Never Touch A Russian's Cookies (Unless You Ask For Permission)

Marvel Cinematic Universe
F/M
Gen
Multi
G
Never Touch A Russian's Cookies (Unless You Ask For Permission)
author
Summary
Natasha has always loved Lorna Doone's. They're her favourite cookies to snack on when she's hungry, but unfortunately, someone has eaten her entire box.
Note
I know that I do comedy in most of my fics, but this is more of an absurd crack fic than a serious one with silly times, so prepare for moments of wackiness. These chapters are all mostly going to be short, unless otherwise stated.
All Chapters

Memories Like These


 

 

"God, I can't wait to take a shower," Natasha said as she unzipped her suit and let out a sigh of relief as it fell to the ground.

Steve licked his lips when he saw that his girlfriend wasn't even wearing a bra under her black widow suit, just a thong. "Since when did you start going commando, Nat?" he asked in a breathless voice. 

She turned and gave him a wicked grin. "Oh, I like doing it from time to time when we're in a place that has a cold climate. Makes it fun to tease you. Especially when my nipples get hard and show through my suit."

The super soldier felt himself shiver and yes, his eyes lowered to look at her to full, pale breasts. Even now, the nipples were still hard buds, poking out and begging for him to touch them. Steve came closer, unable to resist covering one with his hand and he smirked as she sighed in pleasure.

Slowly stroking her nipple back and forth with his thumb, Steve replied, "You know I hate it when you tease me."

"Mm, more like you love it." Natasha closed her eyes and leaned into the touch, pressing her soft body to his own. "Why don't we have a little wet fun in the shower, hm?"

He kissed her neck and nipped at the bare skin, enjoying the sounds the ministrations elicited from her. "Sounds like a plan. You get the water started and I'll join you shortly."

"Okay, baby," she murmured, opening her eyes to wink at him. First, she nudged the hard length in his pants with her thigh and pulled away. Then she turned around, making a big show of shimmying out of the thong she wore and tossing it aside. "Don't be too long or I may have to start without you."

A rush of blood ran down to his groin, blue eyes glazing over at the sight of Natasha's lovely ass swinging away from him. He pulled his cell from a side pocket of his pants and texted Bucky.

We're back now. Nat is about to take a shower and I'll try to keep her distracted for a while. I hope you guys have everything ready. -SR

Then he tossed the phone on his bed and began tearing the now very constricting uniform from his body, making his way to the bathroom. Knowing how much Natasha liked foreplay, Steve was certain he could keep her busy for a good half hour. She loved shower sex.

 


 

Bucky read the message on his phone and laughed. Wanda stood beside him and cocked her head. "What's going on?" She asked in a whisper, since Peter and Vision were only a few feet away.

"Well, Steve's keeping Nat busy in their shower, so we should be able to have everything finished by then."

"Ohh, I see. Good." Wanda smirked because she knew how horny her two friends were for each other. The brunette turned towards and looked down at the salad, yeast rolls, enchiladas and lasagna they placed on the opposite counter. "Everything is just about done, except for the pimiento cheese sandwiches..."

"Not anymore," said Maria as she and Sam walked into the kitchen and placed a large plate of sandwiches on the counter. "Sam decided to make a chex mix too, so we'd have something sweet and salty to snack on."

"Thanks, you guys. I can't believe I hadn't thought of a mixed snack. Good thinking, Sam." Wanda gave him a smile and a nod.

"Sure. It's Nat's birthday, after all. I figured that a little addition to the menu wouldn't hurt."

"I agree. All of the food is prepared and there's nothing left but that cake." Wanda looked at the oven timer. There was only twelve minutes left before it would be ready, but the smell was already intoxicating everyone's senses.

Scott rubbed his belly. "I can't wait to get a piece of that. Homemade cooking is always the best."

Vision smiled. "Thank you, Scott. Wanda, Peter and I worked very hard on it. Using Nutella for frosting was a good idea. I have a feeling that Natasha will appreciate it."

"Hell, yeah, she will. Nutella is Nat's favourite treat besides Lorna Doone's. I've seen her dig into one of those thirty-two ounce jars with a spoon. She'll eat that stuff in anything or by itself."

Pepper added, "As much as Natasha loves Nutella and Lorna Doone's, I decided to bake a large Dutch apple pie for tonight. Just in case someone wants to eat something a bit less sweet. I brought it over an hour ago and put it in the toaster oven so it wouldn't get cold. I also bought Reddi Whip to go on top of it."

Tony stared at his girlfriend in shock. "You made a pie? With your bare hands?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, Tony. Apple pie was one of the first desserts my mother taught me to make. I told you this years ago. Remember?"

"Uh, no."

"Mmhm. Well, anyway, you'll love it. I don't put a lot of sugar in it whenever I bake it, so I think you could eat a slice without any issue." She knew how Tony wasn't a big fan of sweets.

Tony have Pepper a kiss on the lips. "Thanks, Pepp. I can't wait to taste it."

"That's a smart idea, Pepper," said Wanda thoughtfully. "Because as big as the cake is, I'm not sure if it'll be enough for all of us. Especially Thor."

Upon hearing his name, the thunderer laughed heartily. "I can assure you, Wanda, I will keep my appetite under control. Cake is a human delicacy I have enjoyed more than most, but I will take but a sliver and leave plenty for the rest of you."

"I'm glad to hear that, Thor," retorted Peter. "Because I was afraid you'd swallow the entire thing whole and leave us with crumbs."

Thor just grinned and put his arm around the boy's neck, mussing his hair.

Wanda watched the camaraderie of her friends and leaned her head on Bucky's shoulder. She stood there and hummed to herself as their friends began to chat and joke amongst themselves. It was a scene that touched her heart deeply. After the horror of what happened to her country of Sokovia, Wanda hadn't been sure if she would ever feel so content the way she did now.

Here, with the Avengers, she had a family, people who loved her and saw her as a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a best friend, a lover. Pietro was her twin brother by blood, but these people were just as close to her as he. She finally found somewhere she belonged.

"You okay, doll?"

"Hm?" Wanda looked up at Bucky, who watched her curiously.

"Got a lot on your mind?"

"Oh...yes and no. I'm just so happy right now with all of you. I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for Steve, Thor or Natasha or you. I feel like I've finally come home."

Bucky understood her completely and kissed her forehead softly. "You are home, moya lyubov. You are."

 


 


After their long, erotic shower followed by a lengthy and playful dry off, Steve and Natasha finally left their room and walked down the hall to the kitchen to get something to eat.

"I can't remember the last time I've been so hungry."

"So that's why you were so crazy in the shower. Sometimes, I think you're too much for me, Nat," Steve remarked and nudging her hip.

"Oh, please. You're the only man in the world who can handle me. I especially liked that thing you did with your tongue..." 

"I'm glad you liked it, Nat. Remind me to do it again after we get some food in our stomachs."

"Tsk, always so horny, Steve."

"You and me both, honey." Steve pecked Natasha's nose.

"I don't know what to do with yo-" Her words cut off and she frowned, sniffing. "What's that smell?"

"I dunno. Smells like...a lot of different smells, actually."

"Yeah, but why is the light off in the kitchen?"

"Heck if I know," Steve retorted and as they got closer, he smiled at her confused expression because he did know the reason why, but he wasn't going to tell her.

Once they stood in the kitchen, Natasha breathed in deeply and her gaze flickered to Steve. The smells of many different food hit her nostrils and she was very curious about the lights being off. Was someone playing a prank or what?

Her hands went to the light switch, but it didn't come on. "What the hell? Steve, I think the light switch may be broken. "Steve?" Natasha turned, but Steve wasn't behind her anymore. "Steve? Come on. I have no time for games, babe. I'm hungry and I really don't want to play hide 'n seek with you."

"Don't worry, Nat. I wouldn't dream of doing that."

Instead of behind her, the voice came from directly in front of her and Natasha reached out to touch him. "Steve?"

Suddenly, the lights came back on and a lot of voices yelled, "Surprise!"

For a moment, Natasha covered her eyes because of the bright light shining in her face and she groaned, blinking furiously. "What in the world...?" When her eyes finally adjusted to the light, she saw her whole team standing a few feet away with big smiles on their faces.

Steve stepped out from the crowd and took her hand in his. "We wanted to give you a birthday celebration since today is your birthday, Nat."

"You did?" Her eyes were as wide as two gold pieces as she took in the food on the kitchen counter. Pimiento cheese sandwiches, chex mix, lasagna, enchiladas, salad, yeast rolls, a large apple pie and a big chocolate frosted cake. "You guys...you did this for me?"

"Of course we did, Mom," said Peter as he came over to take her other hand in his own. "We love you and you're an important part of this family."

"Damn straight. And you're the only one of us who can actually scare Tony into silence," chimed Pietro and he smirked at the older man.

Tony just rolled his eyes. "But it's not just how authoritative or okay, yeah, scary you are that makes us love you. You care about all of us, even when we act like idiots. You're like a mother hen for this entire team and that's not easy."

"What we are saying, dear Natasha, is that we wish to honour you with this celebration just as you have honoured us with your presence and patience on this team for so many years."

Tears began to run down Natasha's face and she sniffled, overwhelmed by the emotions she felt. "I don't know what to say."

Steve handed her a handkerchief and she wiped her face with it. "I know this is a lot to take in, but maybe a little thank you wouldn't hurt." He said this teasingly. "Especially since we had Scott enlarge your Lorna Doone's and put them in your cake."

"You what?" Her green eyes stared at the cake and she came closer to look at it. "That's what my cookies were stolen for? My birthday cake?"

"Yeah, but it's more like we borrowed them because you're still eating the cake with the cookies in it," Wanda replied. "And we used Nutella for the frosting since we know how much you love those. Basically, this whole spread is for you because these are all some of your favourite things. Tonight is all about you, Nat."

"This is so sweet. Thank you so much for this. I had no idea you planned to throw me a surprise party, but I really appreciate it." Natasha laughed happily and wiped her eyes again.

"Well, that's not the only surprise in store."

The redhead looked at the man standing next to her curiously. "What do you mean, Steve? Did you guys get me presents, too?"

"Actually, we did get you some gifts. Birthdays aren't the same without them, but the one I got you is a different kind."

She raised an eyebrow. "Please don't tell me that you bought me a pony or anything outrageous like that."

"No, my gift is more of the...diamond variety." Steve got down on one knee and Natasha gasped, covering her mouth with her hand, realising what was happening.

"Steve," she said in a shaky voice.

The blond smiled up at her and pulled out a small ring box from his jacket. He opened it and revealed a white diamond ring in the shape of a spider. Natasha gasped again as stared at the ring, her breaths coming in very short puffs.

"Natalia Alianovna Romanova, from the day we met, you fascinated me. The more we worked side by side as partners at SHIELD and as teammates and Avengers, I found myself wanting to get to know you, to be your friend and you allowed it. You let me in and I knew that wasn't easy for you. You've been through so much in your life, experienced things that no one should ever have to experience, but you didn't let it break you."

"You fought people's expectations of you, your own fears and let yourself blossom. You dropped your defences and let me see the secret part of you that no one knows and you did it willingly. You didn't have to trust me, but you did anyway because you began to see yourself in a different light. For the first time in a long time, you realised that you could have a happy life. Well, I see that, too. I've always seen it because I never doubted that you deserved the best."

"When you adopted Peter, we weren't even together at that point, but I looked out for him, helped you raise him and grew to love him like he were my own son. I just never told you how I dreamed that one day, he'd be ours."

Natasha sucked in another gasp and her lips trembled as her love of her life knelt before her, pouring out his heart to her. Steve had never been this vulnerable, this open with her before - much less, in front of all of her friends - and it touched her deeply. It took everything she had, every bit of will power to keep from screaming, "Yes, I'll marry you!" She just hoped that he would finish speaking soon so she could accept his proposal.

"You know me better than anyone else alive and I know you. I want you to be my girl, Nat. I want you to wake up in the morning and see this reminder of my love for you on your finger every day. I want you forever, for as long as we both live." Then he looked at Peter, who had tears in his own eyes as he watched the scene unfold before him. "And I want to adopt Peter as our son, so we'll officially be his parents together. I couldn't imagine our lives without him in it."

After looking at the boy for a brief moment, Steve gazed back to Natasha, tears falling from his eyes as well. "I love you with every breath, Natalia. Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife and making me Peter's father?"

"Oh, Steve, yes, yes! A thousand times, yes!" Natasha dropped the handkerchief and pressed her hands to her heart as an rush of unparalleled joy washed over her.

Steve gently took her hand and slid the diamond onto her finger. Then he stood and wrapped her in his arms, holding her tightly to him. "You won't regret it, baby."

"I know I won't." Natasha's hand came to rest on his chest and she pressed her lips to his, passionately. Happy cheers, crying and whistles sounded from behind them and they both smiled into the kiss.

Eventually, they had to pull back to breathe and once they did, Peter ran over and crushed them in a hug. Natasha and Steve enveloped the boy in their embrace. When Peter looked at Steve, he said, "Is it alright if I call you dad, now?"

Steve put his arm around the boy and kissed his forehead. "Of course you can."

"Thank you," he replied softly.

All three of them stood there hugging each other, looking like three of the happiest people in the world. And so, they were.

 

 

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