Vicious Circle
When you first met James Barnes, a burning ache seized your left hand. You cringed in pain, it felt like your ring finger was broken. The soldier in front of you rushed to your side. He didn’t seem to be in pain, yet you were the only two people in the room.
You knew exactly what it was. He was your soulmate, the one fate chose for you, the only one who would be there no matter what. You hissed in pain and tried to look up at him, he had a worried expression on his face, but he looked just fine.
Eventually the pain faded and you straitened yourself, your left hand still distorted and shaking. You had to look very closely, but it was there, the small dot that marked the beginning of your relationship.
“You’re my-” Bucky trailed off.
Unconsciously, he balled his left hand into fist, upset that he couldn’t feel it because he lost his left arm so long ago. And that’s when you saw that his left arm was made of metal.
“Oh,” Was the only thing you managed to say.
You were a new recruit. Natasha sent you to the training room to practice the new move she taught you, but training was the last thing on your mind. Bucky had your undivided attention.
“Okay, that’s a bit awkward.” You laughed nervously and extended a hand, introducing yourself. He smiled and shook your hand, asking you to call him Bucky. “So… we’re supposed to, like what, fight?” You chuckled, trying to figure out what to do with your arms.
“I guess,” Bucky scrunched his nose up and let out a nervous laugh. “Show me what you got!” He entered the boxing ring and stretched his arms above his head while he waited for you.
You stared at him for a few more seconds before you joined him on the ring. Bucky was facing you, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. A crooked smile appeared on his face as he gathered the courage to ask you,
“Can I see the mark?” He finally said with a nod towards your left hand, which was curled into a fist, ready to fight.
“Come and take a look, soulmate.” You grinned, your arms raised to defend yourself. His pale eyes narrowed as a mischievous smile tugged at his lips.
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, you thought when you had to throw yourself on the ground to dodge a punch from the Winter Soldier.
After almost thirty minutes of hard-core fighting, the Winter Solider tackled you to the ground. Bucky was straddling your waist, your wrists pinned above your head with one hand as he stared into your eyes. You were a mess, stray tresses of hair stuck to your sweaty forehead. Your breath mixed with Bucky’s as you tried to wiggle free from his grasp, but to no avail. He watched you move and definitely enjoyed the sight.
He finally took a look at the soulmate mark on your ring finger. He kissed the heel, then the inside of your palm before he placed a tender kiss at the base of your ring finger. The prickling of his beard against your soft skin made you chuckle. He let go of your wrists and brushed a strand of hair from your eyes before he cupped your face.
“Is this alright? Can I kiss you?”
You didn’t reply, instead you took the opportunity to roll onto your back, bringing Bucky with you so you were now the one straddling his waist. He snickered and felt his body relax under your delicate touch. A tingling sensation spread across his skin when you leaned down and kissed him. His hands cupped your face as he returned and deepened the kiss. He finally found his soulmate, and he was not going to let you go.
A scoff startled you both. “That’s not what I had in mind when I told you to find Barnes.” Natasha smirked.
*
There was something about Bucky that made you feel close to him. Perhaps it was simply because he was your soulmate. Nevertheless, with him, you felt at home.
At the end of each day, the line on your ring finger grew. After a few months, it was already circling a quarter of your finger. It was growing fast, way too fast. Soon the circle would be complete and you would lose your lover for ever.
Bucky couldn’t see it on his own finger, and it frustrated him to no end. He kept begging you to show him how fast the line moved, but you always refused. At this rate, you knew that you only had a few years left with your soulmate. You didn’t want him to worry so you always hid the line under a ring. At night, when you were fast asleep, Bucky would try to remove your ring to see how fast the line moved.
“You saw it?” You asked one morning, voice filled with anxious anger.
He didn’t answer and just looked at his feet, his face completely blank. He saw it. He saw that the line was now circling half of your finger, which meant that he only had another three years with you.
“I have the right to know.” He muttered under his breath. “Without this thing,” He rolled up his sleeve on his left arm, his metal arm shone under the light. “I could see it on my own skin.”
“I don’t want you to worry. That’s all. I don’t even look at it anymore, it doesn’t matter.” You sat next to him and laced your fingers with his metal ones.
“We’re together now, that’s what matters. Stop worrying about what might happen. Let’s make the best of what time we have left. We are the lucky ones, we found each other.” You kissed your way along his angular, clenched jawline.
“Yes, dollface.” He agreed, turning his head to kiss you slowly, intimately as if he was already nostalgic for the taste of your lips. “I love you. So so fucking much.”
The genuine quiver in his voice made your heart skip a beat. You straddled his thick thighs and ran your fingers through his hair, determined to show him how much you loved him.
*
It was the hottest day of the year, and yet you were wearing that fucking tight black tactical gear. You were a bit ahead of time, so you removed the ring around your finger and saw that the circle was almost complete.
“You alright, sweetheart?” Bucky sneaked up behind you and you quickly put the ring back onto your finger.
“Peachy.” You turned around and kissed his lips before you walked past him, but his fingers closed around your wrist. He knew something was wrong.
“Talk to me.”
You swallowed hard and dared to look up into his eyes before you lied. “Everything’s fine, I swear. You know how I am before a mission. Need time to… focus.”
“You didn’t look at the line, did you?” He furrowed his brows.
“Of course not.” Your heart sank when you lied to your lover again. He didn’t seem convince by your answer but duty called.
The mission was simple: take the parcel and leave. Well, in theory, because guards made the mission a bit more challenging. You had the parcel, but you were stuck in the control room. It took you a few minutes to unlock the door. Just when you thought that everything was fine, Clint’s voice shrieked through the earpiece.
“Barnes is hit! We need the jet. Now!”
Your blood ran cold as ice and you froze for a second before you questioned Clint, but the only replies he gave you were a series of groans. You ran back to the entrance of the building, trying to forget that the circle was almost complete. You would most likely never see Bucky again, but you still had to try.
You knew Steve was near. You turned the corner, expecting to see him, but instead you ran into a guard and felt a severe pain in your stomach. You looked down and saw a knife tear into your flesh. The guard took the parcel from your hands and withdrew the knife.
“Don’t play with my toys.” He said, waving the bloody knife before he ran away. You fell to the ground with an audible thud.
Steve went to investigate the source of the loud noise when he saw you sitting against the wall on the ground. You looked up at him, your eyes fluttering close. You clutched at your abdomen as blood started to ooze out from between your fingers. He rushed to your side and carried you out of the building. He kept repeating the word no as he looked down at your red stained hands. He ordered you to look at him, to keep your eyes open, but you were too tired.
“I’m cold, Steve.”
He tried his best to keep it together, his chin quivered uncontrollably. He was about to ask for medical assistance when you stopped him.
“It’s over.” You gulped down and cringed, the metallic taste of blood flooded your mouth. “Let me talk to him.”
Steve nodded and connected the earpiece. You cleared your throat and closed your eyes shut to focus only on Bucky’s voice.
“You okay, Buck?” You tried to keep a relatively normal voice.
“I’ll survive, dollface.” His tired voice replied and you could hear people moving in the background.
“Hey!” You took a deep breath, which opened your wound and made you gasp. “You know I love you, right? Not just because you’re my soulmate, I really love you.”
“I know.” He chuckled, still half-conscious. “I love you too. You’re my one and only.”
“A-Ah, see that’s what I m-meant… You can love people who are n-not your soulmate. P-Promise me you’ll try.”
The sound of your voice and the implication behind your words made Bucky stood up from his medical bed. He pushed Bruce out of the way and ripped off his catheter. “What are you talkin’ about? You’re with me… You’re with me…”
“Till the end of the line.”
“We’re almost there!” Steve shouted when he saw the jet. “Hang on!”
Bucky tripped over the medical equipment that lingered on the floor, his mind clouded with fear as the large door of the jet opened and the doctors rushed to your weak form nestled in Steve’s arms. Bucky was on his knees, trying to make sense of the world around him. The pain in his heart eclipsed the pain in his ribs.
The doctors pulled back slowly, it was too late. Bucky screamed your name, shouted it for all he was worth. Steve was crying, silently, his eyes looking straight ahead unable to face his best friend or your inexpressive stare.
“Come back! You can’t die, come back!” Bucky cried as he rushed to your side and ran a hand through your hair. Your glassy eyes were looking at him without seeing him as he begged you to come back.
The ring around your finger fell to the ground, and Bucky saw that the soulmate line had finally come full circle. Bruce leaned down and closed your eyes. You looked like you were sleeping. They had to ask Wanda to appease Bucky mind long enough to let the doctors take care of his gunshot wound again. Steve carried your limp body out of the room.
When he woke up, Bucky saw that fate had another stab in the guts for him. A slight pain –compared to how he was feeling- hit him in the chest. He pulled the collar of his shirt down and saw that your last words were written on his heart in cursive letters, your cursive letters.
Till the end of the line.
Bucky’s jaw clenched hard, every muscle in his body taut, at the sight of yet another scar that would haunt his dreams.