Nothing Is Going On

The moment Marlene sees Dorcas approach, she knows she’s fucked. She’s saying goodbye to her friends at the school’s gate and Dorcas is coming with both Pandora and Evan, wearing the lipstick she wore the time they kissed. 

Marlene glances at Mary who is staring at Dorcas in awe. Fuck. She knows. 

Because Mary is fucking good with lipstick shades and if Marlene got the change to get away with it that long, it is only because Dorcas didn’t wear that lipstick again. 

Marlene should be ashamed of all the insults that she is throwing to Dorcas in her head but she cannot quite control it. 

When Mary is about to say something, the little group stops to them and Evan catches Mary’s attention. 

“Macdonald!” He throws. “As gorgeous as always!”

He leads her away and Marlene glares at Dorcas. 

“McKinnon?” Dorcas asks. 

Marlene doesn’t acknowledge her and turns her head. She walks to the little group that Sirius, James and Lily are forming. 

“Hiya loves.” She throws. 

“Next year you come to my place for the whole break.” James says. 

“To live for two weeks with all of you freaks? In your dreams, Potter.” 

Sirius laughs and passes an arm around her shoulders. 

“Give me a minute.” He tells James before taking Marlene away. “Are you alright?” 

“Yeah.” Marlene says with a small smile. 

He stops, “You can tell me Marls, you know that.”

“I know Sirius it’s just…you know, Christmas.”

“Don’t open her letter alone.” Sirius says genuinely. “Or don’t open it. It’s even better.”

Marlene smiles at him, “You know I’ll open it.”

“Yeah. I know. That’s why I’m telling you to not open it alone.” 

“You’re precious Sirius.”

“What do you want me to say?” Sirius asks, grinning. “I’m too perfect!”

“Don’t let that go to your mind.”

“Too late.” He grins. 

Marlene laughs and they go back to their friends. She tries to ignore Mary’s eyes on her but it is extremely complicated. Nevertheless, she manages to avoid her until the moment they have to say proper goodbyes. 

“Don’t think we won’t talk about it.” Mary says in her ear the moment she hugs her. 

Marlene gives her a weak smile and continues to say goodbye to all of her fiends. 

When they are gone, she stays a moment lost in her mind, watching the corner they all disappeared at. Once she starts to get too cold, she turns to go back to the castle, only to face Dorcas. She turns back to the place where their friends disappeared then again on Dorcas. 

“You’re going to miss the train.” Marlene says, startled. 

“What?” Dorcas asks. 

“The train.” Marlene says, pointing at the road behind her. 

“Why would I miss a train that I am not even taking?” Dorcas asks. 

“What?” Marlene asks in turn. “You’re not going home?”

“Well, obviously not.” Dorcas says. 

Marlene stares at her for a moment. Great. She’s going to spend two weeks in an almost empty castle and the only person she knows is Dorcas Meadowes. 

After a few long seconds, she takes the way to the castle, ignoring Dorcas who does not try to stop her. She goes straight to her house and sits by the fire in the common room. 

The common room is empty. There is two seventh year reading at a table and that’s all. She doubts that there would be more people in general. Usually, Christmas break is quite calm, but Marlene supposes that this year it would be even calmer. There is no specific reason, it is just a feeling. 

She doesn’t know whose Gryffindor stayed and if she knows them more than from view. For the moment the only person she knows is Dorcas and she has no intention in spending time with her. 

***

For three days, Marlene avoid any possible interaction with Dorcas. They are thirty-two total in Hogwarts for this Christmas break which means they are all eating at the same table so it’ll be easier for the house elves. The table which was chosen is the Gryffindor one since it is in the middle and there are more Gryffindor than the rest. 

This Christmas break, ten Gryffindors stayed, six Slytherins, seven Hufflepuffs and nine Ravenclaws. Usually, there is around forty, fifty students total, which is quite better. Marlene feels this year’s Christmas break will be quite boring. She only knows one Gryffindor girl with who she spends the most of her time but who kind of bores her, a Hufflepuff boy who has two of his friends and who doesn’t spend time with her, two seventh year Ravenclaws who are studying for their NEWT and won’t spend time with her and Dorcas. That’s a total of five people with who she can barely enjoy her time. 

Her lack of friends doesn’t make her regret staying, anyways, she doubts the door would have open for her at ‘home’. Marlene spends time reading some of Remus’ books, listening to vinyls and playing the bass that has been taking dust in a corner of their dorm for the last few months.  

You’ll think eating at the same table would give Dorcas and Marlene opportunities to interact but even if thirty-two people isn’t a lot, it is enough for them to sit in a way in which they don’t have to acknowledge each other. 

However, on the third day after the rest of the school’s departure, a good part of the students staying caught a cold and the other part took a fast dinner to go back to their revisions. So when Marlene enters the Great Hall, she only sees two first year Ravenclaw eating pudding. She decides to sit alone, expecting it to stay like that until the end of her dinner. And when Dorcas enters, she doesn’t expect her to sit in front of her and to start eating too. 

After a long and awkward moment, Dorcas finally look at Marlene. 

“Want to get high?” She asks. 

Marlene raises an eyebrow, “Last time I was stoned around you, it didn’t go well if you recall.”

“It won’t be the same.” Dorcas insists. 

“How?” Marlene asks. 

“It won’t. Come on. Let’s have fun.”

“Why do you even want to smoke with me?” Marlene says, not really understanding. 

“This Christmas break is so boring it kills me. You’re the only person I know. I thought, you don’t have to accept, I thought we could just forget whatever we hate about each other while everyone is gone and when they come back, we go back to normal. Ignoring each other and glaring. What do you think?”

Marlene considers the idea for a moment. It is true she is bored. She tries not to but she craves human company, interesting human company. Dorcas gets on her nerves. She infuriates her. But maybe if they put everything aside, they could get along long enough for their friends to return and them not dying of boredom. Dorcas is a very intelligent girl, she knows that. 

“Okay deal. But when school starts again, you and I we are complete strangers. No kissing and then saying we’re straight. No conversations in the toilet or locking in a closet. No bickering on the Quidditch field. It’s over. Strangers.”

“We do not bicker.” Dorcas mumbles. “But deal. I’m okay with all of that. And no flirting anymore. No ‘you’re really beautiful’, no ‘I’m speaking facts’.”

Marlene nods. Yeah. That’s a great deal. She doesn’t spend her Christmas break alone and in the end she is rid of Dorcas. That’s the perfect deal. 

“I’ll come to your dorm.” Dorcas says, standing up. 

“Why don’t I come to yours?” Marlene asks. 

“Because.” Dorcas grins and she’s gone. 

And Marlene finds herself grinning back. 

***

“How did you figure out you only like girls?”

“I don’t know.”

“Mh.”

“How did you figure out you only like boys?” Marlene grins back. 

“I didn’t.”

“You didn’t?”

“No.”

“Deepened.”

“Don’t know.”

“Mh. Clear.” She says trying to be serious. 

Marlene and Dorcas are sitting on the floor of Marlene’s dorm, their back against Mary’s bed. Marlene laughs at the idea, oh Mary would be ecstatic seeing them right now. 

“Why are you at Hogwarts for Christmas break?” Dorcas asks. 

“My mom’s a bitch. My dad’s useless. You?”

“Out on a trip.”

“Couldn’t you go to anyone’s?”

“Couldn’t you?”

“James invites me every year. But I need my parents’ approval, Minnie arranges for me to be at the Potters on Christmas Day usually.”

“You won’t be there on Christmas Day?” Dorcas asks, turning to face Marlene. 

“I won’t.” She answers. 

They fall silent and Dorcas lays on the floor, quickly followed by Marlene. 

“You didn’t answer me last time.” Marlene says. 

“About what?” Dorcas asks, smoking. 

“Why did I end up crying at that party?” 

Dorcas doesn’t answer and smokes for a while. Marlene does the same, waiting for an answer. She tries not to think about Dorcas saying that she could only think of that night. 

“It would be easier if you remembered that night.” Dorcas says. 

“Well, I cannot.” Marlene recalls. 

Where they had been laughing a lot since Dorcas arrived and they started smoking, they are now very serious. 

“Yeah.” Dorcas lets out in a breath, “I know. I thing that’s why I kissed you the day you told me to get Regulus. I think I wanted you to remember. But it didn’t work.”

“If a memory is gone due to alcohol, it must never come back.”

“Yeah. Probably.” Dorcas says in a breath. 

“Why?” Marlene repeats. 

“That’s unfair. That you got to forget everything.”

“Why was I crying Dorcas?” Marlene asks cautiously, turning to Dorcas. 

“I don’t know. You weren’t crying when I left.” Dorcas answers, not looking at her. 

“Could you recall me what happened? Like, come on, it’s unfair that you’re the only one who knows.”

And so Dorcas tells her. How they found each other in the middle of the dance floor and kissed two times. How Marlene led them somewhere. How they laughed. How they kissed again just to be sure. How they kissed for a long, long time and how Dorcas was completely lost. How they then argue and kissed again and laughed. How they fell half asleep on each other. How when Dorcas waked up around five, she ran away when she saw who she was with. 

Marlene thinks in silence for a long moment. She tries to coerce her mind into remembering but it is useless, the memories are fully erased. Gone. 

“Maybe that’s why I was crying.” Marlene genuinely says. “Maybe I wanted you to be there when I woke up.”

She turns her head to face Dorcas and Dorcas does the same. 

“Why?” Dorcas whispers. 

“I don’t know.” Marlene whispers back. 

They look at each other for a long moment and Marlene lost herself in Dorcas’ dark eyes. She already admitted Dorcas is beautiful out loud so now she has no shame in formulating it in her head. Dorcas is beautiful. Wonderfully beautiful. Mesmerising. Marlene could lost herself in the contemplation of Dorcas Meadowes and maybe she’s so quick to admit it because of the drug but it doesn’t make it less true. She knows how to acknowledge a beautiful woman, even if she doesn’t especially like her. 

Maybe accepting Dorcas’ proposition wasn’t the best idea Marlene ever made. Because, will she really be able to continue to hate her when everyone come back and school starts again? She tells herself yes but she’s not quite certain. 

“Meadowes?”

“McKinnon?”

Marlene about what she could say, what she wanted to say at first. Her struggle makes her laugh. 

“Would you dance?”

“Dance?”

“Dance! Yes!” Marlene says standing up. 

“I don’t really feel like jumping around.” Dorcas says, standing up too. 

“We could slow. I mean, dance on a slow, not slow together.”

Dorcas smiles, “Go on put some music on then.”

And so Marlene puts a record on, not with her wand but with her bare hands, because there is something so great about doing that. She puts a Sinatra’s best off on and turns to Dorcas who is still smiling. 

“That’s not really slow.” Dorcas says when The Way You Look Tonight starts. 

“Some are. It’s not jumping around ever.”

“It’s not.”

And so they dance the whole record, and they talk for a good part of the night and eventually, they fall asleep on the floor and when Marlene wakes up, Dorcas is still there.