Cold - Natasha Romanoff
Natasha stood silently in your shared room, arms crossed and staring straight ahead. She didn’t know how else to react, this was how she always handled these things. A cold façade, a shield to hide how vulnerable she was.
“I didn’t want to hurt you…” But gods she knows she did. Almost a whisper, but maybe she had wanted to. It would be so much easier to push you away like this instead of constantly fighting the fear that you would get too close, close enough to see she wasn’t even worth your time or effort, and leave her out in the cold and vulnerable. She knew you were coming back from your mission early, she knew you’d come to your room almost immediately to see her, and she still brought that fucking S.H.I.E.L.D. agent with an obvious crush. Still pulled her shirt off and kissed her right before you walked in.
The agent was long gone and tears now streamed freely down your face as you paced, sobs breaking through as you asked questions, demanded answers. “Did I do something wrong?” “Did I not show you how much I love you?” “Was I ever going to be good enough?”
Natasha watched your hands fly as you paced and panicked, expecting any one of the swings to come flying at her. But of course you would never do that, because you were far too good for her. A beacon of light that her darkness could never truly look upon or appreciate. She could never bring herself to leave you, but if you left her she would be saving you both in the long run.
Right?
You stopped then and faced her, inches away, demanding her presence. “Did you ever mean those things you said? That you cared about me, that you always wanted me by your side?”
Her expression gave nothing away as she stared you down, but she swallowed dryly and her voice was raspy “I swear I did.”
You sighed, knowing you wouldn’t get anything real from her like this. Your hand raised, hers tensing ever so slightly, and you grabbed her wrist. She could lie all she wanted, pretend she was unaffected but you could feel her pulse beating much too fast and matching shallow breaths.
You pulled her in slowly with your hand at the back of her neck, pressing your forehead against hers and letting out a shaky breath.
“I love you Nat, so damn much. I know you’re scared and hurting. So if you want me to go I will, but I don’t want to.”
Pulling back slightly to hold her gaze again, you whispered, quiet but filled with desperation, “What do I mean to you?”
For the first time her feelings began to show on her face as her jaw trembled slightly. Thoughts spiraled in her mind, Why do you push me like this? Why do I keep second guessing this? She stared deeply into your eyes, sucking in a shuddering breath as she read the love, pain, patience, the pure kindness in your eyes pulling the truth from her lips.
“You are all to me. My world, my life”
Throwing your arms around her pulled quiet sobs from you both as she held you back tightly around the waist, her other hand gripping your head and pulling you into a deep, frantic kiss. After a few moments you both gasped for air, shuddering and holding each other until you both eventually stilled.
“I might… I might panic again, make you feel like I don’t want you around… But please know I’m lying. I don’t know what I would do if I really lost you.”
Kissing up her neck and jaw to her lips, you placed your hand on her cheek, staring into her eyes. A hint of vulnerability shown through, and you could see the mixed feelings rumbling behind them. This was her truth, and you knew then you were willing to keep fighting. To make her see, to know that this was real and you would not give up on her.
“I promise Nat, I will keep fighting for us even when you can’t. I love you, and you are my future.”
Her lips trembled slightly as she whispered “I love you to, malysh.”