Believe (Hamilton-Modern Au)
Believe (Hamilton-Modern Au)
They were always following them.
The voices in Y/N's head had been stalking them with every step they took for as long as they could remember. They taunted them, and pointed at all their flaws and weakness. They made them feel as if there was nothing they could do.
"Y/N?"
They was snapped out of their thoughts, and looked up to see their friends and brother all looking at their with concerned eyes.
Marquis de Lafayette, Hercules Mulligan, John Laurens, Aaron Burr and their older brother Alexander Hamilton were probably the only good thing in their life. They kept them happy, and were always keeping an eye out for them.
'You know they only hang around you because your Alex's annoying little Y/S/N, right? None of them really like you.'
Y/N frowned as the black shadow of one of the voices leaned over their shoulder, grinning at them with a sadistic grin. It chuckled and flicked their face, causing them flinch. 'I mean why would they? You're just a nobody. An empty, broken shell who is nothing!'
"Y/N!" Herc whistled and waved his hand in front of their face. "Are you alright? We kinda lost you there for moment."
'No. They're not alright. They're ever so slowly dying on the inside and is tearing themselves apart. They stay up every night thinking about every little thing they did wrong that day, and cry. They're numb, and they doesn't even know why. Please help them. Please notice us!' The voice pleaded over dramatically and fell to it's knees beside Herc as if it was begging him.
Y/N offered him a fake smile. "I'm fine."
Alex eyed them suspiciously when they said this. He knew they haven't been sleeping recently, the circles under their eyes proved that. He had a feeling that things definitely weren't fine.
Lafayette smiled at them, and turned to the rest of the group. "I think notre amie needs some comforting. I say we go and get some ice cream, and watch a movie." Y/N could feel their cheeks warm as the others cheered at the suggestion. For a moment it sounded like a great idea, but of course the voice couldn't allow that.
'They must think that you're so needy and annoying. Can't even take care of yourself, and now you're dragging them into your mess. Yeah, you're a great friend.'
They hesitated, but shook their head at their friends offer. "You guys don't have to do that. I'm okay, really."
'Not just annoying but a lair too. Tsk tsk.'
John chuckled and patted their back as he got up. "Non sense! We want to help you out, come on."
That was a good day. The boys were so hyperactive and talkative during the movie that it almost muted out the voices in their head.
They were really good for that. Alex seemed to just know when they needed support, and his friends noticed the changes in their behaviour just as quickly. For a moment they thought everything was going to be okay.
Until it wasn't.
It was the week before finals. Everyone had been studying so much that they hardly had time to see each other. Y/N was in the worst emotional state that they had been in a long time.
The voice was constantly hanging over them, reminding them how much of a failure they were, how they'd never succeed. It whispered thoughts in their ears, and made them feel alone. It's darkness had gripped on to them like a snake and was not letting go.
They were in their room, attempting to study for their history exam. The voice was rambling like always, never giving them a moment of piece.
'I just had a thought. So you know how your dad left you when you were a kid, and your mom died? And we both now that your so called friends don't really love you at all, and wouldn't even notice if you left. So what if you just...disappear?'
Y/N stopped writing at this, and glared up at it. "Shut up." They mumbled. The voice chuckled and began to circle around them.
'Oh, come on! You don't really think they'd notice if you left this wretched earth do you? You don't seriously think they'd care?' It paused to take in their reaction, they were beginning to tremble and as their heart beat sped up.
'Look at you! You're nothing! It's all you've ever been and it's all you ever will be! Nobody loves you, or wants you!! You're worthless! If you really cared about them you'd kill yourself and give them one less mistake in their lives.'
Tears were now running down their cheeks, as sobs quietly fell from their lips. The voice helped them to their feet and led them to the desk. Y/N's hands shook as they opened the drawer and took out the hand gun that was in it.
The voice was softer now. It was gentler and welcoming, and simply inviting them to embrace the darkness. 'It's alright. It'll only hurt for a minute, but then you'll be free. You can finally be happy.'
Y/N shook her head, mumbling under their breath. "No. No don't. Stop. Please, just stop." They cried out.
The voice wrapped it's arm around them, and for a moment things were quiet. Things were calm. 'Do this and all your worries will be gone. Do the world a favour. Kill yourself."
"SHUT UP!!!!" Y/N screamed and spun around, they turned and shot at the shadow twice.
BANG BANG!!
The voice laughed out in rage as it looked in the holes in it's form. 'Did you really think you could get rid of me that easily?! I'm here with you for the rest of your life, kid!! There's only one way out this, and we both know it!! Come on!!! What are you waiting for!!!! Shoot!!!'
They pressed the gun to their head
*********************************
**earlier**
Alex smiled at Laurens and Hercules as they starred cluelessly at Lafayette. The Frenchmen was attempting to help them study his native language, but they weren't doing to well.
"Nous commencerons avec quel que chose simple. Mais, je besoin de savoir quoi tu sais déjà. As tu compris?" The other two simply blinked blankly at him. Alex sighed as Laf groaned and ran a hand through his curls. "You are hopeless!"
John chuckled and leaned forward towards the annoyed Frenchman. "Come on, Laf, you know that you-"
"SHUT UP!!!!!"
BANG!! BANG!!!
The group jumped to their feet at the sound of Y/N's screams and the gun shots. The colour drained from Alex's face as he heart raced, his body had been paralyzed at the thought of what just happened. Once he finally regained control of his legs, he and the rest of the crew sprinted towards their door.
"Y/N!!!" Alex cried out and attempted to open his Y/S/N bedroom door, only to find that it was locked. He pounded his fist on the door as his mind raced.
What just happened?
Is his Y/S/N alive?
Why was there gun shots?
Were they laying dead on the floor?
How the hell did a gun get in their room?
IS HIS Y/S/N ALIVE?!?
"Y/N! Answer the door!! Open up!! Please, talk to me!!!" Alexander pleaded, his voice begin to crack as his breath became laboured.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. D-Don't make m-me do this. St-stop. STOP IT!!"
A wave of slight relief washed over him as he heard Y/N's sobs from inside the room. But now he had a new problem: Who were they talking to and what were they forcing them do?
"Mon Cher, who are you talking to? Let us in, we can help you. Just let us in." Lafayette asked, somehow remaining calm at the moment. The sobs only became louder, making Alex panic even more.
He turned to Laurens and Hercules. "Knock down the door. I don't know what's going on, but is not good." The two men nodded.
"Y/N, sweetie, I need you to step away from the door. We're coming in." Hercules warned before taking steps back with John.
"Don't. Leave me alone. Just leave...please. I just want it to end. It never stops. N-Never stops." At those words Alex nodded at his friends and they charged at the door.
The moment it came down, they all fell into the room, and froze at the sight. There stood Y/N, the Y/G who they all saw as a younger Y/S/N, tears streaming down their face, their body shaking like a leaf, as they held a gun to the side of their head.
Alexander couldn't even begin to form words at the moment, scared that any little movement would cause them to pull the trigger.
"P-Please. I-I don't want y-you to have t-to watch this. L-Leave me a-alone, let m-me finish this."
Laurens was the first to swallow the lump in his throat and raised his hands in surrender as he met the broken Y/G's eyes. "We're not going to leave you. You don't have to do this. We can help you through this. You're not alone. We are here with you."
Y/N visibly crumbled as agonizing cries poured out of them. "I'm just so, so tired. I sick of being numb. I'm sick of living! Why can't you see that!! I just want it to stop! It never stops!!!" They pushed the gun harder against their skull.
Hercules was the next to jump into action. "What never stops? What's going on? You have to talk to us, hon. Tell us what's happening." He began and took a small step towards them, causing them to take a step back.
"The voices! They're always there. Th-They never shut up! They tell me that I'm worthless. That nobody wants me or loves. No one would care if I left." They explained glaring at the space beside the boys where they presently saw the shadow standing.
They shook their head at this before standing straighter. "It's the only way to make it go away! The only to finally be free! I need to do this, I need this to end!!"
"I would care." Laf mumbled, there was moment of silence as he took a step towards them. "Herc would care. John would care. The Schuyler's would morn for days! Hell, I'm pretty sure the entire school would be silent in shock. Most importantly Alexander would fall apart. Look at him! Look at how scared he is, right now. If you fire that gun, you might as well shoot him too, cause if you go down you'd be taking him down with you."
Both Alex and Y/N shivered at the thought of it. Alexander finally looked up to meet the other Hamilton's eyes. Tears streamed down both of their cheeks. "A-Alex?" They hiccuped.
He sniffed and began walk towards them. "Y/N...please. Please, d-don't do this. I'm sorry for not seeing it sooner. I'm sorry for not showing you how much I love you. J-Just please. D-Don't leave me. Y-You're all I-I have left J-Just st-stay alive, that would be enough."
They shakily began to lower the gun, nodding their head in agreement. He rushed towards them, wrapping his arms around their broken body. Y/N let out shaky cries into her brothers shoulder as their legs gave out beneath them.
Alexander hushed and comforted them, as he gently took the gun out of their hand, and held it out behind him for one of the boys to grab.
Laf quickly took it, and emptied it of any ammunition, nodding at the others. They all rushed over to the broken pair and wrapped their arms around them.
"It's alright. Things are going to get better, you're not alone."
"We're here, we're not going to leave you. We're going to help you fight this. You're strong enough to conquer this. I believe in you."
"You are so beautiful and so strong. You can do anything you put your mind to. We love you so much. This is only temporary, things are going to get better."
"I know you are going through a hard time, and it seems like things will never get better, but I promise they will. You have to believe they will. You have believe there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and you have to fight for it. Please fight for it. Fight for us, but most importantly fight for yourself and for your own happiness. Because nothing's going to change unless you start doing this for yourself. We'll be right beside you the entire journey, here to support you when your ready, but I need you to believe in yourself. And believe that you can be happy again. Can you do that?"
They nodded her head as Alex pressed a kiss to the top of their forehead. "That's my Y/G. You're going to get through this. I believe in you."