Chapter 1
Dance, magic dance
Odin, sitting bored in the dining hall amongst the feasting nobles, overheard Sif speaking about how a diminutive mortal female had felled Thor, in the most humourous manner.
Fandral replied, "Lady Darcy is as fair as she is clever. Though sometimes I fear her wrath, she is a very delightful maiden."
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The king decided that it needed investigation. So he summoned Huginn who went to Darcy and his spell transferred her to the grand hall in the royal palace of Asgard.
Darcy who was asleep when this happened, came to and saw Odin in his one-eyed Allfatherly glory.
"Yo. Daddy-O! 'Ssup?" She thought she was dreaming and her brain-to-mouth filter which was faulty at best had stopped working completely.
Intrigued by this mortal who spoke in a strange manner akin to none he had ever heard before, he saw her droopy eyes and did the Asgardian-version of the Rennervate charm with Gungnir.
"You may address me as 'my king' or however you Midgardians address your royalty. You'll of course excuse any inconvenience if indeed it was an inconvenient time for your arrival on Asgard." Odin boomed in his usual haughty humans-are-goats way.
Darcy who was taking in the opulent surroundings...gold walls, gold ceiling, gold floor, gold throne, gold everything was dazzled at the tacky extravagance and lazily blinking at the bling and thinking how many third world countries she could buy if she could sell the throne when his voice reached her.
She spluttered awake, "Uh-um, it's cool but ah..what? I mean, I beg your pardon."
"It has been said you felled Thor with your powers. I wish to hear more of it." He demanded.
"Uh..d'you mean with my taser? Or the amazing back-rub?" Darcy was confused.
"What is this taser you speak of?"
" 'Taser' or you know accurately called the stun-gun, it electrocutes, like Myeuh-myeuh but in small doses. Although technically it was Jane who hit him first with the Pinzgauer, uh, I mean with the ..um... vehicle. To be honest though, it wasn't really her fault. " She replied haltingly.
"I see. And you were saying something about back-rubs? Is Thor not with this mortal Jane, I hear you are her servant-girl?" The king demanded.
"Oh.. no, no. Thor saw me with Jane and demanded one for himself too."
"Is this a mortal tradition, this back-rub of yours? Sharing! One's suitor and one's beloved. Although princes have been known to have consorts, I find it amusing but quite difficult to comprehend that Thor's mortal has an inamorata!" He sneered.
"You could say that. Sharing is caring and all that shtick. But no, Jane is my bff, although I'm not saying she's not hot, she is and I'd probably have given her a go if I were still in my experimental phase . I wouldn't poach on her God-toy, it's against girl-code." She declared primly.
Darcy wondered if she had sniffed the truth serum that Bruce had been cooking up in the lab to interrogate the prisoners, her tongue was running away from her, she knew that Odin did not need to know these things and yet she could not seem to control blurting out whatever came to her mind at his questions.
"How then did you make the mighty Thor weak as a newborn foal, if not by your womanly charms?" Odin sniffed disdainfully.
"Well. It could have been my sparkling personality or my charming wits or my boobs. They are my superpower, ya dig?"
Oh, no. She thought. Here I go again. She did not realise that the king's voice was magical so whenever he spoke he was, in effect, literally charming people into telling him the truth or doing as he bid.
The mortal must be referring to something else, still it had been eons since he kept up with mortal colloquial. It bears the question ,he thought. "Boobs?" He raised an eloquent eyebrow.
"Yes. Boobies, breasts, these melons on my chest." said Darcy with a pointed look at the girls.
"Mmhmn. Superpower you say? I can see why." He said leering at Darcy. With how he was lounging in an elegant sprawl on the throne, it was quite evident that Darcy's superpower was working its mojo on Odin Allfather.
Darcy felt a little creeped out, still a fair bit of pride was battling with her outrage as which other human could say that they had this effect on the guardian of the Nine Realms. She remembered that he had compared mortals meaning Jane to a goat.
"I know right! But I don't think these are what you were talking about.. when you said I felled Thor. He calls me his little lightning sister. Unless.... incest is a thing here." She finished.
"WHAT?!" Odin squawked in befuddlement.
"OOH. Do you think that's why Loki went off the rails, as it were. Because y'know Thorki. God that would have been hot, but on the other hand, brothers! Major squick factor. EWW!" Darcy shuddered, whether it was with lust or horror is anybody's guess.
"WHAT?!" He felt nauseous, this was preposterous and not to be borne. His anger and horror were railing against him and he felt the urge to be sick.
"Your majest-Allfather. You're looking a bit green." Darcy asked, concerned.
...
" Are you okay? Is this due to jealousy? Huh. Are you interested in Thor? You perverted old man!" shrieked Darcy.
"WHAA-- NOOO!" Odin suddenly morphed into Loki, caused by the sudden brain damage inflicted by Darcy's words.
"DUDE! You are all green now and ... look younger! It suits you. Brings out your eyes. Wow. Good looks must run in the family. Mmm. Leather! And ooh... Metal! Is that real gold?" She shivered.
"Of course." Loki sniffs, now almost recovered from his ordeal.
" Of course it's real gold. What was I thinking? You are Loki, aren't you? How are you alive? Tell me was there any Thorki? Cause I gotta warn Jane. And Thor misses you. So..." Darcy demanded.
"NOO. What a perfectly horrifying thought! He is my brother." Loki rasped."It was an illusion. I was merely severely injured, I did not die. I woke up after Thor had gone with his woman and the convergence passed. I travelled to Asgard through the hidden pathways."
"Gotcha! Huh. Who would've thunk it?" Darcy muttered.
Loki indicated towards Darcy, ordering "Mortal, you'll speak of this to no-one." in what he thought was a menacing tone.
Unfortunately it had little to no effect on Darcy, she remained unfazed.
(She had been in Culver when Bruce had turned into Hulk and she knew the Winter Soldier, her standards of menacing tone had gone absurdly high. Since the incident when Hulk demanded her bagel 'Hulk want. Give or. Hulk SMASH.' and Bucky's expression when Steve laughed at her jokes promising death and destruction, it was more difficult to frighten Darcy.)
"Got it. Make sure not to invade earth-ah Midgard again lest you give me reason to tell Thor that you're alive." Darcy smirked in return.
"I could always kill you." Loki replied archly.
"Kill me? You know I have superpowers--uhm, superhero friends, right?" Darcy said, crossing her arms and emphasizing said superpowers.
"Ahem." Loki being a blue-blooded male, could not resist looking.
"I agree." Darcy quipped slyly.
"Now about those back-rubs." Loki began but was derailed by Darcy yet again.
"I'm free on Sunday mornings if I don't sleep in, but intergalactic travel sucks big time. Buut..." Darcy cut in.
"Yes, do go on." Loki tried to remain painfully polite, but it was hard..ah.. difficult to do so with the distraction that was Darcy in all her snarky glory.
"If you give me an all-time access card to your library, something could be done." Darcy remarked.
"The story about how you felled Thor and back-rubs in exchange of access to the royal library." Loki bargained. He wanted to see where this would go.
"Both of those on the condition that you don't kill anyone unnecessarily, access to the royal library and your personal library." Darcy seemed to be up to the challenge.
"How very forward of you, Miss Lewis. My personal library is in my private wing."
"Are you flirting with me? 'Cause I want dinner or at least dessert if that is the case."
" If I were, indeed, intent on seducing you Miss Lewis. You. would. not. need to ask that.' He said with a sly and seductive smile.
"Oh?" Darcy quirked her eyebrow.
"Indeed." He returned with mischievous dancing eyes that belied his calm haughty tone.
"We've a deal then. Sunday mornings if I am not sleeping in. Shall we shake on it?"
"What do you mortals say? When in Asgard, do as Asgardians do." Saying so, he feathered a fleeting kiss on her knuckles.
"Since you already stole a kiss, I suppose you may call me Darcy." She replied with a blinding smile.
"It is Loki then. Fare thee well Darcy." Loki said.
"Ciao Loki!" Darcy winked.
Turning towards the doorway, Darcy paused and said, "For what it's worth, I think you should tell Thor that you are alive. He grieves for you still."
"We shall see. Now turn to the left and you'll find a statue of a winged boar, touch it's snout and you shall find yourself on your bed in Midgard." Loki answered.
Darcy wiggled her fingers waving, 'Toodles!' and did as Loki had instructed. Sure enough, she landed on her bed and found herself greeted by her doppelganger, who winked and disappeared.
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So began the story of Darcy and Loki, which was shrouded in secrecy and the flirting furls of friendship.
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Clint and Darcy had dated for about a month, when they realised it was not working out- what with his feelings for Natasha that he thought were unrequited.They were better off as friends. Natasha (who had been dating Bucky who loved Steve but thought he was too damaged for him or that he would know if Steve loved him) had confided in Steve that she was happy for Clint even if it was not with her and that she was happy enough with James; she was drunk on the leftover mead brought by Sif on her last visit and did not realise that she was breaking Steve's heart or showing her vulnerabilities.
Darcy who had been sleeping in Steve's apartment(she and Steve had bonded over their mutual love of art and pulp fiction and Steve had become one of her besties after Jane and Thor) after their late night (and which went till midmorning) Dr.Who marathon, woke up on hearing low voices and heard the whole thing. She knew that Steve pined after Bucky but did not think he had a chance seeing that he believed that Bucky was into dames and not queer like him; Steve's words to that effect.(Darcy believed otherwise,she thought that Bucky was bisexual at most) She also knew that Clint had feelings for Natasha which were apparently not unrequited. Clint and Darcy had told each other about their past relationships. They had decided that they would always remain friends even if they broke up for some reason. Darcy had seen the fleeting glances on Steve that Bucky thought no one would notice, so she knew it was not as Steve believed. So she decided to play fairy godmother and superhero matchmaker. After the misunderstandings were cleared up, and everyone was happy with their own prince charming, she made some new friends in the Black Widow and the Winter Soldier.
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Five weeks later, the Avengers were too busy fighting Doombots because the Fantastic Four were out of town, yet again. Darcy was so worried that her friends were in danger that she completely forgot that it was her birthday, let alone that it was a Sunday.
Loki, sitting on the Hliðskjálf, saw that Thor was fighting with some machines unlike the Man of Iron. He caught a glimpse of Darcy sitting morosely, chewing her nails with an anxious frown on her beautiful face. He did not like it. It was Sunday. The time Darcy spent with him.Who cares if he was being petulant? He knew that it was Darcy's nameday and he had arranged a gift for her.
Oh,well.
Loki sighed. He rendered himself invisible, and made an illusion that took his place as Odin. (Odin was still in Odinsleep. So after confessing the truth, he had conferred with Heimdall who as it turned out knew the truth since Darcy's first visit.)
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He puts the edible in incredible. This way;
Or that way.
The Winter Soldier had just begun to put his hand through a doombot when it turned soft and cold.
Hulk who was thundering down the streets looking for things to smash slipped and fell.
Hawkeye who had swung off of a building with his grappling hook arrow while putting an emp one to the bow for the bots circling overhead was suddenly swamped with vanilla ice. As curious as his dog Lucky, he poked out his tongue and swiped a lick from the bow.
Ironman fired his repulsor beam and saw a bot melt instead of being blown into smithereens.
Captain America's momentum was disturbed when the car which was providing the duel service of being a surface to boomerang his shield from and acting as a cover against the bots turned into chocolate mousse cake.
Being a man who could think on his feet, he used his shield to finish off a bot who by then had turned into a futuristic ice sculpture.
Black Widow had broken her leg when Hulk slipped and she fell from her perch on his shoulder.
Falcon dove in to carry Natasha off the field, when suddenly the bot who had been firing at them turned into a statue.
Sam Wilson, aka Falcon was new to the superhero game. Therefore, it was to no one's surprise that he cried out in shock.
"What sorcery is this?"
Thor who was flying overhead turned at the word 'sorcery'.
"Friend Falcon, it seems that the Doctor of Doom has furthered in his magical prowess."
Tony said, "Uh..Hammertime, no offence to your undoubtedly expert opinion on the matter but I don't think that Doom has the ability to do this; if he had, he would use this to kill Reed instead."
'Or kill us.' Natasha put in her two cents.
"Verily. He would see harm befall us, if it were in his power to do so. I would suspect my brother of this mischief but alas he is ..." Thor trailed off with a sad grimace.
Loki who had been listening in , made his presence known. "Oh Thor. Are you ever not going to fall for that?"
"You are alive!" the Avengers cried out in varying tones and volumes.
"As you can see." Loki smirked.
"You're welcome, by the way." He drawled out smooth as honey.
"BROTHER! I missed you." Thor declared, emotional.
'I am not your brother.' Loki replied.
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Darcy who had been watching all this through Jarvis' numerous cameras ran out of the tower.
She cupped her hands to her mouth and yelled. "THORKI!"
Thor and Loki who were starting to bicker turned as one.
"What do you mean Lady Darcy?" Thor asked.
At the same time, Loki, beleaguered and besieged by the mental images protested, "NOOO. No no no no no."
Darcy smiled, "Well you did say that Thor's not your brother."
Loki huffed, exasperated, "As you said Darcy, major squick factor!"
Tony who had been struck dumb by Loki's appearance, recovered and demanded, "How does he know about Thorki? Thor , you never said that you've fanfiction in Valhalla!"
Natasha being Natasha said, " It is Asgard. But. Question is.. how do you know about Thorki fanfiction, Stark?"
"I came across the term when I was checking the IronMan tumblr."
Tony Stark, people. Regardless of popular opinion, he knew when to shut his mouth. He kept quiet on the matters of FrostIron, WinterWidow, FalconShield, ThunderHawk, and his favourite StarkSpangledBanner.
"What does a beaker have to do with this Thorki Man Of Iron?" Thor asked, bewildered.
Darcy snickered. Sam mouthed, "What the fuck?"
Now that all the Avengers were gathered, Clint asked justifiably suspicious,"Why did you help us?"
Loki declared, "I wish to become an Avenger."
"Avenger. You." Clint asked.
"As a part-timer, yes." Loki replied.
"Why?" asked Steve.
"It sounds fun." Loki said, cool as you please.
"Fun." Natasha parroted, deadpan.
"Huh. Man's got a point." Tony responded.
"Why part-time?" demanded Sam.
"Well, I do have to fulfill my responsibilities as king as long as the Allfather is in Odinsleep now that Thor has renounced the throne."
"And what if you decide that you want to rule earth again?" Steve asked.
"If I had wanted to rule Midgard, I would have ruled Midgard." Loki huffed a sigh.
" I could have just frozen you all, or talked my way to the throne. I am the Silvertongue, and called the Trickster for a reason."
Bruce, who had deHulked said, "I did wonder, there were so many flaws in your plan. But there was the army."
"Indeed. The Chitauri, controlled by the Mad Titan which this oaf would have remembered if he had paid attention during our history lessons." Loki indicated towards the other Odinson.
"I am sorry, brother." Thor said ashamed.
"You are not...." Loki started.
Darcy cleared her throat and said, "Thorki." in sotto voce, so that only those with supersenses could hear her.
"You are not at fault; but if it makes you feel better you are forgiven, brother." Loki finished grumpily.
'Oh, look at you! Making nice with Thor" cooed Darcy."Now kiss."
He said to Steve,"If I may, I think that you would perhaps prefer to discuss and vote on this. I shall take your leave. Darcy, a moment of your time, if you would be so kind?" he finished with a hopeful look.
Bucky who had been silent grunted out a 'yes'. The avengers went on their way.
Loki held out his hand for Darcy. She linked their arms and walked slowly towards the Tower.
"So . What's this, then?" Darcy asked.
"You did say you wanted dessert." Loki replied.
"Aannd?" Darcy said in a slow drawl, prompting him to expand and continue with his answer.
"And you missed your visit to Asgard, so you also missed your nameday gift."
"Nameday.... you mean birthday gift?"
"Indeed."
"Oh."
Darcy looked around, Manhattan was covered in snow, the colours of rainbow and quite a few besides. The cars had become icecream cakes, the lamp-posts were sprinkling all manners of icecream toppings, the shops had turned into giant sundaes, the roofs were made of chocolate chips, and M n M' s.
'Oh!' She thought.
She exclaimed, "So this is?"
"This is your gift, yes." Loki said, shy all of a sudden.
"Hmm. You did say that I would know when you flirted with me." Darcy smirked.
"I do have another gift, back in my library at Asgard.. if you don't like it." He replied unsure.
"No. I quite like it. But.. your personal library in your private wing, Loki? How very delightfully forward of you!"
"Hush. I am trying to woo you." Loki beamed.
"I'd say you've already wowed me but you may certainly continue to woo me." Darcy said with a blinding smile.
"Indeed?" Loki asked.
"Indeed." Darcy replied.
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And this is how Darcy's taser and her amazing back-rubs (along with her brilliant boobs which really were a superpower, her sparkling wits and her charming personality) catapaulted her into royalty, fame and glory, defeated racism and made an honest God of Mischief out of Loki, which was contradictory and somewhat oxymoronic.
But.
Well...
It was Loki. He was the trickster.
And if Darcy was up to her own mischief, who could blame her?
Blueberry popsicle is very yummy, as Darcy would attest with a wink and a saucy smile.