Read My Mind
Okay, Tony was pretty sure he was having a dream. A very beautiful dream. The one he would be devastated if he ever had to wake up from it. And he knew he would. He had thousands of dreams like this, but this one felt so fucking real and it hurt. Well, he was starting to believe it because it’s been two days since Steve said he loved him. But how could it be true? Tony did not believe it. How someone like Steve, Captain fucking America, could be in love with Tony? Tony was a mess, he was annoying, arrogant and people did not even like him let alone someone perfect like Steve. Was this some kind of a trick? Steve was not like that. Tony was all tingly inside but he still couldn’t believe. It had to be something else.
And there was a problem. Steve did not come home since he—did the thing. Tony thought Steve felt guilty for saying it, maybe he realized he did not love Tony and he did not want to see him again. That thought made Tony feel like shit. Anyway, what would Tony say if Steve just showed up? That he loved him back? He did not know he could that. It was too much for him. But he still wanted to see Steve. Where was he? Maybe he was over-analyzing things. Maybe he was on a mission or something. Should he call him? Captain America usually did not use his phone, whatever.
“Jarvis, you have any data from Steve?” He remembered to ask Jarvis, he knew everything.
“Mr. Rogers asked me to hide this information from you, sir.”
“Seriously? Hello, Jarvis? I made you and all, you know? Talk about betrayal.” Tony muttered as he entered his room and start getting dressed.
“You upgraded me years ago to respond to the Avengers, sir.” Jarvis said.
“Yeah, yeah, you’ve got a big mouth. I will just find him then. Shouldn’t be very hard, right? Where could he be? Hmm… he should hide … ruins of the old Avengers Mansion? I don’t think so…” Tony pondered for a little while and for the first time in his life, he didn’t have an idea.
“I suggest you think about the places that Mr. Rogers has a memory with you.” Jarvis suggested.
“Jarvis! Have you been eavesdropping?” Tony said, noticing he did not make any sense.
“I’ve been programmed to hear everything, sir.”
“Right. I did that.” Tony sighed as he left for the door. “I have a few places in mind. Thanks, Jarvis.” And he left the tower.
He thought of the places Steve could have gone; the part of the North Atlantic Ocean where they found him and fought Namor. Maybe he visited Namor? That was unlikely since it was very far away from New York. Okay, he had no idea where he was. He couldn’t think of anything. Only if he could just mentally connect to Steve, but he wasn’t Charles Xavier.
Charles Xavier. He had to go see him. He was sure Professor X had more important things to than finding Steve because Tony needed to see him but he really had to. He would just say that they need him for the underground movement or something. Professor X probably knew they were in kind of a truce with SHIELD but whatever. Charles would have understood.
Tony used his car to drive to Xavier Institute for Higher Learning because the armor would obviously get him caught. When he arrived, he saw kids practicing in the beautiful garden of the school. Charles Xavier was probably the best man he ever knew, he did all to protect his kind and he did it without causing any violence unlike his friend Magneto. Tony couldn’t blame Magneto; he would probably have done the same thing if his kind was being treated that way. And actually he kind of was in the Civil War before he realized he was being wrong. He wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for Steve. He really had to find him.
“Welcome to our school, Tony.” He heard Charles’ voice but couldn’t see him. Oh. Right. Telepathy. He mentally thanked him, that sounds weird, he thought- Charles agreed.
He went upstairs to his office, he was sitting on his chair, and not his wheelchair- he did not need it anymore.
“I am happy to see you, Tony. Something happened?” He asked worriedly because usually Tony did not come to this place since Avengers were not welcomed by some of the X-Men. Charles was really kind though.
“As a matter of fact, yes. I can’t find Cap anywhere. I really mis- am worried about him.” Tony mentally slapped himself for almost saying that he missed him. Well, Charles could read his thoughts so probably it wasn’t exactly a secret to him that he loved Steve but he didn’t want to blurt it out. God, he hated mind reading. But he could really use it for finding Steve.
“Iron Man, relax. It’s okay.” Charles assured him emphatically. Tony sighed and sat down.
“I’m sorry. I-just have a lot on my mind right now.”
“I can see that.”
“Obviously.” Tony grinned.
“Of course I can locate him, do not worry.” He smiled. He then picked up the phone and dialed some number. “Hank, can you prepare the Cerebro for me?” He nodded and hung up. “Do you want something to drink while we wait?” Tony shook his head as to say no, he wasn’t in a position to drink or eat anything.
To get his mind off Steve, he asked “Where’s Erik?” Charles’ smile faded a little.
“I don’t know. He left for Madripoor like a couple of days ago. Or he said he was.” He looked sad while he talked about him.
“Are you two okay?” Tony asked, he knew both cared about each other even though they were arch enemies once, they were also best friends.
“When were we ever?” He smiled sadly. “But let’s not talk about this matter. It’s late to save our…our friendship. Yours is younger.” He tried to look happy, terribly failing. There was something wrong but Tony didn’t want to insist and make him sadder.
“I think the Cerebro is ready. Come on.” They got up and Tony watched Professor X as he got into the room. “You can come in too.” Charles said but Tony didn’t want to.
“No, you go ahead.” Charles did.
He waited there, trying to be patient. He knew it was not easy to locate Captain fucking America.
“Tony?”
“Oh. Scott.” Scott was standing there, staring at Tony like he wanted him to vanish. “Hi.”
“What are you doing here?” He asked, not in a very nice way. Of course, he was Cyclops.
“Um- I asked Professor X to help me locate Steve.” He said uncomfortably. He knew Scott had nothing against him; he was like this towards everyone. He suspected everything and everyone. He had some serious trust issues. Well, Tony was the one to talk about trust issues.
“Charles has more important things to do than to find your boyfriend, don’t you think?” He said half-jokingly.
“Wha-what?” Tony cursed himself for stuttering.
“Relax, I am joking.” Scott joking? Well, that was new.
“Okay.” Tony coughed to avoid the awkwardness.
Then Charles walked out of the room. Tony looked at him excitedly.
“I found him.” He said. “He is in Madripoor.”
“What? With Magneto?”
“I am not sure. Magneto has his helmet on. But I would say it is highly likely.” Charles said.
“That’s weird.” Tony muttered. Why would he be in the Madripoor Island with Magneto? Madripoor was a messed up place ruled by Madame Hydra. He had to get to Madripoor and find Steve to learn what he was up to.
“You shouldn’t. It is dangerous.”
“I have to, Charles.” Charles sighed.
“Then we should go together, maybe I could be of any help. Scott and Emma can look after the kids.”
“You don’t have to. This is my problem.”
“No, Erik is probably there also. He is in my team, I have responsibility over him.” Charles stated and Tony nodded.
***
“You will never succeed Viper. We will not let you.” Steve hissed as he tried to unstrap himself.
“That’s a lot coming from a man who is my prisoner.” Viper smirked.
“You know you will fail, Viper.” Erik said, still trying to activate his metal manipulating powers but Viper’s poison had blocked all his powers and strength.
“Don’t be absurd. I might be dying but I am still alive. And will be forever, when I extract the healing factor off of Logan, my lovely ex-husband.” She smiled delightedly.
“That will never happen. Wolverine would kill himself before he lets you get that kind of a force.” Steve said.
“Oh, but love, you underestimate my powers. I have Wolverine in a cage now, where he belongs.” She swung his green hair and sighed like she pitied them.
“How good friends you are, coming all way to my island to rescue your friend. I’m sure Logan would appreciate it. You know, if he were to live more than maximum two hours.” She winked and laughed. Steve was getting annoyed at this woman. They had to save Wolverine from this mad island. Magneto offered Steve to go on a mission with him to get his mind off Tony and Steve jumped on the case right away. Also Logan was a friend and a good man; he had to be saved from this crazy woman. Steve couldn’t believe Logan and Viper were married once. Weird.
“I don’t think so, Madame Hydra.” Steve looked at the direction the voice was coming from. It was Charles Xavier.
“Charles!” Erik hissed as he tried to break loose. “You shouldn’t be here.” Steve remembered what Magneto said to him. How he felt protective of Charles. He felt the same about Tony. He would be really mad if Tony were to come he-
“How about this, Viper?” he heard Tony. Fuck. Why was Tony so interested in getting himself hurt? Tony was wearing his armor, so it was good but he was still worried. And he was strapped to this fucking wall so he couldn’t help if something were to happen to him. While Tony was fighting Viper, Charles was trying to get her mind under his control but it seemed like it was not working. Erik was desperately trying to get rid of the straps and he looked furious. Steve felt like their relationship reflected Tony and his relationship.
“Stop trying to get into my mind!” Viper shouted, she looked very angry. She stopped paying attention to Tony and headed for Charles. Charles was helpless unless he could control her mind and it was all quick so Tony couldn’t stop Viper before she let out her enormous tongue towards Charles, she was going crazy.
“No!” Erik cried out as he violently unstrapped himself from the wall, somehow gaining his powers back and sending big metal pieces towards Madame Hydra. She rolled onto the ground, losing consciousness.
“What the hell are you two doing here? Don’t you have any sense in you?” Erik said angrily.
“You are in my team, Erik. And Steve is in Tony’s. We thought something was wrong and it apparently was.” Charles explained calmly. Steve realized he never saw Charles angry. They just looked at each other in the eyes for a minute. Charles daring and calm, Erik breathing heavily and furious. The tension between them growing. Then Erik turned and came to unstrap Steve.
“Tony, are you hurt?” Steve asked, looking over to him.
“No, I’m fine.” He took off his helmet. He looked at Steve as though he wanted to say something.
After they locked up Viper in X-Men’s jet, they went to save Logan. He looked messed up, he was there for a long time but he was alive and his healing factor was still functioning perfectly.
Then they entered the jet with Logan, everybody silent expect Wolverine who was moaning from pain. They laid him on the ben in the small room of the jet.
“Charles, can we talk?” Erik asked, he now looked much calmer. Charles nodded and they went into another room. Steve hoped they would figure out some things. He didn’t think it was too late for them. Not yet. He realized now they were alone with Tony and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He did not regret his decision to tell Tony he loved him, not even once but it didn’t mean he could look Tony in the eye easily. So he kept looking at the ground.
“You are a dick.” Tony said.
Steve looked at him surprised. “What?”
“You are a dick.”
“Um. Okay.” He said. “Why?”
“For saying something like that.” Tony said, Steve felt his heart sink. “And leaving right after it.” Steve relaxed, so Tony was not mad at this confession. He was mad that he left.
“Um, I just- needed time.”
“I understand that but at least you could give me the chance to reply.” Tony said. “I- I..”
“You what?” Steve asked, looking at him hopefully.
“I-
***
“Don’t worry dad, I love you.” Tony held his father, only to be pushed back.
His mother left his father again and he was drinking. Tony felt really bad about this, he tried to comfort him but Howard did not let him.
“Go to your room.” Howard said harshly. Tony did as he was told.
-----------------
Tony watched his mother as she was lying in bed, sobbing. He went near her; he did not want her to cry.
“Mommy, I love you.” He said to stop her from crying.
“Leave me alone, Tony. Go play with your new toys.” Tony obeyed.
-------------------
“We’re getting a divorce. You must know that this is not about you, son.”
Tony cried. He didn’t want his parents to be separated. They wouldn’t leave him if they loved him. He tried one more time.
“I love you,” he said to both of them.
He never got a reply. He never did. Not once.
“I-” Tony tried once again but he couldn’t. He never told anyone he loved them in years. He couldn’t do it. He wanted to but the words weren’t coming out of his mouth.
He thought about all the times he told his parents he loved and their response. He was afraid. He was messed up. He was too weak for this. He trusted Steve but he did no trust himself. He was a ruiner, his parents and his friends hated him. He hurt them. He destroyed everything. He made a lot of mistakes. He couldn’t hurt Steve. What if he hurt Steve? It would be irreversible if he said he loved him. He couldn’t. There were no words. Tony wished Steve could just read his thoughts. He just stopped and stared at Steve who was looking him with a hurt expression. He already hurt him. Tony hated himself.
“I guess I got my reply.” Steve said in a low voice. “I did not expect a different reply anyway.” He added, leaving the main room. Tony sat down and took his hand between his hands, thinking how he managed to fuck up everything beautiful in his life.