In hindsight, posting a selfie on Reddit probably isn’t the brightest idea. But as they say, hindsight is 20/20.
Being trapped in a quirk puts a lot of things into perspective. Like how attracting attention on the internet isn’t a particularly smart move, but Eijirou has never been the smartest student, and all he wanted to do was to celebrate a milestone he hit after working out at the gym.
It probably didn’t help that he was dead exhausted when he posted the photo, since it showed way more skin than he intended.
Still, that wasn’t permission for random strangers with nightmare-inducing quirks (not literally, but Eijirou’s sure that something will jump him sooner or later and give him PTSD) to contact him in the middle of the night.
u/endeavorsbigbooba
Hey, thought I’d give you a little warning
I’m going to use my quirk on you
u/ballofmanliness
That’s illegal
Why would u do that
R u a villain
u/endeavorsbigbooba
Nah, but I’d gladly become one if it means I can grope Endeavor’s big boobs
Anyway, you seem like a strong kid
Which is perfect
u/ballofmanliness
???
u/endeavorsbigbooba
You have muscles, so you can run fast
You’re a kid, so you’re easy to manipulate and threaten
Perfect for the job I need you to do
u/ballofmanliness
U don’t scare me! I’m training to become a hero
I’ll report u to the police
u/endeavorsbigbooba
But you don’t know who I am, do you?
Don’t know where I am either, and I doubt you can use your quirk from afar like I can
Big mistake replying to me btw
My quirk’s gonna hit you in 3 min
u/ballofmanliness
NO
DON’T DO THIS
WHAT DOES UR QUIRK EVEN DO
u/endeavorsbigbooba
Send you into parallel universes
Dw, you’ll be back when you complete the mission objective
u/ballofmanliness
Mission objective…?
u/endeavorsbigbooba
Get pictures of Endeavor’s boobs
Big, medium and small
There should be a variety in parallel universes
Collect them all and you’ll be back in a jiffy
If you don’t send them to me, I’ll put you in my quirk again
u/ballofmanliness
ENDEAVOR’S WHAT???
…which brought Eijirou to where he is now. Trapped in a parallel universe and trying to capture a shot of Endeavor’s pectorals like a horny creep. It’s a jab in his manliness to even think about something so indecent, but Eijirou has to go home. He has to go back to U.A., go back to Bakugou, go back to Mina, and go back to Tetsutetsu. There are people who need him in his universe.
Sorry, Parallel-Endeavors, but your dignity comes second.
Eijirou strolls along the street, frowning at the buildings around him. Isn’t this where the League’s old hideout was? He’s glad that Bakugou isn’t there with him, or the sight of the city might trigger unsavory memories. Nobody but Eijirou knows how terrible Bakugou’s nightmares were, being the only one he trusts to rant to. Todoroki and Midoriya have a inkling of how bad they’d be, due to suffering from more trauma themselves, but they’ve never seen his best friend so distraught that he almost felt like he was dying.
Focus, Eijirou. You have a mission objective here—
“Ah!”
Eijirou hisses and rubs his poor, sore, innocent butt as pain blooms across his cheeks. “I’m sorry!” an oddly familiar voice says, panicking. “Are you hurt?”
“No, just a little sore. I’m fine,” Eijirou answers and looks up at the person who knocked into him. His eyes meet golden, and he almost doubles over in shock. Hawks.
Well, the golden-eyed stranger looks like Hawks. But he also doesn’t look like Hawks. His hero outfit is nowhere to be seen, and he’s dressed in a simple hoodie that doesn’t look nearly as expensive as one befitting the Number Two hero should be. His leggings, too, look cheap and have at least three different sauce stains on them. Half-gloves expose his slender fingers and the shocking black talons that protrude from them. Hawks-Not-Hawks also has black highlights in his hair that make him resemble Kaminari a bit, only ten times hotter somewhat older. But the most surprising of all is his wings.
They’re dyed Stygian black, like the dark night sky and Tokoyami’s soul. Eijirou wonders if the dye will impede his senses.
“Hawks?” he blurts out, frozen in shock. Crap. Judging by his inconspicuous garb, the Wing Hero is probably going incognito, and Eijirou just ruined whatever plans he has while anonymous. But nobody turns their heads at his not-so-soft exclamation, and Hawks looks more surprised than exasperated.
“You know me?”
“Why wouldn’t I know you?” Eijirou asks quizzically, patting the dust off his pants as he stands up. “Uh, you’re pretty well-known.”
“Not many people know me outside of Kyushu,” Hawks claims, and Eijirou just knows that’s utter bullshit. No matter where they usually operate, the top ten heroes are household names everywhere. “Vigilantes are usually only noticed by the people they protect. Do you have a friend in Kyushu who talks about me?”
What?
“Vigilantes? What do vigilantes have to do with you?” Hawks’ words only served to make him even more confused. Is Hawks high on sugar or something? Or did he bonk his head and has forgotten that he’s the Number Two hero?
Eijirou feels mildly alarmed at all the theories instantly popping up in his head. With all these weird guesses, he can probably join Todoroki’s Conspiracy Theory Club. Maybe he should spend less time around Todoroki. His love for conspiracy theories is rubbing off on him.
Now Hawks is the one who looks confused. “I’m a vigilante in Kyushu. You know, the one that works with Touya? How did you know I was Hawks otherwise?”
Vigilante? What does he mean he’s a vigilante? Then who’s the Number Two hero? And who’s Touya?
Parallel universe, the one brain cell Eijirou has supplies helpfully. Wait, is Endeavor a vigilante then?
Huh, so this mission might be a little harder than he was anticipating it to be. If Endeavor’s a vigilante, how on earth is he ever going to find him? Much less snap a photo of his boobs. It’s not as if he knows any vigilantes… after all…
“Right! Sorry, I have some memory problems, ehe,” Eijirou sends Hawks an apologetic smile. “I have a lot of memory problems, actually. Uh, what other famous vigilantes are there?”
“There’s no need to apologize! It’s always nice to meet a fan,” Hawks offers a dazzling grin, spreading his wings a little. “Other than me, there’s a few others that have made the headlines before. My buddy Touya, for one, though you might know him better as Dabi—”
“Better as what?” Eijirou shrieks. Dabi? As in, the Dabi that attacked their training camp? The A-ranked arsonist of the League of Villains?
Parallel universe, his one brain cell reminds him once more. Eijirou mentally thanks his smart little brain cell and composes himself. “Sorry, just a little surprised at his name. Reminds me of someone else. Carry on.”
“Yeah, I know what you’re thinking,” Hawks sighs. “Sadly, it’s true.”
“Huh?”
“Dabi is Todoroki Touya. And the nonsensical stories he spouts? They’re stories of his childhood. Not many people would assume the greatest vigilante in Tokyo is a child abuser, but the jigsaw pieces connect when you think hard about it.”
Wait. Backtrack. Dabi is what?
“I didn’t think anyone else would be able to piece it together, but it looks like you’re a smart kid,” Hawks flashes a proud grin, looking almost like Aizawa the first time Midoriya used his quirk without any of his bones breaking. “Looking to become a vigilante, chickadee? There’s plenty you can learn from. Miruko, Blood Princess, Fatgum, Deku—”
“Deku?” Eijirou blinks. If Midoriya is here, does that mean Eijirou has a parallel universe counterpart too? If he ever meets his counterpart, things can get really… complicated. He might even irreversibly tear apart space-time and end the universe as they know it—
Okay, no more Todoroki-esque theories. Eijirou’s definitely spending too much time around Todoroki if that’s the first thing that pops up in his mind. Focus on getting a photo of Endeavor’s boobs, dammit.
“Yeah, he’s the new kid on the block, but his little friend group is really reliable. Want me to bring you to him?” Hawks asks cheerfully, grinning at him almost mischievously. “Most people faint upon seeing him for the first time.”
Good thing Eijirou isn’t most people then. He’s training to be a manly hero, and manly heroes don’t faint upon seeing their friend’s parallel universe counterpart.
He decides not to think about how he nearly fainted when he first saw Hawks.
“Yeah, I’d like to meet him. Oh, and, my name’s Kirishima. Ehe, sorry I forgot to introduce myself.”
“Well, nice knowing you, Kirishima. Hope you keep those cherry eyes open for a little while longer~”
Scooping him up in his arms, Hawks immediately takes off into the bright blue sky. The harsh winds howl in his ears, making him wince. As gusts of wind whoosh past him, Eijirou’s starting to understand why Hawks wears earmuffs all the time. Stygian wings flutter freely against the sapphire background, creating a contrast of sorts, and Eijirou would think it symbolizes something special if he’s a more romantic person. Sadly, romance isn’t really something Eijirou excels at.
Even Bakugou has started dating before him. How pathetic is that?
“We’re here,” Hawks announces, and damn, he isn’t the fastest man alive for nothing. The hero-in-training doesn’t envy Tokoyami at all for having to keep up with the speedy hero. The two flutter down towards a shady bar that screams danger to all of Eijirou’s senses, making him gulp uncertainly.
There’s a reason vigilantism is outlawed around the world. For the first time, Eijirou’s beginning to wonder whether it’s such a brilliant idea to trust Vigilante-Hawks after all.
A cheeky grin spreads across Hawks’ face as he bows and gestures for him to enter. “Not going to faint already, are you?” the vigilante teases. Trembling slightly, Eijirou brushes the sweat off his cheeks. Every instinct in his body is telling him to run as far away from the ominous bar as possible. It’s gloomy. It’s unsafe. It’s dangerous—
But heroes aren’t those that shrivel in the face of danger. Dashing into the midst of danger is a hero’s job.
Eijirou twists the doorknob and the oak door creaks open.
A sea of colors enter his vision. Vigilantes are scattered around the brightly lit bar, some laughing haughtily under the chandelier and some brooding in dark, dusty corners. A mop of green hair zooms before him.
“Hi, I’m Deku! What’s your name?” Parallel-Midoriya beams at him with a radiant smile that seems to light up the entire room. He’s got to be at least five years older than Eijirou remembers him being, and his muscles has clearly grown with him. Time seems to slow to a standstill as Midoriya’s hips tilt, the lights reflecting off his rock-hard abs immaculately. Eijirou’s breath catches in his throat. Midoriya is ripped.
Eijirou stares into those enchanting viridescent eyes and faints.
Eijirou wakes up to raucous laughter.
“HAHAHAHA— I fucking told you nobody can stand your appearance, Izuku! Shortcake, how many people have fainted so far? Fifty?”
“Fifty-four, actually.”
The voices are familiar, but his hazy mind can barely pinpoint where he’s heard them before.
“Oh my fucking god. Fifty-four people have fainted at your appearance! Fucking change your vigilante outfit, dumbass!”
“It’s not practical,” a voice that Eijirou recognizes as Midoriya argues. “I keep tearing them apart when I use One For All, and I don’t have enough money to keep getting a new bodysuit.”
What’s One For All?
“Or you secretly love it when people faint over how adorable you are,” another voice says. Eijirou’s one brain cell identifies it as Todoroki.
“He’s not adorable. He’s smoking hot,” a girl’s voice gushes. Uraraka?
“Stop fucking simping for Izuku, Uravity,” another voice—Bakugou,Eijirou’s one brain cell informs him—snarls. “What would your girlfriend think about this?”
Uraraka has a girlfriend? Why is everyone (except for him obviously) dating these days? Should he take the initiative to ask Mina out?
But Eijirou knows he’ll never be good enough for Mina. He found Parallel-Midoriya hot earlier on, and Mina deserves someone who admires her and her only, no matter how well-defined a certain green-haired cinnamon roll is. She’s everything Eijirou wants to be, and deserves someone who can match up to her loyalty and bravery.
“Himiko? She’ll agree.”
Did Uraraka just say Himiko? As in, Toga Himiko? Nah, must be a coincidence.
“There’s no such thing as a coincidence,” Eijirou’s one brain cell harps, and he doesn’t appreciate it much anymore. Sure, it helps him pass his exams, but does it have to be so annoying?
There’s no way Uraraka’s dating Toga, right? She’s a hero at heart, just like Crimson Riot and Hawks and All Might. And bona fide heroes don’t consort with villains.
His one brain cell groans at his blatant stupidity. “They’re not heroes and villains here, Eijirou! They’re all vigilantes! Uraraka’s obviously not dating Toga in our world, but this is a parallel universe!”
Eijirou mentally thanks his lord and savior once more. It might be annoying, but he still loves it regardless.
“Are you awake?” the concerned voice of Hawks drifts above him. Blinking his blurry eyes open, Eijirou surveys the room he’s in. His body is lying on a futon, and the walls are plastered with All Might posters.
“He’s obviously fucking fine! C’mon, if Strawberry Shortcake’s forcing me to play, I’m dragging you along too,” Bakugou growls and pulls Eijirou up roughly, stomping out of the room like an angry three-year-old. “Strawberry Shortcake” chuckles a little. Stumbling along, Eijirou asks, “What game?”
Hawks’ grin looks downright predatory as he says, “Truth or Dare.”
Eijirou opens his mouth to protest that he knows nothing about them, and Truth or Dare can get dangerously personal. The moment his eyes land on one figure in the lounge, though, all protests die in his throat.
This is the perfect opportunity to get a photo of Endeavor’s big boobs.
Everybody sits in a circle, with the Todoroki siblings clearly avoiding the Flame Hero (Vigilante?) as much as possible. Eijirou gathers that this must be the vigilantes’ base, since he doubts that everyone is there because they genuinely want to spend time with the people there.
Trying to avoid Toga (or Blood Princess, as she’s called) and Dabi’s scrutiny, he focuses his gaze on his lap, determined not to say anything that’ll land him in hot water with either of them. Hawks’ words come back to haunt him. Can his universe’s Dabi be Todoroki Touya too? He didn’t even know Todoroki has a long-lost brother named Touya.
“Uravity, truth or dare?” Hawks asks Parallel-Uraraka, and Eijirou can feel his smirk even without looking up. She contemplates it for a moment and says, “Truth.”
“What’s your body count? Either will do.”
Why is Eijirou not surprised that Hawks will ask a cheeky question like that? Thank the heavens Hawks isn’t asking him. He’ll answer zero, of course, but it’s a whole bag of awkward that the hero student just doesn’t want to unpack.
Much to his surprise, Uraraka answers easily, “Two, for both.”
Well, that’s… mildly concerning. This is why vigilantism is illegal.
Hawks blinks, stupefied. “What?”
“I got it on with Deku before I started going out with Himiko, and I accidentally killed two people on the raid to save Eri.” Uraraka shrugs, as though that isn’t shocking information at all. She adds wistfully, “Deku’s a good lay.”
“D-don’t say things like that!” Midoriya squeaks, stuttering in embarrassment. He looks like he wants to dig a hole and hide in it forever, and Eijirou can’t blame him one bit. Ignoring his reddening cheeks, Uraraka asks, “Deku, truth or dare?”
“Um… truth.”
“You’re all fucking cowards,” Bakugou sneers. Eijirou looks up to see him crossing his arms and shooting Midoriya a condescending look. “You can snap All For One’s neck in half, but you can’t handle a simple dare, huh, Izuku?”
Eijirou will never get used to Parallel-Bakugou respectfully referring to people without using any rude nicknames. It’s disconcerting.
“It’s not just a dare! It’s a dare from Uravity,” Midoriya whines, shuddering. “I don’t want to go out on the streets in All Might underwear again.”
“Who fucks you better in bed, Dynamight or Strawberry Shortcake?”
Eijirou almost chokes on his spit. Why are there so many sexual questions? Did they forget they have an underage newbie here?
“Is Todoroki’s vigilante name seriously Strawberry Shortcake?” he murmurs to take his mind off the question and side-eyes Todoroki. Hawks whispers to him, “He chose that name to piss off Endeavor, but I think it’s a good name. It makes the traumatized kids we save laugh. You never would’ve guessed Dynamight came up with it.”
“U-um…” Midoriya stammers, and Eijirou’s heart clenches. How can someone be such a perfect mix of hot and cute? No, bad Eijirou, don’t think about that. Shaking his head forcefully, he tries to rid his head of those nasty thoughts. He and Mina aren’t even dating, yet he feels like he’s cheating on her by getting a teensy-weensy crush on Parallel-Midoriya (who’s really just older Midoriya with more muscles anyway).
“Me, obviously,” Bakugou scoffs and leans back with a smirk. “You should hear how loud he is in bed.”
“You’re three times louder than him,” Todoroki says blankly, making Bakugou hiss in warning. “I think Izuku will choose me. You’re better as a bottom than a top.”
“WHAT THE FUCK, SHORTCAKE!”
Eijirou presses his hands against his face and feels like crying. Why are they talking about this in his presence?!
Don’t get him wrong; he’s no prude, but hearing his friends’ parallel counterparts discuss sex so casually is kind of creepy. He almost feels like he’s intruding on their privacy, even though he doesn’t really have a choice in being there.
“I agree,” Dabi says amidst Bakugou’s screams and howls of protests. “I know a bottom when I see one.”
“Uhh, Shou-chan,” Midoriya admits sheepishly. Uraraka gives him a huge grin and two thumbs-ups. Growling, Bakugou demands, “Why not me?”
Midoriya curls into himself and mumbles, “Um, I agree with Shou-chan. You’re much cuter in bed.”
A feather yanks Bakugou out of the lounge before he can blow the place up. With a forced smile, Hawks asks cheerily, “Alright, who’s next?”
Eijirou pities Hawks for having to be the peacemaker. God knows how many times he’s had to restrain Bakugou in his fits of anger.
“Kirishima-kun, truth or dare?”
“Dare,” he says immediately. He’s not about to spill embarrassing secrets like his crush to hardened vigilantes. And he has a mission objective to focus on.
Eijirou would’ve preferred not to play the game at all, but it’s all for Endeavor’s boobs!
Midoriya stares straight into his eyes and says, “I dare you to wear this All Might underwear for a week.”
Eijirou begins to regret all of his life choices up till that point. Why does he have to do this again?
“Because a certain redditor wants to drool over pics of Endeavor’s boobs and roped your strong and naive self into their plan, remember?” his functioning brain cell shrieks. “It’s all for the mission, Eijirou. Do it for Endeavor’s boobs! Do it for Mina! Do it for Bakugou!”
Taking the clothing from Midoriya’s hands, he stands up and walks into the bathroom.
Eijirou comes back to howls of laughter. Uraraka has doubled over on the floor while chortling and even Todoroki cracks a smile at his reappearance. “Your turn, Kirishima-kun,” Hawks says, gritting his teeth to keep himself from cackling. “Do you need some time to think?”
Eijirou’s eyes zero in on Endeavor’s boobs. “No.” He already knows who he wants to ask.
“Endeavor… truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
Well, fuck. His brilliantly thought out plan just got flushed down the drain. He won’t let his turn go to waste, though.
“How big are your boob— pectorals?”
Endeavor’s flaming beard flares in fury and Dabi joins Uraraka in guffawing on the floor. Eijirou has never seen Todoroki smile so widely in his entire life and Toga giggles at the death glare shot in Eijirou’s direction. The Flame Hero growls, “What an indecent question!”
It’s kind of hypocritical of him to say that, given how he didn’t bat an eye at the intrusive questions earlier.
“Answer the question, Todoroki Enji,” Dabi taunts, sniggering. “Unless you’re such a coward you can’t even face the truth?”
“They’re… adequately-sized,” Endeavor grits out, furious eyes boring holes into Eijirou’s skull. Steam pours out of his ears as he glowers at him, his beard flaring up once more. Eijirou elects to ignore his intimidation tactic like how he’s ignoring the “villains” in the room.
“Great! Your turn, Endeavor,” Hawks laughs, and it sounds fake even to Eijirou’s dull brain. Endeavor grunts, “I’m not asking you children stupid questions. I’ll pass.”
“I’ll go,” Dabi volunteers, mirth dancing in his turquoise-blue irises. “Truth or dare, Todoroki Enji?”
“Dare,” Endeavor practically growls, giving Eijirou a dirty look. An innocent shrug is offered in return. Smirking, Dabi dares, “I dare you to continue the rest of the game shirtless. Prove that your chest is adequately-sized, Enji.”
“HOW DARE YOU—”
“C’mon, chickadees, let’s all chill a little,” Hawks says with a strained smile that looks downright painful. Though he immediately follows it up with a cheeky grin. “Though… you can’t refuse a dare, Endeavor.”
“YOU—”
Sneaking from behind, Todoroki rips the shirt off his father, revealing the great Flame Hero’s boobs in all their glory. Eijirou blinks. “Oh, it’s flat.”
“SHOUTOOOO!”
Click.
Smiling at his phone with pride, Eijirou whispers, “Mission complete.”
When Eijirou’s vision clears, he finds himself in an apocalyptic setting. At least, the world looks dead. There isn’t a single shrub in sight and the cracked soil is hopelessly dry beneath his feet. It looks like a desolate place, with no Endeavor or his boobs in sight.
“I just need medium and large now,” Eijirou murmurs, slipping his phone into his jeans. “Then I can go home.”
“Did someone say they want to go home?” a loud voice shouts and a hawk dives down to the ground. It morphs into a more familiar figure and winks. “If so, the League of Adventurers is happy to help out!”
Eijirou stares at the Wing Hero (Adventurer? Hawk hybrid?), jaw-slacked. “Uh, League of Adventurers?”
“Yup! Founded by the former crown prince himself, the League guarantees satisfaction for all its customers. So don’t worry, poor lost chickadee, you’ll be back home in no time!” he declares cheerfully with an over-bright grin. “All you have to do is vote to kick King Enji II off his golden throne.”
“Wait, slow down, Hawks,” Eijirou pleads, trying to wrap his head around this strange world. “I… uh… was isolated by my parents for a long time. Who’s King Enji II?”
“You know lil ol’ me, but you don’t know the king?” Parallel-Hawks II gasps dramatically, clutching his heart. “I’m honored, chickadee! But I’ll catch you up: King Enji II, otherwise known as King Endeavor, is a dick who banished two of his kids from the kingdom and tried to kill one of them. The eldest—Todoroki Touya—founded the League of Adventurers, an association that helps anyone in need, so long as they’re willing to vote against King Endeavor!”
So, instead of heroes and villains, this world has to deal with a tyrannical king. Eijirou forces his bleeding heart to shove his pity to the side. He can’t fix everything, and Endeavor’s boobs must come first.
“Are you willing to help me with anything?” Eijirou asks hopefully. A part of his mind hisses at taking advantage of Hawks’ generosity, but if the adventurer’s willing to help, who is he to say no? Besides, he trusts in Hawks’ abilities, and it’s better than wandering around a bleak, windswept desert anyway.
“Anything that doesn’t involve assisting King Enji II in any way,” Hawks proclaims. “Just sign your vote here, and you’re guaranteed a favor from the League of Adventurers!”
“Okay,” Eijirou agrees and scrawls his name in barely legible handwriting across the paper. Sucking in a deep breath, Eijirou composes himself before dropping the reveal bomb on Hawks. “I want a photo of King Endeavor’s boobs.”
Stepping into the League’s HQ, Eijirou notes the terrible condition their living space is in. The table is more mold than wood and the walls are covered in filth. It’s a far cry from the vigilantes’ bar in the previous universe. A girl is hunched over on a chair with three legs, tears streaming down her face. Her hair is tied into a messy ponytail and sad blonde strands fall over half of her face.
Hawks rushes over to her side. “Toga-chan, what’s wrong?”
Her head turns, and the haunted look on her face is enough to give Eijirou nightmares for the rest of his life. Voice trembling, Toga whispers, “They took Eri-chan.”
Eijirou sucks in a sharp breath. “Eri-chan?”
He can’t ignore this anymore. Eijirou is going to be a good, manly hero, and good, manly heroes don’t ignore children in need of help. Ultimately, capturing a shot of Endeavor’s boobs to return home is a selfish goal. How can a hero leave before trying to help?
“Don’t worry, I’ll get her back,” Hawks promises, gritting his teeth. His gaze shoots towards the murky grey sky as he adds, “I know someone undercover in the yakuza. She would kill everyone in there for Eri if she has to.”
Toga’s head snaps up. “You know a spy?”
“Double agent,” Hawks corrects before turns to Eijirou with an apologetic grin. “Sorry, I’ll have to ask you to wait here—”
“No,” Eijirou says firmly, a determined look set onto his face. “I want to come with you. I’m trained in combat; I can help too.”
He doesn’t miss the flicker of surprise in Hawks’ expression. His eyes holds a shadow of doubt that Eijirou can’t really blame him for. The adventurer utters hesitantly, “Alright then. Follow me.”
Tugging on Eijirou’s wrists, Hawks pulls him close to his chest. Crimson wings snap out, covering the doorway with a blanket of red. Hawks swears under his breath, “We’ll get her back, Toga-chan.”
“Bye bye,” Toga sings in a melancholic tone as they soar into the overcast sky. As they travel higher and higher, Eijirou can feel Endeavor’s boobs slipping further and further away. He feels like a game character getting distracted by a side quest.
Bye bye, Endeavor’s boobs.
Hawks skids to a stop and Eijirou looks up to meet the blood red eyes of Parallel-Miruko II.
The Number Five hero shoots Hawks an unimpressed look. “If you’re here for Eri, you’re too late. Shouto got here first.”
“Shouto-kun?” Hawks gapes at her. “I thought he’s locked up in the Twin Towers?”
“Twin Towers? What’s that? Never heard of ‘em,” a rough voice snickers. Parallel-Bakugou II leaps from a balcony and lands beside Miruko flawlessly, his feet cushioned by thick combat boots. Another voice sighs, and the sound goes straight to Eijirou’s abdomen. Another pang of disappointment hits his heart. Stop betraying Mina, stupid brain. No matter how hot Midoriya’s voice is.
“Kacchan, you shouldn’t be so proud of destroying the towers. Someone could’ve gotten hurt,” Parallel-Midoriya II scolds as he leaps down beside Bakugou. Shifting his gaze to Hawks, Midoriya informs him, “Shouto-kun is patching up Eri with Fuyumi. Natsu’s guarding Chisaki, so he shouldn’t pose a problem for now.”
“Good.” Hawks breathes a sigh of relief. “Toga-chan’ll be glad to hear this. Sorry I wasn’t here sooner.”
“Don’t blame yourself, KFC,” Miruko claps him on the back a little harder than Eijirou thinks is necessary. “Shouto was nearby. ‘Sides, not even the fastest bird can teleport from one side of the country to another. Here, have some fried chicken. It’ll cheer you up!”
Catching the bucket of KFC Miruko threw at him, Hawks perks up instantly and snaps his fingers. “Oh, right, I promised this kid a favor. I need to catch Enji shirtless and unconscious to take a picture of him.”
Miruko chokes on air and starts coughing violently. “What the fuck?” she wheezes, rubbing her chest softly. “Kid, why the fuck would you want to see King Endeavor shirtless?”
From her left, Bakugou gags and scoffs, “You have terrible fucking taste, Shitty Hair. Icyhot may be hot as fuck, but the old man looks shitty. All of Half-and-Half’s good genes clearly came from the queen.”
Eijirou has never felt so relieved to hear Bakugou spew demeaning insults at him before. Strangely, the nicknames feels more familiar and comfortable to him. Maybe his brain is wired weirdly on top of being stupid.
“Give me a day, kid,” Miruko promises with a shit-eating grin. “Just one day, and Touya and I’ll getcha that shirtless Enji pic.”
Hawks’ shiny golden eyes blink slowly. “I thought Touya’s busy threatening Uraraka to leave Toga-chan alone?”
“It’s called a shovel talk, birdbrain. You make it sound a lot worse than it actually is,” the Rabbit Hero (Adventurer?) groans, facepalming. “Anyway, I’ll go save the poor girl from Touya being a terrifying future brother-in-law, and you find the redhead somewhere to stay. Don’t miss your hot boo too much, KFC!” She winks in a very Hawks-like fashion and leaps away at superhuman speeds.
“Well,” Hawks turns to him with a sigh, “I guess that means you’re stuck with us.”
It turns out that you can get away with a lot of things if you name drop Touya. Todoroki Touya is a feared but revered figure around the kingdom, especially in the poverty areas. It makes getting an inn to stay in a lot easier.
“Our base is crap,” Bakugou says bluntly, “so we’ll stay here too. Don’t fucking complain about the tattered blankets, Shitty Hair. Ours is worse by a long fucking shot.”
“Kacchan, yours is worse because you keep blowing it up. Mine doesn’t have a single tear on it. Control your anger, Kacchan,” Midoriya reprimands. This Midoriya reminds Eijirou of a kindergarten teacher chiding a naughty child, with all traces of hesitancy gone. So personality changes can occur between parallel worlds. Maybe Todoroki is an emotive and expressive individual in this one. Maybe all the Todorokis are different here.
Eijirou hasn’t met Todoroki Touya, so he doesn’t know if he’s like Dabi or not, but hearing the villagers’ descriptions sure makes him seem like it:
“The former crown prince? My children cry from seeing his scars whenever he drops by the village, but they don’t really know better. He’s our protector.”
“Todoroki Touya? Ah, he has a real talent with blue flames. Definitely the strongest in the kingdom. S’why the king wanted to kill him, after all.”
“Ex-prince Touya? The doctor in me cries at his purple scarring, but he refuses treatment every time I offer. I don’t think he likes seeking help. He doesn’t go to a hairdresser to dye his hair black either.”
Eijirou’s one brain cell is screaming that the prince is obviously Dabi, but a sliver of hope in his heart refuses to believe it. Todoroki will be distraught to find out that his long-lost bro is an A-ranked villain, and he really hopes that Todoroki will not have to suffer through such a terrible discovery.
“Even if Touya is obviously Dabi???”
Shut up, brain cell. You’re being annoying again.
“Kacchan, you’re lucky they still let us stay here despite you getting into three street fights since we got here. Don’t do this again, okay?” Midoriya says firmly with thinly veiled fury in his eyes. Rolling his eyes, Bakugou swears under his breath. “It doesn’t fucking matter as long as we name drop the Half-Icyhot Bitch anyway.”
“Kacchan.”
“Fine!” Bakugou huffs, crossing his arms petulantly. “I’ll keep it to two street fights next time.”
“One.”
“How about I propose: zero,” Hawks suggests, having returned from negotiating with the receptionist. “Can’t ruin our reputation in too many villages, y’know?”
Eijirou thinks his friends must be truly chaotic if the easygoing Hawks is always the peacemaker.
“You’re one to talk,” Bakugou scoffs, glowering at the older blonde. “You started like ten street brawls when we were in Deika. All because some extras insulted your dearest fucking love.”
Yeah… maybe the League of Adventurers should get a new, more rational peacemaker to settle their squabbles.
“That’s different. It was personal,” Hawks argues defensively.
“My battles are personal too!”
“Your choice of cologne is not something personal!”
“And your beloved bitchy Touya’s fashion sense is?”
“Miruko and Touya will be back by the time you two are done quarreling,” Midoriya utters anxiously. “Let’s all go to bed.”
“Yeah. I’m so tired,” Eijirou agrees, trudging up the creaky wooden stairs. Bakugou shoots Hawks the middle finger before racing past him. Hawks flies out of the window to go the easy route and Midoriya rubs his forehead and sighs.
“Let’s just await the dawn of tomorrow.”
Eijirou once again wakes up to loud and unrestrained laughter.
“Rise and shine, Redhead Mini! We got a high-quality photo of Enji’s boobs just for you! Wanna look?” a voice sings. Miruko drags him out of bed as he rubs his eyes blearily. “Where?”
Outside, Toga and Bakugou are busy chortling at something hilarious on Todoroki’s phone. Hair slicked back on one side, Todoroki has a pleased smile on his face and a regal posture as he plays the video again.
Eijirou tilts his head for a better look.
Endeavor’s sleeping face encompasses the screen and the video slowly zooms out to reveal a grinning Miruko with a victory sign. She unclasped the king’s grand robe to reveal layers and layers of red and gold. Each layer was skillfully removed by Miruko’s nimble hands with a gentleness Eijirou didn’t know she can possess. Eventually, the last sheet of cloth was slipped away and Endeavor’s boobs lay there in all its gigantic glory.
The camera panned to Touya (and damn he is the spitting image of Dabi), who had a shit-eating grin on his face as he snapped a photo. Or many photos, if the subsequent bright flashes are anything to go by.
Toga clutches her stomach and collapses on the couch with laughter while Bakugou rolls around on the floor like a puppy and cackles like a maniac. Smirking, Miruko drops the phone in his lap. “Here, King Enji II’s magnificent boobs from all angles for your horny teenage ass to enjoy!”
“Breakfast is ready!” Midoriya calls from the kitchen. But Eijirou only has eyes for the large boobs on his screen.
Damn, Miruko really means it when she says “high-quality”. Even his sweat beads are visible.
Small boobs photo: obtained.
Big boobs photo: obtained.
Next target: Endeavor’s boobs, Medium Edition.
Eijirou’s starting to feel like a mega pervert when he steps into the third world. Like, a Mineta-level pervert. Especially as he sees the Shiketsu High logo on a nearby building.
How is he going to ask a bunch of high school students to help him with his quest? “Hey, fellow hero student here. Care to help a guy take a photo of the Number One hero’s boobs?”
Yeah, no.
Nevermind that Eijirou is a high schooler himself. It’ll be ridiculous levels of awkward if he tries to approach anyone with such a weird request.
“Oi, Todoroki! I’m not done with you!”
Screams and howls of rage come from the corridor on his right. Eijirou blinks. Todoroki? He’s spared from thinking too much when a short white-haired boy zooms past him with blue fire dancing beneath his feet. A muscular jock skids around a corner and chases after the midget, unrelenting.
The white-haired student oddly resembles a teenage version of Parallel-Dabi I, AKA Todoroki Touya. Eijirou’s blood runs cold in his veins.
Is he in a world where Dabi is a high-schooler? But that would mean…
Red feathers zip out and drag the brawny jock away. An all-too-familiar figure hisses at the buff chaser, “Leave Touya alone!”
Not that Eijirou’s complaining, but… why does he keep running into Hawks?
It can’t be a coincidence at this point, right?
The jock bats at the feathers lazily and sneers, “Shut up, you goody-two-shoes! Todoroki’s mine! I’m gonna teach that brat a less—”
Teenage Hawks’ eyes grow dark as he corrects him coldly, “Touya’s mine. And I want you to leave him ALONE.”
The jock’s knees wobble in fear as the blonde’s piercing gaze pins him on the spot. Hawks glares at him without blinking for minutes on end before the jock shrinks into himself, trembling in fear. He mumbles, “F-fine. I’ll leave him alone.”
In a 180 degree change of personality, Hawks chirps cheerfully, “Good! Now go back to class. I’m sure your friends are worried about you~”
The jock gets up hurriedly, and Hawks gets ready to leave as well.
Before Eijirou’s one brain cell screams that it’s a bad idea, he latches on to Teenage Hawks’ arm and asks, “Can you bring me to Touya? I want to talk to him.”
Hawks’ eyes narrow. “About what?”
Fumbling nervously, Eijirou admits, “Well… I promise I’m not a pervert or anything like that, but I really need a picture of Endeavor’s boobs.”
“Endeavor’s what?” the jock’s voice cries in the background.
“Well, with an excuse like that,” Hawks says with a smirk, “I think you two’ll get along just fine. Alright, follow me.”
Eijirou silently keeps up with him as the teenage Pro Hero rambles about the elder Todoroki gleefully, “Touya has so much blackmail on his father that it’s not even funny. I’m still not sure why you need boob photos, but Touya can provide any gossip or blackmail material you need! Which… isn’t something I encourage, but as his best friend, I’m honor-bound to at least introduce you to his blackmail club.”
Eijirou cocks his head to the side questioningly. “Best friends?”
“Yeah, we’ve been friends since middle school. I’ve met all his siblings, too. His sister’s even better at cooking than he is, and his eleven-year-old brother’s as tall as his mom,” Hawks laughs, running a hand through his hair before sighing dreamily. “I’ve watched his baby brother grow up too. Ah, they grow up so fast.”
It feels a little strange knowing that his parallel self is an elementary schooler in this world. It’s even weirder than the possibility of being a vigilante or an adventurer in other parallel universes.
Eijirou feels like he’s treading on dangerous, confidential territory when Hawks reveals his name to be Takami Keigo. He shudders at the chaos u/endeavorsbigbooba can potentially cause with their quirk. All the secrets and lies they’ll be able to unveil. Thank god they don’t seem to be able to use it on themselves, otherwise the world would be doomed to hell.
All the worlds would be doomed.
“Touya!” Hawks (Takami?) waves towards a white-haired figure. The eldest Todoroki sibling whips his fluffy head around and grins. “Hey, Keigo.”
Why are they calling each other by their first names again?
“Because they’re childhood best friends, silly,” Eijirou’s one brain cell laughs, teasing him for his ignorance. Eijirou silently thanks his helpful little brain cell, accepting the explanation without complaint. He doesn’t want to think about the alternative.
“This guy here wants a picture of Endeavor’s boobs,” Takami snickers, jerking his head towards Eijirou. Touya starts guffawing with tears in his eyes. “I love this guy. I haven’t had such a strange request since the All Might underwear one!”
Eijirou moves a finger down a line of his pants self-consciously, feeling the All Might underwear underneath. He put it on barely a day ago, but it already feels like an eternal bad memory that he can’t shake.
Remember, it’s all for the mission, Eijirou. All for Endeavor’s boobs. All for his family. All for his friends.
What would Mina say if she saw him whining about such unimportant things?
“I have some photos of the old man in the shower, but the nipples are all censored,” Teenage Dabi AKA Touya informs him with a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Do you want to help me get an uncensored version?”
“Yeah, I think I need an unedited one,” Eijirou agrees. It’s probably what u/endeavorsbigbooba had in mind when they created the mission objective, so it’s what Eijirou will have to deliver, even if he has zero desire to know the Number One hero’s boob size in various parallel worlds.
All for the mission, Eijirou. Don’t think about Dabi being a Todoroki; don’t think about the weird One For All thing; and don’t think about what Hawks’ birth name is. Focus on the mission objective.
He meets Touya near the school gate at twilight.
Final quest: Take a photo of Endeavor’s boobs in Universe III.
Quest objective 1: Sneak into the Todoroki Estate.
“Why do I have to do it?” Eijirou remembers himself questioning. “Why not you? Or Takami’s feathers?”
“Because Kei is a prefect and doesn’t want a stain on his perfect little record, not even for my sake,” Dabi-Not-Dabi sniffed with faux sadness. “And Endeavor will have an eye on me the entire time I’m in the house. He won’t even go to bed without watching me sleep for at least an hour.”
Eijirou scrunched up his eyebrows. “That’s creepy.”
“Duh. His life mission is to be as creepy as possible,” Touya huffed sarcastically.
“Huh.”
“Look, just remember that there’s a crack in the walls at the back of our house. You can sneak in through the back door. Just don’t wake my baby brother,” Touya explained, pointing at the map he stole from his father’s study a few years ago. “Endeavor’s room is here.”
Quest objective 1 - Complete.
Quest objective 2: Hide a camera in the Flame Hero’s bedroom.
“The camera’s a lil shaky, but it works,” the short white-haired boy claimed when Eijirou asked if the tiny thing can really record anything. “I’ve used it to spy and gather gossip before.”
“Is that allowed?” Eijirou asked hesitantly.
Touya snorted. “No, but if you don’t do things just because they’re against the rules, you’ll be leading a sad and unfulfilling life.”
Quest objective 2 - Complete.
Quest objective 3: Wait for five hours.
Hiding in the Todorokis’ backyard while on a secret mission is a lot less fun than it sounds. Endeavor’s rant is repetitive and boring, making Eijirou pity the Todoroki kids for having to endure it day after day. Eijirou thinks he kind of understand Dabi’s motivations now. In such a terrible household, he would’ve wanted to become a villain too.
But he’s not one of the Todoroki kids. He’s Kirishima Eijirou, and he has a mission to complete at midnight.
With the quest objective in mind, Eijirou steels himself to listen to the Number One hero call his children failures for the billionth time…
Quest objective 3 - Complete.
Quest objective 4: Take a photo with the camera.
Eijirou remembers Touya teaching him how to utilize the tiny camera. It went something like this:
“Endeavor strips before going to bed,” Touya sniggered, “all the way down to his boxers.”
“That’s convenient.”
The midget nodded. “It is. When you hear me yell Shouto’s name, twist the knot and click this button,” he instructed, handing Eijirou a dull black gadget. “If you don’t get a good shot, I’ll shout again.”
“SHOUTO! Come back here!”
That’s his cue. Eijirou presses the button and waits with bated breath. The second signal does not come.
Quest objective 4 - Complete.
Quest objective 5: Send the photo to Eijirou’s phone (and Touya’s, too, because he wants it).
“And… DONE!” Touya exclaims, beaming with pride. “Say, what do you need this picture for?”
Eijirou stares at the photo dreamily, tears swimming in his eyes. “To go home.”
“Huh?”
Mission objective - Complete.
Returning to the starting world…
“Todoroki,” Eijirou calls anxiously, sliding into the seat beside the bi-colored boy, “you don’t happen to have a long-lost brother named Touya, do you?”
Todoroki blinks and tilts his head slightly. “Yeah, did Kaminari tell you? Touya’s my eldest brother. He died eleven years ago, but he got better.”
“He what?”
“Kirishima-kun,” Midoriya utters nervously, “why are you wearing nothing but All Might underpants?”
Eijirou’s heart is beating rapidly against his rib cage and his ears are ringing with his own heartbeat. He doesn’t hear Midoriya’s inquiry. “Is he dating Hawks?” he asks hesitantly.
“Yes.” Todoroki nods without hesitation. “I told Kaminari and Uraraka not to tell anybody, but I suppose I can trust you too.”
“No, Kaminari has nothing to do with this, but— is Uraraka going out with Toga Himiko? As in, the Toga—”
“Yes,” Todoroki says simply, his face still as stoic as ever. “Was Uraraka the one that told you then?”
“No, I—”
“Shitty Hair, why the fuck do you have a picture of the flaming douchebag’s boobs on your fucking phone?!”
“Uh…”
“Oh my god, Kirishima-kun!” Uraraka wails. “I thought you were innocent!”
“I think,” Todoroki begins, still in that dull monotone voice that’s a trademark of his, “that Kirishima should join the Conspiracy Theory Club.”
“Guys…” Midoriya falters, his body jittery with nerves. “I-I think the bigger issue here is why Kirishima-kun’s in the lounge in just his underpants…”
“Everyone!” Eijirou yells, huffing and puffing. “Look, it’s all because I got sent into a parallel universe—”
“I knew it!” Todoroki suddenly says loudly (loud by Todoroki’s standards, which is just one decibel higher than usual). “I’m going to call Touya right now.”
“Eh?”
“Touya-nii,” Shouto speaks into his phone. Uraraka discreetly puts the phone on speaker. “You lied to me. I knew you lied last time. You did come from a parallel universe!”
“What the fuck, brat?! What sick theories has your friends been pouring into your head?”
Wait, that voice sounds awfully familiar.
Is that… the villain Dabi???