Chapter 4
— Iconic Homiesexual Beings —
16:07 - bjsihsugdyyyiyhssbsoubsij
16:08 - EVAN JUST FLIRTED WITH ME I THINK
16:11 - I highly doubt that
16:13 - How dare u have such little faith in my integrity Margot 😔
16:13 - JK 🤭
16:14 - He actually was and I’m folding so hard
16:15 - Tf did he send to make u become a contortionist
16:17 - What?
16:19 - A contortionist is a person who bends in cool ways
16:19 - So you know.. folding..?
16:21 - Great pun
16:22 - Anyways he sent me a ;) kjiouhgyfgddtsdtgfhgfhj
16:22 - That’s it? I was expecting at least a pick up line or smth
16:24 - Also his description of himself was like meltdown city
16:27 - HE’S SO HOT
16:28 - You’ve never seen a picture of him tho?
16:31 - What’s your point?
16:31 - WAIT I SHOULD SEND HIM A PHOTO OF MYSELF TO WOO HIM
16:34 - Terrible. Terrible, terrible idea. Worst idea I’ve ever heard
16:52 - OK I’M IGNORING YOUR ADVICE AND I TOOK SOME PHOTOS
16:52 - Why am I not surprised??
16:54 - *photo
16:54 - *photo*
16:54 - *photo*
16:55 - *photo*
16:55 - *photo*
16:57 - Number one compliments your eyes, number two is horrendous
16:58 - Number three is okay, could use a belt though
16:58 - Number four is the best one so far, brings out a personal side
17:00 - BARTY! WHAT??
17:01 - What seems to be the matter, my dearest friend?
17:03 - NUMBER 5 IS BASICALLY A NUDE
17:04 - YOU ARE ONLY WEARING UNDERWEAR
17:05 - Gotta show off my sexy bod somehow
17:05 - Thought you’d be pleased 😖
17:07 - Stop bringing up the fact that we slept together, it was a one time thing
17:08 - WE’RE GAY
17:10 - Had to lose our virginity somehow
17:11 - Not gonna be a virgin at 28.. plus you defo enjoyed it 😏😏
17:12 - Bartemius Crouch Junior. If you send that photo you will get blocked.
17:15 - First of all, wasn’t a no. Second of all, instructions unclear, I’m sending him all 5
17:16 - Have fun getting reported :)
25th December - Tuesday
— Evan and Barty —
10:00 - Morning loser :) happy christmas
11:04 - Fuck off stop being happy
11:05 - I’m hungover I can’t function
11:23 - When you’re hungover… do you always tell the truth?
11:24 - My friend Marls does that when she’s drunk
11:27 - Mhm
11:28 - Okay perfect, let’s play a game
11:29 - Truth or truth?
11:34 - I’m too tired for this shit
11:34 - Wanna call
11:37 - Uh sure?
— incoming call from bat boy 🦇💙 —
“Hello?”
“Damn your voice is hot,” Barty let out his subconscious thought, causing a snort of laughter from Evan. “So is your laugh.”
“Shut up. How are you?”
“M’good. Fucking wish I was with you because Margot went and cancelled her plans. My dad’s out of the house again so looks like another Christmas alone.”
Evan frowned. That didn’t sound good at all - what kind of guy abandons his kid on Christmas day? He figured it was a good opportunity to dig deeper and find out more about his school and personal life.
“So uh… why does your dad always leave you home alone? I mean, surely he wants to spend the holidays with you and your mum?”
“My mum um.. died. Twelve years ago. And my dad only really ever loved her so he doesn’t pay much attention to me. The liking boys thing didn’t help, but I think he blames me for her death.
“That’s such bullshit. I’m so sorry for your loss.” Evan can hear small sniffles coming through his phone.
“Yeah well I had the flu and I gave it to her… but she got it pretty badly and next thing you know, it clashed with a previous immune system attack and she got very sick.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine I guess.. don’t remember her much. Anyways I’m quite happy now.”
“That’s good to hear.”
Silence.
“Hey uh Barty? Why do you have such weird schedules and stuff. You always mention how your dad has like mega control over you too..”
“Oh. Yeah I’m homeschooled.”
More silence.
“Oh.”
— Slytherin Skittles —
12:39 - GUYS GUESS WHAT
12:40 - SOLVED THE BARTY MYSTERY
12:42 - DUDE WHAT?
12:43 - SPILL
12:45 - HE’S HOMESCHOOLED?!
12:45 - OMG
12:46 - OMG
12:46 - Hardly a surprise
12:49 - Really Reg? Gonna ruin the OMG chain and the ultimate revelation?
12:49 - #heartbroken
12:51 - …hashtags are incorrect grammar
12:51 - DUDE
12:52 - ANYWAYS EV TRY AND FIND OUT EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM
12:53 - DO WE KNOW WHERE HE LIVES
12:54 - GET A PICTURE OF HIM
13:07 - Yeah uh
13:08 - He just sent me some photos
13:11 - OMGOMOGMOGMHFNSDGFHJERGHJERHEFHJB???
13:12 - He’s acc not that hot :(
13:15 - Oh that’s a shame
13:16 - I’M FUCKING WITH YOU
13:16 - HE’S THE HOTTEST GUY ALIVE
13:17 - HE ALSO LOOKS SEVENTEEN
13:20 - 😟
13:21 - What happened to Evan ‘I’m never dating anyone again’ Rosier
13:21 - SEND THE SCREENSHOTS
13:27 - *screenshot*
13:27 - *screenshot*
13:30 - Smash
13:32 - Agreed
13:32 - REG YOU’RE WIFED UP
13:33 - SENDING TO JAMES
13:36 - Smash
13:36 - Platonically tho
13:37 - Lesbian supremacy
13:40 - PROPER GAY PANICKING RIGHT NOW
— Evan and Barty —
13:01 - *photo*
13:02 - *photo*
13:04 - *photo*
13:04 - *photo*
13:04 - So that’s me ig
13:05 - Smash
— Iconic Homiesexual Beings —
13:06 - DUDE
13:06 - MARS
13:07 - MARGOT
13:08 - MARGOT
13:09 - MARGOT AMELIE ROSE SAUNDERS
13:11 - MARSY WARSY MOO
13:12 - ANSWER MEEEEEEEEEEEE
13:13 - BITCH PLS ITS IMPORTANT
13:15 - MAGGOT
13:15 - Wanna know what rhymes with maggot
13:16 - Hint, you’re one <3
13:16 - FINALLY YOU ANSWERED
13:17 - Also you’re gay too?!
13:17 - GUESS WHAT
13:18 - A raccoon bit you and now you’re in the hospital being treated for rabies because Batman (me) didn’t save you?
13:18 - What a shame
13:19 - The raccoon had to drink your blood
13:19 - Pretty sure that’s animal cruelty
13:21 - …..
13:22 - I’m pretty sure raccoons don’t have rabies or drink blood
13:22 - Also stop actually guessing when I say guess what
13:24 - Can’t hear you, filing an RSPCA report against you
13:25 - EVAN FLIRTED WITH ME
13:25 - CAN HEAR YOU NOW
13:26 - REWIND!!
13:26 - I NEED THE FULL STORY
13:32 - BARTY DON’T DIP NOW YOU LITTLE SHIT