Chapter 34
I woke a few hours later with Loki’s arm around me. He was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, a deep frown on his face. His hand was absently stroking my arm. I was curled against his side again, my head resting on his chest, one arm draped over his stomach.
“Something troubling you?” I asked, and he turned his eyes toward me, focusing.
“Yes. There is something we need to talk to you about,” he said with a sigh. “It is about the last dream.”
He suddenly seemed very nervous.
“I also need to talk to you about that dream,” I admitted, and his brows lifted slightly in surprise before he nodded.
“So do you want to go first, or shall I?” I asked, giving him what I hoped was a reassuring smile.
“You go first,” was all he said.
I pushed myself up from his chest and sat against the headboard. He followed, mirroring my posture.
“I realized something during the dream that I think you have a right to know,” I began slowly. “It’s not really my place, but… I think it might explain a few things. Not excuse them—nothing can excuse what Muriel did—but maybe help make sense of his anger and jealousy. Why his friendship with you ended so abruptly.”
Loki reached for my hand and gently took it in his. “You do not have to sugarcoat things or find a gentle way to break something to me,” he said. “Just tell me what happened.”
I took a deep breath.
“I don’t have the feelings tied to the dream anymore—you made sure of that—but I still remember what I realized while I was in it. Muriel… he felt this overwhelming anger and jealousy when he found the female version of you with Yrissa.”
Loki nodded slowly, silently urging me to go on.
“When you left the room, Yrissa and Muriel fought—verbally at first—before he…” My voice faltered.
“Before he raped her,” Loki finished, surprisingly calm.
I nodded.
“She didn’t understand why he was so mad. Why he was so jealous. And honestly, I didn’t either, not at first. I felt his love, his rage, his jealousy, and it just didn’t make sense. But by the end of the fight, it was obvious—he wasn’t in love with her, Loki. He was in love with you.”
His eyes widened, shock rippling across his face.
“Not you as you are now,” I clarified gently, “but you in female form. From what I felt, that’s where the love and the jealousy were directed.”
He stared at me, stunned. I gave him space to process it.
“So all he did to Yrissa… her punishment… it was because I provoked him?” Loki said quietly. “Because she had been with me—while I was in female form?”
He stopped, his throat moving as he swallowed hard.
I got up on my knees and placed my hands on either side of his face.
“Loki, look at me. Muriel did that because he lost control. That was his choice. His violence, his crime. Not yours. Even if you’d known how he felt and provoked him on purpose—which you didn’t—it still wouldn’t have been your fault.”
He blinked a few times, emotions twisting beneath the surface. I eased back and pulled him against my chest, wrapping my arms around him, stroking his hair as he leaned into me. We stayed like that for several minutes before he finally spoke.
“I do not understand his feelings. Nor his actions. But thank you for telling me. As you said, it excuses nothing… but I can see how it may have triggered something.”
“Loki, you are not to blame for this.”
He gave me a faint smile. “Thank you. While I know you are right, I cannot help but feel guilt for my part in all of it.”
“I get that,” I said gently. “Truly. Now… what is it you needed to tell me?”
He tensed instantly, pulling away to sit back against the headboard. His posture shifted—guarded, braced for something unpleasant.
I reached for his hand again. “Loki, like you told me—just say it. Don’t sugarcoat it. We’ll deal with whatever it is. Together.”
He nodded, though he wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“It is about the part before Muriel,” he said, dropping his gaze to the blanket. “Did you notice anything different about it?”
He was avoiding my eyes, clearly shaken. I let him, giving him space. My mind drifted back to the first part of the dream. It had been overshadowed by the nightmare that followed, but now… without the emotions, I could see how strange it had been.
“At the time, yeah… it did feel different. I didn’t think too much about it then because the second half was so awful. But looking back, it wasn’t like the others. I don’t have the emotions tied to it now, so it’s kind of faded… but I remember thinking it felt oddly vivid. More like I was there than just watching. At some point, I think I had a bit of control? I remember being able to shut my eyes—to not see you and Yrissa—and when I did, it was like there was another layer of emotion underneath. Not connected to what you two were doing.”
Loki reached for my hand again—and this time, the intensity of his emotions hit me like a wave. Nervousness. Guilt. So sharp it stole my breath.
“Loki, what happened?” I asked quietly. “Why are you feeling this way?”
He leaned his head back and exhaled hard.
“Aurora… before I tell you, you need to understand—I have no answers. I do not know why it happened. I was not aware of it, and I would never… I would never do something like this on purpose. You must believe me.”
His voice cracked. I saw tears forming in his eyes.
“When I woke after that dream… something was wrong. Very wrong.”
My chest tightened.
“I have been thinking about the differences in that particular dream,” he continued. “It did not feel like a memory. I had some awareness, some control, but I truly believed I was dreaming. I had no idea what I was doing.”
The tears were flowing freely now, and it scared me.
I wanted to speak, to ask what he meant, but my throat was dry. No words came.
After a long moment, he went on—still not meeting my gaze.
“We had the same dream… though there were differences. At the end, I stormed out of the room. I left Yrissa with Muriel. That is where the dream ended for me. And then… I woke.”
A heavy silence fell.
I waited.
“As I opened my eyes, I was very disoriented. It took time to get my bearings. But once my head cleared… I found you on top of me. My arms around you. Our clothes were nowhere in sight and I was…” He swallowed hard. “I was still inside you.”
His voice cracked, and then he started to cry.
“I think I raped you, Aurora,” he whispered through the tears, his voice full of anguish. “Fuck… I think I raped you.”
I just stared at him, mouth open in shock as he wept. But the weight of his grief snapped me out of it.
I reached for his hand, and he immediately focused on me.
“So… you think we had sex? That somehow the lines blurred between the dream and our actual bodies? That we had sex in real life while still dreaming?” I asked, keeping my voice calm even though my heart was pounding.
Loki nodded, pain etched into every line of his face. I let the words settle for a moment, trying to wrap my mind around it.
He pulled himself together just enough to go on.
“When I found us like that… I lost it. I cleaned and redressed you with magic. Then I went into the bathroom to clean myself. My intention was to wait until the second dream passed, then wake you and tell you everything. But then you started crying and screaming in your sleep, and all I could think about was helping you. You know the rest.”
I felt another surge of anger rise in him. This time, it clicked.
“That’s partly why you were so furious with Muriel,” I said softly. “You really wanted to kill him—I felt it—but it wasn’t just about what he did to Yrissa.”
He nodded. “I know he was not to blame for the first part, for what I did to you, but I was already so angry… it all melted together. If you had not stopped me, I would have killed him. Then I would be a murderer. And a rapist. Now I am just a…”
He couldn’t finish the sentence.
“Are you sure we had sex?” I asked. My voice was way steadier than I actually felt.
Loki nodded again. “Yes. I checked with magic. I most definitely came inside you.”
Shock flashed through me, and I must’ve shown it because he quickly looked away.
“It was not just that,” he said, even more quietly. “You clearly fought me. There were scratches on my back. A bite mark on my neck. You tried to fight me off.”
His voice was so full of guilt it made my chest ache.
“You didn’t rape me,” I said, the words escaping before I even had time to think.
“But I had sex with you and you were unconscious. I did rape you,” he said, like he was explaining something simple to a child who didn’t understand.
“No, Loki. You didn’t rape me. The scratches and bite marks, they—” I started, but he cut me off.
“They were from you trying to fight me off!” he shouted, the emotion finally boiling over. “You tried to fight me and I did not stop. I am no better than Muriel!”
“Loki.” I tried again, louder. But he wouldn’t listen—completely lost in shame and rage.
“Loki!” I shouted, grabbing his arms and forcing him to look at me. “I was there too. I remember what happened—even if I can’t feel the emotions tied to it. I might remember it even more clearly than you do, because I don’t have the emotions clouding it—just the facts. Yes, we were asleep. Yes, neither of us meant for it to happen. But you didn’t rape me.”He blinked, confused and desperate.
“I enjoyed the whole thing,” I said, heat rushing to my cheeks. “I’m sorry I scratched and bit you, but it wasn’t because I was fighting you, you dumbass. It was because I was enjoying myself way too much—and you wouldn’t let me come! I was trying to force you to make me come.”
I stopped, mortified, as my words hung in the air.
“Fucking hell, this is so awkward,” I groaned, throwing my face into my hands.
To my surprise, I heard Loki let out a soft, shaky laugh.
Peeking between my fingers, I saw the smallest mischievous smile tug at his lips.
I smacked his arm. “You’re such an asshole!”
He raised a brow, clearly trying not to smile—and completely failing at it.
“Here we are in the most awkward situation ever,” I went on, flailing dramatically. “You’re having a full emotional breakdown, I’m forced to tell you that I enjoyed dream-sex too much, and then you smirk at me!”
“I am sorry,” he said, still sounding a little dazed. “Truly. I am just… relieved. So very relieved. I thought I had… I thought I had violated you. But then you got all red and flustered, and I… could not help myself.”
I sighed, some of the tension in my chest finally releasing.
But then a thought struck me, and panic crept in.
“Loki… is there any chance I might be pregnant?”
I must’ve looked terrified, because he immediately pulled me into his arms.
“No, Aurora. I made sure of that when I used magic to clean you. That is not something you need to worry about.”
I sagged into him, relief washing through me. We stayed like that for a long moment, wrapped around each other.
Then I felt the tingle at the back of my neck—the bond stirring.
"Aurora, I need to know… does this change anything between us? I would understand if it is too much. If you wanted to break the connection. Or if you needed distance from me after all this."
I tilted my head to look up at him.
“It doesn’t change anything for me personally. You didn’t do this on purpose. I didn’t do this on purpose. It happened. It’s weird—yeah—but weird isn’t new for us. I wouldn’t break our friendship or our bond over it.”
His shoulders eased a little, but I could still feel tension beneath the surface.
“I do want to keep this private, though,” I added. “Between just us. It would raise too many questions I don’t want to answer. I hope you agree?”
He nodded slowly. “Of course I will not speak of this to others. But… I do believe we must explain something to my mother. We cannot leave her in the dark. She will worry too much. And I do not have the heart to see her worry.”
He was right.
“I don’t mind her knowing what happened in Alfheim,” I said carefully. “But can we leave out the sex? It’s not important to the rest of the story, right?”
He sighed. “It will be our secret, Aurora. But… I hope you are not ashamed of what happened?” He looked at me searchingly.
I gave him a soft smile. “I’m not ashamed. I just don’t want people complicating what’s between us. We’re more than best friends. With the bond hidden, people can’t see how deep our connection really goes. I don’t want something like this getting twisted or used against us. Not that your mother would—but your father? I don’t know what he’d do if he found out.”
“That I understand,” he said, nodding. “I promised Mother I would explain everything once we were finished. Do you want to join me?”
He glanced at the clock.
“I imagine she will ask me to stay and have dinner with her in her room. It is already late.” He said aloud this time.
“Would you mind going alone?” I asked. “I don’t really want to relive the whole thing. You have my permission to tell her anything you think she needs to know. Even about my relationship with Muriel… or what happened with his father in the garden. I trust you.”
I cringed a little, hoping Frigga wouldn’t think I was some reckless idiot or… worse.
Loki must have felt my hesitation.
“Aurora, she loves you. She would never hold anything like that against you. But I can see the fear written across your face—you must face her after this, or it will harm your relationship with her. I will speak with her alone, but will you join us for dinner afterward? I shall have a handmaiden fetch you when we are finished. Can you do that for me? I promise, there is nothing to fear. She will not press you to speak of anything you are not ready to share. I know my mother—she will simply be grateful for your presence.”
“I will,” I said softly. “I’m going to try and nap for a bit. Maybe I’ll feel better afterward. Just send someone when you're done, and I’ll come.”
He gave me a gentle kiss on the top of my head before releasing me.
“Then I shall see you later,” he said with a small smile, and slipped out the door.
I did manage to fall asleep for a little while. When I woke, Yara was beside me, letting me know that one of the Queen’s handmaidens had come to collect me. I changed quickly into a simple dress, and Yara helped with my hair. As we walked toward Frigga’s rooms, the nerves came back in full force. I tried to keep calm, but the fear that she might think less of me still twisted in my stomach.
The handmaiden led me to a private dining room. When the door opened, I saw Frigga and Loki already waiting. As soon as I stepped inside, Frigga stood and came straight to me.
Without a word, she wrapped me in a warm, tight hug.
“My dear,” she said gently, “I am so sorry for what you have endured. I understand and respect your decision not to speak about it, if that is what you need. Just know that I love you, and none of this—none of it—is your fault. You have shown more courage than most ever do. The world is still full of men who believe women exist only to be conquered and controlled. As far as I am concerned, they are fools.”
The warmth behind her words hit me like a wave. A single tear slid down my cheek. I was just so relieved—she still loved me. She didn’t think less of me.
“Mother, perhaps we should eat now,” Loki said softly from the table.
Frigga pulled back and gave me a concerned smile. “I’m sorry. I did not mean to make you cry again.”
“It’s all right,” I said, returning her smile. “I’m just… grateful to hear it.”
Dinner passed in gentle conversation. After a few minutes, we were laughing and talking as if nothing had happened. It felt like a balm—like some small piece of normal had returned. I was so relieved to find that nothing between us had changed.
Afterward, Loki and I made our way to his private library—something we had both missed. The moment I stepped inside, I felt at home. The room was just as cozy as ever, and I immediately curled up on the sofa, which was practically mine now. Loki didn’t argue. He always claimed the chair or his desk, but somehow, he always ended up next to me on the sofa anyway.
“What did you tell Thor and the others?” I asked, remembering Thor had been there when I almost—
Loki sat beside me, close but calm.
“Thor received a shortened version of the truth. I told him we had been reliving memories from the past—nothing more specific than that. But he heard enough of what you shouted at Muriel to understand the context. We talked about who—or what—might have caused it, though of course, I had no answers. He knew your empathic gift had taken a toll on you after the last memory. He not only understood my rage—he nearly went after Muriel himself. I had to stop him.”
I blinked in surprise, then smiled softly.
“I asked him to keep it quiet. He swore he would.”
I nodded. “I’m glad he knows something. I still feel awful that he had to see all of it.”
Loki gave a small nod. “The Warriors Three and Sif do not know the details. Thor told them Muriel hurt you and that I lost control. That was enough. They know my temper well enough to believe it. But… they surprised me. They were supportive on the ride back. They respected that I tried to protect you—and they understood how worried I was when I could not find you.”
A soft smile curved my lips. “Honestly, I’m almost glad you stormed off alone. If you’d taken them with you, Muriel wouldn’t be breathing right now.”
He returned the smile. “Thank the Norns you stopped me.”
His voice dropped a little. “Did you realize you broke my spell with nothing but raw power? Then used your Seiðr to knock me back—and again to heal me—without collapsing afterward?”
I blinked. “No. I didn’t.”
“It seems your Seiðr training is bearing fruit. Your command of arcane knowledge has grown, and your body now tolerates using raw Seiðr more efficiently. That said, you should still be cautious. As you saw, power like that is volatile. And more importantly… we do not want anyone else realizing what you are capable of.”
“I don’t want to use it like that again,” I muttered. “I did it because I panicked. You nearly died.”
Loki laughed—loud and genuine.
“You truly are rare,” he grinned. “There are people who would kill for your power. Even I envy it sometimes. And here you are, swearing it off because someone got hurt—which, I might add, you immediately healed.” He shook his head. “That is what makes you so special. That is why your friends love you.”
“Yes, I’m a real saint,” I deadpanned, smacking him lightly on the chest.
“Well,” he drawled, eyes gleaming, “I would not go that far. I still have the bite marks and scratches on my back, you know.”
My mouth opened. No words came out. And of course, my face turned crimson.
Loki nearly fell over laughing.
“You evil, wretched—” I spluttered, too flustered to come up with anything.
So I did the only thing I could—I started swatting him wherever I could reach. He caught my arms easily, laughing harder as he pulled me into his lap and pinned my arms. I squirmed and grumbled, but it was pointless.
“I think they should change your title,” I muttered. “You should be called the Jerk of Mischief and Lies.”
He laughed even harder.
I let him have it. After everything, the sound of his laughter was more comforting than anything else.
When he finally calmed down, I rested my head in the crook of his neck.
“Can I ask you something?” I said quietly. “I don’t want to ruin the mood.”
“You can ask me anything. You know that,” he replied.
I hesitated, then asked, “What’s going to happen to Muriel now? Will he stay in Alfheim… or is he coming back?”
“He will return, for now,” Loki sighed. “Mother has assured me she will not tolerate him anywhere near you. He will be informed of this upon his arrival. She is sending word to his father to appoint a new diplomat to represent Alfheim at our court. We decided it was best to conceal most of the truth. She is feigning outrage over Muriel’s failure to court you properly, considering your status and closeness to our family. His audacity in tricking you into wearing his marks at the Alfheim court—without your knowledge or consent—was, in her words, unforgivable. King Merinor has been given one month to resolve the matter and present a replacement. Once the new diplomat arrives, Muriel will be gone from our lives. He will no longer be welcome in Asgard.”
“Are you okay, knowing he’ll be back?” I asked gently, absently drawing circles on the back of his hand.
“Mother will make it clear he is to stay far from us both,” Loki said. “If my duties require me to be in the same room with him, I will endure it. And if I cannot, Thor will take my place. Although, to be honest, I believe he is more enraged than I am at the moment.”
He tried to smile, but I could see he wasn’t looking forward to it.
I reached up and turned his face toward me. “But will you be alright?” I asked again, quieter this time.
He dipped his head, resting his forehead against mine. “As long as he stays away from you… I will be.”
There was a quiet steel under his words, and I felt the unspoken threat humming beneath them.
“Loki, I want you to swear to me you won’t go after him again—not without thinking, not without warning. Even if something does happen between me and Muriel… promise me you won’t act without my permission—or your mother’s.”
Silence stretched between us. I knew what it meant. If he gave me his word, he would keep it. Always.
“I need this, Loki. I need to know you’ll be safe. If something happens, and you put yourself in danger again like you did in the woods… I don’t think I could live with that.”
He let out a long breath, then nodded.
“I promise,” he said softly. “If something happens, I will come to you or my mother first. But you must understand… if I ever have to choose between protecting you and asking permission, I will choose your safety. Always.”
I gave a small nod. “Just… don’t risk yourself like you did before. I could never forgive myself if you destroyed your life over me. You promised you’d be my friend for the rest of my very long life. I need that, Loki. I need you as my friend—and as my guardian. Please, don’t ever do anything that would jeopardize that. Unless… of course, you ever want out of the bond. That’s always your choice.”
His smile was faint but genuine. “That, I can promise. And please, do not worry. As long as Muriel is here… I will not murder him in his sleep.”
I gave him a stern look, as he grinned at his own joke.
After that, we just curled up together and read for a while, quiet and content, until we finally said goodnight and went to our rooms to sleep.