Don't tell me... [that you love me]

Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it.**

"My name is Bruce Banner."

"Bruce Banner... that... Hulk?"

"That's right, you've heard of me? They apparently writing poems about me," the man laughed, sitting next to the machine which was connected to Brock.

"Yeah. They saying you leave a huge mess behind... You do it often? I mean... taking the strays with you," he muttered quietly, speaking caused him a pain.

"You mean saving someone's life? I don't pass indifferently by someone's suffering if that's what you mean."

"I could be a murderer, who would slit your throat at night."

"I don't think you could, but you're welcome to try. I have a reason to trust you," he smiled, handing him a glass of water. Brock had to make a very silly face, because the man got up and walked to the cabinet. He took from it an object and threw it on the bed. His phone, and on the screen Tony's smiling face. "Friends of Stark are my friends. You know, Science Bros stuff."

Phone screen was a bit shattered. He took this picture a few days before freezing. They made a little picnic outside the base. If he could turn back time... he'd think of other way. He touched a cracked glass with a fingertip and glanced at the doctor. Had he owed life to a photography? He tilted his head back, closed his eyes and sighed.

"You have no idea whom you saved," he said after a moment's thought.

"Member of HYDRA. Brock Rumlow, codename Crossbones."

"What..." Brock suddenly opened his eyes and tried to get up, he couldn't believe his ears. Banner knew him, knew who he was and still saved him. He hissed, feeling a terrible pain in his chest.

"Lie down," Bruce snapped, pushing him back gently on the pillows, through a cannula on the hand he gave him dose of painkillers. "Actually, I wanted to kill you, back on the station... as soon as I saw this picture. I knew who you are, recognized you pretty fast. But I looked through the phone..."

"Not nice to poke at someone else's things," Brock tried to laugh, but it came out badly. Painkillers began to work, they were terribly strong, the world began to sway a little.

"I found a recording," Bruce continued, sitting still at his spot next to the machine. "It convinced me."

"What recording?" Brock didn't understand.

Bruce laughed once again, taking the phone from him. He searched records in the files and when he found what he wanted, he handed the object back to the owner. Brock saw Tony on the screen, grinning widely. He was smiling as if he was doing something forbidden, sparks of happiness danced in his eyes. He looked lovely. As always. He was lying on the bed, on his stomach with a pillow under the chin.

"You left for the morning meeting like you were burned, late as usual. No wonder though, in the end you fall asleep and wake up with the most handsome guy in the world. I took your phone last night, you didn't even noticed," said the Tony on the screen, playfully winking at him and biting his lower lip. He looked pleased. "I wanted to record something naughty, so you would have something to watch on those boring meetings, but I changed my mind."

Brock laughed watching this. Indeed, there was a day when he lost his phone. He remembered how he raged. He had to urgently contact the Red Skull and couldn't. He found phone much later on the nightstand in the bedroom... he thought he just forgot. And now he finds out that Tony just took it. He wasn't even mad, it was charming on its own way. Even the consequences that he met for the lack of contact with the Red Skull seemed ridiculous. But what he said later, erased his smile from the face.

"I know you want to freeze me. I heard your conversation with Viper. I know I shouldn't eavesdrop... it just happened. Cold cage seems to be a grim prospect... But I fully agree with that decision." Tony on the screen licked his lips, staring at the pillow. "I'm unstable recently. I don't know what I'm doing. I have the feeling that I never knew. I've been having strange dreams lately, they frighten me. I see a hole in the sky, I press on towards it. Suddenly I am surrounded by a pervasive emptiness, full of strange creatures, fear paralyzes me. And then I don't know why I start to fall. Everything is over, I think I'm dying. I don't really know. Then the picture changes. I am somewhere in the middle of the forest, it's dark, I hear shots, a car crashes into a tree... a man on a motorcycle stops on his way and execute people from the car... they look familiar, Brock... so familiar... I feel like I know them very well. This killer looks at me and the scene goes blurry. I'm on a terrace in the wilderness, leaning against the railing, don't know what I'm doing there. And someone comes, embrace me... and when I turn around I see the same guy from before. That killer. He has gray eyes and long, wavy hair... I dream about him for some time now. Almost every night. He bends down and kisses me... I don't know what to do, don't know what's going on so I run. It's sick. Do you remember when I asked whether you had longer hair and lenses? It all began back then. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I... I wanted to thank you. You know, for everything you did for me. You defended me all the time, helped... Words cannot express my gratitude. If it wasn't for you, they would kill me here long time ago. Or made me a monster. That didn't happened. Thanks to you. I don't know what will happen during the freeze, you might never wake me up again so I wanted you to know this all. You know, you're important to me and..."

"Tony? You not sleeping?" Brock heard his own voice on the recording.

"...and you just came home," Tony rolled his eyes turning away from the phone, but didn't stop recording. Brock saw himself as walks into the bedroom.

"You haven't seen my phone?"

"On the nightstand," Tony said, but when the other man wanted to reach for an object, he tapped him on the hand. "You didn't beat the dragon. Treasure comes after you defeat the dragon."

"Not so long ago you were playing a princess."

"The princess turned into a dragon."

"Strange fairy tale you have there," Brock on the screen laughed and leaned over Tony. At some point, Stark threw back his head and moaned. Phone lying on the cabinet, gave the perfect view, every detail was recorded. "Another nightmare, Tony?"

"Yes..." the genius sighed groping for a phone. That's when he turned off the recording.

Brock smiled to himself at the memory of that day. They spent half the day in bed if not more. He glanced sideways at Banner, who also smiled. Well, he'd seen this video much earlier than him. Brock didn't even had a clue that Tony was making something in his phone. They loved to fatigue back then. It's just that Brock also knew that all this had the second, frightening bottom. Banner doesn't know what really happened...

"And that convinced you to save my life?" he finally asked, breaking the silence.

"Somewhat. It is a pity that more is not recorded."

Finally they managed to get to Stark's Tower in one piece, two weeks later. They met Natasha in kitchen's doorway, her jaw almost dropped to the floor at the sight of them. Even if she assumed Stark was alive, it was a huge shock to see him standing in front of her. He didn't recognized her. Bucky would be surprised if he remembered anyone. Without saying much he dragged the genius to the shower, and at the same time Natasha prepared them a hot meal – eggs with bacon and hot tea with lemon. Only after all this, Tony had a chance to say hello to his own AI, FRIDAY. He seemed as if he remembered her, but he was so tired he could barely stand on his feet. He had not slept for several days, few times had high fever and was delirious. Bucky knew it was caused by the thing Madame Hydra injected to him, but Tony insisted that it was nothing and he'll be fine. That it wasn't anything dangerous. After the meal Bucky took him in his arms and carried upstairs to the penthouse. FRIDAY immediately opened the door, allowing him to enter. For the first time since Tony's disappearance, he could come in here. He put him into the bed and covered with a blanket. The genius immediately fell into in a dream. Bucky stroked his hair for a moment, until he heard FRIDAY's voice.

"I kindly request that you leave the penthouse, Sergeant Barnes. I'm really grateful that your mission was a success, however, now Boss needs a rest."

"Understood," he replied, smiling faintly.

He didn't want to leave, he wanted to stay there but FRIDAY was right. Tony needed a rest. He no longer needed his care and protection, all that his AI could do. He felt a bit sad. He went towards his room, down the hall he bumped into Steve. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't noticed him.

"Hey, Buck. I was looking for you. Do you want to maybe, train together a bit?" Steve asked, giving him a warm smile.

"Steve... it's good to see ya again," Bucky answered with a sincere, wide smile. "I have a little surprise for you, but it has to wait 'till tomorrow. So what, trainin'?"

"Surprise? What you've done this time?" the blonde laughed, pulling his best friend towards the gym.

They trained 'till morning, bright light entered the room through the window...

Tony appeared in daily news on TV screen around noon, surrounded by the staff of journalists. He explained the matter of his disappearance, that he was HYDRA's hostage. He told everything he knew apart from some facts he couldn't say loud. Probably after the interviews there will be the investigation, and process in which Tony will regain his property rights, which previously passed on Rhodes. Brock sat in front of the TV, he was proud of him. He'd love to go to New York to help him somehow, but Bruce said that unless he recover he won't move from this place. He didn't want to mess with Hulk, really not.

"It's good to know that he's alive," a voice came from above him.

"He's still not safe," Brock said, burying himself into the back of the seat.

"What do you mean?"

"You won't believe anyway," he laughed hoarsely. Bruce, however, glared at him. "Do you know who's the new HYDRA leader?"

"I thought there is a man called Red Skull."

"Oh, yes. There was. Recently, it's none other than Steve Rogers. Captain America."

Brock carefully watched Banner, who now moved to another armchair and sank helplessly into it with a beer in his hand. His eyes were absent, he was thinking about what Brock said. It surprised him that Bruce didn't begin to defend Steve. He just became silent for a few moments.

"I've never liked that guy," he said finally. "He seemed... dubious."

"You believe me?" Brock asked, choking on his own saliva. He didn't believe his ears.

"There are two guys, one idealized and perfect. He never makes mistakes and is always right, or so he claims. The pattern of virtue, the world loves him. And the second, a criminal whom the world hates. He devotes his life and interests to save his enemy. Even kill his own people. Back on the station I saw only HYDRA's people, HYDRA killing HYDRA. Interesting. Your version speaks to me, although I haven't heard Steve's one."

"So know you know why I'm in hurry."

"As soon as you recover, we'll both go to New York. Tony needs support."

Tony knew very well that eventually this will happen. That eventually they will meet each other, even though he tried hard to avoid Steve. According to the schedule he should be now on his morning jog, but instead he found him in the kitchen with the others. Leaning against the countertop cupboards, scratching Bucky's neck, clearly flirting with him... and Bucky... was pleased. That wasn't the reason why Tony was upset, though. The mere presence of Rogers was enough. If I won't be there once you wake up... you must run. Trust no one. Steve Rogers is your worst enemy. He felt a tightness in the chest, breathing became shallow, it dazed him. He felt fear. To his nostrils came the stench of burning flesh, he saw the chair and Rogers who was standing beside it. He was often present during the Wipes. Tony tightly grasped the counter to keep the balance. In the next second he noticed that Bucky stands next to him, trying to calm him down, he also had fear in his eyes. The genius immediately pushed him back, he was scared, this guy was a friend of his enemy. Tony forced himself to flee, stumbling over his own feet he ran ahead the corridor. Eventually he bumped into someone and landed on the floor.

"Hey, watch it...! Tony...? Tony?!" it was a woman's voice, a little nervous, but Tony didn't had time to think this over. He was too engrossed in his own nightmare. He felt a strange warmth, everything went black. He was once again in HYDRA's base...

Again he was sitting on The Chair, again he was chained and couldn't escape. He jerked, screaming. Panic seized him. He was meant to be safe. Suddenly someone ran up to him. The same woman he ran into the hallway. Her name was... Wanda. How the hell they were here now? In HYDRA's base? What's happening here?

"Dear God... Tony! What they've done to you?!" she screamed trying to unfasten the straps that hampered him.

"He's coming..." Tony whispered, closing his eyes.

"Who? Who's coming?!" somehow she broke one lock and one of his hand was free. The door behind them opened. Steve Rogers walked into the room. "Steve?"

Do not worry, Tony. It will hurt only for a moment. I'll show you where you belong... Steve smiled, stepping closer. He ignored Wanda, as if she wasn't even there. He noticed her only when she stood in front of him, with her magic she sent him flying across the room.

Nightmare blurred in the air, they were back on the corridor. Wanda held him in her arms and stroked his head reassuringly. She began to hum some idiotic song, but it didn't matter anymore. Soon after, Bucky found them. He ran up to them, he threw himself on his knees and immediately started to apologize. When Tony began to struggle again, feeling panic attack coming back, Wanda told Barnes to step aside, and the best would be to go to hell. Then she walked him to the penthouse, ignoring Bucky's cries. His old enemy became his support and friend.

"I'm sorry, Tony. I entered your mind by accident," she said apologetically, when they were already in a safe place. "That was memory, right?"

Tony nodded, unable to say anything. For a long time he silently sat on the sofa. Wanda in the meantime brought him a glass of water. But instead of drinking, he held it in his hands.

"Don't tell anyone," he finally said.

"What?! It must come out!"

"Don't tell anyone," he repeated more forcefully. "No one will believe this. Besides, this is my problem, my demons to fight."

Bucky woke up in the middle of the night when he heard the door of the room open. Something came inside, slipped under the covers. Someone. Someone sat astride him and began to gently rub the butt against his crotch. He wanted to shake that someone off and give him a lesson when he heard a low moan. Tony? Bucky reached out to the bedside table and turned on the lamp. Stark, indeed. He hung above him, his cheeks covered with clear blush. He was feverish. Naked from the waist up. He kept moving his hips, Bucky's dick twitched. It was sick, what happened here? Before he got carried away, he dug his fingers in Tony's hips and stopped him in place.

"Tony, what are you doing?" he blurted out, looking straight into hazel eyes.

"You don't want to?"

"I do. Of course I do. But you come in the middle of the night, so suddenly..." he began, but Tony cut him off with a kiss.

"So fuck with me," he murmured sensually.

Something, however, was disturbing. Tony never behaved like this. Bucky pulled him away from himself. Stark raised the eyebrows, something in his eyes bothered him. They were cold and emotionless. And just now he realized Tony's movements weren't spontaneous. They were mechanical, devoid of feelings. He meant the sex, a physical contact. That's all. No feelings. No love. It angered him. He rolled Tony onto his back and pinned to the bed.

"What's wrong?" he snapped, a bit too aggressively.

"Don't pretend you care now," Tony laughed, again rubbing himself against Bucky. "Come on, I know you want this."

"No. Not like this."

"What's the difference?" Tony frowned, watching him closely.

"I love you. Love you, you get that?"

"You're crazy."

"You too. We fit together."

Two weeks later, unknown place...

"Are you telling me that..."

"That Stark needs sex to reset himself. This is his response to the nightmares, panic attacks and high stress. HYDRA never gave him full access to the workshop, so he had to find another way. Reset is needed. It helps him to keep his sanity."

"You know what, Brock? I think it's time to go to New York..."

"I think so too, lot of time passed. I'm afraid something bad is going to happen."

He stood on the roof of the tower, blood running from his shoulder. He was breathing hard, had no strength to continue the fight, but his life was in danger. How did this happen? He didn't know. Steve somehow got into his penthouse. FRIDAY didn't answer his calls, something bad was going on here. You'll be on your own, Tony. It was hard for him to compete with the strength of the supersoldier. Rogers rushed at him again. He managed to dodge, but stumbled and fell to the floor. He heard a mischievous laugh over him. He felt a kick in the ribs. He screamed in pain. He remembered yesterday's brawl, when Bucky defended Steve... With each passing day it was getting worse and worse. With each day they considered him going more crazy, obsessed... Everyone except Wanda. She knew the truth, but promised she won't say anything loud. Good. He didn't want to cause even more troubles. Steve suddenly tugged at his hair up. It hurt. Tony swore and with his last strength he forced to turnover, with a knee he hit the blonde's groin. The man doubled over, the genius used this and kicked him once again, he sent him on the floor. Suddenly he heard someone's scream. Before he had a chance to spot the person, Bucky appeared in front of him. He stretched out his hands ready to defend his friend at all costs. Wasn't it always this way? They'd die for each other. Tony knew this, but why it hurt? He was repeating he loves the genius, an empty words with no meaning. Behind Bucky lays Steve giving him a smirk. You didn't win yet.

"Tony, what are you doin'? Calm down. He's our friend."

"Only yours," Tony growled.

He lunged forward like a wild animal. Bucky tried to block him, but the genius was faster. He got past him and ran straight at Steve. He, however, turned on his stomach and sweeped him. Tony stumbled, didn't notice he's on the edge of the roof. At the last moment he tried to catch something, but his hands stopped to listen to him. He had no strength for anything. For a split second he saw Bucky's frightened look, that he rushed in his direction but wasn't fast enough. Tony was falling down...

In the meantime, to the Stark's Tower roof came none other than Brock Rumlow and Bruce Banner...

Crawling in my skin 
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real  

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming, confusing  
This lack of self control I fear is never ending  
Controlling, I can't seem  

To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(Without a sense of confidence I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure   ***