Chapter 2
Tony knows immediately when Steve shows up because he can feel the difference in his body. That and he’s almost to the door when he realizes what he’s doing and pauses to look at the doorknob. If he opened the door he was about to make this process a whole new world of hell on himself and Steve and that wasn’t the point here. The point of this entire thing was to drop a shit bond that wasn’t doing anyone any good, least of all the rest of the world. But when Steve knocks again his body reacts before the rest of him does and the flood of relief, happiness, and relaxed muscles throws him for a moment due to the pain he’s been in the last few weeks.
“God, you look like hell Tony. Are you alright?” Steve asks and he reaches forward to do something that Tony is never going to know about because he steps away. Touch would make this way worse and neither of them needed that.
“I’m fine. I’ll be a whole lot more fine if you leave,” he says through gritted teeth. His body is telling him to move forward, to close the gap between himself and Steve but he ignores it.
“Tony-” Steve starts but Tony holds up a hand, cutting him off.
“No, stop. I don’t want this bond anymore because it isn’t working and it never will so please leave,” he says. Before he falls into Steve’s arms and the fucking bond starts reforming all over again. Usually when a bond forms the two people became inseparable for a time until the bond settled, making it biologically more official. People reported all kinds of things that went along with the bonds up to and including psychic connections. That’s never been proven, but sharing memories, sensations, tastes, likes, dislikes- all of that stuff was normal for a newly bonded pair. The most Tony got from Steve was a month long craving for poached eggs made by some restaurant that closed before Steve even went into the ice. To his knowledge Steve didn’t feel anything from him.
Outside of that he never felt Steve’s pain, he knew for sure Steve didn’t feel his pain, they never shared any sort of thought process ever, they didn’t like the same foods, they didn’t even like the same clothing. Hell, they probably couldn’t agree on a wall color. In short their bond was nothing and when Tony decided to break it he figured it wouldn’t involve more than mild discomfort because they basically hated each other. There were only fleeting moments when they didn’t.
“You just haven’t given it enough time,” Steve says, pulling him from his thoughts.
“I haven’t given it enough time? Look- you know what, it doesn’t matter. We’ve both tried and we both failed at doing much more that pissing one another off to the point where the entire god damn world suffers. We’ve never been good together. Accept it because I have and time is not going to fix all the ways in which we are wrong for each other.” There wasn’t anything that could fix that, not even duct tape and he’s been reliably informed that that fixes everything.
“That isn’t true Tony, we work well when we talk to each other. The universe put us together for a reason so please, stop doing this,” Steve says, pleads really. He looks almost desperate as he leans forward some- he isn’t quite in Tony’s space but Tony takes a small step back anyways.
“We never talk Steve, we don’t trust each other. At all. What little trust I did have in you is completely gone and we can’t build a bond on that. There shouldn’t even be a bond,” he reasons. There was nothing to indicate that they were even remotely good for each other. For everyone else too given how much they resented each other.
“I said that I was sorry-”
“I don’t care about your apologies. The fact that I don’t clearly shows that we aren’t meant to be. You obviously don’t trust me much either given how much you hate me for keeping secrets even when you’re keeping your own. And I get it, I don’t work well with the team but here’s the thing. You don’t even care to ask why, I’m a genius, it isn’t as if I’m not smart enough to clearly see that I’m obviously not good at decision making. But none of you care to listen to me, mostly you and that’s why I’m ending this. You don’t care, I stopped caring, and we both need to move on. I have moved on,” he adds, thinking of T’Challa.
Steve looks unexpectedly hurt and for some reason Tony notices those green flecks in his eyes that Zemo was on about in that stupid bunker. In all honesty he had no idea what Zemo was talking about labeling those little green flecks flaws because Tony found them beautiful. Zemo should stick to being a villain because he’s better at that than pointing out flaws. “You… you what?” Steve breaths out, his eyebrows drawing together as his face scrunches with pain. “Do you not feel our bond breaking?”
“Oh I feel it fine, trust me. But I’m done with this bond so I’m ending it and I found someone else that I’d like to… I don’t know, try something with. I don’t know if it’ll end well or not but it’s better than this,” he says, gesturing between the two of them.
“Pepper?” Steve asks.
“No, not Pepper. I don’t know what she’s up to for the most part. Both of us decided that it was best to only keep in contact regarding business.” That has been pretty shitty but he understood her discomfort and his dealing with the Avengers and their messes, plus his own, meant he was distracted anyways. That had been the reason why she left him anyways and he couldn’t fault her for that. She made some good points about his not knowing when to stop- a criticism Steve had too and it’s a fair one. He always has had a problem with limits, which is ironic now considering his position.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know,” Steve says, parroting his words from so long ago at that table when Tony tried to reason with him. Maybe in the wrong ways but he tried and Steve… Steve just assumed that Tony wouldn’t listen and by the time that things got to where they are he actually wasn’t willing to listen. Mostly because there wasn’t much to listen to in this situation.
“No you didn’t, because you don’t know anything about me and truth be told I don’t know much about you either. You were the guy my father expected me to be and I hated you for it, ended up your soul mate somehow, and then I got to live up to being everyone’s ultimate disappointment once again when I disappointed you too. Consistently. My fault, it’s fine, I know I have a lot to learn and it isn’t always easy to do it but I’m done with this alright? So please go.”
Steve takes another step forward and Tony can’t bring himself to take a step back- the bonds way of protecting itself he knows. Biology had yet to explain that one considering how unproductive it was socially at times but most soul mate pairs didn’t have to deal with this. “Tony you look awful, this can’t be easy on you,” he says and looks down at Tony’s chest, “or your heart. Natasha said you had some pain and with your heart history…” he reaches out again but Tony gets a flash back to Steve’s shield slamming into his chest. He can almost feel the pain radiating out from the plate, almost feel the cracking along his ribs as they strained under the pressure and how that pain fanned out across his entire abdomen.
“No offense, but you’ve never really cared much about my heart considering you literally broke it not long ago. Get the hell out of my house,” he snarls harshly, finally finding the will to step back and walk away.
*
Tony is fine considering Steve had paid him a visit when T’Challa was out. He has business to attend to though and he could not spend every waking minute with Tony as much as he sometimes wishes he could. Of course Tony would hate that and it would be rather unhealthy to spend so much time with him but it always seemed like he got himself into trouble when no one else was with him. He wishes that he had been there to deal with Steve, who was more than likely motivated by pain to show up rather than actual care. From what T’Challa has seen he did not care much and that was fine. Not every soul bond could work out, but it did irritate him that the Captain confused pain with care and Tony was going to be the one suffering for it.
“Are you sure you are alright?” T’Challa asks. He wants to hover over Tony, to cook for him and bring him a blanket but he knows that the man would not react well. He did not appear to like being coddled even when he needed it. Unless he asked T’Challa stayed out of it.
“I’m fine all things considered. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop of course, obviously the pain if going to start again and I’m not looking forward to it but it is what it is. What about you, are you alright?” Tony asks. He looks genuinely interested too as he turns to give T’Challa his full attention.
He thinks on his answer for a moment before sighing, “I am not sure. I do not feel… awful, but I do not feel much of anything to be honest.” There was worry of course, for Wakanda and for Tony, and apprehension at being a leader and a King, but those were normal to feel with such great pressure. It was the rest that worried him, like his general disinterest in… everything almost. He was good at forcing himself through the motions and getting what he needed done finished, but he would rather curl up in bed all day, preferably with Tony. It was easier with someone who understood his pain in ways that most did not. Shuri understood but she did not have the added pressure of being the King and she had her own unresolved issues to sort out.
“The numbness sucks and when it goes away it’ll be pretty hard to decide whether you wanted it to stay or go. Better than the guilty stage I guess,” Tony mumbles. His own grieving, T’Challa has learned, was not exactly the most linear. Probably because he did not like processing his emotions and he did what he could to avoid them. Drinking, gambling, being a super hero- all of it was to distract himself from his pain and suffering but he would not react well if T’Challa told him that point blank. Too touchy.
“I am not certain I am not in that stage of grief. I used to hate spending time with him because it was always something new about what I needed to learn to be a good leader. Now I wish I had paid more attention because I am certain that I will fail him and all because I was too selfish to listen.” He shakes his head and Tony reaches out, gently gripping his forearm.
“You aren’t failing anyone. Trust me, I know what failing the grieving process looks like and you’re doing an amazing job even though you’re still hurt and working your way through it. You’re father would be proud, hell, from what you’ve told me he was proud before all of this mess. You’re going to be a great leader T’Challa,” Tony says. The words are not fake or forced like so many of Tony’s statements and that makes him happy to know that Tony has so much faith in him.
“Thank you,” he says meaningfully, offering Tony a smile that almost wasn’t forced.
*
Peter leans over so he’s a little closer looking confused, “is it just me,” he whispers, “of is T’Challa kind of glowing a little?”
Rhodey breaths out a sigh of relief because he thought he was going nuts, “I thought I was the only one who noticed that. Do you think…” he trails off, wondering how he wanted to phrase his words.
“Do you think they might be soul mates? I mean maybe, it wouldn’t be the first case of a person having a soul mate when that person already has a soul mate. I just don’t know what the bond breaking and stuff for Tony would mean,” Peter says.
Rhodey didn’t know either but people usually spend a large chunk of time with their new soul mates to build up the bond- when the person already had a bond it either became a three-way bond or the bonds were different. Sometimes the bonds weren’t reciprocated either- like his and Tony’s friendship bond. Rhodey had one, Tony didn’t and that worked out fine for them. Those kinds of bonds were taboo given that it was assumed the person without the bond cared less about the person with the bond. Rhodey knew that was bullshit though because Tony cared about him more than most everyone in his life soul bond or no.
“I don’t know, but I am pretty damn sure that T’Challa has found his soul mate and with all that’s going on he hasn’t noticed. And god knows Tony wouldn’t notice even without this Steve mess.” Rhodey wished he were here to kick Steve out earlier. He understood why he’d show up but Tony didn’t want the bond, Steve didn’t get to show up to try and convince him otherwise. But Tony could take care of himself, even if he sometimes liked to do it in some pretty weird ways.
“Do you think it goes both ways?” Peter asks, his voice even quieter than it was before.
“It doesn’t matter. Tony will care about T’Challa all the same. A reciprocated bond wouldn’t make that any less important,” he says in an attempt to teach the kid a lesson or two in soul bonds. He looks confused though so Rhodey figures he failed at his attempt.