As Close as it Gets
You walked with Steve around the uninhabited house that you had to secure, but your mind was far away. It was going to be your first year anniversary, and so far Bucky had been a pain in the ass.
“I don’t want to celebrate it,” he told you that morning. “We don’t need to go out and pay a hundred bucks to eat three carrots and a bowl of boiled noodles. Might as well eat banknotes.”
“You okay, kid?” Steve shot you a worried side glance.
“Thinking about Bucky,” you replied with a slight shake of your head.
“Ah, young love.” Steve smiled, looking straight ahead.
“He doesn’t want to celebrate our first anniversary. I found a really nice place, but he’s stubborn,” you explained and Steve stayed quiet for a moment.
“Oh,” he said after a while. “It’s tough for him to go out, people always stare at him.”
“I know, but I thought he was better now.”
“He is,” Steve quickly replied. “He’s a lot better and that’s mostly thanks to you. You’re the reason why he agreed to stay. You just need to give him time.”
You took a deep breath and nodded before Clint informed you that all the other houses had been secured. The others went back to the quinjet while you searched the house with Steve.
“You’ve been in that house for over fifteen minutes,” Bucky said through the earpiece. “What the hell are you doing?”
You snickered and rolled your eyes at his amused tone. Steve scoffed and put a hand to his ear, telling him you were almost done. You let Steve and Bucky talk and carried on with your task when the ground started to shake.
Steve said your name, the panic was evident in his voice, yet he tried to control it. You urged him to leave the house and rushed back to the front door as the house started to fall down around you. You dodged a piece of broken ceiling, but didn’t see the fallen beam that knocked you down. Steve looked over his shoulder and noticed that you were not behind him. The house was gone, completely destroyed.
He ran back to find you and shouted that he needed the medical team. When he found you, you were unconscious. Your only visible injury was a large gash on your forehead, just below the hairline. Steve picked you up in his arms and was shocked at how limp your body was, he almost thought you were dead.
Time was running out, the quinjet landed on the roof of the nearest hospital. Bucky watched as doctors rushed to take care of you. Sam had to hold him back when he tried to follow the medical team. Bucky paced back and forth in front of the Emergency room’s swinging doors. Steve was sitting, his face buried in his hands as he mentally relived what just happened. Bucky was tired of waiting, no one came to reassure them and it only increased his worries.
“Steve, I swear if she dies…” he trailed off.
“It’s all my fault,” Steve said, staring into space. “I should have protected her better.”
“I should have joined her as soon as I was done. I’m her boyfriend, I should be the one protecting her.”
They both continued to blame themselves before a husky voice startled them. “She needs your help, and this is not helping.”
They turned around and stared at Natasha who took a step forward and leaned against the wall, her arms crossed over her chest.
“It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. You both did your job. You wanna be angry at something and I get it, but this is useless.”
Bucky slumped down in the seat next to Steve, the latter turned and placed a hand on his shoulder. The three of them stood there in silence until the swinging doors opened and one of the doctors walked towards them. The trio faced the doctor. The grim look on the doctor’s face made Bucky’s heart beat incredibly fast.
“She lost a lot of blood,” the doctor blurted out. “She’s been put on life support. I’m afraid there isn’t a lot we can do for her, her chances are slim.”
“Can we see her?”
“Yes,” the doctor took a deep breath. “You should all say your goodbyes. If you have any questions, the nurses will be here to help you.”
He gave them a tight, pained smile and left to take care of other patients, leaving your three friends completely astonished in the middle of the corridor. Natasha was the first to speak.
“I’ll go get the team.”
Bucky didn’t move, he just stared at nothing as if he were in the middle of his worst nightmare. He waited, hoping that he might wake up, but he didn’t. Steve ran his hands up and down his face, sniffing noisily. He sighed and walked to your room when he noticed that Bucky was still standing in the middle of the corridor. He walked back to his friend.
“Buck?” He put a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back to reality. “She needs us.”
“I can’t,” Bucky muttered before he ran away.
Steve knew Bucky needed some time to process the news, so he walked alone to your room. He stopped at the threshold and swallowed the lump in his throat.
You looked so vulnerable lying in the hospital bed, with an IV in your arm and loud machines around you that kept you alive. He closed the door and took a seat next to your bed.
“It’s me. It’s Steve.” His fingers closed around yours and he squeezed lightly. “Hold my hand if you can hear me.” You didn’t. “It’s okay. The doctors said we should say our goodbyes, Natasha is gathering the team.”
He paused as if he expected you to reply or scoff, but you didn’t move an inch.
“I know you’re probably wondering where Bucky is. Don’t worry, he’s coming. I’ll make sure of it.” He laughed to himself.
The door opened slowly. Sam and Wanda looked around the room as if they were entering a sacred place. Steve gave them some privacy and left to find Bucky.
“There you are!” he said when he found Bucky on the roof, sitting on the ground with his knees bent to his chest and his shoulders pressed against the wall. “The others are here.”
“I can’t do it, Steve.”
“I know, but you’ll feel guilty if you don’t say goodbye.” He sat beside him, mirroring his position.
“Without her, I- I don’t think I-”
“I’ll be with you, we’ll help each other. I won’t be easy, but I swear you won’t be alone.”
“It’s just a matter of time before I lose you too,” Bucky replied sternly.
Steve stood up and helped Bucky to his feet. He hugged him and patted his back before they returned to your room. Everyone was in front of your room, they turned their heads in unison when they saw Bucky approaching. He received more pats on the back and he nodded with a grateful smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Ready?” Steve asked as the others left.
“No,” Bucky scoffed, but entered your room anyway.
His heart sank to his stomach when he looked at you. Your face lost its colours, you looked peaceful and in pain at the same time. Bucky felt sick, he had to hold the side of the door. His legs were like jelly as he walked to your bed.
“She looks so stiff,” Bucky remarked, brushing an errant strand of hair behind your ear. “When we sleep she’s always tangled in the sheets. Her head on my shoulder, her legs intertwined with mine.”
“Does she still talk in her sleep? She used to do that when we had to share a room during missions.”
“Yeah, sometimes.” Bucky looked at you fondly. “One time she threw a punch while she was sleeping. Never told her she was the one who broke my lip.”
Steve scoffed at the words. “I remember, your lip was swollen for at least a week. That was her?” He chuckled.
“Yeah, she was fighting someone in a dream. I was watching her and-” He raised his fist and pretended to hit himself in the face. They laughed together before Bucky’s face fell serious. “My nights are going to be way too peaceful now.” He leaned down to kiss your forehead, avoiding the nasty gash.
“She told me you didn’t want to celebrate your anniversary,” Steve said as he sat down.
Bucky took a deep breath, his jaw tensing before he replied.
“I thought we had more time, more anniversaries. She wanted to go out, eat somewhere fancy and I thought we’d have been better off staying at home, curled up on the couch watching one of her favourite film. I’d give anything to celebrate it now.”
They remained quiet for a while before they remembered some of the good times they had spent with you. Steve fell asleep in his chair while Bucky held your hand, whispering memories into your ear.
When the first light of day beamed through the window Bucky sighed and placed a tender kiss on your cheek, just barely touching the corner of your mouth.
“Happy anniversary, doll.”
The nurses asked them to leave the room while they took care of you. They went down to the cafeteria where Steve practically had to feed Bucky to make sure he ate something. Half a slice of pecan pie later, they got back to your room.
Your bed was empty, neatly made and ready for a new patient. Bucky’s legs buckled and he fell to his knees, hot tears were running down his cheeks. Steve squatted down and held Bucky, swallowing thickly as his friend cried. A janitor tried to enter the room, he was carrying a bucket and a mop. They both stood up. Bucky was too upset to speak, but Steve asked him if he knew what happened to the patient that occupied the room.
“She woke up,” the janitor scoffed. “They say it’s a fucking miracle. I say the girl needed a good nap.”
Bucky and Steve looked at each, eyes as wide as dinner plates. They rushed out of the room and came across a nurse who told them that they removed you from the critical ward and placed you in the intensive care unit.
They ran up and down the corridors, trying to find the right room. You were lying down on your bed, every breath was more painful than the last, but you were alive. You heard noises in the corridor followed by nurses shouting that it was forbidden to run through the hall. You smiled to yourself when you heard Steve mumble an apology. They ran past your room before they stopped abruptly.
“You guys are big dorks,” you said with a smile as they poked their heads into the room.
They entered your room with wide smiles, Bucky made a beeline for you. He cupped your face and kissed you while Steve looked down at his feet.
“You woke up,” he said with a wide smile.
“Yeah, didn’t want to miss our anniversary.” You grinned before your brain slowly registered the pain behind the action. “Hey, Stevie.”
“Hey, kid.” He gave you a warm smile. “You really scared us. Don’t do that again.”
Steve returned to headquarters to tell everyone the good news. Bucky stayed with you the entire day, his smile never faded.
“I was so close to lose you.” You cupped his cheek and he turned his head to place a warm kiss in your palm.
“But you didn’t.”
“You’re right,” He stood up and leaned down to kiss you. “I’m gonna go to the cafeteria and see what they have. It’s going to be the best anniversary dinner, dollface, I promise you that.”