Dance with her ghosts

“The Court always whispered that Prince Aemond was a little monster dressed as a Prince, I like to say that Prince Aemond was the Queen dressed as a Prince, a perfect, beautiful and innocent face that hid a brilliant mind and bloodthirsty hands.”

- Maester Kaeth in his private diary, passage dated 140 AD.

Aemond was the only one of his brothers who didn't have a dragon.

Aegon had Sunfyre, Helaena had Dreamfyre, and Rhaenyra had Syrax.

And Aemond had no one.

He was confined, even if he didn't know what that word meant, to the ground, unable to touch the clouds and unable to see the world from above.

And it wasn't the same when Aegon took him into the air with Sunfyre, his brother's dragon was cool, very cool, in fact, with scales as bright as the sun and big enough that it could carry Aegon, Helaena and Aemond. on your back without getting tired.

But Aegon was from Sunfyre and Aemond was such an outsider that Sunfyre was cool enough not to burn to a crisp.

Aemond wanted a dragon, but no dragon wanted Aemond.

Why would they want to? His egg hadn't hatched, and even Jaehaerys had a dragon that had hatched in his cradle and Baelon and Aenys had their own dragons and it just wasn't fair that Aemond didn't have one.

Even though Mom said that dragons came when they came, whatever that meant, and Mom wasn't like them, she had dark hair and brown eyes instead of lavender and she didn't understand what it was like to not have her feet on the ground and Aemond, you need a dragon, quickly, strength is needed in dark times.

That's what Grandfather Otto said and Grandfather Otto always acted like he was right about everything, so Aemond agreed with him because Grandfather was a very angry man who liked to squeeze his arms until his fingers turned shades of purple, engraved on his skin and then he would say if you tell your mother...

And Aemond didn't count because Mom was so tired that her eyes had deep purple tones beneath them and her hair wasn't so perfect and she was smiling smaller and smaller smiles and Aemond didn't want to be mean to her because Mom didn't deserve it.

And her grandfather didn't help because sometimes he was just mean to Mom and he yelled when Aegon tried to defend her and her father didn't help because he supported his grandfather and it wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair that Aemond didn't have a dragon and couldn't fly, it wasn't fair that Mom had to be sad all the time, it wasn't fair that Grandpa hit Aegon and yelled at Lena.

It just wasn't fair

Aemond learned, on his own, when Ser Criston Cole began giving sword lessons, that justice was a rather elaborate illusion, Ser Criston, despite having to protect them, quite enjoyed beating Aegon and Aemond until they were sweaty and painful and his twisted mouth was locked in a malicious smile that gave Aemond goosebumps.

He just wanted things to be like when Aegon told his stories, when Rhaenyra was still here and Uncle Daemon was still here and they were all friends and Uncle Daemon let Aegon watch the blacksmith and carried Helaena on his back wherever she wanted to go. .

It also wasn't fair that Rhaenyra had left.

All her brothers grew up with her and Aemond not because she abandoned you, Grandfather Otto whispered, because she saw that you and Aegon were threats to the Throne, but she will return, one day, and she will kill you three.

Aemond thought that Grandfather Otto was wrong, because Rhaenyra had visited the Capital once when Aemond was very, very little and then she had gone back to Dragonstone and she had written letters and sent gifts on his name day and she had sent a letter expressing his feelings of sadness when Aemond's egg failed to hatch.

And Uncle Daemon, I named you after him, you know? Mother said one night, because Daemon is the best warrior in all the Seven Kingdoms and you, dear, were born fighting the hardest battle of your life, he was a very good uncle, even though he was very far away, he still sent gifts in name days and had given him his first sword and taught him that he could bite Ser Criston when he was very evil.

Rhaenyra and Daemon were nice to him and Aemond didn't think Rhaenyra wanted to kill him like her grandfather said.

Still, the grandfather was Lord Hand, a very powerful man who knew many things, and sometimes, even when Aegon and Helaena whispered that Rhaenyra would never kill them, Aemond would lie awake at night, clinging to his pretend dragon, thinking he didn't want to. die by an assassin hired by her evil older sister.

On those nights, Aemond slept with a heavy weight on his chest, he woke up a thousand times a night because he was sure that assassins were hiding in the shadows and that Rhaenyra was behind the curtain, ready to kill him with the same cleaver that the cook killed the ones with. pigs.

Then she would laugh and be just mean and Aemond wouldn't be able to sleep until he saw Mom, she would always have a friendly smile and a welcoming face and her hands were gentle when they were in his hair and she never complained that Aemond was too old for her stories. Hiccup and Toothless and she would stay with him until morning, when the sun was high in the sky and the world was a lot less scary.

Aemond had one of those dreams that night where Rhaenyra would sneak into his room and smother him with her pillow until Aemond was out of breath and dying, then she would laugh, really loud and really ugly and Aemond woke up scared and Mom seemed to be waiting for him. him, she always waited.

Then Aemond left mom's room, after her, always after her, mom looked so tired and slept so little that Aemond didn't have the courage to ask her what she was doing that made her so tired and so sad and he wanted mom to be happy new, like when she smiled widely and her eyes sparkled and she called Aemond a perfect little boy and Aegon a little dragon and Helaena a dreamer and they were truly happy, just the four of them, without grandfather and without father and without anyone else.

Aemond loved his mother and his brothers and his older sister Rhaenyra even if she wasn't around and he also loved Uncle Daemon and his sharp gifts.

Aemond Targaryen just couldn't understand why grandfather Otto couldn't love his mother, his brothers and his relatives.

Aemond Targaryen also used to think that Grandfather Otto loved nothing but his gold brooch and his green clothes.

Grandpa Otto was a bad man who did things just because he was bad, he was a bad man who liked being bad and didn't like it when others didn't follow his rules, and Mom had a special way of not following the rules.

She wore riding breeches and cut out Ser Criston Cole's tongue, she bossed the Lords of the Court around like they were untrained dogs, and she always frowned in disgust when Father approved some stupid order, and she also really laughed, not like the Lady Tyrell's ugly, closed smiles, Mom was the representation of everything men shouldn't like.

Aemond loved her, even though Mom had dark circles under her eyes and her toothy smiles grew smaller and smaller and she looked more and more tired, as if Vhagar was sitting on her shoulders and she couldn't move her.

At the tender age of six name days, Aemond Targaryen wanted nothing less than for his grandfather Otto to leave and never return.

What Aemond didn't know, at the tender age of six name days, was that some wishes, if thought of often and with much, much effort, came true.

Aemond doesn't think about this desire when he wakes up in the middle of the night scared, he dreamed of Rhaenyra again, only this time, it wasn't her killing him, it was Daemon, he told Aemond to choose which head to cut off Aegon or Helaena, which one, Aemond? Choose one. Choice.

In his dreams, Aemond wasn't able to choose, he loved his two brothers and couldn't choose between them, even though Aegon was unbearably boring and Helaena was a little weird, Aemond still loved them.

— A nightmare, my prince? — Ser Rickard asks and Aemond feels just like that time he was caught with one hand stuck in the pile of pies and covered in flour, exposed and a little embarrassed.

— Yes. — he murmurs, wiping his eyes, a little embarrassed, because Grandfather Otto said that men don't have nightmares or cry and Aemond has six name days, but he wants to be a man, a man who is a knight, because there is a difference between the two, only a man could not protect the mother, but a knight could, just like Ser Rickard did when Aemond was born.

Ser Rickard doesn't respond, but he never responds, Ser Rickard is a quiet man who is so loyal to his mother that his rebellion could be considered the beginning of a betrayal of the King, another of the things that grandfather Otto says that Aemond doesn't know what it means.

Ser Rickard never says anything when he follows Aemond through the winding corridors of the Red Keep to his mother's room, he also doesn't speak when he switches positions with Ser Erryk at the door, he remains silent and Aemond likes him much more for it.

— Mommy. — Aemond mutters as he enters the room, but Mom isn't there, her pretty dress is folded on the chair, her leather boots are next to the desk, her bed is turned over and her shiny sword is in the same place as always, but Mom isn't there. It's in the room.

Uh, Aemond thinks alone, strange, Mom is always in his room when she's not making funny faces at Dad and looking at Grandpa Otto with very, very mean eyes, Mom isn't here and Aemond feels alone, because Mom is always there here.

And if Mom isn't here, where is she?

Aemond rubs his eyes with the back of his hands and feels his head start to get irritated, Mommy isn't here, Aemond is very tired and she's gone, and he wants Mommy, the sniffle that comes out of Aemond is just another one of the indicators that the boy is about to have a tantrum.

The little Prince sniffles once more before running his hands down the back of his nose and heading to the closed wooden door, if Mother doesn't want to see him, then Aemond might as well sleep with Aegon.

The wooden door gets stuck in place and Aemond hides a grimace, the doors of the Keep are hard and heavy and Aemond is small and not that strong to open a door alone, that's why Ser Rickard should open the doors, because he is a knight and much stronger.

But knights are for boys who find and protect their mothers and Aemond is neither now and the door won't open and he's just mad but he won't kick the door down like he wants because Mom said if you're really, really mad, take a deep breath, walk away and try again, just because it didn't work the first time doesn't mean it won't work the second time, getting mad and kicking things makes you an idiot and Aemond Targaryen is definitely not an idiot.

The door opens on his third try and Aemond almost falls flat on his butt.

And then he notices Ser Rickard.

And then mom.

And oh, Aemond Targaryen had six name days, his processing of things and understanding of the world in general was limited, it would take him, many, many years to really understand what was really going on, it would take him even longer to ask himself questions like, like mom knew things that hadn't happened yet.

Ser Rickard had his hand on the hilt of his sword, his eyes wide and Mother was in her old robes, the ones that had holes in the knees and made Mother look like a woman from Flea Bottom, her hands were stained dry red as was her face and a dry part of your hair.

Mom looked like the personification of a knight after a fight, strong and majestic and dangerous and maybe she was fighting the monsters that lived in the fortress or those strange men from Flea Bottom who hated Grandfather Otto and worshiped Uncle Daemon.

— Aemond. — Mom said, her voice was loud and clear in the hallway, her eyes were wide and she looked a little crazy. — You should be in bed.

Uh oh, now mom was mad.

— Nightmare. — he mutters, looking down and running the toe of his boot on the stone floor, it's very uncomfortable to be under Mom's questioning gaze, she could do really cool things with that look, she made Aegon confess his jokes and made Ser Criston Cole squirming whenever Mom stared at him.

It was really cool, mom was really cool.

Aemond wanted to be like mom one day, and a knight, Aemond wanted to be a knight mom, that would be really cool.

— Well, you need to sleep, Aemond, tomorrow will be a very important day. — Mom says and she still looks a little crazy, like that time when Aegon ate all the sweets the cooks prepared and his eyes got wide and he got very, very excited.

— What will happen tomorrow? — Aemond asks, when Mom finally picks him up, he can see his face better now, his hair is stuck together in a dry mop of red hair that smells like rust, his face is stained with little red spots.

— Well, wait until tomorrow and you'll know.

Aemond turns up his nose at this, tomorrow is a long time.

Still, Aemond doesn't protest when Mom puts him to bed and arranges the covers around his neck, the bed smells like Mom and the bed is very different from his, Mom's bed is always softer.

— Have I told you about Vhagar? — Mom asks, sitting next to the bed on the floor, she rests her red-stained arm on the covers and Aemond likes it when she's like this, she's not Queen Alicent or Alicent Hightower or that reckless girl Grandpa Otto always says who is angry, she is mom and only mom and of all the versions that her mother has, only mom is the one that Aemond likes the most.

Mom hadn't told, she never talked about Vhagar, she had told all the stories of Hiccup and Toothless, of Balerion, Mexares, Caraxes, Syrax and all the dragons that existed, but never of Vhagar.

Mom never talked about Vhagar, ever.

— No. — Aemond replied, carefully, trying not to get too excited, Vhagar is a legend of the skies who flew with Balerion and Merazes, Aemond wanted to be able to ride a dragon and tame the skies with the fear that Vhagar tamed.

— Vhagar... — Mom starts, and her voice is soft, yet she seems scary, half taken by the darkness. — She is the Queen of the heavens, the oldest of the Targaryen dragons, a war dragon, the oldest dragon alive and one of the most lethal among them, Vhagar is so old, she has seen things none of us can imagine, never let yourself be deceive Aemond, Vhagar is a dangerous dragon, riding her means nothing but trouble...

— Caraxes is a war dragon. — Aemond couldn't help but point out, blinking his eyes quickly to ward off sleep.

— Yes, Caraxes is a war dragon, but while Caraxes has been in battles that can be counted, Vhagar was born and forged in the fire and blood of the battle that the Targaryens fought against the Seven Kingdoms, she has seen more horrors than we can imagine, Vhagar is a horrible burden Aemond, a beautiful dragon, yes, but also horrible.

— Cousin Laena can control Vhagar very well. — Aemond says, he never met Laena because she ran off with a man long before Aemond met her, but he met Cerelle Lannister and she had nothing but sweet stories about the knight of Vhagar.

— Dragons. — Mom says, and she is so serious that Aemond remains motionless in bed. — They cannot be controlled. — Mom's green eyes pierce Aemond in a way that makes his skin uncomfortable, it's as if he were too small for his skin and too big for his bones. — Never forget this, Aemond, you cannot control a dragon, nothing, absolutely nothing in the world can control a dragon.

— All good. — He responds, his voice is barely louder than a whisper, mom blinks quickly and the evil look in her eyes is gone and she goes back to being the usual mom.

— I'm sorry dear. — Mom says as she runs her hands through her hair. —But I need you to understand.

— Understand what? — he whispers, because it sounds serious, as serious as that time Lena broke her arm or the time Aegon set himself on fire while working in the forge.

— Vhagar may let you ride her, but you can never tame her. — Mom says and she's all serious again and Aemond wants to understand why, Vhagar is incredible and Aemond would love for her to be his dragon, but she's Laena's and no one rides a dragon with a rider. — And I also don't want my son to grow up with the personality of a grumpy grandmother, they could call you Aemond the Elder.

Aemond couldn't help but laugh at this, Aegon was silly like Sunfyre, Lena blinked her eyes just like Dreamfyre and Mom always said that Nyra made the same angry sound as Syrax.

— Alright, alright, go to sleep, Aemond, tomorrow is a long, long day.

— What will happen tomorrow? — Aemond could barely stop himself from asking, curiosity in his words.

— Sleep and you'll find out. — Mom winked playfully and Aemond stopped himself from pouting.

The six name day boy turned over in bed and closed his eyes tightly, he didn't know what tomorrow would bring but he knew it would be big, he could feel it.

The next morning, Laena Velaryon was dead, Otto Hightower was missing, and Aemond was on a boat heading to Dragonstone for the first time in his life.

Aemond Targaryen never saw Vhagar flying around the island, but he saw another black dragon that seemed to glow in the sunlight and that was it, that was the one, Aemond knew.

“Aemond Targaryen was only six name days old when he took to the skies on the back of Cannibal, the cruelest of wild dragons, they say the dragon bucked through the air as if he were an angry bull, his turns were sharp, his descents steep, and his perpetual climbs, at the end of the day, perhaps, Cannibal finally tired of his maneuvers and gave in to Aemond.

Once, when asked how he conquered the Cannibal, Prince Aemond was nothing but serious when he replied eels and pies, with no other explanation.

Whatever they said about Queen Alicent's children, half-filthybloods and spawn of the Stranger, they were all, by definition, the purest Fire and Blood of House Targaryen.”

- Maester Stone in “Dragon’s Blood” from 178 BC