Greta
Love is weird.
Greta had fallen in love once in her life for now. She had fallen in love with Dana. Loving her has made everything feel possible. It was exactly like what they said in the movies, the butterflies in the stomach keep coming no matter how many times you kiss, love songs start to make sense, the sun shines brighter even when it’s raining, time and space feels ridiculous when all you want to do it’s for it to freeze by your significant other’s side.
But then you’re left heartbroken and you realize that the higher it is the up the harder it is to fall. Dana had left her without any real reason, she had left her because she was bored and she could do it. She left her because you weren’t good enough. Is there anything more heartbreaking than that??
And the worst part, it’s that once the summer is over she comes back to your life and asks to be together again. AND YOU SAID YES?? WHY?? Yes, why, that’s a question you have been wondering about since Dana came back. Why did you say yes when she asked to have an open relationship when you don’t want to have that kind of relationship?
Time has changed and there’s lot of open romantic couples. There are beliefs about how monogamy is only an illusion and not even true love can handle it sometimes. That’s cool, when Greta thinks about it with her brain feels empowering and freeing, but when she does it with her heart she doesn’t want that.
She only accepted an open relationship because she would rather have that than lose Dana again. Greta can have fun, she knows how to do that. She can kiss and have casual sex with other women, she is totally fine about it. The only thing she secretly hopes sometimes is that one day Dana would realize that she is enough, that their love is enough, that they don’t need anyone else to be happy
Maybe that’s why they keep having fights. And the fight they had today is making her late for baseball practice and Jo is probably gonna kill you, so you ran all the way to meet her.
“You are late bird and because you are late we are going to be late”, Jo complains.
“I know, i’m sorry”, she apologizes. “Is it just that i was with Dana and we kind of got into a big fight…”
“When are you going to leave her?” Jo cuts her off.
“Jo”, she calls for her using her warning tone, the one that asks to leave the topic alone.
“She is not good for you”, Jo has been insistent about it since Dana has come back to her life. But her friend doesn't get to decide who she loves, is not even she’s the one who gets to choose either, is her heart. She’s really fuck up, isn’t she?
“You just keep saying that”, she really doesn’t know if she is glad or annoyed about Jo’s protective attitude.
“And i will keep saying until you believe it, that’s why i’m such a good friend”, Jo justifies.
“You really are the best”, Greta loves Jo very much. There’s no one who knows her, unconditionally loves her and shares their lives with her like they do.
On the way to the practice they meet Carson, the player Max has recommended to join the team.
Carson it’s a strange woman. She talks a lot, evidently it is a tic she has to deal with her insecurities. She has long curly brown hair that doesn’t fit her at all and dimples in her cheeks. She is cute. Greta starts wondering if maybe they could have a fling because there’s something about the other that has her intrigued, but then she loses interest when realizes Carson is married to a man. What a disappointment.
Before they join the practice Carson it’s nervous and insecure, appreciating others skills instead of her own. Greta tries to encourage her and they join the practice. This is going to be interesting.
Jo presents Carson to the team.
“Where is Max?”, Is what Greta wants to know after realizing they are missing. They were the ones who wanted to try a new player, so why aren’t they here? Besides, Max is never late to practice.
“They had a surprise test, they’ll come later once they finish”, Esther informs.
The practice begins.
After that moment where Carson showed insecurity, Greta had thought that they weren't going to do well in the training. But the other woman proves her wrong every step of the practice.
As a catcher they catch all the balls thrown at them even when they are not using signs. As a batter they figured out all Lupe’s throwings at the second or third ball, they even make a home run of the dove move when it’s supposed to be the harder. As a general player they move naturally, knowing exactly where they are needed to be and what to do. As a viewer, it seems like they definitely know how to read the game. And they are very competitive.
They might not be insecure about their moves and the way they play, but their insecurities start to show when there’s comments directed at them. “Farm person”, “Is that how they play in Idaho?”, “Is that how you pick up your bat?” “Do they play baseball in the farms?” "Does short people can play baseball?", “Married boring people” They would blush and make fists with their hands to work out their frustration, which makes everyone want to keep teasing them. Greta finds it adorable.
Greta has never known someone like Carson, someone so confident and insecure, someone so strong but sensitive at the same time. The woman is definitely a walking contradiction and she finds it fascinating. How can someone live with that kind of intensity?
Suddenly the match they are playing is cut, because Lupe and Carson start fighting. Things between them are becoming heated, so the rest of the players approach them to mediate the situation.
“What’s going on?” Esther stops their discussion.
“They think they can tell me how to throw a ball!” Lupe raises her voice in frustration.
“It wasn’t trying to tell you what to do, it was just a suggestion for what i’ve been watching in the game”, Carson defended themselves.
“I don’t need someone who is not a baseball player to make me suggestions”, Lupe continues the argument.
“I may not be a baseball player, but i know about baseball because i had played and loved baseball my whole life”, Carson argues back.
“I don’t get it, I don’t get how Max thought it was a good idea for you to come to the team. You’re not a baseball player, you’re just wasting our time, you’re probably just bored of your farm life and your boring marriage. We don’t need game lessons from you!”
They all gasp at that. Lupe could be hard and rude sometimes, but never that bad. They are all in shock that apparently all it took for them to lose their coolness with baseball was this little shy and awkward Carson person.
It seems like Carson comes to the same realization. But for them it is enough, they take out their helmet and start to tie off their bracers and kneepads.
“Are you crying? Are you fucking kidding me?!” Lupe says as they all can see Carson’s tears falling round their face once their helmet is gone.
“There’s no crying in baseball!”, Jess exclaims. They are not good at handling tears and emotions.
“I’m sorry my emotions are too much for you, but don’t worry, i’m out”, Carson apologizes, sounding too ironic, as they finish taking out their protection catcher’s uniform.
“Really?! You are already quitting when we didn’t even start?! What are you going to do in a game when things go wrong?! How are you going to handle bad comments from fans and the other team?!” Lupe keeps pushing.
“It’s not about that! I know how to lose a game, god!” Carson finally makes Lupe shut up and that makes everyone pay them more attention than before because that’s something hard to do. “It’s about knowing where i am not wanted. And here? I'm not wanted here. I’m not gonna stay in a place where i’m not wanted, i had enough of that in my life and i’m not doing it again”, they rumble in a defeated tone.
And they are out. They leave the baseball field leaving a bitter feeling surrounding them.
“What the hell just happened?” Maybelle it’s the first one to break the silence. “We are supposed to be an open and nice group of people. How did we make someone feel that bad that they had to leave crying?” Her voice breaks a little at that. Maybelle it’s a good person with a kind heart and what just happened has deeply touched her.
“I don’t know”, Lupe admits, still in shock.
“If they can’t handle the pressure then they don’t belong on the field, they shouldn’t play” Jess tries, but he even doesn’t believe his words for the way he flinches at them.
“But we made them feel bad during all the practice”, Shirley says feeling guilty.
“And Max was right, they are fucking talented”, Jo brings the important part. They all had seen how talented Carson is, there’s no possible way to deny that.
“We lose our chance to finally have a catcher”, Esti still can’t believe it.
“Max is going to be so disappointed in us”, Esther feels bad because she knows how her girlfriend wanted her idea to have a new player to work.
Greta doesn’t say anything, because she doesn’t know what to say. The only thing she can think about it’s how hurtful their “I’m not gonna stay in a place where i’m not wanted” comment sounded. There was so much pain in it that it made her whole body burn. What happened in their life that hurt them so much to sound like that?
Max is disappointed. Everyone is disappointed. This was a good chance and they had wasted it. This is why they didn’t have players in the team that actually dream about becoming professional baseball players. That’s why Terri had left to study and play at another university, and that’s why they couldn’t find a catcher that wanted to play for their team.
The next game they lose. Is not surprising, but it feels like it’s the first time that they feel bad about it as a team. All it took for them to feel bad about losing it was to play with someone that wanted to win, and that was what Carson did. In their practice she had created tension between them because she wanted to win and that was new for them, play to win and not just play to have fun.
Regardless of the game result, they go to the same bar they always go to celebrate.
When they enter Dorothy's, Greta thinks she catches sight of Carson leaving for the back door, but she is not totally sure. So she goes to the bar and tries to get information. Vi is the owner of the bar and knows everyone who comes and goes, if someone can help her it is definitely them.
“Hey Vi, was Carson that woman you were talking with”, Greta asks directly.
“Who?”, Vi tries to play it cool.
“The woman that was sitting here and was drinking this beer, that left in the way where the back door is”, Greta picks the abandoned bottle and takes a sip from it.
“I don’t go by telling other people secrets”, Vi reminds her. Greta respects her for that, it’s probably one of the reasons that made her a great bartender.
Greta finishes the beer and goes dancing with the Peaches. They have fun dancing and drinking. They are good at that, at having fun together. Maybe they are not very good as teammates but they are good friends and that felt like something important to her.
When they leave the bar, Greta goes with Jess, Jo and Maybelle. It’s 3 am and they are ready for the night to be over. Jess is driving them to the team house, when Greta catches sight of Carson in a bus stop. Is she having visions of that woman or what the hell? How is that she keeps seeing them everywhere?
“Stop!” Greta asks Jess.
“What? Why? Are you that drunk that you need to throw up Gill?” Jess wonders in a teasing way.
“No, no”, Greta laughs at the idea, she hasn’t thrown up because of alcohol in a very long time thank god. “Is it just, is that Carson?” She points to the bus stop where the woman is sitting on the sidewalk reading.
“Yes, she is”, Maybelle confirms.
Jess stops the car near the bus stop and rolls down the window.
“Hey Carson, what are you doing?” Greta says, making Carson jump a little as the surprise of being interrupted.
“Hi”, Carson says feeling shy as being found by the 4 players. “Just waiting for the bus”
“Do you need a ride?” Jess offers.
“No, is fine, the app says the bus will be here in ten minutes”,
“You sure?” Jess presses.
“Where are you going?” Carson wonders and Greta feels a little hopeful that the question will lead to them agreeing for the ride. Carson probably lives on the university campus.
“The team house, it’s one block from the uni campus”, Jo answers simply.
“I’m going the opposite way and it’s a 30 minute ride by bus, maybe 20 by car? Not sure, but it’s fine, thank you for the offer, i’ll wait for the bus”, Carson explains rumbling the way they do.
“Okay, take care”, Jess says.
“Bye”
The car is moving, but suddenly they are doing a return around the block and they stop in a corner where Carson can’t see them.
“Are we going to wait for their bus?” Greta is so glad that Jess had her same idea that she could hug him.
“Yes, we are, it’s late and maybe the bus takes more time than 10 minutes”, Jess tries to explain.
“You are sweet”, May prizes him.
“What are they reading?” Greta asks, trying to catch sight of the book. Carson looks really submerged in the story, like the world around them doesn’t matter as long as they can read those pages. It’s really a beautiful sight to her eyes.
“Little woman”, Jo answers, finally being the one to catch the name of the book.
“Wait, isn’t that kinda childish?” Greta asks. She never read the book, but she has seen the movie and knows the story is famous.
“It’s a classic”, Maybelle thinks.
“And it’s gay”, Jess says.
“What? How come I don’t know about that part?” Greta feels confused, if she remembers right there weren’t any queer characters in the story.
“Well we all know that Jo should be a lesbian, i mean everything she said about not wanting to get married and wasting her life next to a man makes it obvious”, Jo explains their point of view.
“You will be bored of him in two years and we will be interesting forever” May quotes imitating the actress’s voice, making them laugh.
“Well, now that actually makes sense”, Greta agrees.
“Don’t worry roomie we can rewatch the movie once we are back home so you can enjoy it with this new lightning”, Jess offers.
Ten minutes later the bus comes, Carson closes her book and gets into it. Carson is gone again and Greta wonders what it is about the other leaving that makes her feel a strange hopelessness. They go to the library and get all the books they think can help them.