Something Between Quiet and Screaming
[[So, was all that about getting even? you must feel pretty good about yourself.]]
Spider leaned heavily against the apartment door. He tried working his throat but he couldn't swallow past the rising bile.
[[Am I right or wrong?]] His voice recited, words he had commuted to memory a lifetime ago, and no amount of headbashing or brainwashing had been able to get them out.
[Rhetorical question Spider. I know you well enough that I know the answer.]
“Shut up,” he hissed, regaining bodily functions as his mind worked into overdrive. He tried to find some topic to grasp onto. Anything to just shut the voice up. It wasn't working, so he moved further into the apartment and sunk into the couch. Bone-tired arms attacked the cold food, as if it owed him money or kicked his dog-or something.
[“Why?”] It came out softly and prodding, as if from a place of concern.
“Because I fucking told you to, because you’re in my head, and because I’m the one in charge here!” the Spider snapped, arching upward in frustration. His voice had risen with each word. uncomfortable pressure flared from his eye, where he dug his palm into it. As if he could rub away all the churning thoughts that drilled through his head.
[“Oh Spidey, I know that's not the case.”]
“Fuck you.” He vowed. Tone low and dangerous, the words more of a threat than anything else. His hand dropped, and his eyes fixed ahead on the blacked out tv screen in a menacing glare. Similar features smiled back at him. Soft and concerned as ever, but nothing like his own.
[“Did he deserve it?”] Red offered, a certain kindness to it.
"Of course he did! He snuck up on us, he kept talking, and he couldn't take a hint and just leave!” His breath blew out quick and uneven in his distress, but the Spider had been given an out; he was sure in hell going to take it. "We can't have people around who can get the jump on us. I'm protecting us!"
["Oh my hero. They were all threats, weren't they? Conners, Thomson, harry, we have to eliminate threats."] The spider remained silent. ["Oh... but that's the case, isn't it? You wouldn't lie to us. You HAD to kill them, disbt you.”]
“Fucking hypocrite. As if you weren't going along with it?!” Spider hissed, and he was really starting to spiral downward. Takeout forgotten; he paced around his house where he could. Muttering and snapping like an angry dog as he did.
[“You're screwing up the facts again. I though you were better than that. I'm not complaining that you killed him, but I never once told you too.”]
((That's right! Red was basically agreeing with me! And I sure in hell wasn't rooting for you.))
“Don't you fucking start too!” he shrieked, spinning around to face empty air.
((I’m just trying to help out and clear up what happened!)) Blue's tone was guarded, then quiet. ("And you didn't exactly let the guy explain himself, either.")
[“Don't you see Spider? You might want to pass blame, but you'd take any excuse you can get to start this up again. It's in you're nature, you can't stop it. It's not your fault.”] Red taunted, but the Spider wasn't going to let it get to him. So he covered his ears and his fingers gripped into his hair.
"I'm not starting anything." he vowed, and when Red went to speak again he quickly bit down on his tongue and snapped his eyes shut. They couldn't make a point if he couldn't see them, couldn't hear them. The battle for control didn't last long.
"I'm not doing this anymore! One bad day doesn't make it all a failure, it'sjustonebadday one bad day is just that. Just a bad day. Just a-" he kept shaking his head, trying to deloge the thought from it.
(“Isn't there something to be said about repeating the same thing and expecting things to change?”)
[“something about talking to yourself, too.”]
((But don't you worry your little Spiderbutt, long as you got us to talk to, you're not crazy.~))
"You think I want you around? You fucked up my entire life! I want you out of it!" the Spider screamed. Both boxes quieted after his explosion.
((Take that back!))
Something ticked. Maybe a clock.
[[Do you honestly think you don't need me? that you could make it out there without me? I didn't paint you this shade of delusional. But you never cease to disappoint.]]
[[how many times have I picked you up off the floor when you were to weak to do it yourself?]]
The ticking slowed, Spider couldn't get a sense of time, he couldn't get a word in.
[[How many times have my plans made things better for us? Or saved your life when you couldn't.]]
Too many. He didn't like to think about it.
[[You think you'd be sitting pretty? Have you even considered the type of monster you would become?]]
Maybe it wasn't a clock, just wore it as a disguise. Count the time?
[[Of course not, because you don't think. You never think.]]
Peter shook his head until he could feel his brain rattle around from the force, and continued long after the dizziness turned into a sick sort of pain. He kept his teeth clenched until he tasted blood, and ears covered until he ripped out bits of his hair.
drip tock, tick drop.
When he finally moved his hands from his hair, and wrapped them around himself; he had long since traded the clenche teeth in favor of quiet mutters. He had to, he was so sick of the taste of blood. He didn't pick up on the silence at first, it enveloped him like a cold hug he couldn't get out of. It was Only audible once he stopped whatever mantra he spoke. He couldn't even remember the words by that point.
It stretched on, stretched him thin. He could hear the dripping in the sink two apartments down and he couldn't Ignore it. it made his skin crawl until it become nothing but an unfocused buzz in the background and he couldn't remember what drips sounded like. He wasn't sure how long he stayed in that fuzzy state.
He wouldn't admit which one he hated more.