Dreaming
Y/N is sleeping when Bucky comes home. Their bedroom window is open and city noises drift in, making a soothing lullaby.
For a moment he just watches her from the doorway. Regret already fills his heart at what had transpired after his match. She had had a final in English or she would have been there. And if she had been there he would have had an excuse to not go.
He shouldn’t have gotten into underground fighting, especially not with someone like Rumlow. But now he’s sort of stuck. Because his fame is rising not just in boxing, but in the underground as well. And, well, one sort of affected the other as he’s coming to find out.
He’s lucky Steve and Peggy are away for the weekend or he surely would have been caught sneaking in well after he should have been home. All he wants to do is lie down with her, feel her skin against his. But then Rumlow’s words echo through his mind. The things he had said about her, the things he had claimed he had done to her…makes him kick off his shoes and drop his bag to the floor. He doesn’t shut the door.
The street light flooding the room let’s Bucky see that Y/N isn’t wearing his shirt tonight, which only makes his stomach clench. Instead she’s wearing a camisole and panties. He sits down on the bed and touches her hip, drawing soft circles there until she starts to stir. “Baby,” her voice is a soft purr as she turns to lie on her back. Then she gasps and sits bolt upright. “What happened to you?!”
Sweat is still dripping down his brow, mixing with blood running from cuts, slicing through the bruises and scratches. His hair is damp with sweat and his whole body aches. “I can’t tell you.”
“What? Why not?”
“I just…can’t. Not right now. I-,” he swallows hard and meets her stunned eyes. Guilty, guilty, guilty. He stands and shoves the books and paper and colored pencils lying haphazardly on the bed to the ground. Art and school supplies clatter onto the floor alike. Guilt and regret hits him again and he takes a step back. Because those are Y/N’s things, things that are precious to her, important and-
“I need you right now.” He pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it to the floor. “I’m desperate, baby, please.” Needs to feel her against him, around him, to taste her and worship her.
For a moment she doesn’t move or say anything, shock written on her face. But then she stands and pulls him into a tender kiss. His hands go to her hips and hers go to cradle his jaw, before they slide down his chest, raking over the sweat slicked muscles. “What’s wrong, Buck?” Kisses are pressed along his jaw, soft and reassuring.
“I need to know you’re mine.”
She frowns against him and pulls back, her thumbs sweeping over his cheekbones. “You already know that.” Fear runs up his spine unexpectedly, the thought that someone could take her away frightening him terribly. “Hey, Buck? Honey?” Bucky meets her eyes. “I’m yours. Now what happened?”
Instead of answering her he kisses her. It’s sloppy and rough and needy. But she lets him lead, lets him push her down onto the bed, cover her body with his. She lets him kiss her hard and bruise her mouth and neck. Y/N lets him strip her of her clothes and taste every inch of her body.
It doesn’t last long but they hold each other afterwards and Bucky feels better, safer, almost good.
“Tell me.”
“I-,”
“No.” Her voice is stern. “You tell me right now, James. You can’t just come in here and say those things and then not explain it and fuck me and expect me to lie down and say nothing.” She tugs on his hair hard making him yelp. “You are not allowed to do that to me.”
Half lying on top of her he keeps his face pressed into her neck, slides one hand up and down her side. “I know.”
“Then tell me.”
Bucky peppers kisses to her throat and down to her chest. “You…I…I’ve been keeping something from you.” He pulls back to look into her eyes and sees the fear there. “Baby…I’ve been, uh, fighting. Fighting, not exactly under legal terms. Underground and um-,”
“What? Why?”
“For money. To get better. Rumlow asked me-,”
“Rumlow?!” She shoves him away. “Are you kidding me?”
“Baby-,” She stands and grabs a shirt from the floor. Bucky sits up and watches her pull on some sweatpants. “Don’t do this.”
“Fuck you.” She stops. “I told you he hurt me!”
Anger threads through him, “You never told me what he did!” She finches and grits her teeth hard, breathing shallow. He knows she hates it when he yells, that it scares her badly.
“Why the fuck does it matter?! If someone says that they’ve been hurt, then it hurts, they've been hurt! You don’t get to decide, because you don’t know exactly what-,” she doesn’t finish, only spins on her heel and stalks out of the room.
He follows her to the kitchen after jerking up a pair of sweats. “Hey! Then tell me. Talk to me.” As soon as it's out of his mouth dread fills him. He would never make her tell him-
Y/N turns to fix him with a look, both disbelieving and like she doesn't know him at all. “Gonna force it out of me then? This is my ultimatum?”
“No. Y/N, I-,”
“He screamed at me. He made me feel worthless. I am afraid of him. I’ve never gotten over it.”
Bucky stares back at her as her shoulders start to shake. “Sweetheart-,” He starts forward.
“Don’t touch me.” She takes a few steps back, wrapping her arms around herself. “Don’t touch me.”
~
Y/N bolts up in bed, coughing and gasping for breath. In the living room of her apartment, on the way to the kitchen to get water, she almost screams.
Because she forgot that Bucky was sleeping on her couch.
She stumbles into the table in the kitchen table, making it scrape against the floor, effectively waking Bucky up. “Doll?”
“H-hey, I, uh, couldn’t sleep and-,”
“What’s wrong?”
“I, uh, dream and….uh, it’s okay.”
They’d been spending a lot of time together, doing normal things and not talking so much about the past and what Y/N doesn’t know. Mostly they’d been watching movies and listening to music and talking. Now she trips away from him and her feelings, panic swimming in her lungs. “Y/N?” He stands. “What’s wrong?”
“Who’s Rumlow?”
He freezes. “How do you-,”
“I had a dream.” Anxiety steals into her voice and she backs away. “And he was mentioned and I was afraid of him but you yelled at me and I was…I was a little afraid of you…that’s why I left my bedroom in the dream and I….”
“What’re you talking about, babydoll?” Confusion and fear creep into his voice.
“I don’t wanna talk about it. Leave…leave me alone. I don’t want to talk about it. L-leave me alone.” She turns her back to a wide-eyed Bucky trying to hold back tears and feeling stupid and emotional besides. "Please leave."