Homegirl
Dorcas smiled as Marlene got closer to her mouth. Her lips felt soft and warm as they ghosted over her cheeks. Small puffs of breath against heated skin. The tingling sensation of anticipation and soft hums of appreciation. Marlene was too focused on teasing Dorcas’ lips to notice the way a hand slowly crept up her side and slipped under her shirt. It wasn’t until it settled on her ribs, thumb dangerously close to her sensitive nipple that she gasped loudly. Dorcas leaned forward and caught her lips in a kiss in an attempt to quiet her. A muffled laugh and then a quiet moan as the kiss deepened.
The two girls had stayed at the school to study while their friends had gone to Hogsmeade for the day. However, their books and parchment had not been given much attention for several hours. It wasn’t easy to find a place to be alone at Hogwarts, seeing as there were hundreds of other students also trying to find a place to be alone.
Dorcas leaned back against the pillows as Marlene straddled her hips. Once again Marlene was teasing her lips but this time Dorcas dug her hand into the blonde locks on Marlene’s head. A gentle tug was all that was needed for Marlene to give up and press down against Dorcas.
The heat and friction of another body made Marlene’s pulse pick up. She felt more than heard a deep moan from Dorcas as she had placed her hand on her neck. Dorcas’ mouth against her lips, cheek, neck, chest felt like it was leaving burn marks. The sounds she was making was almost embarrassing but it didn’t matter, it was so, so good. Too good.
In one quick motion Marlene pushed herself off of Dorcas and turned her back towards her on the bed.
”Wha…? Marlene?” Dorcas’ voice was still filled with arousal and her question sounded almost like a whine. Marlene didn’t turn around.
”I- I have to go.” She stood up and started buttoning her shirt that Dorcas had unbuttoned just minutes prior.
”Ok.” Dorcas sat up and ran a hand through her hair. Her face was still flushed and her lips a bit swollen. Marlene sighed as she turned to look at her. ”Why? The others won’t be back yet.”
”No, I know but I don’t think I should stay.” The tone in Marlene’s voice had changed and she was now looking at Dorcas with annoyance. ”I actually need to study.”
Dorcas stared at her and snorted. ”Yeah, right.”
Without another word Marlene picked up her shoes and slammed the door behind her. Dorcas looked around their dorm and sighed. Both of their books laid peacefully on the desk. She rubbed her face. Marlene running off in the middle of them making out was not something new. She had been doing that since this started a few months ago. At first Dorcas had thought it was cute and let her be but as time went on it had started being less cute and more frustrating. It wasn’t that fun kissing someone who ran away.
Without the heat from another body Dorcas started shivering. Autumn was well on its way and she pulled a dark knitted sweater over her head. Her long dark hair was messy from Marlene’s hands and as she looked in a mirror she could clearly see a dark spot forming on her neck.
A few minutes later she wandered down the stairs towards the common room and found Marlene in one of the big chairs by the fire. She had a glass like look on her face and didn’t react when Dorcas sat down in the other chair. They didn’t say anything.
After what felt like half an hour Marlene started making small noises. Dorcas pulled her gaze from the fire but saw it again in the reflection of Marlene’s overflowing eyes. She got up and picked up a blanket.
”Are you cold?” She held out the fabric for Marlene to take. Her voice was almost a whisper and she tried to sound as comforting as possible.
”No.” Marlene snarled. Instead of taking the blanket she curled up even tighter in the chair. With a sigh Dorcas sat down again. ”I’m not a lesbian, Dorcas.” Marlene almost spit the word out.
A familiar sinking sensation settled in Dorcas’ stomach. She didn’t turn to look at Marlene. As she spoke she felt her jaw tighten. ”I know, Marlene. You’re just pract-”
”No, I mean I’m not a lesbian and that means we can’t continue this shit.” Marlene cut her off and spoke so fast it was almost hard to hear what she had said. But as their eyes met Dorcas could see that the Marlene she had been making out with earlier was not the Marlene that was sitting across from her now. This Marlene was sad, cold and mean.
Before Dorcas had time to respond the portrait hole opened and in seconds the common room was filled with students.
”Marls! Hey- Marls!” A voice cut through the buzz and soon a flushed and bright-eyed Lily was standing in front of them. ”Oh, hi Dorcas.”
Marlene’s tears had miraculously dried and she was now beaming at her best friend. Dorcas smiled at Lily and got up. Her chest hurt and she wasn’t in the mood for conversation. On her way through the crowd she kept her eyes glued to the stairs and refused to look back. She didn’t feel the eyes that followed her from one of the big chairs.
The following hours consisted of Lily, Mary and Alice talking about and showing off the things they had acquired in Hogsmeade. All while Marlene and Dorcas tried their best to avoid each other. They were being quite successful, with Dorcas sitting with her face buried in her Herbology book. However, none of them missed the not-so-subtle glances their friends kept giving each other.
-
Dorcas woke up early and laid in bed listening to her friends breathing. Lily, Alice, Mary and Marlene. Her friend, Marlene. The first time they met Dorcas had been scared to talk to her. Marlene was a very loud and very pretty girl and Dorcas was shy and felt awkward next to her.
~
”Hi! I’m Marlene McKinnon!” The blonde girl with a hand outstretched and a blinding smile was the first girl that had talked to Dorcas since they had left the train station. She had an accent that Dorcas recognized but couldn’t place. ”We’re roommates!”
Dorcas looked around the room she had just stepped into. Five beds, three windows, five desks, a door that must lead to the bathroom and an 11 year old girl still with her hand outstretched. Dorcas took a few steps towards the girl, Marlene.
”Dorcas” She felt her voice fail her when it came out as a whisper. ”Dorcas Meadowes” she tried again. Marlene smiled, not as big as before but friendlier.
”Dorcas” Dorcas blushed hearing her name in Marlene’s accent. It was soft but evident. She grabbed Marlene’s hand and shook it to have something else to do.
The door opened again and two more girls fell in. One with fiery red hair and the other with big round glasses. Dorcas thought they looked nice but not as nice as Marlene. She had never met anyone who looked as nice as Marlene.
”Hi! I’m Marlene McKinnon and this is Dorcas Meadowes! We’re your roommates!”
Lily and Mary, the other two girls, shook their hands and started unpacking. Dorcas smiled when Marlene choose the bed next to her.
~
Dorcas felt the fresh sun beams on her face and she yawned and stretched to wake up properly. A sigh from the bed to her right made her turn her head. The blonde hair that flowed over the pillow in the bed to her right was a mess. It was always a mess in the morning. Marlene had for a long time tried to find a spell that would make the curls stay neat and soft throughout the night, but without success.
Dorcas hated that she knew that. She hated that that blonde bird nest made her stomach drop and her heart ache. She hated that she was so close but just not close enough. She hated it. But mostly she hated that she didn’t hate Marlene at all.
-
Three days later Marlene and Lily was on their way to the owlery. Lily was explaining how she was trying to tell her sister about how the currency works in the wizarding world. Marlene was trying to listen, she really was. But there was this burning in her chest that just wouldn’t go away. Her mind was foggy and she couldn’t concentrate. Last night she had tried saying good night to Dorcas but instead of responding Dorcas had just turned around in her bed, ignoring Marlene. This morning a shirt that Dorcas had borrowed months ago laid neatly folded next to Marlene’s feet when she woke up. And even though she had missed that shirt it had made the burning even stronger.
Marlene pulled a face and hurried along with Lily through the corridor. Desperately trying to listen to Lily’s words instead of her own brain she rubbed her face and turned her attention to her friend.
”–and I was telling her about how 17 Sickles makes a Galleon and that therefor 493 Knuts are also a Galleon…”
As the door to the owlery swung open Lily stopped talking. Dorcas stepped out and smiled, at Lily. She didn’t look at Marlene. She couldn’t look at Marlene. Dorcas was determined to not let herself give in. She wouldn’t let Marlene McKinnon break her heart. They hadn’t talked in days but she still found long, blonde strands of hair on her shirts and in her bed. Marlene was everywhere and she couldn’t breathe. It was bad enough to have to share a dorm and classes with her, she didn’t need Marlene’s things everywhere as well. The shirt she had returned this morning had been bothering her for a long time. The sleeves were too short and not her colour at all. She was glad to give it back actually.
”The stairs are a little slippery, so watch out” Dorcas said with as much cheer as she could muster. Lily thanked her and glad to leave, headed up the stairs. Marlene stayed in front of Dorcas. Both of them stayed silent and there was a thick, cold layer of stubbornness and anger between them. Dorcas’ legs wouldn’t move. She stood there, quiet as Marlene tried to not look at her face. The distant murmur of people talking further down the corridor and the soft singing from a painting nearby were the only things breaking the silence.
Dorcas took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She opened her mouth and was just about to say something when-
”Marlene?” Lily’s voice from above cut through their bubble and brought them both into movement. Dorcas shut her mouth and swore she could see a bit of a blush creeping up Marlene’s neck. A familiar feeling of fondness shot through Dorcas. As Marlene’s long, blonde hair almost touched Dorcas’ face when she went for the stairs Dorcas couldn’t help but to breathe in the scent. She regretted it almost immediately as she felt a tug in her chest and a punch in her stomach. It hurt. Seeing, smelling, hearing, touching Marlene hurt.
At the top of the stairs Marlene found Lily trying to get an owl to stand still long enough for her to fasten a letter to it’s leg. It was one of the big, old owls that students were allowed to use if they didn’t have their own. Trying to not get her hands scratched Lily was giving the bird scolding looks and a few curses instead of holding it’s feet. Marlene sighed and grabbed the letter from Lily’s hand. Without hesitation she seized the legs and quickly tied the letter to one of them.
”You know, Petunia’s got a boyfriend now.” Marlene had her back turned towards Lily as she was picking out her own owl.
”Hmm, that’s nice. Maybe she’ll stop being so stuck up.” The big brown one she usually used was apparently busy.
”Marlene, stop it. I think it’s nice! Ver- Vermont? Verner? Something like that…” Marlene had picked a smaller light grey owl instead. It was jittery and jumped around. Probably wasn’t used that much.
Dorcas had been trying to say something. She had tried to say something and Marlene had run away. The heavy ball of guilt in Marlene’s chest that grew heavier each time she thought of Dorcas weighed her down once again. There really was no point in it though. She had done the right thing. It wasn’t her fault that Dorcas had gotten in too deep.
The wind was picking up and whistled through the tower. Marlene shivered and thought about how warm it was in their dorm. How warm it was in her bed. Under the covers. With another body pressed to hers as their breath merged into one and-
Dammit.
The little owl was nibbling on her shirt. She stuck her hand in her pocket and took out a little piece of ham from dinner. The owl shrieked and soared towards her hand, managing to bite Marlene’s finger in it’s hurry to get to the ham. Hissing she stuck her finger in her mouth. That little shit!
”Do you have someone, Marlene?” Lily had been talking behind her as she struggled with the owl.
”Whach?” Marlene turned around with her finger still in her mouth. She felt the taste of iron and shuddered.
”A boyfriend.” When Marlene scoffed and turned around again Lily continued. ”Or a girlfriend…?”
Marlene cringed at how fast she turned to look at Lily. Scrambling to keep her pokerface. Lily’s face was bright and open as if she hadn’t just asked the most terrifying question in the world.
There was no reason for Lily to know? Right? No, they had been secretive. As a matter of fact there was nothing to know. No-one was doing nothing with no-one.
”Don’t be silly.” It sounded a lot angrier than Marlene had intended and she tried to conceal it with a smile. ”You know I don’t have a boyfriend.”
Lily nodded with a hum and turned back to her owl to give it a bit of sausage. Marlene let out a breath. She really didn’t like keeping things from Lily but this was an emergency. There were some things not even Lily could know about.
It’s not that Marlene thought it was wrong or bad to be a lesbian. She just wasn’t one. Simple.
”What about Dorcas?” Lily was suddenly next to Marlene grabbing her hand to look at her finger.
”What about Dorcas?” Marlene’s voice was sharp and a little higher than she would have wanted.
”Well, I sorta thought that you two…” Lily was turning her hand to get a better look and Marlene’s brain was speeding through her life and imagining her funeral now that she’s without a doubt about to die. She snatched her hand back and just about slapped Lily in the process.
”No!” That came out way too fast and Marlene heard the desperation in her own voice. Lily’s face revealed that she had heard it too. ”What about you and Potter?”
Thankfully Lily’s face got bright red and she slapped Marlene’s shoulder. Potter was a soft spot and an easy topic to switch to. Mumbling to Marlene to shut up and mind her business Lily turned to pick up her bag.
It wasn’t until they had gone down the stairs and was well on their way back to the common room that Marlene’s heartbeat slowed down and her breathing evened out.