Without You Here I Feel So Low
Skye watches. She waits. She makes breakfast, does laundry, puts the kids to bed, cleans up around the house. All the while glancing out windows, the back doors. Watching waiting. For a miracle. Maybe once when she looks up Grant will appear out of the trees with a smile on his face, tell her he loves her. Will hold Ellie and Cal and all will be right in the world. This past week won't matter, he will come back and everything will be fine.
She can't sleep. She either lies awake in Ellie's bed or on the couch. Staring at the celing tossing and turning. Eventually drifting off only for a few hours. Skye isn't used to sleeping alone. Sure she can handle a couple of days when Ward was on a mission. But weeks, months possibly years? The rest of her life? Out of the question. Coulson and May tell her not to think like that, that nothing on this earth will keep Grant from his family.
But if the only person who can bring him back is dead in one world and gone in the other, how? How is he going to make it back to them? Fitz has a few ideas one being the portal that he dove through to rescue Simmons all that time ago. He tells Skye and Thomas to have faith, to give him some time. So she waits and waits and waits. It feels like months have gone by not just eight days.
She's doing her best, going through the motions.
''You made Daddy's pancakes again''. Skye looks over her shoulder at Ellie Rose who is sitting at the kitchen table, looking at her like Grant does. Observant, studying her. It's unnerving, how had Skye never noticed she did that until now? Cal is on her hip and is looking down at the skilet below them where slightly burned pumpkin pancakes sit. A look of distaste on his face. ''Daddy made the pancakes bigger''. Ellie comments as she gets the pecan syrup from the pantry.
''I know honey''. Skye turns off the stove, peels off the burned edges and places the pancakes on the table. Moves Cal to sit by his sister and Skye across from them. Thomas sets glasses of orange juice in front of them, Mack has a plate of bacon in the middle of the table. In the week since she's been back her and the kids have fallen into a routine. It's simple and easy, similiar to the one they had before Ward left for his mission.
But the absence of him sticks out like a sore thumb, throbbing and painful. Aching. Cal and Ellie still cry for him at bedtime, still ask her every day when he's coming back. Having Thomas, Mack and Kebo here make things better. But they will never be Ward. Kebo has been keeping his distance, not from the kids but from her. Skye knows it's because Kebo blames himself for going first, for coming back to their world before them. If her and Grant went first Kebo would be stuck in the other world. Not Grant.
She doesn't blame him, sure the thought crossed her mind but it wasn't Kebo's fault. No one could have known what was going to happen. Skye picks at the pancakes and agrees with her daughter, Daddy makes these so much better than her. Not even the pecan syrup improves them. ''Mommy can Uncle Kebo make us waffles?'' Ellie asks, guilt strong in her voice. She doesn't want to hurt Skye's feelings but these pancakes aren't doing it for anyone.
''Come on they aren't that bad Rosie''. Thomas says, taking a bite for emphasis and then hiding the fact that he gags. ''Thomas leave the masking your pain in front of beautiful women to your brother, okay?'' Skye whispers as she picks up their plates and tosses the pancakes into the trash. Kebo comes in from outside and starts making waffles while Cal and Ellie Rose sit and watch him. ''Don't forget the octopus''. ''Wouldn't dream of it kid''.
Skye runs her fingers over her wedding ring, backing out of the kitchen and into the living room. Sits on the couch and looks at the mantle above the fireplace where pictures in frames are clustered together. One of Skye and Grant's wedding day, a few of Ellie, a few of Cal, one after her and Grant were engaged. And one after they found out she was pregnant with Cal. More photos spread out in the living room, Ellie's first birthday party.
Cal's first birthday, the ones that were taken of her and Grant as they held their babies for the first time. The family photo they took a few months ago. Grant is holding Cal and Skye Ellie Rose, Grant's free arm around both of them. The mountains in the background. It's one of Skye's favorites. Over the years she's been so happy to give Grant the life he's always wanted. A family, people who love him unconditionally with no strings attatched.
He can't lose that. He fought and bled to get where he is, with his wife and children. It can't just be over like this. In a blink of an eye she can't lose him, he can't lose them. It's not fair. They've been through too much to have it all stripped away now. Doesn't the universe know her children need their father? Doesn't it care? Hasn't it already taken so much from her, from him? When does it end? When will the suffering finally be over?
Skye glances back over the kitchen where Kebo is pouring batter into the waffle maker Grant got him a few years back, a look of defeat on his face. Kebo misses Grant as well, he's just better at hiding it. Skye knows he too hasn't been sleeping well, she catches him pacing the halls or going for long walks outside in the middle of the night. Buddy sensing her distress much like his master, goes over to her and lays down beside her.
His head in her lap, soothing her in a way. Skye smiles and pets him slowly, their other dog Peanut joins in and soon is sleeping peacefully on her other side. Skye hadn't really been a dog person before until Grant wanted one. It was right after they settled into this house in what seems like ages ago, he mentioned getting a dog and she agreed because she knew he wanted it. Knew how much it still hurt when his first dog out in the woods was killed by Garrett.
''Ellie mentioned this morning she wanted to go back to the zoo. Maybe it'll get their minds off everything, for a while anyway''. Mack tells her as he leans against the back of the couch. So they do. And it's a perfect day. Skye enjoys it, watching how excited and happy Ellie and Cal are as they spend all day at the zoo. Tugging on her hand, pointing to all the different animals. She just wished Grant was there with her, with their children who look so much like him.
''You need to stop this''. Skye tells Kebo as she sees him pass by the couch for the tenth time. It's around four in the morning, the fire she started hours ago is slowly starting to burn off. The embers in the fire place creating a warm soft glow in the living room. Thomas is asleep in the guest bedroom and Mack is dozing on the other couch to her right. Kebo stops by the front door, won't look at her. ''Stop what? You know I pace when I'm stressed''.
''Don't play stupid Popeye you know exactly what I'm talking about. Stop ignoring me''. ''I'm not''- She gives him a look and he sighs in defeat, joins her on the couch. ''You have to stop blaming yourself, it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known we were going to be attacked, you didn't know Grant was going to be left behind''. There's guilt heavy in his eyes when he looks at her, his hands are shaking.
''If I hadn't of gone first your husband would be here, here with you and your children. They wouldn't have to ask you where he is every day, wouldn't throw fits at night because he's not here to tuck them in. Quake I'm the reason you're sad, the reason your little Hydra babies are sad. Grant should of gone before me, I should be in that other world not him. This is my fault, you should hate me, kick me out in the cold''. Skye rolls her eyes, ''always so dramatic''.
''Quake''- ''Popeye look at me''. He does and she places her hand on his. ''I don't hate you, I'm not angry with you. I don't blame you and I'm not kicking you out you idiot. No matter how we slice it someone would have been left in that other world, you or me. It just happened to be Grant. I don't know if there's a way to bring him back but if there is, Fitz will find it. And I have no doubts Grant is trying to find his own way back to us. It's not on you, none of this is''.
They're silent for a few minutes, staring into the dying fire. ''Besides I can't do this without you''. She knocks her shoulder into his and he chuckles, ''yeah there's that''. ''And if you were left with Daisy and Ward it would be like trying to fix our relationship all over again from scratch. Are you sure you want to do go through that again?'' ''God no. Alright I take it back, I'm glad I'm here and not there''. They laugh about it for a few minutes quietly.
''I don't think Ellie Rose and Cal will be able to make it much longer without him. They've never been away from him for this long. I hate this, I hate telling them that Daddy will be home soon when I don't even know if that's true. Popeye what if he never comes back? What if he can't figure out a way there and Fitz can't do anything here? What the hell am I going to do?'' Kebo puts an arm around her shoulders, ''what you have to. Raise his kids, tell them everyday how much Ward loves them''.
Skye takes a deep breath and calms her emotions down, she's so tired of crying. ''That was not helpful at all''. Kebo chuckles but it doesn't meet his eyes. ''Yeah I know. Sorry I was being an ass''. She shrugs, ''just keep making those waffles and we'll be good. Because obviously I suck at making breakfast''. ''The Director is the master at making pumpkin pancakes, what were you even thinking Quake?'' She sighs, ''that I miss him''. ''Me too, me too''.
*
''You really think this will work?'' Daisy watches as Grant and Ward sit hunched over the kitchen table, Fitz nex to them. It's been nearly a week since Skye and Kebo were able to go back to their world and Grant wasn't. He didn't react well. The woods they were in became engulfed in flames a few seconds after Skye vanished. Trees burned, smoke filled the air at a rapid rate. The grass turned black by the flames that sprung from his hands.
Ward had to pull her away and into the car they came in on, letting Grant work out his grief. It took half an hour and then he was back in the driver's seat. Said there was no way Ward could go back to Shield that Coulson was out for blood. Gave Daisy an option if she was in or out, they could drop her off back to Lincoln to Shield if she wanted. Ward had a safe house nearby that they needed to get to as soon as possible.
How could she not go with him? Grant saved her from Hive, helped her in those dark days when she didn't know who she was. When her brain was a mess seemingly broken beyond repair. So now they're in a safe house and spend all their time boucing ideas off each other on how to get him back to his family. Fitz came along a few days ago, said there was a high possibility of the portal he rescued Simmons from could work the same way for Grant.
Seeing Fitz interact with Ward without hate is something new for her. She wonders how the Fitz and Grant in his world are, if they're friends like they once were. Before. ''It should, we can test it out in the morning''. Fitz carefully lays out paper after paper on the kitchen table, leans over his work to inspect for any flaws. ''Thank you Fitz for doing this''. Grant tells him, this hollow look in his eyes. ''Of course, it's the least I can do''.
He meets Daisy's eye and she winks at him. Over the past week Grant hasn't been able to hide the grief, the pain he's going through. He could very well never see his wife or children again, Daisy has no idea what he could even be feeling right now. He lost his world in half a second. He blinked and Skye was gone, his opportunity at going home was just gone. Ward gets up from the table, gets a beer and then stands next to her.
Nods to the door and she agrees. Follows him outside as Fitz and Grant continue to talk. ''You really think this is going to work?'' Daisy asks him, leaning into him slightly. Over the past week her and Ward have gotten closer and she'd be lying if she said she hasn't missed it, missed him. The way he looks at her like she's the sun. How he's always ready to defend her at a moment's notice. how he's always there when she needs him.
Maybe it's because she saw how happy Skye and Grant were around each other, maybe she wants that. That pure love the kind that leaves you breathless but you keep coming back for more. It could hurt you it could kill you but you just keep fighting for it. Because that kind of love doesn't die, it doesn't fade away. Daisy craves that, wants that kind of passion. And she knows that won't exist with Lincoln, she knows that in her heart.
''Hopefully. I don't see why it wouldn't''. Ward offers her a sip from his beer and she takes it. He hasn't kissed her since that night in the woods, right before Skye and Kebo left. In fact he hasn't touched her at all. At first she thought it was because he regretted it. But then she realized he's trying to be respectful, she's still with Lincoln. His words that night haven't left her, every time she looks at him she can hear them clear as day.
''We can't Ward. I have a boyfriend''. ''And you could have so much more''.
When this is all over she'll tell him. Tell Lincoln that yes she does love him, she cares about him so much. But she's not in love with him. That she values him and wants to have the easy friendship they found at the Afterlife, but she just can't be with him. Not the way he wants. ''What are you thinking about?'' Daisy looks up to Ward's deep warm eyes. ''Just that if we don't get Grant home soon he's going to lose it''. They both glance through the window at him.
Glaring at the sheets of paper in front of him like he can make the portal appear and work right here and now. He's desperate, he'd sell his own soul to make it back to Ellie Rose and Cal. He would move heaven and earth if that's what it took to be at home with his wife, to kiss her again. He hasn't been sleeping well either, it's nearly impossible without Skye next to him. He just stares up at the ceiling, his family's smiling faces burned into his brain.
Grant refuses to even think about the fact that this portal couldn't work. That there's no way he can get home. Failure has never been an optioin for him and he is not about to start now. ''Fitz if this doesn't work what's our next option?'' Grant looks at the scientist and his heart sinks just a tad when he sees the nervous expression on his face. ''We'll just have to try something else. i'm sorry Grant but right now this is our best and only option''.
Grant looks out the window to see Ward and Daisy watching him, huddled close together. Well at least one good thing is happening out of all of this. He recognizes the look on Daisy's face and on Ward's. They're falling in love, and he's greatful for that. That even if this entire mission turned to hell he was still able to salvage something. In the end he accomplished what Marcus sent him here to do. Save Ward, save Daisy.
And when he's gone they will continue to save each other, love each other. That will never change no matter what universe they're in.