Aftermath
Chapter 9
Natasha and Clint were silent for a bit as they sat on Clint’s bed, waiting for the other to start the conversation that they both knew was inevitable. Deciding that she couldn’t stand the tension any longer, Natasha spoke first.
“So what’s wrong Barton?” Natasha asked Clint calmly.
“I don’t know,” Clint replied blandly.
“Well we’ll just have to work through it together then, won’t we?” Natasha said. She really cared about Clint, and she couldn’t stand seeing him hurt, especially after she just talked her friend away from the edge of a ninety- three story building.
“I guess,” Clint replied.
It was like physical pain for Natasha to see the usually exuberant archer look so defeated. “When we were up there...” Natasha took a deep breath, and gathered the strength she would need to continue. “When we were on the roof, you were staring at the edge of the building. Why?”
“Because my friend almost jumped off of it.” Clint was blunt because he didn’t want to think of it as something that could hurt him. It was so much easier to act like it never happened at all.
But it had happened, and now they all had to figure things out.
“Yes he did,” Natasha said.
Clint didn’t want to make her relive the experience, but Natasha was there, and he had to know why. “Did he tell you why he was going to do it?” He asked carefully.
Natasha looked away from Clint in favor of a hole in the wall, and then answered. “Yes,” she said.
“What was it? What could drive him to want to do something like that?” Clint was upset, and it was very clear. He wasn’t even trying to hide it.
“He said he wanted to fly.”
+++
When Tony woke up, at first he didn’t remember what happened the night before.
They say ignorance is bliss, and in this case they were right.
But as soon as Tony sat up in his bed and had a moment to think, he immediately remembered what he had almost done. He closed his eyes and put his head in his hands.
“Hangover?” A voice asked.
Tony looked up, and saw that this time it was Steve who was with him.
“I’m sorry,” Tony said.
Steve didn’t respond and handed Tony a glass of water. He didn’t know what to say.
Tony took the water, and at Steve’s insistent glare, drank half the glass in one go.
“How is everyone?” Tony asked hesitantly.
“Bruce has disappeared onto his floor. He’s refusing to come down, he’s afraid the littlest things can cause him to hulk out right now. Natasha and Clint are talking in Clint’s room. They’ve been there the whole time you were asleep.”
Tony nodded. “And you?”
“I’m just worried about you.”
Tony looked away.
Both of the men stayed silent after that, and soon a tension filled the room. Steve wanted to say something, but didn’t know what. Every time he was about to open his mouth, he looked into Tony’s eyes and stopped. The eyes that were usually so warm and bright, now dull and flat. These thoughts got Steve to notice other things that had changed about the inventor.
Steve thought of all the times when Tony made something, the way those eyes could light a room. There was always a childlike giddiness surrounding the man, which at first made the Captain annoyed at the immaturity, but he soon found that it could light a room up. His presence was always so in your face, that Steve found that he sought comfort in the fact that it was so apparent he wasn’t alone. Now Tony seemed smaller, and he seemed to want to disappear.
He almost did, Steve thought.
Eventually, Steve made himself speak, only so the genius had someone to take his mind off of things.
“How are you feeling?” Steve asked.
Tony just shrugged.
Steve could see the inventor tearing himself apart on the inside, and he saw the toll it was taking. This internal war was hurting Tony, and Steve knew that Tony had gone through enough hurt for now.
“Okay,” he said, thinking of ways he could help.
“You know,” Tony said, “You don’t have to sit here and watch me. I’m not going to try again.”
“That’s not why I’m here Tony. I’m here because you need me.” Steve said. He didn’t say everything he was thinking. ‘I don’t believe you.’ hung in the air like a weight.
“Thank you,” Tony said. He noticed how Steve was staying away from him. He had to fight back the thoughts that were poisoning his mind, telling him it was because the amazing Captain America was disgusted by his weakness.
“Steve cares about you,” Tony told himself. “He’s probably afraid to hurt you.”
Tony stared at Steve. His relaxed posture looked too rehearsed to be real. It was being used so that the slump of his shoulders wouldn’t be found out as exhaustion. Actually, Steve’s whole body looked tired. His eyes are what really betrayed him though. The blue was the same as usual, but there was more. There was concern shining in his eyes. The dark circles were prominent against the pale skin of his face.
“Tony? Why are you staring at me?” Steve asked, concern replaced with confusion.
“How long has it been since you’ve slept?” Tony asked.
“I don’t know, why?” Steve asked.
“He must not know how tired he looks,” Tony thought.
“You look exhausted,” Tony replied.
“Oh,” Steve said, looking down. “I guess I’m a little tired, but I’ll be fine.”
“No, you have to sleep,” Tony insisted.
“I don’t want to leave you alone.”
“Don’t worry about it, you can stay in here. I’ll go back to sleep too.” Tony moved over and patted the spot on the bed next to him.
Steve blushed and walked forward. “Are you sure?” he asked when he got to the edge of the bed.
“I’m sure,” Tony replied. Steve nodded and laid down in the enormous bed.
“Hey Tony?” Steve said nervously.
“Yes?”
“What triggered it? You were doing so much better lately, at least as far as I could tell.”
When Tony closed his eyes and started to take deep, calming breaths, Steve wondered if maybe he shouldn’t have asked so soon.
But, Tony did answer. “I looked to see what the media was saying about me.” He said this with zero emotion in his voice.
“What did they say?” Steve asked.
“I don’t know everything, I only actually read one article,” Tony said, “but I think it was all the same thing: Tony Stark is unreliable because he’s letting things get to him like this, and he just disappeared for a week and a half.”
“That’s not what everyone thinks!” Steve said incredulously.
“It’s what Director Fury thinks,” Tony said, faking a smile. “He said it in an interview posing as FBI.”
“Since when do you care what Nick Fury thinks?” Steve asked.
“I usually don’t, but I don’t know… I guess I thought he was going to kick me off of the Avengers for it. I mean, I’m not actually one as it is, I’m a consultant, but-”
“You are a full member of the Avengers, Tony, and I refuse to let you believe for one more second that you are not,” Steve said fiercely. “And even thinking that you are not shouldn’t have lead you to do… what you did,” he continued, “because the team still cares about you.”
“Aw, you’re making me blush capsicle, stop it,” Tony said lightheartedly. Now his smile was real. And, he was almost blushing.
Steve laughed. As he relaxed, he found his eyes slowly closing. He looked over to Tony, whose eyes were closed. His last thoughts before he went to bed were about Tony, and how he could help.
+++
Natasha ran up to the roof as soon as JARVIS told her that Tony had gone up there drunk and “extremely distraught.” She knew that Tony would blow up soon, and now was the time.
As she sprinted up the stairs, she thought about what would happen if she was too late.
No, she told herself. I’m not.
Natasha shoved open the door that lead to the roof, and was shocked at first by what she saw through the curtain of hair the wind had blown across her face.
There was Tony. Wonderful, sarcastic, strong, lively Tony walking towards the edge of a building with a half empty bottle.
Panic filled her, clouding her senses as all she could think was no.
“Tony? Oh- oh my god! Tony come here, just step away from the edge,” she called out, stuttering.
Stuttering? She was Natasha Romanov, she never stuttered!
When Tony laughed, she lost piece of herself. Oh Tony she thought, What is wrong with you?
And then Tony stepped closer to the edge.
“Tony! You’re drunk, you’re going to fall!” The spy called, her voice rising as she was filled with even more panic. This was something of her nightmares.
She wished it was just a nightmare when he answered with “That’s the point!”
He took another step forward.
“You’ll die!” She screamed, her voice breaking as the tears came. She didn’t know what else to say.
When he quoted Sherlock, Natasha almost thought it was a dream. But it wasn’t.
It was really happening.
He took another step, and the spy’s heart stopped. He was so close to the edge, that even the strong wind could have been enough to push him off.
To kill him.
“Tony. Just stop. Stop and think for a moment.” Natasha was practically hysterical, and still the man didn’t look back.
“I can’t think. If I think I won’t go through with it. And, Natasha, I have to.” Tony said. He turned towards her and she felt a little hope. That hope was quickly crushed when he stepped backwards towards the ledge.
Her throat felt clogged, and it was hard for her to breathe. One step. One little step would be the thing to kill a man that she had grown so attached to. Even as she cried for him, the roaring wind was drying her tears as they came.
And then suddenly, Tony spoke again. “I’m sorry,” he said. He took another step back, and he was now balancing on the edge of the building. With one final wink, he let himself tip backwards, causing himself to fall off the edge of the building.
“NO!” Natasha screamed, but it did nothing to save her friend. She fell to her knees and let out a scream so filled with grief and fear that it caused her teammates that were still inside to come to the roof, where all they saw was an empty bottle and the broken spy screaming and screaming…
And then Natasha woke up to Clint leaning over her, eyes filled with concern.
She was in Clint’s bed, she must’ve fallen asleep in there.
She didn’t even notice she was crying and hyperventilating until Clint tried to calm her down.
“Nat, I need you to take a deep breath, okay? Please-”
“Shut up!” Natasha screamed. “I- I couldn’t save him… he’s dead because I couldn’t save him!”
“Sh, yes you did Tasha, it was just a nightmare,” Clint tried to calm her down, but the look of incomprehension filled him with sorrow.
“What do you mean? It all felt so real,” she said. Her breathing was starting to slow, but she still had tears streaming down her eyes.
“It might’ve started out real, but the end wasn’t,” Clint said. He seemed to want to add more, but he was hesitant to do so.
“What?” Natasha asked, seeing that.
“You were screaming in your sleep Tasha. I’ve never seen you so worked up before.” Clint looked like he didn’t know what to do, and he probably didn’t. Of course he had nightmares, but everyone dealt with there's a little differently. He didn’t know if what he did to work through his would help Natasha at all.
“I want to see him,” she said.
“Okay, let’s ask Jarvis to get him for you, okay?” Clint seemed nervous.
“No, no I want to go and find him. He’s probably still in his room.” Natasha stood up and walked briskly towards the door.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Clint asked.
Natasha just nodded and waited at the door for him to get up and follow her out. Soon, the two spies were standing outside of Tony’s door.
“Jarvis, can you let us in without waking Tony up?” Natasha whispered, knowing the AI could still hear her.
“Yes, of course.” Usually he wouldn’t allow it, but he had seen Natasha having the nightmare and took pity. The locks clicked open, and Natasha and Clint stepped inside, their bare feet making no sound on the floor.
The first thing Natasha noticed when she entered the room was that the giant bed held two bodies. She expected to see Bruce, but was surprised when it turned out to be Steve. The two men were laying pretty close to each other, which surprised Natasha because Steve had been so hesitant to touch the inventor just last night…
Last night.
Natasha shook the remaining memories from her head, not needing them to make her relive the nightmare she had just woken up from.
To brighten her own low mood, she pulled out her phone to take a picture of Tony and Steve once they started to cuddle in their sleep.
It was absolutely adorable.
Sadly though, the camera’s flash woke both men.
“What are you doin’ here?” Tony asked, his voice slurring as he was still half asleep.
“I wanted to make sure you were still alive,” Natasha said, her voice no longer holding a trace of panic.
“Why?” Tony asked, his eyes still closed.
“Because I had a nightmare where I didn’t help you and you jumped off the roof. Well, more like fell off it. You just leaned back, and let me tell you, it wasn’t like you were flying… No, it was really quite clear that you were falling. And you fell like a rock, and there was nothing i could do to help you-” A single tear fell from her eye, and her voice grew even faster and more frantic with every word. “And then you were just gone I just screamed and it was awful.”
Tony looked so guilty. Natasha ran over to the bed and hugged him, hard. He hugged her back, squeezing even tighter than she did. “I’m so sorry I did that to you,” he whispered into her neck.
“I’m just glad that you saw sense and walked away from it in the end,” Natasha said. “I came to see that you were still alive.”
“I am, and I promise you I am going to work my hardest to stay that way,” Tony responded. He was filled with determination. He knew that he really was in trouble, and he had to get better for the sake of himself and for the sake of his friends.