Life got boring after two thousand years alive and even sex, drugs, and rock and roll wore off. Peter spent a lot of his youth partying away completely unaware of what he was, and then he spent more time wondering why he was even around, and then he met his asshole of a father. Then he saved the universe and for a fleeting moment he thought he found purpose but even that wears off eventually. When he killed his father- a celestial- he thought he lost his power but as the years went on he didn’t age, he didn’t die, and once he held a stone with the power to destroy universes and he only felt minimal damage.
It took almost a hundred years for that spark of power his father had shown him to come back and for awhile it gave him something to do. He learned how to master his ability to build things; he even built a planet of his own when the time was right, building things and tearing them down whenever he pleased. Music was another love of his and that, thankfully, never got old. Sometimes he’d even run into new stuff from his mother’s home planet and it was always awesome. But he never returned to the planet his mother died on, not for a good long time. It was either too painful, too far away, or just not something he wasn’t interested in.
But life was funny and eventually he had been drawn back to the planet thanks to some jackass who thought harvesting humans for their skin was a good plan. First off humans made terrible leather and then there was the whole killing people thing that was immoral and all that. So he and his current band of merry idiots set off to find the perpetrator to get them to cut that shit out and eventually it led to earth. It was hardly surprising but that didn’t mean Peter had to like it.
“You know for a two thousand year old demigod you’re a total jackass!” Gamora yells at him.
“Well for a woman that’s committed countless genocides you’re pretty damn judgmental!” he yells back.
“Please, don’t fight, I definitely don’t want to film it,” Rocket says, camera pointed at them. Gamora makes an annoyed noise and launches for Rocket, who yelps and runs off, Gamora on his heels. Peter rolls his eyes and looks around his home planet. There were a lot of changes, most of them to the hygiene humans kept thank god, but he still felt something of a connection to the planet. He blamed it on the celestial DNA instead of nostalgia because that was easier.
*
Tony has lived a pretty charmed life, at least on the outside, so people were pretty confused about his penchant for drinking too much. There weren’t many people who knew the truth, which was weird considering Tony never made an effort to hide things from people but whatever. Either way he found himself at a bar once again except this time he was freaking sober. God damn sobriety and his promises to Pepper and Rhodey. He was tempted, very tempted, but he knew he wouldn’t drink even if he really wanted to. he’s never done anything half assed and bars were still useful places to find hookups so in his defense his presence in the bar had a purpose.
The last thing he expected was one Peter Quill, but that was probably because of his considerably odd introduction. “Hey,” some guy says as he slides into the seat across from Tony. He knows that look on his face and for a moment he’s confused because he’s never actually been hit on by a guy before but then he takes a second to look at the guy’s face. Damn he was pretty. This confuses him more because he’s never once in his life found himself attracted to dudes but in the name of something new he decides to go with it, at least until he rest of the guy’s sentence comes out. “I’m a celestial and in case you don’t know what that is, I can manipulate the very fabric of the universe so I’m basically a god.”
Tony raises an eyebrow, “mentally unstable is what you are. Does that line ever work?” he asks more out of some kind of morbid curiosity than anything else.
His companion blinks a few times is surprise but grins, “you’re feisty, I like you. And yeah, that line usually works,” he says.
“Guess people figure if they stick a gag in your mouth they can take one for the team,” Tony says, giving the guy a onceover, “can’t say I blame them.”
“Well I am pretty,” his companion says, apparently unconcerned that Tony thought he was crazy, “and thankfully humanoid.” He looks a little pained at that, like he was actually worried that he wouldn’t be humanoid or something. Tony figures he’s just this side of desperate and if he can’t drink the booze he might as well experiment with his sexuality. One was way less harmful unless this dude’s dick was as big as his mental problems, then Tony might be in trouble.
*
Peter wasn’t usually into guys but this one was pretty and he was mad at Gamora, which was somehow relevant and useless all at once. Besides, Tony didn’t outright reject him with that celestial line that worked everywhere but Terra. It wasn’t his fault he forgot that Terrans didn’t know about aliens yet, which pissed him off because that always got him laid and now he had to work for it. Tony at least made it easy so there was that.
Tony pushes him back a little and he goes easily enough, really hoping Tony wasn’t about to call this off on account of his probable mental health issues at least from his point of view. “Question, you’ve been with a guy, right?” he asks.
That had to be one of the weirdest questions he’s ever gotten but… “well I mean I’ve fooled around with a few but uh… no,” he says, wincing.
“Jesus Christ, of course. Me either so now we’re both going to have to learn how to work with dongs. I should have known something was hinky when you claimed to be an alien,” Tony says, eyes narrowed.
“Okay first of all that is the least hinky thing I have said all night and two, you’ve never been with a dude either so you can’t judge me! And you claimed to be a genius, billionaire, philanthropist. As if I’m the only one telling unlikely tales,” he says in his own defense.
“At least my unbelievable story can happen in reality! And it’s real!” Tony shoots back.
“‘Scuse you, I am so a celestial and I have a whole planet to prove it!” Peter says, offended.
Tony gives him a look, “let me guess, this planet is conveniently located in a place I can’t go,” he says.
“Well yeah, I didn’t want nosey neighbor planets, I’m a solitary guy and Jesus Christ I just sound crazy so how about we shut up and get back to the making out?” he says because he was never going to win this argument. Thankfully Tony is the adventurous and he ignores that whole Peter sounding absolutely insane thing in favor of a new experience.
*
When Peter wakes up the next morning its to yelling and Rocket snarling. He grabs his gun and holds it over Tony’s half raised body to point it directly at Rocket’s muzzle, “speak again and I. Will. End. You,” he mumbles.
“Your pet human pet me!” Rocket yells. Peter cocks the gun and Tony makes a small noise of distress as Rocket snorts, “go ahead Quill, shoot me,” he says, entirely serious.
“I’d appreciate if you let me leave the bed first,” Tony interjects. Peter makes a motion with his gun and Tony crawls towards Rocket and out of the bed. Damn, the gun must have freaked him right out if he was willing to go towards Rocket. Terrans didn’t like Rocket.
“Don’t test me, trash panda,” Peter tells him.
“Hey you, Terran. Before you take off can you tell me what the hell a trash panda is because all I’ve got is that it’s some kind of Terran thing,” Rocket says.
“It’s a raccoon,” Tony says slowly, like he was worried he was about to be eaten. So be fair if he pet Rocket he probably was about to be eaten but still.
“Calm down, Tony, I’m not going to shoot you. Might shoot the trash panda though,” he says and Rocket yells, lunging at him. Peter swears and tries to throw Rocket off because he didn’t actually want to shoot Rocket. At least not right this moment.
“What are you doing?” Gamora yells just as Peter send Rocket flying into a wall.
“Hey, think punching Rocket counts as animal cruelty?” he asks and Rocket yells again, about to lunge for him but Gamora is quicker and she grabs him first. Peter laughs, “look at his little legs go!” he says, pointing at Rocket’s fast moving limbs that were going nowhere.
“Fuck you, Quill!” Rocket yells at him.
“Can someone explain why that raccoon is talking?” Tony yells, pressed against a wall looking pale.
“I’m not a raccoon!” Rocket yells, snarling away as Gamora held him off the ground.
“He’s a cybernetic raccoon,” Gamora explains, “Peter, wipe the human’s mind and send it on its way,” she snaps.
“No, I like him!” Peter says more to be petty than anything.
“I’m cool with the mind wiping because I clearly got drugged or something and this is a bad trip,” Tony says, still pressed to the wall and looking concerned.
“I didn’t drug you!” Peter says, offended at the suggestion.
“Than explain the talking animal!” Tony shrieks.
“This is why you keep your dick in your pants on Terra, Quill!” Gamora yells, throwing Rocket on the ground and stomping out. Rocket at least looks slightly calmer as he shakes his head.
“Oh you are in for it,” Rocket tells him, snickering as he picks himself up off the ground and twitches his ears.
“Shut up, marsupial,” Peter tells him.
“I’m not even a marsupial you uneducated fuck,” Rocket mumbles, ears flicking as he leaves the room.
Tony stares after Rocket for a long moment before Peter decides to speak, “want breakfast?” he asks.
*
This was insane, he was insane. He was eating dinner with a fucking alien because against all odds Peter Quill was actually kind of a cool guy. He liked good music, he was funny, he hated sushi as much as Tony did even if it was for vastly different reasons, and he was hot. It was strange to Tony how attractive Quill was but that was maybe the celestial thing that he was sort of starting to think was true. This morning he saw a talking raccoon and a green chick, at this point Peter’s story was a whole lot less weird.
“You guys have music devices that can hold thousands of songs!” Peter says, eyes wide as he leans forward in interest.
“Yeah? You have a ship that can fly across the fucking universe and you’re impressed with MP3 players? Seriously?” he asks, shaking his head. This was unbelievable.
“Dude, the best I’ve got is a Zune that I stole from a junk yard and that only has like three hundred songs on it,” Peter says.
Tony wrinkles his nose, “dude, you are way behind. Let me get my shit together and I’ll have you a music player that is way better than a Zune. They don’t even make those things anymore,” he says. And how the hell did a Zune get to a junkyard that Peter was raiding? And why the hell would a guy that’s basically a god raid a junkyard for a music player? This was by far the weirdest thing that has ever happened to him.
“Well excuse me, it’s not my fault the rest of the universe hates music and I’m forced to scavenge for it like some kind of savage,” Peter mumbles, giving Tony a mocking look.
“I can’t believe you’re basically a god, assuming that bit was legit, and you can’t make your own music,” Tony says, shaking his head.
“Oh fuck off, just because I can manipulate the very matter the universe is made out of doesn’t mean I can play a guitar. Give me a break,” Peter mumbles.
“You told me last night that you have a planet. You can make a planet but you can’t strum to a beat?” Tony asks. Unbelievable.
“No, I can’t strum to a beat, I’m very bad at it. I can dance though and that totally makes up for it,” Peter says, grinning.
“No it doesn’t, and not being able to play the guitar totally makes your planet way less cool,” Tony says, laughing at the hilariously offended look Peter gives him for saying that.
*
Peter couldn’t believe the music the Terrans had now. Stark had shown him the light by introducing him to AC/DC. “Like it?” he asks, half bent over Peter with an ear bud dangling out of one ear.
He looks up at Tony and smiles, “yeah, I love it. I’ve been alive a long time and honestly music has kind of been my only solace so thanks for this,” he says and he means it too.
Tony raises an eyebrow, “how old are you? And since we’re on the subject how can you stand hanging out with me? I must be like… really annoying to you, like hanging out with a twelve year old.”
Peter shrugs, “you get used to it after awhile, being older than everyone else. You start seeing stuff they don’t but you ignore it because they aren’t ready to hear it and you’re less ready to say it. You build some dick topiaries to pass the time. It helps that, according to Gamora anyways, my mental age is six.” He’s watched worlds be born, watched them die, watched new worlds flourish in their absence. He spent a long time looking for meaning in it and eventually he came to the conclusion that it was all pointless. Terrans in particular didn’t like the notion that life was useless, that it served no purpose to the greater scheme of things but Peter has seen entire ways of life die with absolutely no ripple affect in the universe. All those people and their ways of doing things were just… gone. There was no purpose to that, nothing to learn. Things lived until they died and someday his own pointless existence would come to an end too. Hopefully not like his father’s because that guy was a total prick and Peter would deserve to die if he was anything like that jackhole.
“You make dick topiaries?” Tony asks and Peter snorts.
“Apparently your mental age is six too. But yeah, I’ve made some weird shit in my time. At one point I had a whole dick topiary family but then Fredick died and I decided to start with some vagina topiaries. Gamora likes to hang out in them because she has no idea what’s what Terran genitalia looks like,” Peter says, snickering. Tony laughs too but he’d laugh harder if he were trying to have a serious conversation with Gamora when she was sitting in a vagina.
“Ever get bored?” Tony asks earnestly.
Peter snorts, “I’m two thousand years old, at this point flying through comet fields with two whole planets armies behind me is barely thrilling,” he says. It wasn’t exactly wrong, he’s done it all a million times and then some and eventually it was just… blah.
“You’re two thousand years old and you haven’t slept with a guy before? Come on, when you live that long you’ve got to let go of sexuality in strict terms,” Tony says.
“Sure I have, I’ve just never really acted on it. Never really had the chance because at this point even physical attraction has lost its luster so I didn’t see the point in doing much about any attractions I had. That, and Gamora is usually the one who sweet talks people into giving us whatever it we want. You’d think people would be less likely to blab to a woman who has been involved in like seventeen genocides but being alive for two thousand years has taught me that there is no cap on stupidity.” Especially from people who thought they were infallible. Like his asshat of a father- dude tried to destroy the whole universe to get his rocks off. He hadn’t thought he could be killed and he had thought that once Peter figured out how to kill him he’d lose his power but he was wrong on both accounts so.
“Then why bother with me?” Tony asks.
And here was one of those moments Peter had semi regularly now when he knew he knew something the other person didn’t but he wasn’t sure he could tell them. But if he’s learned nothing about Tony it’s that he’s tough as hell so he thinks of how he wants to say this. “I have a connection to energy, it’s what I use to manipulate things into other things, or to make something new entirely. People have energies too, some more than others, and you have a lot of energy. I could feel it across the room and you were in a bad mood, that’s not normal. Usually I only feel stuff like that if I run into someone important,” he says. Like Drax, who had lost his whole family and then earned a reputation of being a destroyer himself. Or Gamora, who was responsible for the deaths of countless people but had the strength to break ranks and turn against people that had hurt her as badly as she hurt others except she never got the solace of death. Even Rocket had a lot of energy for a thing that was more machine than not.
Tony had energy too, Peter could feel it, he just had no idea why he was getting that kind of energy from a Terran. They weren’t exactly active participants in the universe, nor did they do things that mattered to people other than themselves. But something about Tony called to him and when he walked over he knew that he was making the right choice. It was weird but probably not weirder than that pentacorn topiary he made except the pentacorn’s horns were dicks.
“I have… energy? Is this a pickup line because it’s safe to say I’ve been picked up,” Tony says.
And there was why Peter had been hesitant. Tony doubted his own greatness the same way Gamora, Drax, and Rocket did and there was no way to convince people that they were important, they had to eventually realize you were right or never realize their importance at all. “No, it’s not a pick up line its… let me show you something,” Peter says and he holds out his hand. Tony takes it hesitantly but Peter takes that as a good sign.
“Everything has an energy,” he says as their landscape shifts around them. Tony wobbles and almost falls but Peter catches him just as the new surroundings settle. Stars made up the majority of what they were looking at but there were planets in there too. “People are kind of like these stars,” he explains.
“This isn’t something humans have ever seen before,” Tony says astutely. He looks around in shock but mostly awe and Peter has to admit that it’s quite the view.
“No, it isn’t. This is a quadrant of stars close to where my planet is. But you can see the difference between the bright stars and the duller ones, right, and the planets?” Tony nods, “good. People’s energies are kind of like the stars, I can feel them all but some are just more interesting than others. Its those people I’m attracted to because they’re the only things that aren’t more of the same for me,” he says. “You’re like that planet over there, the one doing weird laps around that star.” That planet pissed him off because it didn’t even know what it was doing but it did its thing shamelessly. He didn’t even think it was spinning in the right freaking direction, the stupid planet. He tired to get his to do that but it imploded on him. Twice.
“What the hell is it even doing?” Tony asks.
“Same question I’ve been asking myself about you. Terra is close to the center of the known universe but it’s hostile out here, people don’t tend to go near the center so Terrans have been left mostly alone. Energy buzzes don’t tend to catch my attention out here.” That and the fact that he’s not been back here since long before he knew what he was.
Tony tilts his head to the side, “so what’s that mean?” he asks.
Peter shrugs, “I guess it means you’re important.”
*
Tony was pretty used to weird things happening to him after all these years but dating a space alien that was kind of a god was certainly new, even to him. Peter could do cool stuff too, he’s shown Tony some of what he could do between coming and going from the planet. Sometimes it took Peter years to get back but he never looked older. Tony continued to age like normal but it wasn’t until he was almost forty five that he considered what that meant.
“Do you care if I die?” he asks Peter, who looks shocked.
“Of course I care if you die, what the hell kid of question is that?” Peter asks and he sounds just a little hurt.
“The kind you ask someone who is all but immortal and your life span only crosses what must be a minute or two to you,” Tony says. How he never thought of this before he had no idea but he had admittedly been pretty stupid when he was younger. That, and the morning after he met Peter he ended up nearly being eaten by a talking raccoon. He figured he could forgive himself for the first year out of sheer shock at what he had discovered but after that he’d just been foolish to not consider the fact that he was essentially a dying meat bag with a personality.
“You ever had a moment where, in the space of two minutes, the best thing has happened to you?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at Tony.
“There was that time in college when I won that robot building competition,” Tony says. He had been so young and no one took him or his projects seriously. They all changed their tune after that and for a moment he felt like he owned the world.
“I thought you were going to say when you lost your virginity but that’ll do,” Peter says, laughing when Tony smacks him. “What, you know it’s true.”
“It is not! I had some self control, thanks,” Tony mumbles and Peter laughs.
“Yeah, yeah, sure. Point is it doesn’t matter how long you’re around, what matters is that I enjoy my time with you. Which I do, by the way. Trust me after being pent up in a ship for god knows how long with Rocket you start to get a little squirrely and sometimes seeing you again is the only thing that keeps me from skinning his furry ass and turning him into a hat Davey Crocket style,” Peter says.
“Jesus Peter, don’t skin Rocket and turn him into a hat. He’s gotten fleas like six times since you guys landed here and he gave them to Gamora and Drax. You want to wear that?” Tony asks and Peter snorts.
“Guess you make a point there,” he says.
*
Tony dies when he’s fifty years old and Peter feels it across the universe. He had long ago become accustomed to Tony’s energy and he usually felt it even when he left Terra but this time he felt that energy burst. He’s killed enough people and been around enough people who died to know what that meant. What he hadn’t expected was the pain to follow. He doubles over as the pain radiates through his body and of all the people to stop by his side its Nebula.
“What is wrong with you?” she asks almost harshly. He knew her well enough to know that was her caring voice but he still could have done with a softer tone.
“Tony just died,” he says. His voice sounds far away from him, like it was off in the distance or he was listening to himself talk underwater and that was weird.
“He was mortal, they don’t last long,” she tells him and Peter squints at her.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Nebula? It’s sad your stupid human died,” Rocket says and lets out a loud yell, shooting at the damn monster of the week.
Nebula stares at him for a few seconds, boring holes into the back of his head before she turns back to him, “your idiot rat doesn’t know how to comfort you any better than I do. Come here,” she says, reaching for Peter and all but dragging him out of the battle scene as the pain continues to radiate through his being.
*
Tony remembers when he died, how everything went white for a moment before it was black. He can hear himself breathing, which makes no sense because he’s dead, but maybe logic didn’t exist in the afterlife or something.
He’s suspended in mid air for some time, maybe even years, before he can feel the pull back to what he thinks is his mortal body and it sort of pisses him off. For once in his damn life he was getting some peace and quiet and even his damn death had to be interrupted by someone.
*
When Peter meets Tony again he’s a girl and she’s fighting off a bunch of annoying spider-like creatures with what looks like the remains of a robot arm and she’s vicious about it too. Peter holds up his arm, hits a few buttons on the band attached to his wrist and the spiders all jolt, falling dead to the ground.
Tony- or whatever her name is- turns to glare at him. “Fuck you,” she snaps, stomping forward to grab something off the ground.
“You’re welcome,” Peter says dramatically.
Tony stops and stares at him for a moment and he can feel that familiar energy calling out to him, insisting that there was an importance to it for some reason that he still couldn’t figure out. The thing in her hand starts beeping wildly and she smacks it a few times to silence it and looks back to him. “You seem familiar,” she says suspiciously.
Peter smiles, “well, it’s been about a lifetime since I saw you last,” he says.
She squints at him; “it’s been a life time since you saw me? When the fuck did you see me last, when I was coming out of my mother’s vagina?”
He laughs harder than that comment warranted but it was so Tony, or whoever he was in this lifetime. “No, the last time I saw you was before you died last,” he says.
Tony squints at him, “dude, you have mental problems that you should get checked out.”
“Funny, this is exactly how it started last time. Fair warning, I have a talking raccoon that travels with me and he doesn’t like to be pet,” he tells her.
Later he finds out her name is Natasha and she’s a brilliant inventor, one of the best since Tony Stark’s untimely death. Peter was tempted to tell Natasha that her idol was herself, but Rocket’s jokes about her being an arrogant bastard were too funny when she didn’t understand what he was talking about.
He also discovers that that annoying beeping device that she was fighting the spiders off for was some kind of machine that detected soul mates of all things. Nebula had found this particularly amusing, citing that Peter spent all this time boasting about how important Tony was only to find out he wasn’t really important at all but thankfully Gamora smacked her sister into behaving. And besides, she was wrong anyways. Tony’s, and later Natasha’s, technology was useful enough that by the time it reached the worlds beyond Terra everyone wanted it. So Peter had been right all along, Tony was important and so was lady incarnation Natasha. The best part about the whole thing was that she thought Peter’s dick topiaries were great.