping out of the van and stretching. "Not a bad trip at all."
"Yeah." I said. "How many crimes are we gonna commit?"
"A lot." Terasaka said, grinning. I hopped out of the van, standing next to him.
"Seriously, do you have any idea where we're going?"
"Yeah, I do! I mean, I don't know how to get there, but I know where I wanna end up." Terasaka said, shrugging. "That's good enough, right?"
"While it's traditionally better to plan out where you're going and how to get there, at least having an end goal in mind is more than I gave you credit for." Asano said, joining the two of us.
"Right? That's like, so out of character for me." Terasaka said. "You seem like you're having fun."
"Just a little." Asano snapped, crossing his arms. "It seems that this is my best choice for spending my time, but that doesn't mean intend to enjoy it or your company." With that, he stalked off towards the rest stop, returning to his regular cold self.
"I think we're growing on him", I said grinning slightly.
"Hell yeah we are. Who wouldn't be a fan of you? Much less me!" Terasaka said, ruffling my hair. "I never thought I'd have this many friends."
"I don't think Asano counts as a friend."
"Shut up." Terasaka said, shoving me playfully. "You know what I mean."
"Do you like it?"
"Hm?"
"Like having this many friends."
"Yeah, I do. I dunno, it's like a reflection on how I'm being a better person. I think. Am I being a better person?"
"Yeah, I think you are. A heartless bully wouldn't organize a road trip in a friendship van."
"No he would not." Terasaka said. "He definitely would not."