The Exhaustion
Eddie knew it was going to be a little bit of a shit show. He was very aware of it.
That's why he avoided taking the guys upstairs as long as he could.
In fact, he put it off until the very last second. Until the other kids arrived, and Dustin immediately demanded they check on Steve. Wayne had gone off to see about the trailer over an hour ago, and he felt helpless without backup.
"No. He's still unconscious–"
"Then there shouldn't be a problem! We'll be quiet, and we'll keep it short–"
"I said 'no', Henderson. Stop fucking– No!"
Eddie blocked the stairs with his body, bracing his arms on the railing. Dustin was stood, chest to stomach with him. His face was scrunched up in a scowl, and Eddie was sure his own was red.
He knew it was childish - blocking the stairs. But he was fuming.
"You barge in here, with no regard for the situation. Making demands you have no right to make. And I'm so fucking sick of your attitude. You will sit down on that fucking couch, and wait until he wakes up before you go disturbing him. He's been through enough, and he doesn't need you running in there like a hurricane."
And maybe he took it too far, because there was tears welling in Dustin's eyes. And all Eddie could see was his dirty, blood smeared face looking down at him while Eddie took his last breath.
Dustin must have seen his face change, must have noticed the microscopic way he moved towards the kid. Because, suddenly, he was darting from the room, out of sight. Everyone was staring at him. Shock and discomfort blatantly apparent on their faces.
Eddie slumped where he stood, sitting down on the stairs and burying his face in his hands.
What the fuck had he done?
"What a shit show," Robin's voice announced from the landing above him.
And Eddie knew it.
"Look, Eddie... I get that you've had a fucked up week, but did you have to shout at the kid? Besides, what was he even talking about?"
Jeff's words couldn't have been more true.
Inhaling around the spikes in his throat, Eddie looked up at them.
He could feel the exhaustion blurring his vision.
God, he was so fucking tired.
"Steve... Harrington. He's hurt pretty bad." Max's explanation was about as vague as you could get.
Eddie knew it wouldn't tide them over. Not for a second.
Gareth was practically glaring at him. Jeff was looking at Max like she had grown another head. Frank, Vince and Paul were glancing between him and Max in confusion.
"And how, exactly, did he get hurt? Because I thought that we'd established you were innocent?"
Eddie nodded. He knew that, Vince didn't need to reiterate. But he'd also known the question was coming, and his eyes immediately drifted to the kids.
Max was trying her best to look uninterested, but Eddie could see the careful concern.
Lucas looked equally confused and torn; trying to figure out if it was worth breaking those NDAs.
Erica just looked annoyed, eyeing him with crossed arms and a raised eyebrow.
Robin sighed, behind him.
"We signed NDAs, but you haven't yet. There's nothing stopping you from telling them."
"Well, while you nerds have story time, I'm going to have a shower and get this nasty Upside Down shit off of me."
Erica shoved Eddie to the side so she could walk up the stairs. Her touch had been a lot more gentle than he'd thought it would be.
"But... you didn't even go into the UD," Robin's argument landed on deaf ears.
"'Upside down'?"
...fuck this.
Between Robin, Eddie and Max's slightly more limited knowledge of the Upside Down, they got through a majority of the retelling by the time Erica reappeared.
A few minutes in, the parents had joined them. Now, everyone was looking at them with varying degrees of horror and disbelief.
"If I hadn't seen Steve's injuries, I wouldn't believe you," Dr Sinclair stated in a tight voice.
"Yeah, about that... how did Harrington get hurt?" Gareth piped up, his chin cradled in his palm as he leant forward to watch Eddie closely.
Eddie cleared his throat, hands shaking as he fiddled with his rings. "Steve... Vecna gave him a premonition of my and Max's deaths..."
They had joked about how they would lie their way around it. During one of their field chats, when they had still been together. Steve had asked it as a metaphorical. 'What do we tell people if we ever get out?'
It had sent Eddie on a tangent. His storyteller's mind weaving a tale that was campaign-worthy.
Of course, it had all been hypothetical. They didn't believe they would get out, back then.
"He, um... he decided to tell me about it. Before we found Watergate. Because he thought that maybe I could help to prevent Max's death, instead of going into the Upside Down with him. But I said no... I wanted to be with him and Dustin. So, he decided that he'd just eliminate the threat all together. I don't actually know how he did it. He wasn't conscious for long enough to tell me, but–"
"'I killed that motherfucker. I cut his fucking head off, and burned the house down.' That's what he said to you," Robin choked out, her expression alarmingly void of emotion.
Eddie knew it was a lot to process. The thoughts he'd planted for them. Anything to get their minds away from the truth.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Eddie watched the gears turning in Gareth's head, and could only hope he'd stay quiet–
"Eddie, can we talk to you alone for a moment?"
Fucking hell. He really couldn't get a break, could he?
Eddie stood, waving for them to lead the way. He followed the five boys back out onto the porch. The moment the door was closed behind him, Gareth had a hold of his jacket lapel, and was dragging him down the steps.
"Shit, man! Chill–"
Gareth rounded on him, and Eddie froze. He looked dangerously close to striking Eddie, right now.
Eddie knew Gareth had a short temper. He had always been quick to anger. Ever since middle school. And, usually, he'd try to diffuse. But it had never been directed toward him.
"What the fuck is going on, Eddie?! Last I checked, you and Harrington were mortal enemies! You hate each other! It's, like, bonedeep!"
"Yeah, man. What the hell?"
"You're always complaining about that motherfucker, what's changed that suddenly you like him?"
"And why'd he sacrifice himself for you?"
Eddie could feel their eyes scorching his skin. He was surrounded, and he was panicking. He tucked his hands into his armpits, rocking on his heels. His gaze locked onto the ground at his feet.
Shame burned through him. Fear quickly followed. He knew he needed to calm down, because he could already hear the bats circling.
He was surrounded, and he needed out.
But Eddie didn't run anymore. He hadn't in a long time. Not when Steve was there.
Not even when it was all rushing back, and that loop was happening again.
A hand touched his arm, and Eddie jerked violently.
"Hey, hey, it's just me."
Dustin's voice was like a tidal wave of comfort.
The dark shapes flickering at the edges of his vision faded. The roaring in his ears slowly creeped down in decibels. He couldn't hear his own screams anymore.
He couldn't hear Steve's dying whispers. He couldn't smell his burning flesh.
Tears cascaded down his cheeks. A strangled sob tore from his throat, and Eddie let himself collapse into Dustin's arms - right there on the driveway.
"You're okay. It's okay, Eddie. Shhh..."
Dustin continued to murmur to him, rocking him in his arms, like Eddie wasn't the older one in their friendship.
The crunch of footsteps on gravel came up next to them, and Eddie didn't have the strength to look up at them. He just continued to cry until the lump in his throat was gone, and the fear made way for pain and soul-deep exhaustion.
Someone said something. It was too muffled for Eddie to make out, but Dustin's response practically told him anyway.
"It's called a 'flashback'. People can get them after a traumatic event. Or multiple traumatic events, in Eddie's case. You guys crowding him triggered it."
A different voice said something, still too quiet for him to hear.
"Uh, yeah, I think watching two - nearlythree - people die is pretty traumatic. Not to mention being hunted, nearly drowning, and then watching your new friend get freaking possessed– no, Nancy... Yes, Wheeler... Yeah, Vecna showed her a vision... Sure, likeHarrington... I don't know, man."
Eddie finally worked up the courage to pry himself away from Dustin, and he was met with multiple gasps and questions of concern.
"Hey, Eds. You back with us?" Dustin asked.
It was too gentle, after what he'd said to the kid. He felt horrible, but he was also way too tired for his apology to mean anything.
He nodded, as fast as his body would allow. It was all catching up with him. The lack of sleep over the weeks of loops. The phantom pains. The vertigo.
"'m so tired, man..." he whispered.
Dustin hummed, helping him to his feet. He began guiding Eddie's shivering form back towards the house, and Eddie let him.
"How about we get you a shower, some clean clothes, something for the headache I'm sure you'll have soon. And then, when you're all cosy, we'll tuck you in next to Steve, and you can have a nice long nap. How does that sound?"
Eddie nodded. That sounded like a dream.
It took Eddie a long time to pull himself of out the shower. When he finally did, he felt slightly more lucid than he had been.
He grabbed the towel Dustin had given him, and began drying himself. Only then, did he notice them.
Eddie ran the towel down his side, and suddenly he was doubling over as hot pain shot through his torso. Shaking hands dropped the towel and he looked down at himself in alarm.
Huge knots of scar tissue littered his body. Pink and raw from the hot water and the rough towel.
"What the fuck..." he whispered to himself.
Eddie ghosted his fingers over the scars. They must have been from the bats. There was no other explanation. But, he hadn't encountered any in the last loop.
So why were they there? Why did he have evidence of injuries he never got?
Unless... his body hadn't been resetting properly for those last few?
Hell, even one loop would have produced this much scarring.
But if that was the case, then...
God, what did Steve's body look like?
For now, he put the thought aside. Eddie didn't think he could bring himself to investigate another receipt from those damned loops. Not while he was this tired. Not without Steve.
Eddie finished drying himself, carefully avoiding the especially raw scars. After roughly towel drying his hair, he quickly pulled on the clothes Dr Sinclair had leant him, and made sure to tidy up any mess he'd made, before stepping out into the hallway.
Gareth was waiting for him, leaning against the wall across from the bathroom with his arms crossed. When Eddie closed shuffled over to stand in front of him, he looked up from the floor.
"You gotta dry your hair properly," the younger man commented. "You'll catch a cold."
Eddie rolled his eyes, then winced when he felt the ache behind them. "That's bull."
His voice was rough, throat dry from the crying. Eddie was glad he didn't smoke a lot, because if he did, he was sure he wouldn't have any voice left.
"At least let me help you put it up? Like old times?"
Eddie's nod was uncharacteristically hesitant.
He'd noticed Gareth drifting away a little, recently. These days, he was lucky if Gareth accepted an invitation to come over to the trailer.
Eddie padded down the hallway and back to the master bedroom.
Robin was nowhere to be seen, but Eddie wasn't worried.
He sat down on the bed, facing away from his friend, and listened to Gareth hesitate in the doorway.
"Do you need a hair tie?" Eddie asked awkwardly.
"No, no... I've got one. It's–"
He cut himself off with a sigh.
Eddie listened to him walk over to the bed, and waited until Gareth had started finger-combing his hair.
"I know there's something bothering you, Gare-bear. What's wrong?"
Gareth let out a little growl. "It's just, one minute you hate him, and the next, you're willingly sharing a bed with him? It's fucking with my mind."
Eddie gave a small nod. "Okay. I can understand that. Gareth... a lot happened to us. Shared trauma and all that. We got to know each other really well."
Gareth was quiet for a while. Eddie could feel him starting the braid. Gently pulling strands of curls away from his face.
"Is this that crush you told me you'd gotten rid of?"
Eddie's hands were still shaking. He busied himself with plucking the lint from the blanket beneath him. "I mean, do we ever really get over our crushes?"
"Eddie."
Gareth sounded as tired as Eddie felt.
"It's so fucking dangerous. We've already talked about this. If he finds out you're gay... it could be worse than the freaking manhunt we just went through. He could- you could be killed–"
"He knows."
"What?"
"He knows I'm gay."
Gareth's hands stilled in his hair. "And he doesn't care?"
Eddie scoffed, smirking slyly to himself. "Oh, he cares... just not in the way you think."
Eddie let that sink in. Gareth stayed quiet for a while. He tied off the braid, then let his hands settle on Eddie's shoulders.
Eddie grabbed a hold of Steve's uninjured right hand, hoping Gareth would get the message.
"I didn't realise– didn't know it was possible for Harrington to be anything but straight."
Eddie laughed, slightly unhinged. "Neither did I. But then his seemingly 'dying wish' was to kiss me... So, I guess we can't just assume anymore."
A few months ago, Eddie would never admit he let Gareth tuck him in next to Steve. But the old Eddie was dead - literally. And this Eddie was trying to be more open. Trying to accept help where he so clearly needed it.
So he did. He let Gareth tuck him in to bed next to his future boyfriend.
And once the younger teen had left the room, he rolled over and wedged himself against Steve's side.
Eddie fell asleep with his fingers tangled in Steve's hair.