Okay
Steve sat and watched Eddie sleep for hours.
He cried. More than he had since the day his parents left him with Brenner.
He felt horrible for Eddie.
His love.
And Steve found himself taking an immediate disliking to his friends. Sure, Gareth wasn't bad - the way he'd taken care of Eddie had melted his heart a little.
But, in the end, they'd triggered a flashback, and Steve wasn't happy.
Even though he wasn't in his body, he could feel Eddie's hand in his hair.
That's how he knew they were out of it all. They were out of the loops. Because the nightmare seemed to have passed, and Steve's biggest desire had come true.
He had Eddie, kids were safe, Hopper was alive.
That's all that mattered.
All he needed to do now was to get back into his body.
Which was easier said than done.
Steve slumped in the armchair in the corner of the bedroom. Eddie had just woken up, but he hadn't moved yet; content in cuddling.
And for fuck sake, he wanted to cuddle back so bad.
Dr Sinclair appeared in the doorway, tapping the wooden door with his knuckles. Eddie jumped a little and rolled onto his back.
"Hey, Doc," Eddie greeted.
Dear god, Eddie's sleepy voice was like liquid gold. It made Steve want to just melt onto the floor.
"'Charlie' is fine, kid. I think we're past the point where formalities are needed. How's Steve doing?"
Eddie cleared his throat, pushing himself up onto his elbows.
Steve pouted - bye bye sleepy voice.
Then, he paused. Because when had he started getting so childish?
Maybe being separated from his body was making him lose his mind.
Oh, well.
"No change. But that's good, right?"
The doctor nodded. "No change is better than bad change. I only worry, because it's been over 18 hours, and we didn't give him any sedation."
That didn't help the anxiety already present in Eddie's aura. Steve moved over to the bed, standing on the opposite side to where Eddie was laying.
He watched his own chest rise and fall with slow, deep breaths. Dr Sinclair placed a familiar bag of supplies onto the bench at the foot of the bed. He pulled out multiple bundles of things. Steve only recognised a few of them.
The blood pressure cuff. The medical scissors; the same ones he had nearly stabbed Robin with. A pile of gauze and bandages, as well as tape. But there were some things he had never seen before.
It tickled the back of his mind. Almost like he was trying to remember remembering what they were.
Eddie shuffled to the edge of the bed and stood on unsteady feet. He sleepily rounded the bed, narrowly dodging an elbow from the doctor. For a long moment, he stood still next to Steve's ghost form. They both watched his unconscious body, just breathing.
Then, Eddie reached over and yanked the covers down.
Steve watched with fascination while Eddie helped the older man change the bandages. He subconsciously traced every one of his uncovered wounds as they moved through the list.
They started at the bottom; at his torn up feet, and worked their way up.
When they reached the claw marks on his chest and neck, though... something changed.
Something pulled his soul forward, violently. At the same time, Eddie cried out, arms wrapping around his middle.
He couldn't breathe.
It was almost as if Vecna's hands were back around his throat.
He fell forward, landing silently on the bed next to his body. Shudders wracked his body, in both forms.
In a last ditch effort to breathe, Steve placed his hand on to his own chest.
His eyes were heavy. Pulling his eyelids open was harder than he would admit. But, he managed to crack them open enough to look into those soul-filled brown eyes. The ones he'd fallen in love with months ago.
And he was met with tears. Tears of pain and relief. Despite the pain Steve could feel Eddie was in, his love crawled across the bed to him.
His body was stiff, and his arm felt like lead, but he lifted his hand to rest on Eddie's cheek.
Touching him, lucid, was ecstasy.
Eddie gently slid an arm under his shoulders and pulled Steve into his lap. They were both in agonising pain. He could feel his own merging with Eddie's in his mind. But they had each other. He could reach out and touch Eddie, and he would know.
Because he felt it.
Steve could feel tears rolling across his face, and he could feel Eddie's dripping onto his cheeks. It took tremendous effort, but he smiled. It felt sad, but the smile Eddie gave him back was as blinding as the sun.
"You're okay," Eddie whispered shakily, trailing his fingers down Steve's cheek.
It felt surreal. Like a dream.
But Steve knew this was real. This wasn't a vision, or an illusion, or a fucking loop.
This was him and Eddie, and they were real.
Eddie leaned down, and he knew he didn't need to ask to kiss Steve, so he did.
It was gentle, and Steve could feel Eddie pouring his entire being into it.
He felt like home.
Suddenly, multiple sets of hands were pulling them apart.
Eddie lashed out, Steve's bleary emotions affecting his perception. He quickly reined it all back in.
Dustin, Gareth and Wayne were holding him back, a few feet from the bed. His knees were trembling, the others were holding him up.
Eddie looked terrified; chest heaving, eyes wild.
And it took Steve a moment to realise why.
There was blood, red and spreading, across his borrowed shirt.
Large splotches covering his torso. Steve's hands instinctively rose to his throat, but more hands caught them halfway.
A panicked Dr Sinclair was stood between them, unsure of where to start. And Steve realised it was because he was bleeding too.
The claw wounds from Henry were sending rivers across his skin. Red seeped into the bedding beneath him. Steve tried to sit up, to look down at himself. But then Robin was on top of him. A firm hand on his forehead pushed him back down and held him there.
She was shaking as much as Steve was, tears streaming down her cheeks as she shushed him.
"Rob–"
"Shhh, Dingus. It's okay. You're okay. You're okay..."
She kept talking to him, but he was so confused.
His eyes kept drifting to Eddie. Someone was pressing something firmly to his neck, but all he could see was Eddie.
Eddie, who was going paler and paler by the second. Who's shirt Dr Sinclair quickly cut away. Who had bite wounds he never got in this loop.
"No..." Steve croaked, face scrunching up as sobs tore his throat up even more. "No, no, no, no, no. Eddie, we stopped it. I saved you. Please, no... Fuck!"
There was too much going on. Too many feelings. Too many auras. This was bad. It was wrong. It wasn't meant to go this way.
They were meant to be safe, now.
Why couldn't they just be safe?
And why was Vecna standing in the corner?
Steve woke with a start. His eyes met Eddie's, first. Soul-filled and pained.
Relief.
Fuck.
Steve looked over at Dr Sinclair, who was looking back, wide-eyed with shock.
Eddie took a stumbling step towards the bed, and Steve flinched backward.
Everybody went still. Even Steve.
He hadn't meant to jump, but all he could see was the blood, and maybe if Eddie just– didn't touch him...
He scrambled backwards even further, holding back yelps of pain.
"Steve–"
"Don't touch me!"
It came out a lot louder than he'd anticipated. His voice was still rough, accompanied by a crackling wheeze.
"Steve, take a breath. Tell us what's going on."
If this was a loop... it was even more brutal than the first.
Because, this time, he knew Eddie loved him back. And the heartbreak in Eddie's eyes was worse than death.
Steve lunged for the scissors and backed himself off the bed. On weak, shaking legs, he stumbled away until his back hit the wall.
The difference, this time, was that he didn't aim the point at them.
No... he held the tips of the blades to his own throat.
Eddie's hands shot to his mouth, and Steve couldn't look at him.
He really couldn't do this. Not again.
"Steve," Dr Sinclair had his hands held aloft. "Let's take a moment to think about this, okay?"
His aura was swirling with panic and unease. Steve knew it was because he felt out of his element.
Footsteps thundered up the stairs. Steve slid along the wall, away from the door and into the corner.
He felt immeasurably small.
The doctor waved at the newcomers to go back. "Stop! Don't come in."
"What's going on?" Robin's voice demanded.
Steve could feel the lump in his throat growing.
"Trust me, Robin. You don't want to come in here." The doctor tried, again.
But Steve knew she did. She always did. And she would again.
"Like fucking hell."
Her footsteps were as harsh as her words.
The instant she saw him, she went ghostly white. "Steve."
She was in shock. He could feel it.
He wanted it to stop.
Steve shook his head violently, making them jump. The scissors bit at the skin over his carotid.
"Steve, listen to me. It's okay. Whatever is going on, we can work through it. I know you're scared–"
"You don't know anything!" He roared, powers blasting outwards.
They were all pushed back a few steps. Just from the strength of his aura, alone.
They could feel it now. The sheer terror flooding his entire being. The defeat. The exhaustion. The idea of living it all again, and again, and again.
"Steve, it's over. I promise you."
Eddie looked so sad. He felt like Steve did. But there was determination in his eyes, and Steve knew he wasn't going to let this go.
"No more loops. I promise. Cross my heart, okay?"
Steve grit his teeth. There was no way he could know. There wasn't ever any way. Not unless he lived them, too.
"You don't know that."
"I do, baby. It was just a bad dream. It's okay. It's over."
A dream?
No. Steve didn't dream.
It was the loops.
He knew it was.
It was the only thing that made sense.
But Eddie wasn't lying.
Steve could see it.
All truth.
"You don't know..." his resolve was slipping.
"I do. You know I do."
"But you were bleeding again, Eddie."
"I'm not, look."
Eddie telegraphed his movements, pulling his shirt over his head. And while the scars laid thick on his body, there was only clean skin.
Not a speck of blood in sight.
Steve let his arm drop. Eddie leaped over the bed, quickly tearing the scissors from his hand and pulling him close.
Steve was distantly aware of Eddie handing the scissors over to Robin. His face was pressed into the crook of Eddie's neck, warm and blood-free.
There were voices and auras floating around him in torrents. His head felt blurry, dizzy.
Eddie walked them back to the bed. Sitting down, he pulled Steve into his lap. Steve let him. He didn't have the strength to fight it.
He felt drained. Steve wondered if this was what El felt like after using her powers too much.
Awareness faded in and out. People bustled around the house, entering the room and leaving it in quick succession. He felt like he was watching a zoetrope in motion.
They were pulling at his arms, poking him with needles, sticking new bandages onto his skin, wrapping him up in gauze and blankets.
Steve could feel his awareness slipping. It terrified him to no end.
What if he woke up, and he'd looped again?
Eddie's confidence in the fact that they wouldn't was barely enough for him.
He loved Eddie, but he couldn't go through that again. He couldn't see Eddie like that again.
He wouldn't.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"It's okay."
He wasn't okay.