Chapter 1
Carla closes the door to the flat slowly. She hears the soft click as it gets back into frame. It’s something she’s heard a thousand times, more than that. But it rings hollow at the moment, just like everything else.
She’s never really noticed how silent the flat is, how devoid of life everything is. Because she’s come home to no one, for the first time in a very long time. She swallows. Not…those two…No Ryan, no Bobby. Not even Peter or Simon. It’s been a very long time since she’s known she was returning to emptiness.
There’s no telly on. There’s no one bustling in the kitchen. No one rushing to go to college, no one busying themselves to get to work. No one talking to someone else. Silence.
And it guts her.
Because her life has felt so full lately. Coming home for lunches, elaborate breakfasts, nights spent crowded together on the sofa.
Sure, there’s been chaos. Rob made sure of that. He hovered over them, around them, infiltrating the sanctity of the safe space in many ways. But also, they had gotten through it together. They’d turned into each other. They’d supported. And now…she can’t think about it yet. It hurts too much.
Carla had felt many, many things this year. But never alone. Except she’s not fully alone. She’s just surrounded with her memories, and ghosts of pain past in here.
She sighs and places her purse down. She’s not really sure what to do with herself. She doesn’t want to be at the flat alone, but she also wants to be here for when Lisa comes home (if she comes home…she’s probably not going to come home).
That’s the thing. She doesn’t even really know where they stand. To be honest, she doesn’t even really know what happened.
She’d spent all day trying to be there for Lisa and Betsy. Trying to hold Lisa together, watching her internally rip apart at the seams. She had held her when she’d said she shot Betsy. Known in that moment how much turmoil and pain that was causing, tried to hold it together for them both. She'd tried to be there for Betsy too.
Because as much as Lisa was emotionally devastated, Betsy was the one who’d been shot. And Betsy had come to mean so much to Carla. {‘You’re… part of my mum’s life now, so I guess that means, you’re part of mine too…’}
And so she’d done as much as she could to support them both.
She’d tried so hard to be Lisa’s rock, the way Lisa had very clearly and easily been hers throughout everything that happened this year.
She felt the pain Lisa did when they’d said that Betsy’s injury could be life-changing. She’d tried to remain optimistic, Lisa’s words from weeks ago still stuck in her mind {‘If, isn’t an option. Come on, we’ve got to be positive’}.
Tried all day to hide her panic, the way she knows Lisa hid hers while Carla had been sick. She tried to mimic that back to her, be the safe space for Lisa to fall apart onto. Because Carla would hold her together, and if she can’t, well, she’d put her back together again.
She also knows Lisa is different than she is, in many ways. Lisa wants to be the protector, doesn’t like being the protected. So she had tried to balance that in some ways, giving space at times, not clinging to her always, but ready for any sign that Lisa needed to reach out.
And Lisa had often done the opposite of that today, she’d gone missing repeatedly throughout the day as it went along. Carla had chased after her once, to try to find her, sat with her outside as she cried, emptying out the pain. But she had also let her go the second time. Let her take whatever time she needed. But that’s when…well, that’s when it all seemed to have fallen apart somehow.
What happened?! She felt like she’d had whiplash.
One minute she was holding Betsy’s hand, the next offering her water and soothing her while she asked after her mum repeatedly. Then she’d seen Lisa through the hospital room window, had gone to talk to her, and tried to offer her reassurances. Because she’d been so sure she’d known what was going on…
“This is not your fault, it’s not on you.”
In hindsight now, she recognizes she had felt something was off in the hallway, in the narrowing of Lisa’s eyes, like a venom infecting her.
“No, I know it’s not. It’s yours. And your brother’s fault.”
Felt the barb piercing into her. Felt Lisa continue to strike her back with as many verbal strikes as she could.
She thinks back to all the times she’s apologized to Lisa, admitted she felt responsible, ‘I’m just sorry you pair got caught up in this’. And she’d genuinely meant it. She’d really regretted it. She’d even talked about Lisa turning tail and getting away from her a few times {‘run from your new girlfriend and her mentalist brother’}.
Because she had felt responsible for a lot of what had happened. If she hadn’t been ill, she wouldn’t have needed a kidney and it didn’t have to be Rob. If she had just trusted her instincts, she could have just said no to Rob. She’d even sensed during a visit with him that he was that bit too eager for a day out of jail. If it wasn’t for her, Lisa and Betsy wouldn’t be in this mess, that were true. Betsy couldn’t have been shot by Rob if Carla and Lisa weren’t together.
Because none of them would have been in that house then.
But it’s not as though she tried to bring either Lisa or Betsy to that house. They’d both just ended up there on their own, hadn’t they?
She tried to see this from Lisa’s perspective but she was failing because she couldn’t reconcile the words and the actions that came before them.
They’d been through so much, both of them attacked by Rob, Lisa beaten by him, then terrorised by him being held at gunpoint. And everything so far had only brought them closer together. {‘Will you stay with me, I don’t just mean tonight? I’m going nowhere.’}
Nowhere felt a whole lot like somewhere.
And somewhere wasn’t here with Carla, that was for sure. Glances down at her left hand, the one Lisa had held all night when she’d stayed with Carla in hospital, never for a second wavering, never letting go.
How?! How did this happen?
She walks over to the fridge, opens it, stares into it. Grabs her blue bottle of water out. Leans back against the counter. Even the water bottle somehow bringing back memories of her being in this exact position, except Lisa leaning ‘round the corner from the bedroom. The look on her face, as she confidently stated ‘Get back in here you’.
She puts the water bottle back in the fridge. Not ready to deal with that particular memory.
Glances at the lone bottle of wine sitting on her shelf. Picks it up. Feels the weight of it in her hand.
She hasn’t had any alcohol since her surgery. Isn’t permitted really. Hasn’t wanted to, even in the madness of Rob, she’s found calm in the two women around her. They’ve grounded her.
They’re not here now though. In the past 48 hours, she’s had a gun pointed at her. She’s watched a gun pointed at the woman she loves desperately, watched that woman struggle with her brother for that gun. Had watched as her brother refused to give in to police, and had to tackle him to the ground to prevent his murder. Had dealt with Betsy being shot.
She feels like she needs a drink. Especially if this is the beginning of the end. She walks over to her table, sits down. It’s just her and the bottle now.
What happened?
Because as many good memories as Carla has, she also knows that when Lisa feels too much, she runs {It was good of you to let me stay, but from now on, I think we should keep our distance}.
And as much as she promised she wouldn’t do it again, the fear of that has always been playing at the back of Carla’s mind. {I kinda don’t want to let my guard down more than I have done already because if there’s the slightest chance you change your mind, again…”}
And then she’d completely let her guard down and her life has been absolutely blindsided again, with Lisa’s insistence that she has to put Betsy first. Of course, Betsy came first, and rightfully so in this situation, she just didn’t understand why that meant Carla had to leave.
Lisa hadn’t said that. But her actions made it clear. Carla did not feel welcome back in that hospital room. So, she’d left. Taken a cab home. Felt absolutely wrecked.
She hasn’t cried though. Hadn’t really been able to. She just felt numb.
She rolls the bottle back and forth in her hands, staring at it. She knows she has a choice to make. Knows that self-destruction is at the bottom of that bottle. She’s found it there many times in her past. And if her and Lisa are well and truly over then she wants to find it. She wants to erase the memories, stave off the pain. Run from the heartbreak that she isn’t sure she can bear.
But what if Lisa comes home? She doesn’t want to be sparked out. She needs a clear head. She needs a clear head anyway, to think through what’s happened. Because none of this made any sense. And how can she fix it if she doesn’t understand it?
And even more importantly, she’s pretty sure the answer isn’t in that bottle.
Because what Lisa said today, it hurt. She’d definitely cut deeply. It’d ripped into an artery or two. But her actions today and for as long as they’ve been together, they don’t align with those words at all.
She thinks back over the months, lets all the memories pour in.
Lisa asking her to not hide who they were—because Lisa wanted people to know she was with Carla, proud, to be with Carla.
Lisa planning a romantic New Year's Eve lunch to show Carla she came first. {We’re both on a journey, you’re just a little bit further along…I’ll get there…it won’t take that long.}
Lisa coming to the hospital daily when she found out Carla was ill. Lisa calling her during breaks to check in. Lisa bringing her flowers at any and every opportunity.
Carla suggesting it could be easier for Lisa and Betsy if they made their living arrangement permanent. Lisa not hesitating to agree.
Waking up next to Lisa, waking up in Lisa’s arms. Lisa foregoing sleep to spend an entire night away with her through dialysis.
Lisa reassuring her at every opportunity that this was what she wanted {‘You’re alive, that’s all I’m bothered about… Let me look after you…I’m here, with you…that’s all that matters…}
Lisa’s willingness to give her the money without a shadow of a doubt. {“I think you’re worth it…as far as I’m concerned I’m investing in my future, and it’s the best possible future I can imagine…”}
She wants to live in the memories and also turn them all off. They hurt and slice but comfort at the same time. Because how can all of that have happened, how can all of those moments been real, for it all to change in an instant, just because…what?
Carla’s had volatile relationships. She’s been undervalued. She’s been ill-treated. But never by Lisa. Never even felt the hint of it. And Lisa’s world is falling apart, so she can extend her some grace…but…
What happened?
Lisa needed to lash out and run and hide? Lisa finally decided after everything that Carla wasn’t good enough? How could that be?
She' felt that way in relationships past. Not being good enough, the feel of it at her core. But Lisa had never ever let that thought enter her mind. Lisa had always shown her a different way. That Carla was good, Carla was worthy, that she needed Carla. Even if whatever was happening now was a bump in the road, surely, Carla couldn't throw everything away over just a bump.
Lisa said she should have trusted her instincts, but…Lisa’s instincts had shown otherwise. She walked into a house where she’d known there was a man with a gun pointed at Carla. She made that choice. Why would she risk her life (especially when no one had asked her to) and then the next day think that her partner was no longer worth it?
And she hadn’t said that. Hadn’t exactly said that. They weren’t broken up…at least Carla didn’t think so. She knew that for that to happen, they’d need at least another clarifying conversation. Carla couldn’t let that happen. She’d fight.
She glances at the bottle now. Knows that if she drinks it, she will sleep better, she will also get to turn off the vicious trips down memory lane. She knows it will provide a familiar comfort. But tomorrow she will wake up with the same problems, and she’ll have added on a few more.
She can’t add that to Lisa’s plate right now. She needs to be a supportive partner. She needs to give Lisa whatever she needs, space included, if that’s what it is. Even if it means bearing the brunt of the fear that Lisa has. Even if it means her own sleepless nights. Lisa has been giving to her for so long. Carla will give back. Even if it breaks her own heart.
She stands up and puts the bottle back. Not today, she thinks. Maybe tomorrow, who knows what it would bring. But today she’s not giving in. She needs to be strong.
She glances at the clock. 9pm. Visiting hours have been over for an hour. It’s late. Lisa hasn’t come home.
She gives her a ring, knows she won’t likely answer but she’s a little worried. Lisa is usually stable, dependable. But her world’s been rocked and Carla’s never seen her like this.
It goes straight to voicemail.
She turns to text. Isn’t sure exactly what to say.
Starts typing, Lisa, I love you, whatever is going on, let’s get through this together.
Deletes the entire text. Too needy.
I’m here if you need me.
Stares at it. Lisa already knows that. Deletes it.
Hello? x
Looks at it. Should she send the kiss? She always sends texts with kisses at the end to Lisa. And she wants her to know that whatever has happened, she still loves her, cares for her. Whatever they’re going through is a rough patch but that they’ll be fine. She doesn’t think she can bear it if she says anything like that though and Lisa keeps pushing her away. The little x on the end is the best she can do in the circumstances.
She sends it. Closes her phone. Sighs heavily.
She slowly wanders over to Betsy’s bedroom door, opens it and looks in.
Sees her bunny stuffie draped across her bed.
Another memory storming back into her head.
Christmas day. Carla and Lisa having spent the late morning in one another’s arms before they’d gotten up. Carla having been the one to go wake Betsy. She’d bought them some gifts, hadn’t wanted to make a big deal of it—but was rather excited for them to open them.
She’d knocked on the door with no answer. Opened it. And there was little miss stroppy teenager curled around a little bunny stuffie. Her mouth slightly open. Her eyes closed. Peaceful and so young. A light snore escaping her lips.
She’d felt a pang in her heart at the vulnerability then. She’d seen Betsy push people away with every wall up, but here she was, so unguarded.
She couldn’t wake her, had gone instead to meet Lisa in the kitchen.
“She’s still sleeping. Wrapped around a little bunny or summat.”
“Oh. Yes. Flopsy. Becky bought her that when she was a baby…she always sleeps with it…”
"Always?"
"Well, yeah ever since Becky..."
Carla slowly walks over to Flopsy, picks her up.
After the last 24 hours Betsy’d had, she deserved to have her comfort stuffie.
She looks at the clock, knows it’s late. Knows Lisa doesn’t want to see her. But this isn’t about Lisa, and it isn’t even about Carla.
She grabs her keys and heads out the door.
It’s just under an hour later when she gets back home. Hears that same click of the door echoing again. Still silent. Still only memories.
She’s dropped Flopsy off at the nursing station on Betsy’s floor. Made sure they knew what room to bring it to. She hadn’t seen Lisa, hadn’t heard from her. She’d rushed in and out, hadn’t wanted to cause any problems. Just wanted it done. Couldn’t be there in person for Betsy, but would do what she could.
She sighs. She wants to drop straight to bed. She has almost no energy left within her. They’d not slept the night before. She’s been through horror on horror the past few days. But she also hasn’t bathed in what feels like longer. A quick shower to scrub off the grime of the past few days is in order.
She steps into the shower, rushing through the washing of her hair. Feels the echo of Lisa’s hands washing her hair in this very shower not so long ago. A playful tone in her voice. Closes her eyes and lets the water drip down her body, wash it all away.
It’s only been a few hours…but it feels like torture. Her heart crying out for its other half. Met with silence.
She sighs. Finishes up washing her body. Gets out of the shower.
Looks at the two dressing gowns hanging in front of her. She isn’t sure when her second dressing gown became Lisa’s but it had. So it’s Lisa’s dressing gown beside hers now. Basically, everywhere she looked is a reminder of their love.
Lisa’s skincare products. Lisa’s toothbrush. The dressing gown.
She feels it then, the force of the tears inside her now readying to erupt. She feels them rise up into her eyes with a ferocity she isn’t prepared to deal with. She glances up, tries to prevent the inevitable fall. Breathes again. Deeply.
There’s nothing to cry over, she tells herself. Lisa’s just hurting. They’ll be okay.
She finishes her nighttime routine quickly and readies for bed.
She checks her phone, again.
There’s a message. It’s not from Lisa though.
[Betsy]: Thanx 4 Flopsy. x
She smiles. The nurses must have told her who’d brought it.
[Carla]: Of course, I’ve heard she doesn’t like to sleep alone x
[Betsy]: guess we’ll both sleep better then, c u tmr
Carla stares at that last message. Doesn’t know what to say back. Because she can’t really say if Betsy will see her tomorrow…not yet anyway.
She brushes at the new tears that threaten to follow for a slightly different reason. She gasps a little, at the realisation of how much she loves both of the Swains. How much she hates being apart from them, even for how short a time it’s been.
Decides that she’s had enough of this day, thank you very much.
She glances at Lisa’s nightgown (folded, of course, neatly folded) on her pillow. Places her hand on top of it, clutching at the memory. Desperate for her body to come back and fill it.
Lisa isn’t coming home to the flat tonight. Carla’s almost certain. She has no idea where she is. No idea what she’s doing. And there’s nothing Carla can do about it whatsoever.
Because she’s in her flat. This is her home. Their home. Except she doesn’t at all feel like she’s home. She left her home at the hospital… and she doesn’t know when she’ll see it again.
She closes her eyes.
{‘I’m going nowhere.’
…
‘I’m going nowhere.’
…
‘I’m going nowhere.’}
She clings to the belief that it’s true. And that even if Lisa might be somewhere else temporarily, she will come back.
Realises underneath that, that she doesn’t ever want to be without her again.
The door to the hotel room slams audibly behind Lisa as she walks in.
The loud noise mirroring the storm inside her.
The past 48 hours of her life have been an absolute whirlwind, with one terror after another, and the future wasn’t looking overly promising either.
She’s so upset with herself. She’s destructive, and she’s ruining everything. She feels like she’s spiralling.
She’s hurt the two people she loves most. She physically disfigured one and emotionally maimed the other. And she doesn’t know what to do now.
She’d left Betsy when visiting hours had ended. She’d known that she had to leave, but she really wasn’t sure where to go. She’d kind of created a bit of a mess of things. Again.
She glances around the room. It’s a bit shabby. There’s a bed though, that’s all she really needs, a place to rest her head for the night, before she can regroup tomorrow. She doesn’t really even feel like she deserves more than the floor. But, a bit of sleep, she knows she needs it. Because Betsy needs her, and she has to be there for her. She’s failed so far, but she can be there moving forward. She’ll do better. And she hadn’t slept the night before. She needs to try to get at least a little tonight.
Although, if she’s honest with herself, she didn’t really see herself sleeping tonight, all things considered.
She places her emergency bag she always kept in the boot of her car on the bed. She was so glad she always kept a spare change of clothes with her at all times—in case. She couldn’t go back to the flat. She couldn’t see Carla, not after what she’d said. Had left the hospital and wandered for a bit, trying to get her bearings, trying to make sense of the mess of her mind. She couldn’t deal with anything at the moment.
Her phone buzzed and she pulls it out of her pocket, sees that it’s Carla ringing her. Sends it straight to voicemail. She absolutely cannot handle anything further with them tonight. Sees a text come in from Carla. Just a hello x. She’s not going to answer that. The x on the end adding another layer of pain and guilt to her already muddled brain.
Everything was her own fault. That, she was very clear on. She sits down next to the bag. Puts her head in her hands. She’d made so many choices, and if she could just go back and alter even one of them, none of this would have happened.
She remembers the second she’d heard Tracy say that Carla was in the house and that Rob had a gun. She recalls the terror in her heart. She remembers knowing in that split second, she was going in. She couldn’t leave Carla alone in there. She’d promised she’d be there every step of the way. She knew what Rob was capable of. She was a police officer, she had training, she could help.
Carla and Rob had a complicated relationship, she knew that all too well, but she was one of the few people in the whole world who knew that Carla had pushed Rob down the stairs at that abandoned building. And she knew he was not going to let that go. She’d rushed in, because she couldn’t stand outside and wait. Because she couldn’t…wouldn’t…lose another woman she loved, if there was absolutely anything she could possibly do to prevent it. So, she rushed in.
Maybe if she had stayed outside…especially in the ginnel, she could have kept Betsy safe. Although, she isn’t exactly sure what might have happened to Carla…so she isn’t sure she’d make that change.
But other choices…she knows could have changed everything.
She keeps replaying that moment.
She’s standing in 1 Coronation Street, and she’s got the gun off Rob. She’s got it pointed at his chest. She’s telling him to sit. But he’s not sitting. This is the pivotal moment.
And the thing was, in hindsight, she knows she could have turned and run right out the front door. Because he was in no shape to chase her. She could have fled. And no one would have gotten hurt.
She could have shot him in the leg or shoulder to knock him down, she could have thrown the gun, she could have…
But she didn’t. She’d kept the gun pointed right at him. Because she was angry, he had taken so much. He’d hurt Carla. He’d traumatised Betsy, and for a split second, her anger dictated her choices. And instead of making the rational choice, her mind got a bit cloudy.
Further clouded actually, by the fact that Rob was right, though it pained her to admit. She hadn’t been able to shoot him with Carla watching. As much as her partner had expressed dismay at Rob’s actions, he was still her brother after all. She couldn’t imagine how their relationship could withstand Lisa killing him, especially while directly in front of Carla.
So, she hadn’t shot, and he lunged. And she’d not reacted properly. Should have anticipated he would because what else could he do? And his hands got on the gun, and she remembers how her finger curled into the trigger instinctively, because she wasn’t going to let him get it back, and she’d clutched to it tightly. Too tightly. Made sure it was not pointing at anyone, that Carla was safe. She laughs at herself for that. She’d thought it wouldn’t hit anyone. And yet.
And she also sees his stupid, smug, smarmy little face as she went to see him today. She never should have done that. Recognizes it now. He’s in her head. He’s making her see poison where there shouldn’t be any. He couldn’t get to Carla himself. Had used her instead to do it.
Another bad choice.
This guilt. It feels impossible to live with.
Her mind goes back to seeing Betsy in that hospital bed, so small. So vulnerable.
Her whole purpose on this earth since she’d lost Becky had been to raise Betsy, keep her safe, protect her, help her grow.
She had failed on every front.
Lisa had wrought havoc around her, and she was doing her very best to try to fix it. The only way she knew how, by cutting out all of the noise, and focusing only on what she had in front of her, what she had to do. Take care of Betsy. It had to be the priority, the only one.
The only problem was that in order to do that, it felt like she’d ripped out her own heart.
It wasn’t Carla’s fault. None of this had been Carla’s fault. Lisa had been the one to force Carla into even considering taking Rob’s kidney. Lisa had made the deal with Rob to trick him into giving the kidney at all…Carla hadn’t pulled the gun. Carla hadn’t even asked Lisa to go into the house.
She knows that. She’s lashing out. She’s pushing Carla away. It’s easier that way, to deal with this alone.
Because the issue isn’t that Carla’s bad…or that Carla’s at fault. The issue is that Lisa can’t seem to focus on Betsy enough to protect her. It’s not that she cares more for Carla. It’s just that when her attention is spread, or her love is divided, look what happens. She has to do better.
She’s not being a good mother. She has to put her own feelings second and put Betsy first. Focus on her well-being. Even if that means breaking her own heart. Even if that means breaking Carla’s. And she knows she’d done serious damage to Carla just by the sight of her face when she’d said she should have trusted her instincts.
She hadn’t even meant it. It just came out of her. Her instincts didn’t tell her to run, they hadn’t for a very long time. They told her Carla was the one. Her instincts had her facing life and death situations repeatedly just to be with Carla. She knew that. She’d told Carla her future was with her. She’d meant it. But what if all of this had come at the expense of Betsy? She was looking so closely at Carla, so focused on them, that her eye and her mind wandered off Betsy.
She had been so confident she could balance it all. And she hadn’t, Betsy’d been shot. A life-altering injury. Lisa shot Betsy.
She needs space. She needs perspective. So, she’s here. Because she can’t be around Carla right now. It hurts too much. Her heart longs for her partner but she can’t have her, she has to have focus. Carla disarms her. Carla consumes her.
And as much as her heart screams that she is one half of a whole with Carla, she’s first and foremost Betsy’s mum. She’s caused the problem. She’ll fix it.
She stares at the wall for what feels like hours. Her mind reeling. Her heart aching. Trying to avoid any thought at all.
Her phone buzzes again. She almost ignores it, but can’t…what if it’s Betsy? What if she needs her?
Lisa glances down at her phone fully expecting another follow-up text from Carla but it’s Betsy instead.
[Betsy 9:47pm]: Thanks for bringing me Flopsy. I couldn’t sleep without her.
Lisa puzzles over it. Her brow furrowing. She hadn’t brought Flopsy. Hadn’t even considered going back to the flat. Flopsy hadn’t even been on her mind.
Carla.
It must have been Carla.
She goes to type that. Realises if it seems like she doesn’t know, then Betsy will wonder why she didn’t know what Carla was doing. And besides, she knows it’s Carla, who else could it possibly be?
[Mum 9:48pm]: That wasn’t me. Thank Carla.
She responds, because she doesn’t want Betsy to know anything’s amiss.
So, Carla’s brought Betsy her stuffie. She knew that Betsy would need it, and then had gone to the trouble of bringing it to the hospital.
Something in her heart cracks further open. She thought she’d cried out every possible tear she had in her body already today. But she was wrong. More come now.
Even after everything that had happened today, Carla put Betsy’s needs first. Why was she so capable of it, and Lisa couldn’t manage it at all? She hadn’t even thought of that. Hadn’t even considered Betsy might want the comforts of home. Had been so focused on her own self and her own guilt. Damn it.
And Carla had been so supportive today. She’d been there every second of the way. And she’d reassured Betsy too. Sat with her when Lisa couldn’t. Had let Lisa run, had come and found her on the bench outside. Had reassured her, held her. Oh god, she missed her so much. Wanted to have her arms wrapped around her. Physically ached at her absence.
She looks at her pillow, considers going to sleep.
She can’t actually remember the last night they’ve spent apart. It must have been when Carla was kidnapped, she recalls. The hospital staff had let Lisa stay the first night but had shooed her out the following night telling her they both needed better rest.
She’d been unable to sleep without Carla. Somewhere along the way, she’d lost the ability to really relax without her. She’d had a terrible sleep without her while Carla was in hospital. She just couldn’t settle. She knows it’s going to happen tonight.
Realises then that she’s not doing a great job of focusing on Betsy. She’s sitting here thinking about Carla, again. Do better Swain, your daughter needs you. She had to stop failing everyone.
She curls into herself on the bed. Knows this is going to be one hell of a long night.