You Know It Used To Be Mad Love
Skye wakes slowly, her hand gliding through the sheets onto the other side of the bed. Searching for the body that's no longer there. That hasn't been in her bed in almost a year. But it never fails, each morning she always searches for him beside her. Sleeping soundly with his smooth face free of worry, how young and carefree he looked when he was dreaming. Skye had no idea that this was how things would all end, her and Ward are different sides.
She never meant for any of this to happen, and she sure as hell didn't expect to fall in love when she joined Shield. Skye didn't do love, it never worked out well when it was all over. But there was just something about Ward that drew her in. Maybe it was the way he said her name or how he believed in her, how he was so locked into himself allowing no one to get within miles of his heart. Skye broke all of his defenses down and he didn't even mind.
They were both extremely guarded people, harsh childhoods and trust issues will do that to you. But once they started listening to each other and accepting one another for who they really were, it all fell into place. Their relationship was as easy as breathing, Skye had never been so devoted or tied to another person before. She honestly believed Grant Ward was a robotic Shield agent that only had a soft spot for her. That he would of burned down heaven for her.
So when she found out he had been lying to everyone it was a blow to the chest she's never recovered from. He's Hydra. Everything about him had been a lie, a play, he didn't care about her she was just a job. The entire team was a job to him, he said it wasn't personal. He was just a spy on a mission to save Garrett. To go through that with a man you'd given your entire self to was devestating, Skye doesn't believe she'll get over that.
Ward said his feelings for her were real, that they always had been. And maybe a small part of her believes him because those small intimate moments they shared couldn't of all been a lie. In the back of her mind she doubts it though, perhaps he was just that good at his job. Ward sucked her in with the promise of forever, his warm hands a solid comfort on her skin. He was good. So good, every detail of his cover was flawless and perfectly executed.
That's one of the main reasons she's so bitter, that her out of all people couldn't see Ward for who he really was. A wolf in sheep's clothing. Every night when she fell asleep in his arms she had no idea that he was a traitor, no clue that he was working for a monster like Garrett. All of that hate and anger factored into her training as a Shield agent, Skye needed someone like May to push her. To make those feelings Ward left inside shrivel up and die.
The Calvary has been ruthless as Skye's SO. Waking her up long before the sun, not stopping until well into the afternoon. Skye wants to make sure that what happened with Ward will never happen again, no one will take advantage of her, play her like that. And she will never let anyone get that close to her again, there are walls around her heart so tall and thick they are beyond scaling. That's more her fault than Ward's though, if she's being honest.
After Shield captured Ward and put him in Vault D, Skye really considered breaking him out. She couldn't stand to see him suffer like that, and she hated herself for it. So when Coulson sent her down to get Hydra intel she locked all of her emotions away. Didn't give Ward an inch to play with, to manipulate himself back into her life. It was the hardest six months of her life. Torn between still loving him and this new found hate that made her want to kill him.
So when he escaped she was slightly relieved. He was out of her life, she wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. His escape wasn't exactly a surprise, she knew the second he found out Christian wanted him Ward was desperate more than ever to break free. He was terrified of his older brother and Skye completely understood why he did it. In fact when she heard that Coulson was giving Ward back to his abusive older brother she didn't approve.
It was the only argument her and the Director of Shield ever got into. It was so bad that May had to pull her out of his office because she kept screaming that it wasn't right, that even after all the things Ward had done he didn't deserve that. Skye can still remember seeing him being led down the hallway of the Playground, barefoot and quiet. Almost like he was accepting his fate. Right before they put a bag over his head he looked at her dead in the face and a small part of her broke at the way he was looking at her, like it was the last time.
Ward had breathed her name as the matieral of the bag came over his face, he told her he loved her and nothing could ever change that. Skye acted like she brushed it off, but in reality it left her crying in her bunk for hours. She may hate him but at one point in time he was everything to her, and that can't simply just go away. Things are different now though between them, the meetings are weak attempts to salvage something inside both of them.
Skye has no idea why he keeps showing up, every time without hesitation. He'll meet her wherever and whenever she wants, all she has to do is call. It still baffles her, she shot him for god sake, he should be as far away from her as he can get. Skye blinks that day back, the echo of the bullets as they struck his side. She was just so angry with him, she wanted him to suffer to break like she did when he wrecked her. When he took thier love and burned it down.
She'll never forget the look of betrayal on his face as he went down in that dark alley, blood spilling out of him like a river. Skye had no intention of actually shooting him at first, he wasn't even supposed to be there. She was on a mission with Bobbi, some Hydra stake out. It was late at night and she was walking into an alley, looking for anything out of place. When a hand snaked around her waist and the other covered her mouth. She was about to panic when a familair voice warm and inviting brushed across her ear.
Ward said he wasn't going to hurt her, that he just had to see if she was alright. She whispered that he shouldn't be there that he needed to go, all the while ignoring that relief in her bones when she saw that he was safe and unharmed. He didn't listen, instead he made a move and on instinct she drew her gun. Shock crossed his face and he held up his hands, saying in a calm voice that he wasn't going to hurt her, that he was sorry. That apology loaded the gun.
Later both her and Ward will realize that she shot him in non-essential areas, she had a perfect head shot and didn't take it. Which is probably the reason why he keeps coming back to her whenever she needs him. Late at night Skye wonders if he's forgiven her, if so how? She hasn't forgiven herself, despite everything he put her through how could she not be disgusted at what she'd done? Ward may have hurt her, but he would never try to kill her.
With a sigh she gets up, throws the covers back and pulls on her watch. Three a.m. She gets in the shower and is waiting in the gym at four on the dot, May walks in and throws her a water bottle. They start with Tai-Chi for an hour and then move onto traning. Learning the perfect ways to turn your body into a weapon. Half of Skye tells her that Ward did the exact same thing, molded himself into the perfect solider for Garrett just like she is doing for Shield.
It's not a thought she likes to dwell on. ''What happened with Whitehall? He escaped?'' May asks her as they are taking a break. Yesterday after Ward gave her Whitehall's location they found him on a Hydra base. Right before Bobbi was about to call for back up the man escaped on a helicopter, there was no chance to grab him. ''Yeah but we have an idea where he might be headed next''. Ward emailed her this morning with another possible location.
By the time Coulson has them mission ready on a quin jet to retrieve the Director of Hydra, all thoughts of Grant Ward are put on the back burner in Skye's mind. She's ready to cut off one head and wait a few months for the next one to grow back. Maybe she has a personal hate for the organization, after all they are the reason her and Ward are no longer together. He wasn't the only one who ruined their relationship, Hydra played a part as well.
''We find Whitehall and bring him in, ICERS only''. Coulson tells them and they all nod in agreement. They make it to the base in over an hour. Skye and Bobbi take the back entrance while May Coulson and Mack handle the front. Hunter takes the only side door and he's making his dislike of this plan known on the comms. ''Here we go''. Bobbi says as the walk inside, ICERS ready and waiting. It's quiet, not a Hydra agent in sight.
And then it all explodes. Agents swarm them at alarming speed, twenty minutes later Skye finds herself seperated from the rest of the team. She's ducking for cover behind a pillar, gunfire loud in her ears. In her comms Bobbi is yelling that they need to abort the mission, that they are sadly outnumbered. ''We need Whitehall and we're not leaving without him''. Coulson says and Skye focuses back on the mission. All of these men don't matter, Whitehall does.
She's not leaving here without him. Which ends up being her downfall, she's too involved with proving something to Coulson, to Shield and yes maybe even Ward. That she can be the picture perfect Shield agent, that she can handle this by herself. She doesn't need May or anyone else to have her back. She's not that scared little girl anymore in Ian Quinn's basement. Skye can handle whatever Hydra has to throw at her.
Whitehall evades them once more and Skye takes a bullet in the leg. While she's in the lab May is lecturing her on next time she needs back up to make sure she speaks up, that she's not a super solider. ''I was fine''. May gives her the look before walking off and telling her that she needs to take care of herself more. Skye winces as Simmons finishes digging the bullet out and stitches her up. She's got her legged propped up in bed when her hand reaches for her phone.
Automatically her fingers go to her email, one Shield can't track. With a sigh because she regrets doing it every time but hasn't stopped in five months, she emails Ward. Asks him to help her with Whitehall because she doesn't understand how he keeps escaping. She gives him another location this time in Texas, he replies an hour later and says he'll be there. Is this what her life has come to? Reaching out to her ex-lover because she has no other options?
It's like Vault D all over again. Her bitter and sad but needing him nonetheless and Ward dying to make her believe that he is everything she's ever wanted. But he's not. He never was.
The next time Ward sees Skye he's sitting on a park bench in Texas, the warm sunset bleeding into the fading clouds. She walks towards him trying to hide the limp in her step but of course he notices. Sunglasses are hiding her face and her hair looks unkept. Still beautiful and he's hit with a wave of missing her, missing the people they used to be. At one point he'd considered the prospect of marriage, but quickly ruled it out. They would never have that.
Garrett and their lifestyles would have never allowed it. Her face is full of a frown like she'd rather be anywhere else than here with him. She would. Grant longs to hold her one more time, tell her how sorry he is for destroying the only home she'd ever known, for hurting the most precious thing to him, for breaking her heart. But the words always seem to die in his mouth and she's too wrapped up in her hatred to hear him clearly anyway.
''You alright?'' He asks as soon as she's close, she sits next to him her posture stiff and ready to bolt at moment's notice. ''Whitehall keeps escaping, I want to know how''. ''And you expect me to know that?'' ''I do''. ''Well it's not like a can walk into his base and ask him''. ''It's the least you can do''. ''I told you before I'm not in Hydra anymore''. ''But you were, I'm sure they trust Garrett's lap dog''. ''You'd be surprised''. Skye adjusts her sunglasses and crosses her arms.
''Are you going to help me or not? Coulson thinks I'm in physical therapy and if he finds out''- ''You were shot''. She detects a small amount of anger in his voice, like he's still protective of her. Where was that attitude with Quinn? With Garrett? ''I'm fine. Look just get Whitehall in a trap for me okay? We'll handle the rest''. He gives her a small smirk that she tries and fails not to have any affect on her. ''And what do I get in return?'' ''I don't shoot you again''.
He hates that she means every word, that she has nothing left inside of herself for him except all of her anger and sadness. Ward sighs and puts on his own pair of sunglasses, ''I'll email you when it's done''. She doesn't respond, Grant looks over to her, the sun splashing across her cheeks and the wind in her hair. Skye has always been the best part of him and he hates himself for runing her and all the potential they had. The life they could have built.
''What are you going to do when this is over?'' He asks her, eyes still warm on her skin. ''What do you mean?'' ''When you don't need intel from me, what are you going to do?'' This stumps her for a moment, she's never actually thought about it. Is she going to tell Coulson? Is she going to try and bring Ward in herself? Or is she finally going to let him go? Let him get on with whatever life he wants, never to see her again. He's a fugitive, he belongs behind bars.
So why hasn't she done it yet? Why has she spent the last five months meeting him in secret? If he was back in Vault D Skye has no doubts that he'd give her all the information Shield needed. So she can't use needing intel as an excuse for why she hasn't arrested him after all this time. And Skye is the one who contacted him first, Ward had no intention of getting involved with Shield ever again. Ward already knows all of this, it's why he asked.
''I don't know''. She confesses, her hands folded together on her lap. ''I'm not going back into Vault D''. ''And I can't let you walk away Grant. I'm a Shield agent''. He doesn't respond, just stands up and starts to leave. She doesn't give chase. If push comes to shove and she has to bring him in, what will he do? What will she do? Coulson wants him dead, does she? Can she honestly say with every peice of her heart that she wants Grant Ward dead?
No. No she doesn't. And that is the greatest problem of all.