What I Need
In a world where you’re not potentially in love with your best friend and roommate it might not be hard to go to the bathroom. Dorcas Meadowes was not living in a world like that.
They were five girls living in the dorm and over the years they had all become quite comfortable with sharing a bathroom. However, it’s entirely different to walk in on your normal roommate showering than it is walking in on the one you were sleeping with a few days ago. Six days and 11 hours ago. Not that Dorcas kept count.
Dorcas had been alone in the dorm. An afternoon like many others. With a sigh she relaxed onto her bed. Her head hurt and she closed her eyes. She needed a glass of water. A loud groan escaped her lips as her back protested her getting up again. Her eyes felt sandy and heavy. Dorcas rubbed them until she saw stars. She hadn’t slept all that well in… well, about week. In an effort to wake herself she slapped her cheeks a few times and shook her head.
With her hand on the door handle Dorcas heard the low and steady stream of water coming from the shower. She opened the door and saw Mary’s towel on the stool next to to the shower curtain. Without hesitation she walked up to the sink and grabbed a glass. The heat from the shower had fogged up the mirror and she wiped her hand across it a few times. As she examined herself she heard the water turn off. A hand shot out to grab the towel and a few seconds later there were two girls in the mirror. One tall, dark with a glass of water in hand and one shorter, blonde with Mary’s towel around her body.
Marlene’s hair always got a few shades darker and almost straight when it was wet. Her skin was rosy from the hot shower and Dorcas swallowed her water slowly. Six days ago Dorcas would’ve turned around, gotten a good look and pressed Marlene up against the wall. But not today. Today she couldn’t get her brain to work.
”That’s Mary’s” was what came out when she opened her mouth. Clever. Smart. Really showed how cool she was with being in a hot, steamy room with a naked Marlene.
”Yes” Marlene’s voice was low and hoarse. There was something in her face that Dorcas couldn’t quite place. Fear? Excitement? Shame? All three?
The rug under Marlene’s feet was slowly getting darker as time went on. The droplets gliding down her arms and chest colouring the towel was giving her goosebumps. And Dorcas couldn't really look away. A piece of hair had plastered itself against Marlene’s neck and was continuing down her chest under the towel. Dorcas cleared her throat. For a split second she swore she could see a small smirk flashing over Marlene’s face.
”Could you hand me that?” Dorcas’ eyes shot up to meet Marlene’s again as the blonde spoke. Her hand was outstretched and pointing towards a piece of clothing on the counter. Her bra.
Trying so hard not to be weird about this Dorcas put down the glass and picked up Marlene’s bra. It was the pink one. The one with no padding and a pretty lace covering the cups. Dorcas swallowed. The last time she had seen it she had been unclasping it and peeling it off of Marlene’s body.
But that was then and this is now. Nothing weird with handing a bra to one of your best friends, she decided and turned to face Marlene. In doing so she dropped the bra. Because what met her was not only Marlene, but Marlene with the towel around her waist.
Feeling like a cartoon with her eyes jumping out of her head, Dorcas ducked to pick up the bra and hand it to a, now clearly, smirking Marlene. She then promptly faced the sink and began washing her hands, not lifting her gaze once.
Again, under normal circumstances, Dorcas would’ve lifted Marlene up on the counter, letting the towel fall to the floor and showed her exactly how much this affected her. And this image would not leave Dorcas’ mind. Her hands on Marlene’s thighs, inching closer and closer to her hips. Marlene’s hands in Dorcas’ hair, her head thrown back against the mirror and a steady rhythm of shallow breaths filling the bathroom.
It wasn’t until Marlene had left the bathroom (not without making a scene of putting on her bra; fixing the cups again and again, caressing them with deep care), that Dorcas let herself lift her head. Irritated she noticed how her cheeks and neck had turned a deep shade of red. But instead of the usual butterflies that would fill her stomach she felt as though there was a white hot stone tearing up her insides.
In the dorm room she found Marlene brushing her hair. Her back turned towards the bathroom door. Now wearing a pair of trousers but still no shirt.
”What do you think you’re doing?” Dorcas almost hissed.
”Brushing my hair, Dorcas” Marlene turned around with an innocent smile. Dorcas had had enough.
”No. I mean what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Gesturing towards the bathroom she took a step closer towards Marlene. ”How do you think this is okay?”
Marlene’s smile had been washed away and instead she looked back with furrowed brows. ”Dorcas, I- I was just teasing…”
”And why the fuck would you do that?” The stone in Dorcas’ stomach was threatening to close up her throat. She swallowed, forcing it down. She would not cry in front of Marlene. ”You ended it. You told me you didn’t want this anymore and then you go and fucking tease me?!”
The silence was thick as Dorcas waited for Marlene to say something. When that didn’t happen, she sighed.
”I don’t know about you but for me this last week has been hard, Marlene. I’ve had to leave rooms and conversations because if I’m not careful I might just walk right up and kiss you.” Dorcas shook her head and rubbed a hand over her mouth. She felt the first stubborn tears wet her eyes. ”I miss kissing you, okay? I miss it but I’ve fucking-”
A breath caught in her throat and she swallowed down the stone.
”I don’t know! I fucking haven’t! I let you be because that’s what you said you wanted. You said-”
The rest of the sentence was cut off by Marlene. She had taken the last few steps forward and wrapped her arms around Dorcas. Letting Marlene rest her head on her chest Dorcas felt her shirt get wet. It felt good. It felt so good. Having Marlene’s arms around her again. Having her hair close enough to smell her shampoo. Having her.
Marlene let out a small breath. She opened her mouth against Dorcas’ chest and whispered something.
Dorcas stroked her hair and hummed. ”What?”
Marlene lifted her head and let go of Dorcas’ body. She took a few steps back and looked into the red eyes of the girl before her. She cleared her throat. ”I’m sorry Dorcas. I really am. But-”
But. Dorcas felt the stone grow even bigger and hotter.
”But I can’t.” Marlene’s voice sounded broken. Her mouth quivering. ”I can’t.”
Dorcas didn’t stay to hear if she had anything else to say.
-
Herbology was quiet and hard without help. Marlene was struggling significantly with her Snargaluff while her usual study partner was up by Prof. Sprout chatting about assignments for extra credit. Dorcas was top of their year and Prof. Sprout had taken a liking to her their first year. It was infuriating to watch how Dorcas was handling her Snargaluff with such ease. Marlene’s Snargaluff’s vines were everywhere, one of them in her hair, another on its way down her bag.
”Dammit. I. Hate. You” she hissed at the plant and gasped when it tugged hard on her hair.
”How’s that working out for you Marley?” Sirius Black, who was standing on the other side of the table was smirking at her. He really shouldn’t be so cocky though, because without Remus he would have been in the same position as Marlene.
”Eat shit, Black”
Finally ridding herself of the plant and rescuing a quill that was dangling from one of the vines, Marlene took a deep breath and decided she was done with todays class. Instead of grabbing a new pot she spent a ridiculous amount of time taking notes.
Reaching in to grab her hair tie from her bag her fingers grazed a crumbled up piece of paper. She snatched her hand back as if she had been burned. After a quick look around she reached in again and pulled it out. With the buzz of her classmates in the background she uncrumbled the letter from her parents. She had gotten it a few weeks before and only read it once. Smoothing it against her notebook she began reading.
”Hi, honey.
We hope you had a comfortable train ride and that you got to the school safely. Your dad and I are really hoping you look after yourself and take care of your grades. Sixth year is
important and it’s time you start looking at careers. You are good at healing spells, we think you should really consider healing as a profession. Imagine that, our daughter at St Mungos!
That Lily is a good girl. She is going to go far. Why don’t you bring her home more often? She has such a good influence on you. Do try to stay out of trouble, Marlene.
p.s Your dad and I found that inappropriate magazine you had hid under your bed. I don’t want to snoop but I do hope that was one of your male friends’ magazines. You know how much
problem came to that girl down the street when she decided to live such in an improper way of life.
We love you, honey! Have a wonderful term!
Mum”
Marlene stared at a bag of dirt trying to not let the lump in her throat get too big. She gripped the paper harder and slowly started to rip it apart. Little tiny pieces of parchment fell over her lap.
For a few minutes she just sat there, staring in front of herself. Then, after a while she started looking at her classmates. Two classmates in particular. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.
Sirius was messing with one of the vines from the Snargaluff, trying to make Remus laugh. It worked, Remus was laughing. But that wasn’t the most interesting part. What Marlene really found fascinating was the way Sirius was looking at Remus. Marlene knew those looks. His eyes kept chasing Remus’ and he would light up when he got the other boy’s attention. Sirius laughed at anything Remus said and kept making sure they were standing close. Marlene glanced at James to see how he reacted to this but he seemed to not notice. Looking back at Remus and Sirius she had to cough in order to mask her gasp. Sirius and Remus’s hands had touched as they were reaching for a hoe and Sirius’ face was now a matching colour to his Gryffindor tie.
Marlene bit her cheek. Holy shit. Sirius’s got it hot for Remus! Shaking her head and smiling at her lap she suddenly felt her heart sink. There layed the scattered pieces of her mother’s words and they brought her back to reality. With a heavy breath she looked at Sirius. There was no way that a family like the Blacks would be happy that their oldest son was into blokes.
As Prof. Sprout dismissed the class Marlene and Sirius’s eyes met and he winked at her. She smiled back, because she had gotten an idea.
-
”I need to talk to you, Black” Marlene had marched right up the the boys who were sitting next to the fire in the Gryffindor common room. James and Sirius was in the middle of a discussion on something stupid while Peter and Remus were playing wizards chess. Marlene impatiently tapped her foot on the floor and sighed. ”Hello?”
”So talk” Sirius sent her a big, toothy smile and turned back to James who snickered. With a flick of her wand Marlene sent a spell towards Sirius and flicked him in the face. Appalled he stood up.
”In private” Marlene stated before heading for the boys dorm.
Catching up with her outside the door Sirius grabbed her arm. ”Hey! Wha- why my dorm?”
”Last time I checked you couldn’t go into our dorms. Or is it something I’ve missed?” He looked at her and scratched his head.
”Uh, right” laughing he opened the door.
The boys dorm was not a sight for sore eyes. Clothes scattered all over, a few suspicious crumbled up paper towels and a big kettle of… something, in the middle of the room. Trying to excuse the mess Sirius pushed some books and a towel of his bed and offered her to sit down.
”So…?” he started, leaning against the bedpost.
”I think you should be my boyfriend” Marlene didn’t look at him as she said it. Her eyes fixed on a weird stain on the wall. She could only hear Sirius take a deep breath and then cough.
”Wow Marley. You know, I am flattered but-” he was running a hand through his hair and seemingly trying to make his voice less shocked.
”Oh shut up, you wanker! I don’t want a boyfriend, I need one. In the same way I don’t think you want a girlfriend…?” Marlene had stood up as Sirius went quiet. His mouth a gaping hole and his eyes big as saucers. All colour was drained from his face and Marlene at once felt a very strong feeling of solidarity with the boy. She reached out to touch his arm.
”How- um. How did you…?” Sirius, desperately trying to keep his cool and come back from the initial chock straightened up and shrugged out of her touch. His eyes still showed he truth though, big and flickering.
”I just noticed some things.” Marlene let her hand sink. ”It’s not obvious or anything” she quickly added when Sirius’ face grew even whiter. He nodded slowly and once again dragged a hand through his hair.
”No, yeah. This is probably a good idea” Sirius had calmed down a bit after a while and was now cooperating with her. ”You are my girlfriend. I’m your boyfriend…”
”Yeah. We need rules” Marlene hadn’t thought this through but Lily had once told her about some muggle movie where they did this and that couple had had rules. Of course, they ended up falling in love in the end. ”You can hug, touch and be near me when we’re in public. But don’t you dare come close when it’s not necessary”
Energetically Sirius nodded. ”Good rule”
After a few minutes of silence Marlene slapped her knee and headed for the door. ”Well, see you around. Boyfriend”
Sirius laughed a watery laugh and tucked some hair behind his ear. The colour had started coming back to his face where he sat on his bed and Marlene smiled as she closed the door behind her. However, she hadn’t even reached the stairs when her arm was grabbed yet again.
”Can I tell my parents about you?” Sirius whispered.
Marlene though for a bit. That would really make it official. And she had planned to tell her own parents.
”Sure. As long as I don’t have to meet them.”
”No! No, you really don’t…” Sirius smiled and his eyes were once again glimmering with mischief. ”Good night…babe”
Marlene rolled her eyes but thought to herself that she was lucky to have that idiot of a friend.