Chapter 33
I felt exhausted when I opened my eyes. Loki was still sleeping beside me, and as I scanned the room, I realized it was still very early. I laid there quietly, thoughts swirling. Just like he’d promised, the memories were still there—but the emotions were gone. I remembered everything I saw, everything I lived through as Yrissa. Every horrific moment. But now, it felt like I’d watched a nightmare unfold from far away instead of living it myself. I wasn’t trapped in the trauma anymore. I wasn’t drowning in pain.
There was still sadness, though. Sadness and anger—because what Muriel had done was unforgivable. Even without remembering the physical pain, it was still unforgivable. And I felt a pang of guilt too. Because for Yrissa, it hadn’t been this simple. She’d carried that burden alone. And now, knowing Muriel’s father had her disappear afterward? I felt sick for her.
What I couldn’t understand was why Muriel hadn’t come clean. We’d talked about the dreams. He knew what was coming. I could maybe understand the shame of it—maybe—but he let me walk into that memory blind. He knew I’d find out. Worse, he knew I’d feel everything. That thought made my blood boil.
Loki stirred beside me, opening one bleary eye before pulling me close.
“Are you alright?” he asked, his voice heavy with sleep and concern.
“I’m okay,” I murmured. “Just… angry. A lot of questions and a lot of anger. How did he put it again? ‘A bit of rougher sex, but consensual?’” I bit my lip, trying not to let the anger take over.
“I promise you, Muriel will get what he deserves,” Loki said, and I felt the storm rise in him. There was a terrifying edge to his expression—but before I could speak, he changed the subject.
“We do need more rest, however. Today shall be long, and I would prefer not to appear as if we lacked sleep.”
I sighed. The idea of pretending everything was fine made my skin crawl. I wanted to tell him I couldn’t sleep like this, not with my mind spinning and heart racing, but he already knew.
“I know you are angry. Believe me, I am as well. If you wish, I can help us both sleep. Just a touch of magic.”
I nodded, letting him pull me into his arms. His magic washed over me like warm water, and sleep came instantly.
When I woke again, I felt better. Still raw, but grounded. Whatever spell Loki used—it worked.
I turned to thank him, but the bed was empty.
“Loki?” I called softly, glancing around the room. Nothing. I checked the bathroom—also empty.
That sinking feeling hit me like a punch. No way he would’ve left me alone. Not after last night. I reached through the bond, trying to feel him, but there was barely a flicker.
“Loki, I’m sorry. I’m just worried—where are you?” I whispered into the bond.
A flash of pure rage hit me. And then... silence. He cut the bond. Privacy mode.
My heart dropped. That kind of fury could only mean one thing.
“He’s gone after Muriel,” I breathed.
“Goddammit!” I cursed and flicked my wrist. Magic surged through me, cleaning and dressing me instantly in my leather riding gear. I stormed from the room, desperate to find him before something happened he couldn’t take back. I questioned everyone I passed, searching corridors and common rooms, but no one had seen either of them.
Then I spotted one of Muriel’s personal servants. She looked nervous but told me Loki had woken her master early and they'd gone into the woods together.
Panic set in.
I sprinted through the palace, headed for the stables. I rounded a corner and nearly barreled straight into Thor.
“Thor, follow,” I said sharply, grabbing his arm and pulling him with me.
He didn’t ask questions. Just followed. I had a gut feeling where they went—somewhere secluded. Somewhere no one would interrupt. I prayed we weren’t too late.
As soon as we reached the stable yard, Shadow was at my side. He sensed everything—always did. He lowered himself for me to climb on. I settled near his neck and motioned for Thor to get on behind me. His arms wrapped around my waist, and with that, Shadow launched into the forest, knowing exactly where I wanted to go.
“Aurora, what’s going on?” Thor asked once we were away from prying ears.
“Muriel kept a secret—something horrible,” I said tightly. “He hurt someone very close to both him and Loki. Magic was involved, and it ended up hurting me too. Loki made sure I was okay, but this morning, he disappeared. And I know him—he’s furious.”
“You think he’s going after Muriel?”
“I know he is. The servant confirmed it.”
Thor went quiet for a beat. “Aurora… on a scale from one to ten—how bad was it?”
“Ninety-nine,” I answered without hesitation. “On both counts.”
“Shit,” Thor hissed. “Then we need to hurry. He might kill him.”
We were close. I could feel it. I recognized the trees, the trail, the way the air shifted near the hot springs. Then the sound hit us—metal clashing, grunts of pain. Shadow burst through the clearing, and there they were.
Loki and Muriel, locked in vicious combat. Cuts and bruises covered both of them. Magic and fists, both flying. They weren’t sparring. They were trying to destroy each other.
“Brother, stop!” Thor thundered, dismounting. “I do not know what he did, but this is not the way.”
Loki didn’t stop. Muriel ducked a blow and scrambled for space.
“Listen to your brother!” Muriel yelled. “What happened with Yrissa was a long time ago. You’re making too big a deal out of this!”
I jumped off Shadow’s back, fury burning through me. “Who the hell do you think you are?” I screamed.
Muriel froze, clearly shocked by my presence. “What kind of monster says something like that?” My voice cracked with tears, but I didn’t care.
Loki turned to face him, face full of hate.
“He claims it was not as bad as I made it out to be,” Loki spat. “Just like what he said yesterday, it was consensual. Just rough.”
I flashed my eyes back to Muriel and stared at him, mouth open. I didn’t recognize the man before me. He stood there with a smug look on his face, like he was proud of what Loki had just said.
"Is this true?" I asked, barely a whisper.
I saw a flicker of doubt in his eyes.
"What do you mean, is it true? Yes, it is true! I was drunk last night, and I was drunk back then. She deserved punishment, and she accepted it willingly. It was as I remembered—rough, but she endured it willingly. So I am very sure she enjoyed it."
To my horror, I realized he actually believed what he was saying. Though I could feel his certainty waver the longer he looked at me.
"You're a fucking monster!" I screamed, my anger spiraling out of control. "You raped that girl until she bled! Trust me when I say I now know firsthand how excruciatingly painful that is. So painful, Loki had to remove the feelings from last night just so I wouldn’t go mad!"
I was shouting now, but I didn’t care. I could feel Muriel’s shock and pain as my words hit him, and I relished it. I wanted him to hurt.
"As if the rape alone wasn’t enough, you held her down and used magic to force a pregnancy on her. You made sure she couldn’t even end it. Then you threatened her—told her that if she didn’t completely submit, you’d expose her and ruin her life. And the worst part? You forced her to clean you. Her blood, your cum, from your limp cock, while she was still bleeding and in agony. Then you just left her. She passed out alone from the pain and the shock."
I took a shaking breath, my voice hoarse. "Please, tell me again that this was just 'rough sex.' That she enjoyed it. You monster!"
I launched myself forward, ready to claw his face off, but a pair of strong arms yanked me back. It had to be Thor, but I hated him in that moment. All I wanted was to rip the smug look from Muriel’s face.
Before Muriel could reply, Loki lunged again. Muriel was fast, I had to give him that—he twisted and returned to the fight instantly, dodging Loki's strikes.
I struggled to breathe, forcing myself to calm down. I wanted to see Muriel bleed, but not at Loki’s expense.
"Thor, I’m okay now. Please let me go and stop Loki before he kills that monster."
The arms around me vanished, and Thor rushed forward. But before he could reach them, Loki waved his hand and a wave of green magic burst from his fingers. Thor froze mid-stride, locked in place like a statue.
"Loki, please!" I screamed. "Release Thor! Stop this! It won’t make a difference if you kill him, it’ll only get you in trouble—especially here in Alfheim. You cannot kill the Crown Prince!"
Loki didn’t even look at me. “You do not understand, Aurora,” he shouted. “It will make all the difference. I will kill him, and he will never again hurt you—or any other woman.”
The fury in his voice made my heart seize. I knew I would never reach him with words.
“Muriel, please stop!” I begged, turning to him instead. “He’s serious. He’s going to kill you. Just go—please. I’ll stop him from following.”
"He will not allow me the chance to stop," Muriel grunted, parrying another blow.
I watched him try to create distance between them, but Loki stayed on him like a storm. Muriel tried to use magic, but Loki deflected every spell with ease. He was relentless—cutting, slashing, wearing Muriel down with every strike.
There was only one way left. I had to stop Loki myself.
I crept closer to the fight, careful not to draw attention. When I was close enough, I leapt between them—but in a flash of green light, Loki’s magic caught me too.
I was frozen. Trapped inside my body like stone. My eyes stayed open, unblinking. I could see everything. I could feel everything—but I couldn’t move.
It was the dreams all over again.
Just like with Yrissa, I was rooted in place, helpless to stop what was happening right in front of me. Loki was going to kill Muriel, and I could not even scream.
Panic exploded in my chest. My Seiðr surged out of control, pounding against Loki’s hold. I poured every ounce of magic I had into breaking it. The pressure built until I could not breathe. A scream ripped through me—raw, feral.
And suddenly, I was free.
I crumpled to the ground, sobbing in relief and rage.
"Aurora, what is wrong?" Loki's voice filled my mind.
I looked toward him. He was still fighting Muriel, blade flashing.
I launched forward, stepping directly between them. I faced Loki, arms outstretched, not caring if I got hurt.
"What’s wrong? What’s wrong?!" I screamed. "You locked me inside my own body, Loki! I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. Does that sound familiar?! You forced me to watch something terrible happen and I couldn’t do anything to stop it! Just like in the dreams—I couldn’t even close my eyes!"
Loki froze. I saw the blood drain from his face. He was horrified.
But then the fury returned. "That is on him!"
With unnatural speed, he shoved past me. His sword lifted high, aiming straight for Muriel’s chest. Muriel was distracted, too late to defend himself.
"Nooooo!" The scream tore from my throat as a violent burst of magic erupted from my hands.
It slammed into Loki like a battering ram. His eyes widened in shock as the force lifted him off the ground and hurled him into the rockface. He struck the stone with a deafening thud—followed by a sickening crunch.
The moment he landed, Thor collapsed to the ground—freed from Loki’s spell.
We all stared, frozen.
Loki lay crumpled and still, blood staining the earth beneath his head.
“Loki!” I screamed, running to him. I dropped to my knees, cradling his body. His face was pale—too pale. I slid my hand behind his head to lift him and felt the warm, wet blood and jagged bone met my fingers.
“No,” I whispered. “No no no no…”
Thor’s voice shouted something, but I couldn’t hear it. A loud ringing drowned out everything else. My vision blurred. Thor grabbed my shoulders and shook me hard.
“Aurora! Is my brother alive?!”
I blinked, my mind rebooting.
I reached for my magic. My Seiðr surged from me, searching for Loki’s life force.
He was alive—but barely. The damage to his head was catastrophic. And there was so little pain…
He was too far gone to even feel it.
“He’s alive but barely,” I managed to get out. The whole world was now blurry from the tears streaming down my face as the full impact of what I had done to him crashed into me.
It looked like Thor wanted to pull Loki from my hands. I flinched and grabbed Loki tighter. I was glad to see Muriel jump between us and pull Thor back. I took the small reprieve and focused on my Seiðr. Just as I had done with Shadow, I focused fully on trying to heal him. The lack of pain made it very easy to focus, but also so much scarier at the same time.
Beneath my fingers I felt the flow of blood stop. Slowly, I could feel the large wound knit back together again. I realized that my knowledge of Seiðr and the lessons Loki had given me made this a lot easier compared to my first time healing Shadow. I could now wield my Seiðr precisely, focusing on what was needed instead of just overflowing everything.
The wound closed and I did a final check with my Seiðr, scanning for any other injuries. There had been several less threatening injuries to his body, but I had healed them at the same time that I was healing his head. I couldn’t find anything wrong with him anymore, so I released my hold on his head and gently placed it back on the ground.
“He should be fine,” I said with a shaky voice as I scooted backwards, away from Loki.
Thor threw himself at his brother, gently pulling his face into his hands and shook him.
“Loki, wake up,” he pleaded.
I could see a flutter in his eyes and his arms and legs move a bit. There was a rush of emotions inside me as I realized what I had done. I nearly killed Loki. I scooted backwards until my back hit something hard and my path was blocked. I was doing my best not to be sick. The whole world was out of focus, the ringing in my ears was back and I felt like I was suffocating. Unable to grasp a full breath.
I was staring at the ground when suddenly a pair of feet came into focus. I looked up and saw Muriel closing in on me, his arms stretched towards me like he wanted to grab me. Images of last night flashed through my head and I screamed. He instantly backed away. As I looked over, I saw Thor and Loki watching me in shock.
My eyes locked with Loki’s and my heart broke. There was deep shock and horror in his eyes as he looked at me. I couldn’t even imagine how much he must hate me now, regretting ever befriending me.
“I’m so sorry, Loki,” I cried hysterically as I scrambled to my feet.
There were sounds, but his words didn’t register. I saw him motion to Thor to help him stand. As soon as he was on his feet, he took an unsteady step toward me.
“No, don’t,” I cried, and something inside me broke.
I turned and just ran. I needed to put as much distance between us as I could. I would never, ever be the reason for his pain again. There was a small tingle in the back of my mind, but I cut him off and slammed the privacy lock on our connection.
I saw Shadow standing halfway in the clearing. I leapt onto his back and we were off. I needed to get away. I wanted him to take me to the edge of the world and drop me over it. I cried and cried as Shadow ran like the wind. My hands and face were numb from the cold, but it didn’t even register. Shadow ran for miles and miles, while I just lay on his back, arms around his neck as I sobbed into his mane.
I don’t know how long we rode like that until he suddenly stopped. I was shocked when I heard a very familiar voice.
“My dear, what’s wrong?” the voice cried.
I looked up in shock. I realized that Shadow had taken me to the Elven Bifrost site.
“What is wrong, my dear?” Frigga rambled as she ran toward me and Shadow. “I got a premonition of you coming here in this state. Whatever did happen?”
I had never in my life been so happy to see a person in my life. I nearly fell from Shadow’s back and threw myself into her open arms.
“My child, please, what is wrong?” she asked again as she held me close.
“I nearly killed Loki,” I cried into her chest. “He was about to kill Muriel. I needed to stop him, to protect him. There was nothing I could do and I lost control. I lashed out with my magic. I nearly killed him. I’m a monster.” I sobbed, suddenly realizing this was Loki’s mother I was confessing to.
I tried to wiggle myself out of her arms, but she was a lot stronger. She just held me as I sagged against her and cried. She rocked me back and forth, stroking my hair until I settled down a tiny bit.
“You say you nearly killed Loki,” she asked very gently as she pulled me back so she could look me in the eyes. “So you did not kill him?”
I could feel how worried she was about her son.
“No, I used my magic to heal him before he could succumb to his wounds.” I was getting hysterical again, but I knew I needed to explain myself to her. “He was fighting Muriel, trying to kill him. He wouldn’t stop, he would have killed him, and Merinor would have killed Loki. Thor and I tried to stop him, but he froze us in place to stop us from interfering. I broke out of his spell and threw myself between them, but it didn’t work. Loki pushed past me and this time Muriel was distracted and didn’t see him coming in time. He would have killed him. He was aiming for his heart. I inadvertently unleashed my magic. It slammed into him and threw him several meters through the air and he slammed against a stone wall. When I reached him there was so much blood and he was nearly gone. But I did fix him, I swear. Just like I did with Shadow.” I was hyperventilating again. “I swear that he is alright now. Thor woke him and I heard them talking. Muriel tried to grab me and I freaked… I… I…”
There were stars dancing in front of my eyes, morphing into black spots. I saw Frigga’s lips move with no sound. The stars just became bigger and bigger and everything went black.
The first thing I noticed was something gently stroking my hair. I blinked a few times and saw a hazy silhouette sitting next to me. I blinked some more, and when my vision finally focused I saw Frigga. I tried to sit up, but she gently held me down.
“Stay down. You are exhausted and blacked out midst a panic attack. You need your rest,” she said in a gentle and sweet voice.
“How can you be so nice to me after what I did to your son?” I couldn’t help but ask. My voice sounded timid and tiny.
Frigga shook her head, a small smile forming on her lips.
“You mean, how can I be grateful that you saved my son? From what I heard, you stopped him from killing a member of the Elven royal family whilst being in Alfheim.”
I looked at her in shock. I could feel that she was sincere.
“Aurora, I am so very glad you managed to stop him. I know you did not intend to hurt him, and you even healed him as soon as you realized what you inadvertently did. I do not know what happened between Muriel and Loki to prompt his anger so much that he wanted to kill him, but you saved my son’s life. He would have been lost if he had killed Muriel. King Merinor would have executed him on the spot, and there would be nothing me or Odin could have done to stop it.”
I could see her hands tremble, but she continued.
“Also, you seem to forget that I care for you as a mother too. I love you, and I would always hear your side of the story before I took any action.”
I teared up and hugged her, unable to convey my emotions any other way. She was surprised, but I could feel her melt into my hug, and I needed her warmth and reassurance to calm myself.
She pulled back and took my chin into her hand so I would look at her.
“Heimdall has been looking in on Loki and Thor. Muriel is safe and alive. My sons and the Warriors Three are on their way to the Bifrost. They should arrive in the palace in half an hour. From what Heimdall tells me, Loki is in good health. He is very agitated, but from what Heimdall describes, that is because he does not know where you are.”
I released my chin from her grip.
“I don’t want to see him,” I said, and my hands started to shake badly. Remembering the look of horror on his face had shaken me to my core. “Please, I don’t know if I can handle seeing him right now.”
“My child, you do not have to see him just yet. I will meet them at the Bifrost and assure him you are safe. I will keep him from visiting, but he must know you are safe. I will not have them stress about your whereabouts for nothing. For I am sure even Thor and the rest are very worried by now.”
She looked at me as only a mother could—loving but stern.
It made me giggle.
“Yes, mother,” I said, which made her smile.
I looked around and realized I did not recognize the room I was in. She saw me glance around and smiled.
“You are in my bedroom. I transported us here directly after we came through the Bifrost. I have alerted my handmaidens—they will stay clear of the bedroom for as long as you need solitude. If you do want company, just go into my other chambers and my maidens will be there to take care of you. I will be back soon, after I reassure my sons and their friends that you are safe.”
She motioned to a side table next to the bed.
“There is some soup and something to drink if you want it. Please try to get some sleep. I can see you have had a rough couple of days, and it would make me feel a lot better.”
I hugged her again.
“Thank you, Frigga. I would be lost without you,” I admitted.
She just stroked my hair and hugged me back. Then she stood and waved as she walked out of the bedroom and closed the door.
I took a little soup and something to drink, but I was way too stressed to sleep. I kept seeing Loki’s head smash against the rocks every time I closed my eyes.
I paced the room and caught my reflection in the mirror. I was dressed in a nightgown. I must have been out a while for her to be able to redress me and all.
I was so very stressed. Normally, all I wanted was Loki’s arms around me. A part of me secretly wanted to lift the privacy lock and contact him. The other part of me was very scared of his reaction if I did.
I must have paced for a long time because suddenly the doors opened and Frigga came back.
She frowned as she saw me.
“Aurora, you are going to make yourself sick again.”
She walked over and took my hand, leading me to a set of chairs. “My sons were very happy to learn you were safe and in the castle.”
I looked at her, knowing there was more.
“Loki is demanding that I let him talk to you. He is not mad at you, as far as I can tell, but clearly very shaken. I have never seen him this stressed over needing to see someone. I will not force you, but I do beg you to reconsider and let him see you. He assured me himself that he is not angry with you.”
She looked at me with pleading eyes.
I thought about it, and it was the least I could do after nearly killing him. So I nodded.
“Do you want me to remain present?” Frigga asked. “He is outside my room, as I told him where you were, but he knows he is not allowed in until you say so.”
I shook my head. “No, I think we need to talk alone—although I had hoped to be able to get back to my own room first.”
I sighed, knowing full well there was no way Loki would stay silent while we made our way back to my room.
Frigga smiled. “If you want, I can use my Seiðr and transport you to your room. I will tell Loki that you agreed to see him after. Do know that my son is in quite a state—he will probably just teleport straight to your room as soon as he finds out.”
I nodded. “If you would, I would be so very grateful. I don’t mind him transporting in, I’ll just put on my overcoat once I’m in my room.”
She helped me up from the chair and hugged me. “All will be well in the end,” she said softly.
With a tingle of magic, I was in the familiar space of my own room. She smiled and squeezed my hand gently before she disappeared.
I walked over to my bedroom and, from the dresser, I put on one of the comfortable overcoats. As I buttoned the last button, I heard Loki’s voice, thick with worry, call out my name.
I turned to the bedroom door. Before I could even reach it, the door flew open. Loki stood in the doorway with an unreadable expression on his face.
My heart nearly stopped, and my eyes filled with tears.
With near-impossible speed, he closed the distance between us and pulled me into his arms.
I could feel the relief go through him as he held me, and I could not help but cry. I had been so afraid that he would hate me for what I had done to him. But I could feel that he wasn’t angry—just worried—which only made me cry harder. He lifted me in his arms and carried me to my bed. He sat down and placed me in his lap.
I turned my head to look up at him, and I saw that his eyes were closed as he held me.
“Loki, I’m so sorry I hurt you,” I said, still fearing his anger. “Can you ever forgive me?”
“Aurora, you did the only thing possible that could have stopped me from killing Muriel. Anything else, and I would have found a way around it. I am lucky to not find myself in Elven dungeons with my head on the executioner’s block as we speak. I know enough of King Merinor to know that if I had succeeded, he would have executed me.
I did not seek Muriel out with the intention to kill,” Loki said, his voice low. “I only meant to speak with him—to hear what he had to say. But the moment he started defending himself—the smugness, the lack of remorse—I lost myself. I was not thinking clearly. I was blinded by rage. I did not care about consequence or reason—I only saw what he had done to you, what he had done to Yrissa. It consumed me. I was not trying to get myself killed. I simply could not see past the fury. I wanted him to pay, and in that moment, I could think of no punishment fitting enough that did not end with his death.”
“But I did nearly killed you,” I admitted softly. “You have a right to know how bad I hurt you. You would have been dead within minutes if I hadn’t been able to heal you.”
He shook his head. “When you used your magic to stop me, what was your intent? Did you want to kill me, or did you want me to stop?” Before I could even answer, he continued. “Even if you wanted to kill me, I would understand. With my rage, I was not thinking when I froze you in place. I can only imagine how horrible that had to have been, considering what you went through in such a state. I do not blame you if you—”
I placed a finger on his lips to silence him.
“Loki, I never ever wanted to kill you. I didn’t even want to hurt you. I only wanted to stop you from killing Muriel, and not for Muriel’s sake. He deserved every bit of what you wanted to give him. The only motivation I had was trying to keep you safe. You wouldn’t have been if you had seriously injured or kill him.”
Loki nodded. “That is what I thought. So how can I be mad at you? Yes, your powers got out of hand, but I forced it. If I had not attacked Muriel or stopped Thor from intervening, none of this would have happened. Please say you forgive me? For there is nothing I need to forgive you for.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close.
“Let’s forgive each other then,” I said into his hair.
He let out a big sigh, and I felt the relief go through him.
“Then we will forgive each other,” he agreed as he placed a soft kiss on my cheek.
I looked at him with a strange feeling of butterflies in my stomach.
“I am sorry I shut you out of our bond,” he continued. “Would you mind letting me back in?” he asked gently, and I did my best to kill every single butterfly fluttering inside me. “I kind of need to know how you feel,” he admitted.
Without a word, I lifted the privacy lock, and I could feel his presence through our bond as I opened up to his request. We weren’t talking, but I knew he could feel my stress, my anxiety, and the soothing calmness that just being in his arms gave me. I realized all of a sudden that I was now so very tired. I swear if Loki didn’t have his arms wrapped around me, I would have toppled off his lap.
Loki laid me down on my bed. He stood, and I was afraid he was going to leave, so I grabbed his hand and tried to pull him back.
“Want me to stay?” he asked, and I nodded.
With a flick of his hand, his clothes changed into his normal sleeping wear, and he took his place beside me in bed. We lay there for a while, and I could feel my eyes grow heavy.
“Loki, promise me you won’t be gone when I wake,” I suddenly asked.
“Do not worry. I will be here when you wake. You have my word,” he whispered.
With that reassurance, I finally let myself drift off.