Rain
Eventually, Natasha came downstairs, claiming the movie was starting.
“Why are you the one collecting me? I expected Clint,” Tony said. “Not that I’m upset to see you! You’re great.”
“Nice save Stark,” Natasha said smiling. “The boys are being idiots upstairs,” she added.
Tony looked worried. Sure, Natasha called them idiots all the time. But the spy was a very intelligent woman, and rarely let you forget it. Tony didn’t know if he needed to bring the fire extinguisher or not. “How are they being idiots?” he asked carefully.
“You'll see.” Natasha answered him with a light hearted smile, so he guessed everything was fine. Tony let out a sigh of relief. Natasha clapped his arm in a friendly way as they made their way towards the elevator.
Tony flinched at the contact. She hit the arm that had been stabbed. It was mostly healed now, but his left arm and side was still sore. “Sorry,” Natasha said, seeing even the smallest details.
“It's fine Nat,” Tony replied.
They continued to talk as they walked. It was pleasant, until the conversation took a turn Tony would rather it didn’t. “So, how did you manage to stab yourself anyway? I asked Clint, but he won’t tell me.” Natasha asked.
Tony was glad that Clint understood that the sleeping issues weren’t something he wanted to share. He decided that until he was ready to tell the others, the best answer was a lie. “Well, I knocked over my coffee cup while reaching across the workstation, and when i moved to grab a broom, I slipped on the coffee. I must’ve hit my head on the floor and blacked out.”
Natasha looked skeptical, but if she suspected a lie, she didn’t say anything.
+++
When they both reached the living room, Tony saw what Natasha meant by “idiots.” They were building a fort using the couch and a couple blankets.
“It's big enough for everyone!” Steve said happily. Tony’s step faltered. The fort looked… Dark.
“It's fine guys, I'm gonna sit over there,” Tony said, pointing to a side chair.
“Aw come on Tonyyy,” Clint whined. “Don’t be a buzzkill!”
Tony thought about it. They would all be squeezed into it, so he would be surrounded all around. It would be dark. He wouldn’t be able to move easily.
-The dark was all around, crushing him-
No. He would not go into the fort.
“No, you’ll have more space without me. And Steve, trust me, you'll need the space with this movie,” Tony joked. Joking was good. Nobody would see he was hiding.
Bruce looked suspicious. “Dammit Bruce” Tony thought. “Just accept it.”
“Tony, are you sure? There really is plenty of room, Clint is very good at fort building,” Bruce said, looking Tony in the eye.
“I'm sure. I don't wanna be around Capsicle when we get to The Scene That Shall Not be Named,” Tony said, drawing attention to Steve. That's how he always did it. Just drag attention away.
“I'm starting to get a little scared guys, why is Tony talking like that!” Steve looked genuinely upset.
“He's just trying to psyche you out dude, ignore him.” The others set to reassure Steve about how unscary the Lion King is. Tony sighed happily, and went to sit in his chair. He curled up as the beginning credits began to play.
That's when the rain started.
One thing that not many people knew was that Tony loved the rain. He loved the constant beat it made as it hit the windows and walls. (he couldn’t hear it off the roof, he was too far down.) He even loved to go out in the rain, because it felt so pure. So the rain made Tony feel safe. He started to relax.
Then the power flickered. Tony felt less safe now.
Of course, it started right back up again, and nobody thought anything of it. They just watched the movie.
Well, nobody but Tony thought about it.
“What if the power goes out for a long time?!”
Tony was trying to find a way to excuse himself without seeming like a jerk. There's no way he would let himself get into a situation happen around his team. He ran through ideas in his head. He could claim he was tired. Glancing at the clock, he trashed the idea. It was only 9 o'clock. What if he said he was sick? No, they would all know it was a lie.
Tony was starting to panic when the power flickered again. Outside, the thunder was booming louder.
“Nononono” he thought.
He was glad the others couldn't see him panicking.
And, just before The Scene That Shall Not be Named, the power went out.
And it stayed out.
Tony closed his eyes, and tried to breathe. It wasn’t working very well.
“You are safe,” he thought. He didn’t believe it. He felt himself slipping away.
-The darkness was all around him, blinding him. The void was absolutely silent.-
Tony rolled off the chair and curled up in a ball, seemingly trying to protect himself. There was a loud bang when he hit the ground, and it hurt his side and arm when he landed on them, but he didn’t care.
-Then the cold started. It covered the suit, then started to get inside. Instantly, Tony was shivering. He took a shaky breath from his oxygen tank, his lungs were hit with a sharp pain as they were filled with freezing air-
Natasha peeked her head out of the fort when she heard a noise. She squinted around the room until she saw a pile on the floor in front of the chair. “Tony? Are you okay?” No answer. “Tony?” Natasha said again, beginning to crawl toward the lump she saw on the floor. When she got to it, she gasped. It was Tony, curled into himself silently. “Tony?! What happened?” He ignored her. In reality, he couldn’t even hear her. He was too far into his own memories to be aware of her.
-Then he couldn’t breathe at all. His oxygen tank shut down, along with everything else in the suit. There was no air or heat, and he was gasping at nothing, and his lungs burned, and nonono he did not need this. He wanted to live, wanted to talk to Pepper, to his team-
Natasha freaked when Tony’s breathing got shallow. “Someone go get a light!” She yelled.
“What? Why?” Clint asked, carefully walking towards Natasha’s silhouette. Natasha ignored him because she didn’t want to admit that she had no idea. Clint, realizing he wouldn’t get a response, ran into the kitchen. Natasha heard some banging and a muffled curse before clint returned, holding a small light. “What’s going on?” Clint asked.
-As Tony worried about dying alone, he realized something. Soon the arc reactor would shut down like the suit.-
“Why is Natasha freaking out?” Bruce asked worriedly, as he exited the tent, followed by Steve.
“I’m not freaking out!” Natasha yelled, proving to Bruce how bad things really were. The spy never yelled. Clint shined the light towards her. When he saw why she was freaking out, he almost dropped the flashlight. It was Tony. All the Avengers were in a state of shock when they saw their usually obnoxious friend in a heap on the floor.
-So now he couldn’t breathe, and his heart was being stabbed. Of course Tony had to die in agony, of course it couldn’t be quick. He probably deserved it… He wasn’t able to make up for the lives lost because of his weapons, the torture in Afghanistan wasn’t nearly enough to pay for the innocent people-
And then the unthinkable happened. Tony wasn’t only curled up on the floor shivering like he was in a pile of snow; now he was crying too. Tony Stark, the same man who had been accused of being heartless more times than you could count, was crying on the floor. Everyone was speechless.
-Yinsen. His thoughts always ran back to the man who saved his life. Tony thought of him now, thought of how he was told not to waste his life. He didn’t know if he could fight… he was just so tired. But then he thought about his friends, and how they needed him. Tony was running out of air, and his heart was being hurt worse by the second. The merciless cold wasn’t really helping either. So Tony did the only thing his terrified mind could think of doing. He used his little air left to beg.-
The real shocker was the part that came next. Through his pained, gasping breaths, Tony started to speak. “Please,” he whimpered. “Please, someone help me, someone please hear me and help.” That was when Bruce broke. The way Tony was speaking, like he knew it was hopeless, but he had to try was too painful. And the way he sounded, like he was in physical pain… He had to leave before his emotions got the best of him.
-”Anyone?” was the last thing Tony could choke out before he got too tired to even do that. He was taking his last few shallow breaths when he started to black out… the shadows were collecting around the edges of his vision.-
Tony let out a small whisper as his breathing grew weaker.
“TONY!” Clint screamed. And then he screamed again. There were tears streaming down his face as he kept yelling his friend’s name over and over into the dark room.
-And then the whole scene started again. “Please not again, I can’t do it again!” Tony said into the void he was surrounded by.-
Steve dropped down next to Tony as he seemed to be starting the whole thing again. Natasha just looked on the whole scene with an empty look on her face. Clint was still screaming, this time not only Stark’s name.
-Something was different now, something good. There was a voice breaking through the silence.
“Tony fight this, come on!”
“Please be okay! This wasn’t supposed to happen and I need you to get up right now!”
Tony clung to the voice, and noticed that the cold seemed to back off-
When Natasha felt Tony stop shivering, she immediately figured out why. “Clint! Your yelling is helping, don’t stop!” She started yelling more encouragements at Tony, and soon Steve was too.
-Soon, there were more voices. Tony held onto them and allowed them to carry him back to Earth, out of the portal. -
When Tony opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was the flashlight beam shining
directly at him. He was grateful for the light. The second thing he noticed was the yelling. “Guys, I’m okay now,” he said, recognizing them as the reason he wasn’t still stuck in the loop.
“Are you okay?” asked Clint, his voice hoarse.
“What the hell just happened?” questioned Natasha.
“I- I’m gonna get Bruce,” Steve said, obviously feeling awkward.
Steve ran out of the room, looking for Bruce to tell him that Tony was awake. Natasha looked at her friend on the floor. “What just happened?”
“Can we talk about it another time,” Tony asked. He wasn’t shocked when he heard his own voice crack. He had been crying, and felt like it may start again. But he had to stay strong in front of his friends. When he tried to sit up, he felt a sharp pain in his side. “Shit!” Tony yelled. Pulling up his shirt, he realized he must’ve reopened a healing cut in his side when he fell on the floor. Natasha and Clint hadn’t even seen the blood.
“Of course we can talk about it tomorrow!” Clint said. “We should probably get you cleaned up.” As Clint said the second part, Bruce walked in with Steve, both carrying their own flashlights.
“What needs to be cleaned up?” Bruce asked.
“One of the bigger cuts in his side opened up, he’s bleeding,” Natasha said.
“Steve, go grab one of the first aid kits please,” Bruce said, kneeling beside Tony.”Tony, take off your shirt.”
“Wow, don’t we think this relationship is moving a bit fast Brucie?” Tony joked, but he did as he was told. Steve returned, carrying one of the over filled first aid kits placed all around the tower. Bruce had Steve hold a light above Tony’s cut as he cleaned it and bandaged it.
Bruce smiled as he finished. “No, I think it’s perfectly paced. Mind if I take you to bed?” Bruce winked and fought back a laugh.
Tony no longer thought anything was funny. He couldn’t go to sleep, not after he just relived everything, the nightmares would be horrific. “I can’t go to sleep,” he said.
“Why?” Bruce asked, all hints of humor gone from his voice. He was in doctor mode.
“Because..” Tony fought to think of an excuse. “Because I have to work!”
“The power is out, you can’t do anything,” Bruce pointed out, looking at Tony like he knew why the inventor didn’t want to go.
“Oh yeah. Well, I’m not really tired right now, so I think I’ll just read by flashlight for a bit.” Tony knew that was a weak response. It was also a lie. The -incident- took a lot out of him, and he was fighting to stay awake.
“Okay, well, I’ll walk you to your room, and help you get everything together. Everyone else, go to bed,” Bruce said. Natasha, Steve, and Clint knew not to fight the doctor, and all said good night before walking off to their rooms. Tony watched as the light caused by their flashlights faded and the only thing keeping the living room lit was Bruce’s one light.
“You should go to bed, I don’t want to keep you up,” Tony said.
“Nope, I’m not going to leave you right now Stark. Can’t get rid of me that easily.”
“Okay. Can you help me up?” Tony was too tired to fight Bruce on it.
Bruce carefully pulled Tony to a standing position, and together they walked down the hall to Tony’s room.
+++
“So, you should get some sleep. I can tell you’re exhausted,” Bruce said to his friend, who was laying in bed, holding the flashlight like it was a lifeline.
“Nope.” Tony replied.
“What if i stayed here with you?” Bruce asked. He was able to put the puzzle together, even though it was still missing a few pieces. He didn’t know why, but he assumed what happened in the living room was some kind of major panic attack, most likely caused by PTSD. Right now, he knew that Tony was afraid of having nightmares. It would explain why he never wanted to sleep, even on a good day.
“I don't want to do that to you,” Tony said in a small voice.
“So,” Bruce thought. “Tony wants me to stay, but doesn’t want it to be a burden on me.”
“Well, I’m staying, and you’re sleeping, whether you like it or not,” Bruce said, settling onto the couch in Tony’s room.
Tony let out a quiet laugh. “Okay mom,” he said. He looked over to Bruce. “I’ll take the couch, you can have the bed.”
“No, you need the bed because your side is injured. I don’t want you hurting yourself trying to sleep on a couch.” Bruce replied reasonably.
“What if we shared the bed?” Tony asked. “It’s big enough.”
“Okay,” Bruce replied, walking over and laying down on the side of the bed Tony wasn’t.
Tony smiled. “Bruce, could we leave the flashlight on?” He asked like he thought Bruce might say no.
“Of course,” Bruce answered. He added that Tony didn’t like the dark to the puzzle. Soon, maybe it would be finished and he’d be able to see the big picture. But right now, he was just glad his friend was okay.
+++
After a little while, both men fell asleep, with the flashlight between them lighting up the room.