Never Touch A Russian's Cookies (Unless You Ask For Permission)

Marvel Cinematic Universe
F/M
Gen
Multi
G
Never Touch A Russian's Cookies (Unless You Ask For Permission)
author
Summary
Natasha has always loved Lorna Doone's. They're her favourite cookies to snack on when she's hungry, but unfortunately, someone has eaten her entire box.
Note
I know that I do comedy in most of my fics, but this is more of an absurd crack fic than a serious one with silly times, so prepare for moments of wackiness. These chapters are all mostly going to be short, unless otherwise stated.
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Morning Pleasures


 

 

Wanda rubbed her tired eyes as she walked into the kitchen, smiling when she saw Natasha, Bucky and Steve standing around the large kitchen island. "Good morning, everyone," she said pleasantly and sidled next to Bucky, giving her boyfriend a sweet kiss.

"You didn't eat my cookies, did you, Wanda?" Came an accusatory tone from Natasha who eyed the young brunette carefully.

Wanda looked over at Natasha and widened her eyes when she realized how tired she looked. Her nose was red, her hair was frizzy and her eyes were...puffy?? Had she been crying? That question was strange, too. "Natasha, I'm on a sugar diet, remember? Nothing sweet for two weeks straight?"

"Well, some asshole ate my cookies." Natasha grunted and smacked Steve's chest in annoyance.

"Hey. What did I do?" The blond said in complaint.

"Nothing. I just needed someone to hit."

At this, Bucky chimed in, "Good idea. Steve, take her in the closet for a quickie and maybe she'll calm down."

"Go to hell, Bucky," Natasha hissed and she turned on her heel, exiting the kitchen.

"Nat! Wait!" Steve sighed and shook his head. "Thanks a lot, Buck. Sorry about that, Wanda. She thinks that someone stole her Lorna Doone's from her secret stash of junk food and she's pissed off about it."

Wanda's lips parted and she spoke hesitantly. "You mean that hidden panel she set up in the pantry?"

"...how did you know about it?" Steve had that familiarly suspicious tone in his voice.

"Calm down, Steve. I would never eat someone else's food. Even if I were going to replace it later."

"Then how do you know where the panel is?"

She sighed. "I know about the panel because I saw her putting snacks into it last week. I couldn't sleep, so I went to the kitchen to heat up a cup of milk, but she was in the pantry, stashing stuff in it, so I decided to go back to my room."

Bucky rubbed Wanda's shoulders. "You don't have to explain yourself, Wanda. You're not on trial here." He gave Steve a warning glare. "I don't like you or Natasha accusing my girlfriend of eating those cookies."

Steve lowered his head and sighed again, feeling like an ass for what he said. "You're right. I'm sorry, Wanda. I don't usually jump to conclusions like this, but I've been up with Nat for over an hour, trying to calm her down."

Wanda patted Steve's hand. "I understand, Steve. No hard feelings, okay?"

"Okay."

Bucky thought for a moment and added, "If someone ate her cookies, I'm sure they'll be replaced."

Steve sighed again and looked off in the direction Natasha had gone. "They'd better be or there'll be hell to pay. You know how territorial Nat gets about food."

"Oh, yeah. I would not want to get in her way when she's angry about food. We've already seen that when Stark ate her Avengers Cheez-Its."

There was silence for a moment, then Steve laughed. "Oh, man! I tried my best to forget about that! Didn't she program his suit to fill with feces every time he flew?"

Wanda wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Yes, she did. I remember that too well."

Bucky laughed, too, and it's not like anyone could blame him. Natasha was more crafty and skilled with revenge pranks than he and Sam were. It was both hilarious and terrifying. "Haha! She did! He had to get Vision to carry him into the complex. He was so embarrassed that he didn't come out of the lab for three days straight!"

Steve covered his mouth with his hand as his shoulders shook. "That was the most wicked prank I ever witnessed."

"More like disgusting," Wanda said, her face full of disapproval.

Suddenly, a voice shouted in the hallway. "Steve!"

The laughing stopped instantly and Steve gave Bucky and Wanda a smile and a wave. "The lady beckons. You two have a good night." Then he practically ran down the hallway and back into the room he shared with Natasha.

"That man is so whipped," Bucky tittered as they watched Steve go.

Wanda grabbed her boyfriend's arm and shook him to get his attention. "Why did you bring up the time when Tony ate Natasha's Cheez-Its?"

"Because her payback was funny?" He gave her a curious look, wondering why she seemed so concerned over this. "Relax, doll. It's only a box of cookies. Natasha can get some more."

"Bucky, do you recall how violent Natasha can get when someone touches her food? For goodness' sake, you may have given Steve the idea that Tony ate her cookies! And if he decides to tell he that he suspects Tony, she could kill him!"

The humor in Bucky's eyes disappeared and he gave Wanda a deep, searching look. "But Tony didn't eat them."

"How do you know that?"

"Because of the word 'guilty' that's written all over your face. We've known each other too long for you to use a successful poker face on me. You know who ate Natasha's cookies, don't you?"

Wanda scoffed and tried to back away from Bucky, but his grip on her wrist was solid. "Of course not!"

The man backed her until she bumped into the kitchen island and he slid his cool metal fingers up her sleep shirt, inching near her womanhood. "I can make you tell me," came Bucky's seductive whisper.

Shivers ran down Wanda's spine and she licked her lips. "You can try."

Bucky pushed her panties aside and pushed his forefinger into her core. Almost instantly, her walls clamped down around his metal finger and she squealed from the feeling of the hard, cool digit flicking inside of her. "A-ah. Bucky...are you crazy? We're in the kitchen..."

"So?" He grinned at her and took his human hand and cupped her breast through the thin fabric of her sleep shirt, pinching the hard nub of her nipple.

Wanda threaded her fingers through his hair and threw her head back, unable to contain the little mewls that came from her throat. "Th-this is where we eat breakfast. Someone could come in.."

"I know. It's pretty kinky." Bucky's response was calm and casual, as if they were talking about the weather while he fucked her with his finger.

The young woman gasped and thrusted against her lover's metal hand, wanting more penetration. "Damn you, Bucky." She moaned again and pressed her lips against his urgently, letting her tongue do battle with his own.

"Ha, you love it, doll."

This continued for a while until Wanda pulled away and groped at Bucky's pants. "I don't even care anymore. I need you inside of me. Now."

"I knew you couldn't resist." Quickly, he tugged his pajama pants along with his boxers. He squeezed Wanda's breast once more before turning her around and lifting her sleep shirt, revealing her attractive backside, which he couldn't help but admire.

Wanda clenched her fingers and gripped the edge of the kitchen island. "Hurry. I'm not going to last long. We can do more foreplay later."

"Fine," Bucky growled and slapped the right cheek of Wanda's ass. She squealed again, then cooed, shimmying her rump towards him in a very enticing fashion.

That was all the invitation Bucky needed and less than a second later, he was inside of her. Bucky felt how wet she already was, so he didn't waste any time thrusting into her walls as she squeezed his rock hard shaft.

"Unh, Bucky! Harder!"

"Fuck, doll. You're so tight," Bucky moaned and complied with her wishes, hands going to her thighs, lifting her up and pulling her closer to him.

Wanda gave as good as she got, pushing her hips to join Bucky's so he wasn't doing all of the work. She was driving him crazy and he knew he would orgasm soon. Her petals were grabbing him so hard and refusing to release him easily. The best way to describe such a sensation would be to say that she was essentially milking his cock. And, damn, did it feel amazing.

It didn't take long for Wanda to hit her climax and Bucky came right after her. He kissed her right on time, so when she cried out, the sound was muffled and no one heard them.

Moments passed as they both panted, wairing for their energy to come back. Bucky pulled his penis out of Wanda's womanhood and put his boxers back on. Wanda giggled and followed suit, pulling her panties up. "That was phenomenal, Bucky..."

A proud, lazy smile spread across Bucky's face. "Yeah? You were pretty great, yourself."

"Mm." Wanda put her arms around him and gave him a gentle kiss. "But I'm still not telling you who ate those cookies!" Then she turned and ran in the direction of their room.

"Hey! I'm gonna get you for that, Wanda Maximoff!" The super soldier gave chase after his girlfriend and caught her just as she reached their bedroom.

When they were inside, he closed the door and locked it.

Minutes later, more moaning sounds were heard from the couple and this time, everyone heard them.

 

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