Greta
Jo interrupting her intimate moment with Carson feels wrong. Greta wants to feel angry with her friend because open and sincere moments are hard to find, but she can’t. It feels special that Carson is comfortable enough with her to talk about such personal things. Jo wants to protect her… And Jo wants to share moments with her as well. So she can’t be angry.
Greta just wishes she would have more time with Carson. She hopes they can share more moments like this one. And she just really hopes Carson realizes that they deserve someone better than Charlie. If he makes them feel selfish for studying and playing baseball, then he doesn’t deserve them.
The practices are good and for the first time since she and Jo had joined The Peaches it feels like the y can achieve something. They work together to overcome their insecurities and become better players.
“Just bat like a french hooker at high tide”, Jo says to Shirley.
“I don’t understand that reference”, Shirley doesn’t get it.
“Lead with your hips and your hands will follow”, Greta tries to say it another way.
“That’s what i said”, Jo complains.
“I know”, she assures her friend.
Shirley keeps repeating “french hooker” like it’s a mantra and tries to bat again, with no result. Before Greta can think of anything else, Carson goes to Shirley and explains to her in the most technical way how to bat. It’s like they are talking Shirley’s language. Greta smiles as she understands what Carson is doing. They are smart.
“French hooker?” Shirley repeats, like she is talking all their advice convinced in only that comment.
“Yes”, Carson nods.
The next ball Shirley bats it and they all cheer. Is like what everyone told her had helped her do it. These little achievements they are accomplishing feels like they are going forward. It’s gratifying.
Their extra practices work and they win the following game. Shirley bats the last ball and makes a safe run. It’s really fantastic to watch her do it just like she did in their practices.
It’s the first win they have in the season, so it’s time to celebrate. They order some pizzas for dinner and then they are going out to Dorothy’s.
“We all did it, it was me in body but i couldn't do it without your support”, Shirley says as they keep congratulating her for the play that made them win the game. “Anway, enough about the game, it’s time to talk about love mates”, she reminds them.
That’s something they do when they win, they talk about their love situations. They talk about girlfriends, boyfriends, hookups and casual dates. It’s funny that they do this only when they win. Or maybe that’s the point, to not talk about it a lot because they usually lost.
“Greta, how are things going with Dana?” Jo asks. Greta knows what her friend is doing, they are pushing her to talk about this because they have realized that she has not been hanging out with her girlfriend lately.
“Good, we had a threesome the other day”, she plays it cool. Jess and Lupe prizes her for doing it, making her laugh. They want details, but she won’t give them. Especially because she is still not exactly happy about it. “How is Flo?”
“Good as well, we have a date tomorrow”, they say with a smile.
“How was your date with Tommy?” Esti asks Maybelle.
“Not good. He has these strange teeth, i couldn’t kiss him”, Maybelle tells them and they all laugh. “I feel so bad”
“Don’t, kisses are important”, Lupe says.
“If you don’t want to kiss someone then they are definitely not the one for you”, Jess gives his opinion.
“Maybe i should try with a girl next time, see if i’m lucky”, Maybelle thinks.
“No, don’t leave me be the only one who dates guys”, Shirley complains.
“You’re not the only one, Esti dates guys sometimes as well and Carson is married to one”, Maybelle reminds her.
“Right”, Shirley nods. “How’s the merry life?” She asks Carson, suddenly very interested in them.
Carson spills her beer, like they haven’t been expecting to have a question like that direct to them. Greta doesn’t want to hear about Carson’s husband, but their reactions make her curious. Besides there are still so many mysteries to know about their married life. She is starting to think Charlie is not a good husband. He is not here with them, he doesn’t help them with the pay of their studies and he doesn't care about them living in a shelter.
“Well, i’m sorry to disappoint you Shir, but our marriage is not like a normal marriage”, Carson says and that somehow brings all the attention to them. Greta is glad that she is not the only one curious.
“What do you mean?” Shirley presses.
“Charlie was gay and i’m a lesbian, the only reason we got married was to make our homophobic families leave us in peace”, Carson explains simply.
Suddenly a lot of comments and questions are being thrown at them. Greta wants to say a lot of things about it as well, but can’t form words. She feels like her brain is going to blow. This is really surprising, although now that the truth is revealed it makes sense. The way Carson has kissed her makes sense.
“Omg! this is like a movie or a fanfiction”, Esti freaks out.
“Can’t believe we didn’t realize you were queer with the way you dress”, Ana points out Carson’s clothes.
“And the way they look at women in bars”, Jess says.
“And the way they sit”, Jo adds.
“Hey”, Carson protests.
“Don’t mind them, they are just flattering you”, Maybelle reassures them.
“So Charlie is not your real husband, he is fake”, Esther clarifies and Carson nods. “How’s he anyway? How do you manage your fake marriage?”
“Okay, i think”, Carson says and takes a moment to think.
Greta can tell how they don’t like being the central topic of conversation. She would like to free them from the situation, but she wants to know about Charlie just like the rest of their teammates. Besides, Carson being all shy is cute.
“Charlie has been my best friend since we were five years old… He was the most funny and weird person i have ever met. He always had the most crazy ideas about things we should do and he always found a way to make me laugh…” Carson says, lost in their own thoughts. “He was my family”
That seems nice. Like a good and solid friendship, like the one Greta has with Jo. Maybe she did wrong in misjudging Charlie without knowing anything about him. She still doesn’t understand where he is. But she can understand a good friendship and that’s what it seems they have.
“You keep talking about him in the past”, Esther points out.
“You guys have divorce or something like that?” Jo asks.
“I wish that was the case, but no, Charlie died”, Carson answers.
It seems like no one has been expecting that because a shocking silence overtakes them.
Greta feels bad for all the ugly things she has been thinking about Charlie since the moment she met Carson. The man was gay and for the way Carson talks about him he was a good friend to them. And he is dead.
First she found out about Carson’s mother's story and now Charlie’s story. This woman has been through a lot in her 24 years of life. Is there more? She hopes no. No one deserves to carry so much grief in their lives.
“What happened?”
“How?”
“Why?”
“When?”
“But we are so young…”
She feels overwhelmed by all these questions that start coming out of her teammates. If she feels like this, how does Carson feel? This must be so emotionally exhausting and heartbreaking. Greta doesn’t know what to do to make the situation better.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to”, Max tries to reassure Carson and Greta wishes she could be them and find the perfect words for this. “I can tell the story, i read it in the news after you told me”
“Thank you but it’s okay, i can do it”, Carson says and takes a deep breath, like they are taking courage to talk about this. “When i said our families are homophobic i was not exaggerating… We got married when we finished high school, we were supposed to move out to Chicago, he was going to study architecture and i was going to study literature and play for the UC’s team…”
“I’m glad you didn’t play for them, yellow is not your color”, Maybelle tries to cheer them on and give them time to recover. Carson thanks her, giving her a little sad smile.
“But Charlie fall in love with Henry and he asked me to stay, and of course i accepted because i have never seen him in love. I should have convinced him to move out, but i’ve never seen him like that. He was so happy it was contagious and it gave me hope that i could fall in love with someone someday too…” Carson rumbles as they tell the story. “One night we were at a dancing club, his cousins saw him kissing Henry. They waited for us at the exit and they corner us in an alley. They started hitting him… I try to stopped them, but they grabbed me between two of them and didn’t let me move, i try fighting them but they were stronger… i remember the marks they left in my arms for how strong they had me seized. I remember shouting for them to stop, i remember the sound of Charlie’s bones breaking, i remember the smell of the blood, i remember how they keep kicking his head against the pavement, until he stopped breathing…”
Greta wishes she could dry Carson’s tears. Everything that happened to them and Charlie is so unfair. How can there be people in the world who still have so many hate for people like them? It doesn’t make sense to her. Things should be better, the world should be better and safer. But here they are. The world is never gonna be entirely a safe place for them.
“I hope they are rooting in jail”, Jo is finally the one to break the silence.
“They are”, Carson says. “And that’s why i’m here, because to report them and have them go to a trial made his whole family and my family be against me. My sister and dad were on their side. Thankfully the jury ruled in my favor. But after that i couldn’t stay, it wasn’t safe”
A defeated silence wraps them up. Greta realizes that none of them knows what to say. The truth it’s that maybe there’s nothing we can say to make someone feel better about that kind of tragedy.
“I’m sorry for ruining the happy mood of the win”, Carson apologizes and Greta's heart hurts about them believing they have to apologize for something like that.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for”, Max assures them.
“And you know what? After sharing something that hard you deserve something hard to drink”, Greta finally finds her voice and makes a sign for Jess.
Jess goes to their room and brings a bottle of whisky. They fill all their glasses with it and make a toast “for Charlie”. Then they go to Dorothy’s because parting it’s the way they know how to cheer someone.
Greta dances with Jo and Maybelle. She dances until her feet hurt and needs a break. In the bar she finds Carson, so she asks for a drink for them as well.
“Thank you”, Carson thanks her for the drink.
“How are you holding up?” Greta asks.
“Better, sometimes talking about it is liberating”, Carson answers.
“Can i ask why you keep using the ring?”, she has been wondering about that since the moment she found out Charlie is dead.
“Oh, i really haven’t thought about it”, Carson says honestly, looking at the ring and checking if it is still there. They take a moment to think and then they continue “I guess because it’s a comfort, sometimes i can forget he is dead. And also it’s a reminder, so if he is somehow in another plane or reality or whatever and he can see me, he can see the ring and knows i will never forget him”.
“That makes sense”, she thinks she understands.
“Can i be know the one who asks a question?”, they surprise her.
“Sure”, she accepts.
“Why did you kiss me?”, Carson asks, blushing a little.
“I feel there is attraction between us”, she shares the energy they feel there is between them.
“Yes, there is”, Carson agrees, “but you have a girlfriend”.
“Like i said, we have an open relationship”, she reminds them.
“I don’t think i could have an open relationship”, Carson thinks.
“Why?”, she really wants to know the other’s reasons.
“For once i’m insecure, i would constantly feel like they would meet someone better and leave me. And i don’t know, i think i would be jealous and i don’t like being jealous, be that kind of person… but i would like to feel special and unique for someone and make that someone feel that way as well”, they rumble as they try to explain.
Greta feels Carson’s words reach her inside out. The most amazing thing about it all is that she feels exactly like them. She wants to be special to her significant other as well and wants to make them feel special in return. The way that things are working between Dana and her is showing her she’s not achieving that.
“That’s cute”, she appreciates, trying to not make a big deal of it.
“And ancient”, Carson teases her own self and that makes her laugh.
“Maybe the idea but you don’t look ancient at all”, she flirts, she can’t help herself.
Suddenly Dana is there, in Dorothy’s, greeting her from afar. She waves her hand back in return and feels a knot form in her stomach.
“Go”, Carson says, before she can think why she is feeling so rare, “Your girlfriend is waiting for you”.
“Are you sure? Are you going to be okay?” Greta questions.
“Yes, I’m always okay”, Carson says.
She knows there is something ironic in that statement and there are a million ways she could retort it, but this time Greta chooses to follow them literally. She finishes her drink in one shot and goes to her girlfriend.