I Lay In Tears In Bed All Night Alone Without You By My Side
The water is warm. Drifts across her cold skin in waves. Cleans off the days she's been away the blood on her hands. Skye looks down at the tub watches as it runs red then pink then clear. She's sitting in the bath tub her knees drawn up to her chest staring just staring. Sometimes at her left hand her wedding ring is on the bathroom counter. She never wears it in the shower but Grant does. He never takes the damn thing off.
The bathroom is quiet, the Playground itself seems so quiet. The spray of the shower dulled into background noise a long time ago, she's just waiting for the temperature to cool down. ''Skye are you alright? You've been in there for a while, are you ready to get out?'' She ignores Simmons, presses her cheek against the cold porcelain and closes her eyes. Grant flashes through her mind the last time she saw him. Nearly in tears as he sent her away without him.
She understands now, she does. Ellie Rose and Cal need their mother and Grant sacrificed himself so they could have her. It's not right it's not fair the mission wasn't easy but it wasn't supposed to be this tragic. At least not to her not to them. If anything heart breaking happened it was going to be with Daisy and Ward, not her and Grant. They went to that other dimension to save them, why does Skye have to suffer for that now?
If that makes her selfish then fine. She's selfish. Daisy has Ward and Grant now, so Skye doesn't have it in her to feel sorry for her counter part in this moment. Right now she's frozen, numb. Afraid. Afraid to get out of this shower this small space and face her world again. A world without Grant. A world where she has to tell her children that Coulson needs Daddy for just a little while longer, that he'll be home as soon as he can.
The Marcus in her world is gone. She tumbled after Kebo into the containment module where they first met him and it was empty. If she hadn't of lost it before when Grant was telling her there was no way he could get home, she lost it then. Marcus was Grant's only hope at getting back. Coulson had no idea what happened, just one minute he was there and then he wasn't. Skye sobbed into her hands didn't understand any of it.
Marcus told her when she left to get Grant back that he would know when they needed to return. So what happened? Where did he go? Why didn't he bring them back the second they saved Ward from Hive? When Grant rescued Daisy and helped her get over being brain washed? Why is she here and her husband isn't? At first when Skye was able to get control over herself and stop crying she thought perhaps since Marcus died in Daisy's world maybe he died here too.
But then Kebo was killed and he's fine. He picked Skye up off the floor and held her while she cried, while she choked out exactly what happened and why Grant wasn't next to her. It was then she noticed Marcus wasn't present, that Coulson told her he vanished into thin air. That her last chance at getting the father of her children back to them was gone. So here she sits, waiting for the water to turn into ice. For her to feel something anything.
''Skye you've been in there for nearly an hour, don't you want to see Ellie and Cal? I'm sure they will be so happy to see you''. ''I can't see them like this Simmons. Not without their father. What am I supposed to say? The excuse that Coulson needs him at work isn't going to work forever. Then what? What am I supposed to do when they ask me where he is? What if he never comes back? I can't be a single mom I don't know how to sleep alone.
Cal, god he adores Ward how is he going to cope with this? And how am I going to get them to sleep? Ward reads them bedtime stories and he does this thing with his voice that I can't. He takes them fishing sometimes and I don't know how to fish. Who's going to teach Cal how to throw a baseball or pick up a girl? Simmons I can't do this alone I can't. I don't know how to wake up without him or not kiss him goodnight before I sleep and''-
Skye sobs into her knees. ''They have never been without Ward before, save for a few days or a week or two tops. I can't do this by myself, how am I going to do this by myself? Ellie starts school soon and Grant won't be there to pack her lunch or drop her off. Won't be able to kiss her goodybye or hold me when I cry. And he won't stand outside her door watching her to make sure no one is mean to her or pulls her hair. And no single moms will stare at him and I won't be able to kiss him in front of them and oh god I can't Simmons I can't do this''.
Jemma is quiet for a long time, until the water finally turns into ice. ''You won't be alone Skye, we're here for you. Shield isn't going anywhere. And we're looking for a way to bring Grant back and I'm sure he is doing the same thing on his end. You don't need to worry about that right now, okay? Just take one day at a time''. Skye slowly gets out of the shower and grabs a towel off the toliet. Simmons is sitting on the counter, wiping her own tears.
''Besides Ward promised you he'd come back right? And he never breaks his promises to you''. She leaves the bathroom while Skye changes into fresh clothes. Comes back and cleans her face, checks her over for any injuries. ''How did you get those bruises?'' Skye had forgotten about her fight with Hive, with the Shield agent, with her own self. ''I'll tell you later. Where's Coulson? If he's waiting for a brief I don't think I can give him one''.
Simmons smiles at her, takes Skye's hands in her own. ''Kebo already did, you don't have to do anything but get something to eat. Get some rest if you like''. Skye closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, into her lungs out through her nose. She can do this. She's lived without Grant before she can do it again. That's not the problem. She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to do any of this. Skye doesn't want to look into Ellie and Cal's eyes when she tells them Daddy is going to be gone a lot longer than they thought.
That he loves them so so much and he'll be home before they know it. How does she do that? They won't understand, and when they keep asking and asking for him what is she going to do? How is she going to do any of this? ''You won't be alone Skye, everyone is here for you. Whatever you need day or night. We're your family too, you know that''. Skye slips on her wedding ring, runs the silver back and forth across her skin can't stop staring at it.
''Thank you Simmons''. Skye hugs her hard and Simmons returns the gesture. They leave the spare bunk hand in hand, Kebo is waiting on the other side. Hands her a sandwich and a bottle of water. ''You can eat on the way home if you'd like''. Home. Kebo squeezes her shoulder when the word makes her wince. She wants to see her children more than anything she's missed them like a part of her is gone. She's just dreading telling them about Grant.
''Okay''. Coulson, Mack and Fitz are in the hallway as they walk to the exit. It's strange Skye thinks, she's waiting for Ward or Daisy to pop out somewhere. It's weird, even though it's been a short amount of time she misses them. ''May and Thomas took Ellie Rose and Cal to the zoo yesterday, they loved it. Ask Ellie about the octopus, ask Cal about the giraffes. Keep their minds occupied for a while''. Coulson tells her as she hugs him.
''Thanks''. Fitz tells her he's working on the same portal they rescued Simmons from all those years ago. That Shield will stop at nothing until they have Grant back. ''Thomas and Mack are going to stay with you, help you''. Coulson comments and she's too tired to be annoyed by him making decisions for her. Too sad to even care or comment that she doesn't need a baby sitter or a protection detail. In the long run she'll appreciate the support but right now all she wants is to see her kids. Go home and hold them, tell them how much she loves them.
''Whenever you're ready Tremors''. Skye hugs Fitz, Simmons and Coulson one more time before leaving. ''If you need anything just call Skye, we'll come up and visit shortly''. She nods and then her Kebo and Mack are stepping outside and the doors are closing. ''Twenty bucks says you'll be just fine''. Kebo whispers and then Skye just starts laughing. She can't stop and Kebo joins her until they're both leaning against the car clutching their stomachs. ''My husband got left in another dimension''. ''And you got into a fight with another version of yourself''.
''And you died!'' They laugh and laugh until they cry and Kebo holds her long after her eyes are dry. ''You still owe me twenty bucks for the Vault D thing''. She tells him when they pull away from the Playground. Kebo curses under his breath, ''thought you forgot about that''. ''Nope''. Nothing else is said as they keep driving. When they reach the familiar roads leading to her house Skye starts trembling. Kebo takes her hand and gives her a reassuring nod.
She can do this. She's strong she can do this. Ward will be back before she knows it and everything will be fine. They will find a way to bring him back and until they do she can do this. Skye has to be strong for her kids. Kebo opens her car door and she looks at her home in a different light. A darker kind the one without her husband. If there's really no way to save him will she be able to face all of this alone?
''Mommy!'' A light breaks through. Yes, yes she will. Ellie Rose and Cal stumble out the red front door and run across the yard to her. She gets on her knees arms wide open a smile all over her face. Ellie is the first to reach her with her wraps her arms around Skye and holds her like she never wants to let her go. Cal stumbles into her other arm, they both cry as they bury their faces in her neck. Skye runs her hands through their hair, closes her eyes breathes it all in.
Let's the tears fall even though she swore she wouldn't cry. ''Mommy why are you sad?'' Ellie Rose asks as she cups Skye's face. Skye smiles and kisses her, ''Mommy just missed you and Cal so much''. She hugs them hard again, kisses their foreheads their noses. Tells them she loves them over and over again. ''Mommy where's Daddy?'' Cal, little Cal who looks so much like Ward it physically aches when she looks over at him.
''Where is Daddy? I saw an octopus yesterday just like the stuffed one Uncle Kebo got me and I have to tell Daddy!'' They start looking around the yard for him, Skye sees their small eyes skip over to the car like he might be hiding from them. Slowly and carefully she turns their attention back to her. ''Daddy couldn't come with Mommy, he needed to stay and do more work''. Instant tears. Ellie stamps her foot, Cal starts wailing. It breaks her heart.
She soothes them, calms them by pulling them into her lap and rocking them back and forth. ''But you know what? Daddy has a message for you guys, he wanted me to tell you that he loves you both very much. And he will be back soon, you know that don't you? That Daddy loves you?'' Ellie and Cal nod, tell her Daddy needs to hurry up and get back so they can continue the game of tag they started before he left. It makes Skye laugh despite everything.
''What no hugs for your favorite Uncle?'' ''Uncle Kebo!'' Ellie abandons Skye and runs to Kebo, Cal lingers. Holds onto her even when she gets up and walks into the house. Stays wrapped around her neck like ivory, not that she minds. ''How were they?'' Skye asks Thomas and May when she enters the living room. ''Perfect. They missed you and Grant''. Buddy and Peanut come to greet her next, god she's missed this. She's never leaving again.
''What happened to my brother?'' Skye has just now managed to put the kids in bed, they refused to let her leave until they fell asleep, not that she wanted to. More than likely she will go curl up in Ellie's bed when she goes to bed. She doesn't think she can handle going into her own room yet. With the sheets that smell like Grant and his pillow his side of the bed empty and cold. Skye joins Mack and Thomas on the couch, Kebo has taken Buddy and Peanut outside.
May went back to Coulson a few hours ago, said the kids were angels and she will do everything she can to get Ward back. Skye sighs and takes the beer held out to her, gulps down a long needed sip. ''Everything happened so fast. One minute we were on our way home and the next I'm alone''. Thomas was given a brief explaination of the mission but not the full report. Skye gives him a small summary and then skips to the end.
''There wasn't enough time there was nothing I could do''. She cries into Mack's shirt and Thomas just looks so sad. ''He's a survivor Skye, he'll come back''. ''What if he doesn't? What if he's stuck in that other world forever? It's not fair none of this is. My kids need their father, they can't spend the rest of their lives without him''. ''They won't. Skye he isn't going to abandon you or your family. If there's one thing I know about my brother it's that he loves you, he loves his kids. If there's a way even if it's impossible he'll find it''.
Skye wants to believe Thomas, she wants to believe in Grant, in Shield. But if the only person in the world who can bring her husband back is missing what are they going to do? How did any of this happen?
The sun is coming up against the curtains in Ellie and Cal's room. It's creeping into the windows slowly, Skye blinks. She couldn't sleep. Just stretched out next to Ellie Rose who is snuggled up to her chest, Cal crawled into the small bed some time in the night and is resting on Skye's other side. Their breathing quiet and soothing, Skye just listened to it all night. Not moving, not dreaming. Just thinking of Grant and their life together.
It's been a wonderful beautiful life that neither of them would trade for anything. She prays to god that Grant comes home to them. Because if not she's going to lose her mind.