Chapter 1
Scars are something Clint has had most of his life. His skin is littered with them, some from the normal bumps and bruises of childhood, others from the hits and hurts that were a normal part of his childhood, and others that came later. The life he has led has left marks, only some of which have stayed on his skin. Some scars have faded and others have not and Clint has made his peace with most of them. He can’t really change them at this point, he can cover them up but they are still there, he can still feel them and so he doesn’t brother hiding them most of the time. Still, it is something else to show them to someone else and he is well aware of the various marks on his body as he takes his clothes off in front of Steve, very aware how much cleaner Steve’s skin looks to his own, how unmarked it is.
Steve is staring at Clint now, eyes moving over every inch of Clint and it makes something in Clint squirm. Clint feels exposed now, exposed in more ways than just his nudity, and he hasn’t felt this way since the first time he was this bare was with Nat. She had stared as well, looked over him, and it had filled him with much the same feeling as he has now, excitement and nervousness, anticipation and worry. Steve is looking at his scars, his marks, seeing just what life has done to Clint, how it has broken him, how weak he has been at times. Steve is seeing Clint now, seeing him in a way few people have before and Clint expects some sort of comment, for Steve to say something and he does but it isn’t what Clint expects.
“Beautiful, just beautiful. “
He says this and reaches a hand out, brushes a finger over a mark on Clint’s shoulder, two small little lines, almost like welts. It is one of his oldest scars, came from his dad, from the metal end of a belt. Beautiful is not exactly the word Clint would use for these scars, for him and he lets out a little snort of laughter. Steve tilts his head at him a bit, fingers rubbing against the marks softly.
“Something funny, Clint?”
There is just a bit of curiosity in Steve’s, like he really wants to know why Clint is laughing. It is something Clint has been getting used to, the fact that Steve wants to know what Clint is thinking, not to hurt him or to use it against him, but just because. There are so very people he has trusted much through out the years, Natasha being one of the few exceptions, but Clint trusts Steve. It is taking some time to get used to but Clint likes it and he answers now.
“Just beautiful really isn’t the word I would use to describe all this. Too marked up to be beautiful.”
Now Steve gives a little snort now, is still rubbing the marks softly.
“Just cause something is scarred doesn’t mean it isn’t beautiful. All these prove is that you have survived. I don’t mind them and the only reason I am not as marked up as you is because of the serum.”
That is something Clint hadn’t thought about, just saw how smooth and perfect Steve’s bare skin was, compared it to his own. Steve has been hurt before, there is no way he hasn’t, the proof just doesn’t last on his skin like it does on Clint’s and it is something to think about.
“Do you have any scars then? Any from before?”
This is better, ask Steve about his scars, get the focus away from Clint so that it feels a bit easier. If Steve knows what Clint is doing, he doesn’t say anything, moves his fingers away from Clint’s shoulder and holds his palm up now and Clint can see a faint white line on it, not very long, maybe an inch or two, towards the bottom of it, close to Steve’s wrist. Clint brings a finger to it, touches it like Steve did his and asks a question.
“How did you get that? Looks like it may have been a scratch.”
A scratch or maybe a cut, that is what it looks like and Steve gives a nod now.
“Yep, cat scratch actually. There was a stray cat near our building, mean sometimes and it got me once. I wasn’t the only one wounded by him and at least it was just my hand, Bucky got one on his jaw when he picked him up once.”
There is just a flash of something in his eyes when he says Bucky’s name, a look Clint has seen before, fondness and sadness and Clint thinks maybe he is seeing Steve’s scars when he sees that look. He does the only thing he can think of to ease it, leans forward and place a kiss on the scar before speaking.
“I got a scratch mark too, right here.”
Clint moves his hand to his own body now, draws Steve’s attention to where his right arm and shoulder meet, to the spot where three long scratch marks lay. Steve puts a finger there, traces over them, and raises a brow.
“Something tells me those didn’t come from a stray cat, unless it was one the size of a lion.”
Clint’s lips turn up in a grin now and he gives a shrug.
“I guess you could say it was the size of a lion since it was one but I suppose he wasn’t really a stray since he belonged to the circus. He just caught me off guard once when I was helping the trainer, it was like a love tap really but still drew blood. Makes an interesting story if I embellish it a bit. “
Steve shakes his head now, a bit of amusement dancing in his eyes.
“I’m sure it does. You can tell me the embellished version later if you want. I think right now, there are other things to talk about, other things to do.”
There is a grin and then Steve leans closer, brushes lips against the marks, settles hands against Clint’s arms. They grip Clint’s arms firmly but not too tight, just a gentle pressure that shows how strong Steve is but isn’t threatening. Steve’s lips soon leave the marks and go to Clint’s lips, claiming them. It is so very easy to return Steve’s kiss, to lean into him more, to let him after a few moments push him towards the bed. He finds himself on it, Steve on top of him, and there is just something about being pinned under the man like this that makes Clint just a little breathless.
It isn’t the first time he has been under Steve, they spar together and Clint finds himself on his back quite often but not as many times as most people think but this is different, there is different intent behind it than when they spar. There is still a playfulness, Steve smiling at him as he sits on top, legs pinning Clint’s own to the bed, but there is an intense look in Steve’s eyes, want and need and Clint isn’t sure he has ever been looked at quite that way. Steve is open in a way that Natasha isn’t, can’t be, and it is different, almost scares Clint that he can see just how much Steve wants him right now but it is nice at the same time.
“I really do mean it, you are beautiful. All of this is beautiful, just shows how strong you are.”
Steve says this, in between kisses and his hands are exploring again, tracing some of the scars that are scattered across Clint’s skin. Clint doesn’t mind the touch, doesn’t flinch away from any of it until Steve’s hand drifts lower, towards Clint’s left hip, towards a curved scar there, one that looks older than it really.. Clint doesn’t like that one touched, hasn’t been able to even let Nat touch it that much and it is the same for Steve now, Clint squirming away just a bit. It is a wound still a bit too fresh, one that might always sting just a little too much, and he knows he needs to distract Steve from it, doesn’t want it to ruin this. He will tell Steve about it just like he told Natasha, later when Steve asks, but not tonight. He shifts a bit, leans up and places a kiss against Steve’s skin, in the spot on his throat right below the curve of his jaw. It is a sensitive spot, Clint knows this from their various touching and it does just what Clint wants it to, makes Steve shiver and let out a little moan.
“I like when you make that sound. Want to hear it again.”
Clint kisses there again, gets another soft moan and he knows that Steve is distracted from that scar for now.
The rest of the night is a pleasant blur, touches and kisses, and it feels so good when Steve pushes into him for the first time. It feels good for Steve too, Clint can tell by the way his fingers tighten on Clint’s hips, how his eyes slide shut for just a moment before opening and looking at Clint, watching him. It is all so good, even the little mistakes, Steve accidently bumping Clint’s nose when he leans in for a kiss, Clint running hands down Steve’s lower back only to find that spot is a bit ticklish and Steve jerking a bit at the touch. It is good and when it is over, just laying next to Steve is good too, the feel of arms around him nice and Clint drifts off to sleep easily.
::::::::::::::::
Clint wakes the next morning and Steve is a bit different to wake up next to than Natasha is but it isn’t a bad different, just different. Natasha always starts out cuddled up next to Clint at the beginning of the night and steadily moves away during sleep, usually taking the blankets with her, Steve by contrast doesn’t steal the blankets and his arm is wrapped securely around Clint. He starts to wake up a bit when Clint shifts, pulls him even closer to him.
“Don’t move. You’re warm.”
Steve snuggles into him just a bit more as he says this, as if trying to steal Clint’s warmth and it feels nice. Clint just lays there for a bit, lets Steve snuggle him, but he can’t go back to sleep. His body is fully awake now and certain needs are digging into his enjoyment of cuddle time. He starts to shift again so he can get out of bed and Steve just holds him a bit tighter.
“I really need to get up.”
“No, you don’t.”
Steve says this against Clint’s hair and it is really tempting to agree with him but he really has to pee. He leans closer to Steve for just a moment before brushing a kiss against his neck and then speaking.
“If I don’t get up soon, I’ll wet the bed and that will really put a damper on today.”
Steve sighs but lets him up, says something about taking a shower when Clint is done and wanting coffee. Clint just walks to the door that connects to that bathroom and does his business, brushes his teeth and everything so Steve doesn’t have to put up with more morning breath, and steps back into the bedroom for a moment. Steve is still in bed and Clint smiles at the sight of him there, on the side of the bed Clint was on earlier, head on the pillow, covers bunched around him and eyes half closed like he can’t decide if he wants to try to go to back to sleep or not. Clint walks closer to the bed, leans down, and brushes a kiss against his lips.
“I do have a clean towel in there for once, in the cabinet next to the sink, you’re welcome to it. I’ll get coffee started.”
Steve just gives him a nod and another kiss and then Clint pulls on a pair of boxers and leaves the room, closes the door again so that if Steve decides to sleep a bit more he can, doesn’t have to worry about the light or the noise. In fact there is already a little bit of light coming from the kitchen and Clint knows that they didn’t leave any of the lights on last night. It would be worrying except Clint is pretty sure he knows who it is. Still, he grabs his bow from near the doorway anyway because he knows that he will get teased if he walks into a situation that could be dangerous without a weapon and makes his way to the kitchen but he doesn’t hold the bow out, has it down by his side as he enters the kitchen.
“You know you really should have that raised when you entered the doorway.”
Natasha says this from where she sits at the table, posture relaxed, leaning forward just a bit, elbows on the table, a box in front of her. It isn’t the first time she has appeared in his apartment when he wasn’t quite expecting her, not even the first time she has appeared when he has had sex the night before and so he just shrugs and sets the bow down and moves towards his coffee pot.
“I can get it up fast.”
“You really shouldn’t say that when you’re dressed like that, might think you’re talking about something other than your bow.”
Natasha says this and Clint just shakes his head a bit.
“And everyone thinks I’m the one that makes bad jokes. “
Nat just raises a brow a brow at him as he gets to the coffee pot and starts pouring grounds in, not really bothering with measuring.
“You set yourself up for it.”
“Yes I did. Thought you were going on a mission today?”
He asks now, starts the coffee pot and turns and looks at her. Natasha just gives a little nod and a shrug of her shoulders.
“I am but we aren’t heading out till later, thought I would stop by. How was your date last night?”
Clint answers as the shower can be heard turning on.
“It went well.”
“I can tell. Stayed the night even, like a gentleman. Things must be getting pretty serious, you going to keep this one around for a while, go steady? ”
There is a hint of teasing in her voice and a little smile on her face but there is just a bit of tension in her shoulders. Most people wouldn’t notice it but most people don’t know her like Clint does. He sits down beside her now, scoots his chair closer to hers, and makes sure he is looking at her as he speaks.
“You and I are still going to be you and me if that is what you are asking. Steve understands about us.”
He says this, knows that it is what she is asking even if it isn’t the whole question. This is something they have gone through before, not for a while but Clint has dated people since he and Nat became him and Nat and it hasn’t really gone that smoothly. He has never hidden what he has with her but it isn’t always easy for people to understand. They are complicated, not quite a romance, they don’t do dates or declarations of love but they do have physicality and intimacy, do trust each other over most others and they don’t plan on giving each other up and most people don’t want to deal with that. Steve has been different though, has understood and hasn’t asked Clint to stop what he and Tasha have. Clint hadn’t been sure why Steve had been so ok with all of this until they had a talk about his past, about Bucky and Peggy and Clint knows now that Steve can accept his and Nat’s complicated because he has had his own. It isn’t his story to tell so he won’t tell Natasha about it but he will reassure her if she needs it. Right now, he can see just a little tension ease out of her, the smile becoming a bit more real and she shakes her head just a bit.
“Wasn’t exactly what I was asking but that is good to know. Just wanted to know how you’re doing, if you’re enjoying yourself with him.”
She says this and he gives her a little nod, leans a bit closer to her so that their shoulders brush.
“I am. I like him, a lot actually, and for some reason, he likes me.”
“You do have your bright spots every once in a while.”
Natasha says this and bumps his shoulder with her own, just a little brush of contact like he did before and there is a little bit of a grin on her face and things are a bit more relaxed now. She opens up the box in front of her now.
“Brought you boys some breakfast since who knows if you have anything breakfast like in here.”
It is the truth, Clint usually has some kind of food in his apartment but it is not always things that can be put together to make a meal and Natasha knows him well enough to know this and has brought a box full of pastries, lots of different kinds. He thanks her and grabs one and as he takes a bite they both hear the shower stop and Nat gives him a little smile and gets up out of her chair now.
“I got to head out, tell Rogers I said hi.”
He stops her for just a moment, fingers brushing her wrist but not grabbing it.
“You know you could stay a few minutes more, tell him hi yourself.”
He says this, puts his pastry down. She just shakes her head and then leans into him just a bit, brushes a kiss against his lips.
“Not right now. I’ll get a hold of you when I can, will be gone a bit, a couple weeks, maybe more, maybe less. Take care, ok?“
She says this and Clint gives a nod. It is up to her how much time she spends with Steve and Clint won’t push her into it, not right now. She brushes a kiss against his forehead and then leaves as quietly as she came and Clint just gets up as well now, grabs his pastry and takes another bite as he gets Steve some coffee ready.
It only takes a few more moments before Clint is finishing up the pastry and hears foot steps coming and soon enough Steve is entering the kitchen, wearing the sweats he brought over last night and no shirt and Clint give shim a smile and walks forward with the coffee cup, hands it to him. Steve gives a thanks as he takes the coffee cup and then leans forward for a kiss which Clint has no problem with returning. They pull apart after a moment and Clint gestures towards the table now.
“There’s some food, if you want it.”
Steve’s eyes light up just a bit at the sight of the box of pastries but there is also just a bit of confusion on his face as well as he looks them over.
“When did you go and get these?”
“I didn’t. Nat brought them by, I promise they’re safe, she hasn’t poisoned me in years.”
There is a bit of shock on Steve’s face for just a moment at Clint’s words till it goes away, Steve probably dismissing the words as a joke and Clint isn’t going to talk about Nat’s early years right now so he doesn’t correct the assumption. Besides the poisoning wasn’t really malicious and at this point it kind of is a joke so Clint just simply sits down at the table again as Steve selects a pastry.
“She wasn’t here long, was she?”
He asks now and Clint just shakes his head
“She just popped in before her mission, couldn’t stay long. She says hi.”
Steve gives a little nod of acknowledgement but doesn’t say anything, just takes a bite of a pastry and sits down as well. After just a few moments Steve asks a question as he starts on another pastry.
“You have any plans for the day?”
“Might train a bit later but I think for the next couple of hours I might just laze around the apartment. You? ”
He asks now and Steve gives him a little smile that is relaxed and content before he speaks.
“Lazing around sounds good, if you don’t mind more of my company.”
There is something a bit hopeful in his voice and it still amazes Clint that Captain America wants to spend time with him and he just gives a little shrug, puts a little bit of teasing in his voice.
“I think I could put up with you for a bit longer today.”
He leans forward just a bit when he says this, presses a kiss against Steve’s lip and he can feel him smile. It should be a good morning, is starting out very well and Clint is looking forward to the rest of the day.
::::::::::::::::