Lupe
Lupe doesn’t like Carson Shaw. He is not exactly sure why, but he feels an inexplicable rejection for them since the moment they met. Or maybe, in some part of himself, he knows where his dislike comes from…
Maybe it is because as a latinoamerican woman she has to work double for everything. Maybe it is because Carson has achieved everything they have been trying to do since they are part of the team and couldn’t.
Lupe loves baseball and being part of a team is like a dream come true for them. He had tried to spread that love to his teammates, had tried to make them want to play baseball for real and stop kidding, had tried to get on the good side of Dove and trust him in his choices so he would want to actually lead them. Max had been his confident, the one who he could always count to be serious about the game. That changed when they fall in love with Esther. Baseball became a second place, just like everyone else.
Everything changed when Carson became part of the team. Suddenly they all wanted to play well. And Lupe should be glad that the team has finally reach this point… but he is not. He just feels frustrated. Is not fair that Carson can achieve everything they have been trying to for two years and without even trying. All they do is be themselves and that’s enough. Why can’t Lupe be the same?!
He had tried fighting Carson. He took personal every comment or advice the other had to tell. The thing is no matter how much he fought them, there was a part of himself that still heard him when it was about baseball.
Probably the worst part is that Carson is right about Dove’s move. Doing his move is making his arm constantly hurt and he doesn’t know how much he can keep doing it without getting damaged.
“What are they doing here? What did you do?” Lupe asks Esti.
“I told them about your arm”, Esti answers.
“What?! Why?!” He can’t believe Esti would break his trust and of all people she could chose to tell, she told fucking Carson. “Traitor!”
“I don’t care if you are angry, i did it because i care and you need to listen to someone that is not me”, Esti fights him. Fair, she has been telling him to take care of his arm and he had been ignoring her. Ignoring problems makes it easier.
“Are you okay?” Carson asks, giving him a pack of ice.
“What do you care?” Lupr shot back, taking the ice and putting it in his arm.
“I do care”, Carson says and it sounds so sincere that makes Lupe piss of, “You can’t keep doing this Lupe”
“What?” He plays fool.
“Doing Dove’s move, it doesn’t work and it only makes your arm hurt”, Carson points out.
“You don’t know that”, he will defend Dove, because he prefers Dove to be right instead of Carson.
“I do and i think some part of you knows that as well”, Carson argues.
“What do you want from me?”, he is tired and only wants the other to leave them be.
“I want you to take care of yourself and if you arm keeps hurting take a rest the next game, don’t push yourself more that you can. And if you can do it for yourself, at least do it for the team”, Carson rumbles as they say what they want from them. This is tiring and annoying.
“I’ll think about it”, he says to make the other stop pushing.
“Ok”, Carson accepts.
Lupe thinks about it and comes to the conclusion that he won’t please Carson, he doesn’t owe him anything to do what they asked. Carson is just one more player of the team nor his coach. So to make his point valid on the next game he tells Dove that Carson is tired about how much he mades them train and can’t play.
Carson doesn't fight about it nor accuse him in front of their teammates, which it’s strange. But Lupe can deal with it.
Lupe gets to be catcher for the game and hates every second of it. It’s exhausting to see everything that goes wrong in the game and not having any power to change it. Maybe he should try to see Carson with this new light?
“What’s wrong with you bro?!”, Jess throws a hoodie at him as they exit the locker room.
“What the hell are you talking about?!” Lupe is angry because he doesn’t understand why the other is angry with them.
“We lose the game because you made something to stop Caron from playing”, Jess accuses.
“How do you know that?!” Carson and Dove hasn’t talk to the team about what happened, so how can Jess know?
“Because i know you”, Jess says like it should be obvious.
“If you know me then you would know how much they bother me”, he retorts.
“But you’re not being fair, they didn’t do anything”, Jess defends Carson and Lupe gets even more angry.
“Yes, that’s exactly the point. I’ve been trying for all of you to play for real since the first moment this team has formed and i didn’t achieve anything. But they come, don’t do anything and suddenly you all want to play well”, he expresses all his frustration and irritation. “How fair is that?”
“I haven’t thought it like that”, Jess admits, after he took a moment to think about the other’s point of view and seems he finally can understand.
“Of course you didn’t, just like everybody else”, he complains.
“I’m sorry hermano”, Jess apologizes, “It wasn’t our intention to make you feel like this”
Intentions or no intentions, Lupe had to deal with his feelings of not being enough and having to work for everything harder to be valid to other people. It’s physically frustrating and emotionally exhausting.
Lupe should try to make peace with Carson and the team situation, he should… or maybe he shouldn't. In the next game, when Carson suggests to Dove that Lupe should stop doing his move, he lost all the cool he has been trying to hold.
“I can’t do it because you’re in my head, all i can hear is your voice telling me i can’t do it and that makes me lose focus”, Lupe accuses.
“That’s not what i’m trying to do”, Carson defends themselves. “I’m trying to take care of you and make what’s best for the team, everyone knows Dove’s ball and your arm is hurting again, we should try some upper balls”
“My arm is not hurting”, he fights because he doens’t want Dove to make her stop playing.
“Are you sure? Because if you arm is hurting…” Dove starts.
“My arm is okay”, Lupe assures.
“Okay, then we should keep doing what we were doing…”
Dove explains again how their move for throwing the balls work. Lupe wants to pay attention, but he already knows by memory what he says and how he explains it. Carson doesn’t stay to hear him, they just go back to their place on the field looking disappointed.
The game continues. Every play goes bad, until Dove finally puts him out of the field. It's embarrassing the way he does it and Lupe feels like a failure.
They win but Lupe is not happy about it. He only can think about what it means for him to not play the entire game when it’s his turn to do it.
Lupe needs to talk to Dove. He needs to convince him to let him keep playing and to assure him that he will keep practicing until he can throw balls the way he wants him to.
Carson wins him to it though. They throw a ball at Dove’s car to get his attention.
“What the hell are you doing?” Dove looks at them with anger.
“I thought that you would catch it”, Carson answers.
Lupe hides behind a nearby car and listens to the conversation. He wants to know everything so he can decide how to deal with Carson.
“With my back turned?”
“That was for Lupe, you humiliated him back there”
“You got into his head”
“No, you did, with that stupid pitch! Your fork ball isn’t even what made you great”
“Oh really?”
“My best friend took me to the game you played in Saint Louis. Your fastball was like a lightning and your curve, i mean we talked about it all weekend”
“That’s great, but all that everyone remembers is the bird. It wasn’t even a dove, it was a freaking pigeon”
“Sorry, but you had your time at playing, now it’s our time, that’s all we asking”
“Come on! This isn’t even real baseball kid”
“Because you won’t let it. Do you have any idea of what this chance means to us? This is our one shot!”
“What do you want from me Shaw?”
“A coach would be nice, but if you can’t do that stop standing our way” “Oh, and for future references a dove is a pigeon”
Fuck. Carson really did that. They just stood up for him and all the team, like it was the easiest thing to do. And it’s not. Lupe may not like Carson, but he knows how hard for them is to be confident and talk in public. He can’t believe Carson defended him, when all he’s been doing since they are in the team is bother them. Also they did it in private, like they didn’t want people making a big deal about it, they just did it because they probably felt it was the right thing to do. Because that’s how they go about everything in their lives.
Lupe can’t believe this just happened. No one has ever stood up for him to an authority like that.
At that moment Lupe realized that Carson was never against him. All he has been doing by judging, sabotaging and bothering them has been only a waste of time. Carson is not his problem. Carson is just another person who loves baseball and that is now a teammate.
He has to do something. And the only thing he knows to do is to try, to real try this time.
“You defended me”, Lupe tells Carson, when they are the only two left in the locker room.
“What?” Carson is confused.
“With Dove, back there, you defended me”, he clarifies.
“You hear that?” Carson is really surprised, they haven’t expected no one to listen to his confrontation with their coach. “No one was supposed to hear that”
“I’m glad you did because i think i can finally understand you now”, he says sincerely, “You defended me”
“Is that so surprising?”, Carson asks and it seems they find the answer in his face because they continue “Of course i defended you, you are my teammate. And i know you don’t like me, but i’m always going to defend you because we are on the same side, on the same team. And Dove might be the couch but he has no right to humiliate anyone of us like that”, they rumble.
“I think i like you just fine right now”, he is not good at apologizing, but the least he can do is give them some praising words.
“You do? Really?” Carson gives him a big smile that lights up their whole face.
“Don’t push it”, he plays it cool.
And because Lupe doesn’t really know how to apologize, he takes Carson to have their favorite ice cream.
After that everything is peaceful between them, like they finally find solid ground to walk their relationship. As that happens the team becomes stronger.
Lupe feels happy, like he hasn't in a long time. He feels like he is starting to love baseball again.
In the next training session Lupe and Max practice pitching like their favorite ball players. Carson catches all the balls and tries to guess what player they are imitating. It’s fun and easy. The sensation of not having to worry about Dove’s pitches is amazingly liberating.
“What do you guys think about playing all games instead of swap?”, Carson wonders.
“How would that work?” Lupe asks, trying to visualize the idea.
“Maybe we can play the parts that comes better for us. You’re strength is the trick balls and low balls, meanwhile mine are the fast balls and upper balls”, Max suggest, as they think.
“I’m okay with trying and see if it works”, Lupe accepts.
“It doesn’t have to be something definitive, i mean we could also figure out which one is better for each run for the way the other’s team players bat”, Carson adds.
“Being strategic, yes, we can do that”, Max concludes.
They are working like a real team. They are creating strategies and tactics, which makes him totally happy. Now that he finally feels safe with the team and confident in the way they are starting to play, Lupe feels it is the time to share his worries.
“I don’t know if i can pitch the way i’ve been pitching with Dove”, Lupe confess.
“Do you have to?” Carson surprises him with the question. “I don’t want you to pitch like Dove or any other famous player, I want you to pitch like yourselves, like Lupe and Max”
“Is that possible?” Max asks and Lupe feels like getting emotional because he is feeling exactly like Max feels. They can play the way they play, they don’t need to do other’s players pitches, they are enough.
“Let’s try it. No signs, you guys pitch, i catch. We’ll find our way, we can do it”, Carson says, absolutely determined.
They do. They pitch and Carson catches every ball. Is like they are connected and can read each other's minds. And it works, they never have played better than when they are their own selves.