Like A Nightmare
“I’m sorry, Steve.” Maria Hill said as she pushed the button. Tony couldn’t let this happen. The only thing he felt was fear of losing Steve and nothing else mattered. He had to save him.
“NO!” he heard his voice and he didn’t even recognize shouting. Last thing he knew was he was in front of Steve, taking the bullets to save his life. It didn’t matter. He was glad he saved Steve. Tony didn’t care that he was dying. He felt happy that it was all over actually, it was good; dying. It felt as you were being pulled towards a warm and cozy environment where this war and heartbreaks didn’t exist.
He didn’t want Steve to feel guilty and blame himself. He wanted him to have a happy life. Tony didn’t regret his actions. He wanted Steve to remember him and all the others. His friends. They were always there and he abandoned them. They were his family when he had none and he betrayed them.
“TONY!” He heard Steve’s voice as he was pulled into the oblivion. Then he heard his crying. He had to open his eyes for one more time and tell him it was okay. He had to calm him and tell him he was fine. He had to.
But he couldn’t make him hear his voice. He struggled to talk for the last time but he couldn’t.
“TONY!” Steve screamed again. “Tony!” I am sorry Steve. I really am. I love you.
“Tony!” Someone was shaking him.
“No! Let me go! I have to save him, I HAVE TO SAVE HIM!” He suddenly opened his eyes to see Steve shaking him, looking horrified. It was dark but the lamb on his desk was turned on. He saw Steve and noticed he was dreaming, trying to be calm and slow down his heart rate which was damaged to begin with.
“You are okay.”
“Are you okay?” Steve asked worriedly, it was obvious he hadn’t slept in days. “Tony, you are crying.”
Tony touched his face and felt the wetness. He had been crying in his sleep. Freaking amazing. Like he was four. Okay, he has been through a near death experience but he did that like, a lot. He didn’t want Steve seeing him like this, especially when he was behaving like Tony didn’t exist for the last couple of days.
“Yes, Cap. I am okay. Thank you for bothering to come here.” Tony said curtly.
“Tony, I----goodnight.” Steve looked like he wanted to say something but he just sighed. Tony didn’t say anything and turned his back to him. Steve left the room.
***
Steve felt really bad while leaving Tony’s room. Tony’s been seeing nightmares again. It was never this intense; he never had to wake him up from these nightmares. Steve just stood in his bedroom, watching him while he mumbled things like “No…should save him…dead” in his sleep while turning around in his bed at nights. But this time, Steve had to wake him up because he was crying and screaming. Seeing Tony like this made Steve hate himself. This was his entire fault and he noticed he said that a lot to himself. If he weren’t fucking careless, Tony would be okay now. Now he was being a jerk to him. Tony didn’t deserve this. But the reason was that, if he acts like he used to, it was for sure that his enemies would try to hurt Tony again. Steve knew Tony was perfectly capable of protecting himself but he just couldn’t risk it. S.H.I.E.L.D. knew he care about Tony the most and they used him to get to Steve and it almost worked, Steve almost gave up.
He couldn’t let Tony get hurt again. Maybe if he acts like this, Tony would give up on their relationship and leave his side so he would be safe. This was the only way, Steve thought.
Steve went to sleep and he stayed in the bed for a couple of hours till the morning arrived. He dressed up and went to look for Tony, he was still sleeping. He prepared breakfast for him and the rest of the team and left the Mansion. He had to meet with the underground team and make some arrangements.
He walked down the street, disguised as a random citizen. He thought about his decisions and whether they were true or not.
“Captain America.” Steve turned around, prepared to fight. It was Magneto.
“Erik. What are you doing here?” Steve asked. Erik was on the hero side these days and a friend but Steve still remembered his days as a relentless villain.
“I was just taking a walk.”
“Magneto is simply taking a walk? That seems out of the ordinary.” Steve said, raising an eyebrow.
“Sometimes it is too much to handle in Charles’ school. Lots of despair and almost forgotten memories.” Erik said, he looked sad and that was not even possible. He was Magneto. He didn’t have emotions expect his will to protect mutant kind in any circumstances.
“I understand.” He didn’t.
“Shall we talk, Captain?” Magneto asked. This day was going nothing as Steve had planned.
“Okay. About what?”
“I notice something is troubling you. I know it is none of my business, but you are a friend of our kind. You never separated us from other humans and did your best to help us live among them. We owe you a lot. I know you will think I must have a purpose in doing this looking back at my villainous days but believe me when I say I just want to help.” He said and Steve thought this could not get weirder. But he was glad, really. Magneto was the one that made him believe people could change whatever their actions were before.
“That is very kind of you, Erik. I am just a bit tired of all this chaos and you know, Tony—Tony getting shot.” His voice cracked at the end.
“I’ve seen you Steve. I know you love him.” Steve was shocked to hear his words.
“Well, of course I do, he is my best friend.”
“You know what I mean. I know what you are trying to do. I did the same. I observed you. You are trying to make him leave you to stop him from getting hurt.”
“What do you mean you did the same?” Steve asked not understanding. “Not that I am but…”
“With Charles. Nobody knows but I’ll tell you this: we were not just best friends in the past.”
“Oh.” Steve said. “This is…oh.” This was a lot to take in. He knew Charles and Erik were best friends before they parted ways but he never knew they were lovers.
“Why didn’t you- I don’t know- what happened?” Steve was really confused.
“One time that Charles got hurt because of me, one of the former Nazis that I knew was looking for revenge and he hurt Charles because of me. Then I left him, as you know, to go on my own way. I believed that if I left him alone, he would not get hurt. But it wasn’t like that. Look where that got us. We barely talk, we are afraid to look at each other in the eyes.”
“This is something I never expected to be honest. But I don’t understand how this connects to me.” He did. He perfectly understood.
“You don’t have to act clueless, Steve. I am just saying because you are a friend.” Erik looked really serious. “It is too late for us now. Do you want it to be too late for you?” This question stroke Steve. He didn’t. He didn’t want to lose Tony.
“I- I don’t.” He replied honestly.
“Then do something about it.” Erik said.
“How?”
“You will know. You can’t protect him by excluding him, I would know.” Erik lowered his head.
“Do you still…?”
Erik nodded. “Till the end of my times.” Steve was shocked to hear that response, all those years, he still loved Charles. All that pain. Now he understood Magneto and his wild nature.
“There is still a chance.”
“No. Too late. We are too late. You are not.” Then he left.