Some Days It's Hard to See If I Was A Fool Or You A Thief
Grant Ward takes a sip from his coffee slowly, careful not to burn the skin of his tongue. He looks around the small diner which is right off the highway, with expert eyes that see nothing out of place. He glances at the watch on his wrist, late again. Supposes he should be surprised but he's not. Nothing about these meetings are on his terms anyway. Besides it's the least he could do, all things considering. It's been nearly a year since Garrett died, that's still hard to come to terms with.
He's fully aware that John was not a good man, he was a monster who only used Ward for his own personal benefit. Taught him how to survive, how to shut himself off from everyone and everything. It's the way Ward has lived his life for years and years, even if Garrett is gone Ward still can't shut that part of him off. He's a survivor, he can't be anything else. Since John's death, his imprisonment at Shield and then escaping, Ward has lost something inside himself.
Which has more to do with losing her than anything else. If there's one thing Ward regrets out of all the terrible ugly things he's done, it's lying to her. Letting her believe he was someone he wasn't. A white knight, a clean cut folded tightly Specialist who only saw the world one way. Someone who was willing to die for the cause, to fight the good fight until the end of the world. When all Grant Ward really wanted was to save John, save the man who saved him from hell.
She never understood that and he doesn't blame her. All he has left of the woman he loves is the scars on his side from where she let out all her hate, and bitter memories that leave a bad taste in his mouth. He didn't deserve her. She was his guiding light, one he would have followed gladly if not been for John. If it was possible he'd go back in time and change it all, tell Coulson about Hydra and John the second he stepped on the Bus. But he didn't and here he is alone.
No one to give him orders, no organization to pledge himself to. It's a lifestyle he's adapted to over the past months and for the most part he's okay. There's always going to be that piece of him missing though, the one she took when she left him. John always taught him that he couldn't get attatched to anyone or anything, and Ward obeyed perfectly. He never broke any orders that Garrett gave, and that never changed up until the day he died.
Ward was a perfect solider for Garrett, until she came along. John could see right through Ward, almost as if the feelings he had were spread out across his sleeve. Suppose that's why she was shot, why she almost died. It wasn't just to make Coulson desperate to find a cure, it was to torture Grant. To make him choose between the life he had always known and the potential for another. A happier one perhaps, away from the bullets and bombs.
He will regret that forever, not choosing her when it all came crashing down. He pulls his thoughts away from the past and looks out the window. Rain has started to fall almost violently, thunder rumbles a fair distance away. He continues to sip his coffee in silence. ''Are you sure I can't get you anything else honey?'' The waitress asks him as she walks by the table. Ward glances at the parking lot two more times before telling her he's fine.
He's about to give up, walk back to the car and wait for another email to appear in his inbox. And he'll come to whatever location given without hesitation, no questions asked or a second thought entering his brain. When the door opens and everything inside him just knows. He doesn't have to look up to see the figure walking towards him, almost silent foot steps that pad across the clean tile floor. The dark leather jacket slips into the booth across from him.
Dark doe eyes meet his with a cold hard stare. There's no light left inside them and that makes him ache, because it's all his fault. He's responsible for it all, for the bitterness and plain hatred being thrown at him currently. ''You're late''. Is all he says while the waitress fills up a second mug and slides it over to her. ''Something came up''. Her voice is different now as well, no longer holding warmth or affection in her tone. Not that he expects it after what happened.
Ward studies Skye slowly, from her head to her feet without her noticing. Her hair is the same as it was when she used to visit him in Vault D for information. Shorter than it was when they first met, Ward prefers it long if he's being honest. Not that she cares anymore. Her body has changed also, Melinda May trained Skye well. Maybe too well, if he protested to The Calvary becoming Skye's SO he'd be met with a punch to the mouth.
He doesn't approve at all with the way Shield has made Skye into an agent. Not only has it made her an almost completely different person, it's taken something inside her and crushed it. Maybe most of that is because of what happened between them, but she isn't the woman he used to know. In fact neither of them are who they used to be, the reveal of Hydra seeped into every pore like spilled inked and wrecked everything.
Skye pulls a beige file from inside her jacket and tosses it at him, folding her hands atop the table and looking out the window. ''We're looking for Daniel Whitehall, any ideas where he might be?'' Ward skims through the file quickly, all the intel Shield has on the Hydra member he already knows. ''How are you?'' Skye clenches her jaw and crosses her legs. ''Whitehall, where is he?'' ''Are you hungry? I can order breakfast for you''.
She turns in the booth to glare at him, the Calvary must also be teaching her to stare a man down. It's supposed to be intimidating but he doesn't cave. ''Don't start. I'm here for information, that's all''. These meetings between them are always the same, starting to become almost like a broken record. She whistles he comes running, he always asks her about her well being and if she needs anything. Skye in turn throws him harsh words, her hate almost bleeding out of her. It's nothing he doesn't deserve.
Eventually after getting the intel she needs she'll leave him again without another word. It could be a week or six months until she contacts him again for information. And he'll come every time, no matter where he is in the world. Ward always comes back to her. Grant finishes the coffee and hands the file back to her. ''Whitehall isn't just a Hydra member Skye, he's the Director''. Surprise brushes across her face but she quickly wipes it off.
''He likes to experiment on Gifted individuals, he's a twisted son of a bitch''. She gives him a smirk, ''you two have that in common''. Ward sighs and leans back in his seat. At one point in time in what almost seems like another life, Skye loved him. She never would have been this harsh with him, but since he chose Garrett over her that's all down the drain. She hates him just like Shield does, proved that when she shot him several months ago.
Skye may not love him anymore but he loves her, and will continue to until the day he dies. ''Are you going to tell me where he is or has this all been just a waste of my time?'' ''I'm not in Hydra anymore Skye, I don't know where he is''. ''Liar''. ''Not to you, never again''. Pain is on the surface of her skin when he says this, like she wants to believe him but can't. ''Ward I know you can get his location for me''. Her voice has turned soft, she's playing him.
It makes him sick to his stomach, that she thinks she has to act like she's calm around him to get what she wants. Ward has flashes of Skye in his arms, smiling into his chest. Her hair spread out over his shoulder as she slept, the taste of her kiss on his lips, the sound of her sighing his name. Those memories are all tainted now, he wonders if she ever thinks about it. Those long months they were blissfully happy, so in love they couldn't see straight.
''Give me a minute''. She sits in silence as he reaches out to an old trusted Hydra contact, sends a message on an encrypted line. While waiting for a response he tries yet again to engage her into conversation. She just sits there with her arms crossed glaring at him. ''Ward I come to for help, nothing else. I don't know what you hope to achieve by these meetings''. She mutters five minutes later, her voice flat and empty. ''I don't hope for anything, I just want to make sure you're okay, that you're safe''.
The atmosphere is filled with her laugh, so bitter and unlike her. ''You want to make sure I'm okay? What like all of a sudden you care? We've met four times in the past five months since you escaped Shield. I'm supposed to believe that you're worried about me? What do you get out of all of this anyway?'' She plays with sugar packets on the table while he responds a few minutes later. ''I care Skye, I've always cared''. ''You have a funny way of showing it''.
Both of their minds drift back to that day on the Bus after she found out he was Hydra, that he'd been lying to her their entire relationship. The venom in her words as she spit them at him, her fists flying for his face out for blood. And the look on her face when she realized he was not at all the man she fell in love with. ''You. I get to see you''. She has nothing to say after that, her eyes unreadable even to him. His phone beeps, he has Whitehall's location.
Once she has what she came here for she gets up, puts her jacket back on. He tries to stop her, naturally. But she doesn't even look back as she leaves the building, leaves him yet again. The waitress is full of sympathy when she comes to the table again, refills his mug with sad eyes. An hour later Ward leaves as well, heading back to the hotel room where Kara is waiting for him. He never thought that this would be his life when he first stepped foot onto the Bus.
Skye makes it back to the Playground an hour later. She's had time to compose herself, slow her heart rate and get her breathing under control. Slips the mask she's perfected over the course of almost a year, the one that May uses on a daily basis. No one can know where she's been or what she's done, they can't know about Ward or that he can affect her so easily still. He got under her skin and he knows it, he can still read her like a book.
Once upon a time Skye loved him with her whole heart. She would have given up everything she had to be with him. They fell in love slowly and quietly over the long months they were on the Bus together. Skye really thought she was done for good, that he was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She trusted him with her heart, body and soul. Believed that he was the one person who would never lie to her, never hurt her beyond repair like so many others.
She had never been so wrong. Her perfect boyfriend with his warm eyes and rough hands that were so gentle on her skin turned out to be a snake. Lying in wait in the Garden of Eden, hiding in the shadows. Prepared to strike at any given moment. He's Hydra. She hadn't been expecting that, it broke her. Ward broke her heart, she's still looking for the pieces to put back into place. To this day sometimes it's still hard for her to accept, to see the darkest part of him.
''I found Whitehall''. She announces as she walks into Coulson's office. May and Bobbi are there, Bobbi smiles at her. ''You did? Where is he?'' She gives them the location and Coulson sends her, Bobbi and Mack to check the source. If they need back up to call, do not engage until he and May get there. Coulson has drastically changed since the fall of Shield, he's no longer the funny awkward agent she met last year. In his place is a man with the world on his shoulders.
Her and Bobbi pass the lab on the way to get Mack and Skye pauses at the glass doors. Fitz is sitting at one of the computers talking to himself, a hand covering his right shoulder. Sorrow and fresh anger enter her bloodstream. Fitz didn't deserve what happened to him, her heart breaks for him. He lost himself and Simmons, only Coulson knows what happened to her. ''Hey, you okay?'' ''Yeah I'm good''. Bobbi gives her a sympathetic nod like she knows how it feels when the person you love turns out to be a Hydra traitor.
Everyone at Shield for the most part knows about Skye and Ward. The agents that knew Grant were surprised that he had any emotions at all, that he allowed a small girl Coulson picked up in LA to get inside his head. Now instead of the respected glances she used to get for proving that the Tin Man does indeed have a heart, all she recieves now is pity smiles and sad eyes like they feel sorry for her. It's disgusting.
Skye, Mack and Bobbi board a quin jet and head off to find the new Director of Hydra. ''Who was your source anyway? How'd you find Whitehall?'' Bobbi asks her when they are nearly there. Skye puts a gun in her holster and grabs an ICER. ''An old Rising Tide friend''. Bobbi and Mack believe her without question. If they only knew. If only Shield knew just where Skye was getting her information, if Coulson knew how she knows so much.
She's walking a thin line here, but somewhere inside no matter how hard she shakes him, she just can't get rid of Ward. She finds herself always coming back to him one way or another. Even if she hates him now, she just can't let it go. Let them go, the people they used to be. The people they should of been, that love she bled for only for it all to be stripped away. Skye couldn't get it back even if she wanted to.