Chapter 4
It was the morning when I said fuck it. I know it was a lost cause but I went to my lap top and started to type a email to Natasha. I need to let this off my chest of what happened. Anyway I have a funny feelig that she is reading them somehow anyway. She as to be.
Dear Natasha
Yesterday night was a disaster. George was worried about me and I went to see a movie with Wanda and Darcy. After the movie a group of Alpha's started to bug us and both Darcy and Wanda ran leaving me behind. I didn't want to know what plans they had for me but if it wasn't for Brock Rumlow, my best friend....... god knows if I would be raped or killed by now.
I hated myself for somehow thinking that Steve was going to come save me like he did last time. Today I didn't have a nightmare for the first time in months. It was a beautiful dream but it still hurts my heart. The reason why it did was because Steve was with me. And that we were together forever. I didn't scream I just opened my eyes and let the tears fall. Nat, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to pass this pain, this loneliness. I hate feeling so lonely and I can't help but blame this on myself. If I wasn't so selfish.
Something strange happened to me a couple of days ago. I swear I saw a glimpse of Steve. No matter how much pain he put on me, I still love him. Maybe you don't care and glad that I am no longer in your life. Steve told me not to be reckless, but I am. Maybe if I do something dangerous I will see Steve again. I promise I will not get hurt but now I know what to do. Till next time.
Bucky Barnes
I send it off and close my lap top. I get changed and I slowly walk down the stairs and into the kitchen. George was immediately hugging me. "When Brock told me what happened last night I was so scared. You are not going to school today. You need a few days off." George says gently and touches my cheek. "Dad I am so, so sorry. I tried I really did. But I can't do this anymore. Please don't send me to mom." I plead and he nods. "I won't." He says. "I am going to go and thank Brock. I will be very careful I promise." I say and he nods as I walk out with my keys in my hand.
I was driving when I saw a couple of dirt bikes on the sidewalk. I smirk and pull over. It took a few hours but I got them on the back of the truck and drive rest of the way to Brock's. I was going to see Steve again and I already had a plan on seeing Steve once more. When I arrived I parked and turn the truck off. Brock comes out. "Bucky. How are you doing?" He asks surprised that I came over. "Better. I wanted to thank you for saving me last night. I am so grateful." I start. He smiles and looks proud of himself. "But I saw this on the sidewalk and I wanted to see if you wanted to help me." I say and pull the tarp off to reveal the dirt bikes.
He smiles, I mean full out grin. "This is cool." He says and goes to lift one up and I instantly felt worried. "Wait. Just be careful they are pretty heavey-"
I was cut off when he picks one up easily and sets it down onto the ground. Okay I have to admit, I was impressed. "Let's get to work." He says. I smile and follo him.
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Months have passed by and together we were working on the dirt bikes. When I got to school a few days after taking it off both Darcy and Wanda burst into tears apologizing that they left me behind. I forgave them and told them what happened when they left.
But now, I think I might be able to pass this pain. Of course the minute I thought that my brain was sent into panic mode. Don't forget about Steve! I had enough. The tears fell that night and I spent most of the night sobbing as quietly as I could. I did not get any sleep that night.
That was the day I had to go to Brock and help finish the rest of the dirt bikes. Of course I was practically dead on my feet and I spent most of thattime trying not to doze off. "Bucky, did you not get any sleep?" Brock asks and I immediately felt ashamed to answr that question. He sighs when I stayed silent and he walks up to me. "Bucky, let's go see a movie or something." He suggests and I close my eyes. I can't. "Okay." I whisper and he smiles.
"Now this is not to get you to date me. I just want to get you distracted from your depression of a certain someone." He says dodging his name and I was so grateful for that. I just nod and he pulls me into a hug. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I can't get past this pain." I mumble into his shoulder and he squeezes me. "No I understand. He was your first love. The first heartbreak is the worst or so that is what my father says." He says and we both disolve into giggles. "Tomorrow night?" I asks and he smiles. "Yeah." He says.
I smile. Well at least it was not a date. I don't think I am ready for another relationship and that is for sure.