Nightmares
After the battle of New York, Shield had insisted that all of the Avengers stay in one place, so that it would be easier to assemble in case of emergency. Naturally, they volunteered the new Avenger’s tower. Sure, Tony protested at first, but he didn’t really mind. He had plenty of space, and the company might be nice. At first, everyone kept to themselves, but they slowly became closer. Tony did have to hide more, but it was fine. He was happy with the way things were. At least, most of the time.
The sound of laughter filled the halls, surrounding Tony as he walked to his room. It was game night. He wanted to stay and spend time with the team, but he couldn’t. Not while they were talking about The Battle again. They all loved to talk about the hard earned victory, but it made Tony feel sick. He said he was tired and went to bed. (Even though it was only 9.)
It’s been a week since the battle of New York, and Tony still wasn’t over it. Of course, the team didn’t know about the nightmares, or how even the dark was enough to freak him out.
I’m like a five year old… Tony thought to himself as he climbed into bed, leaving the light on. “The door’s locked, right J?” Tony asked. He didn’t want any of the Avengers walking in on one of his… incidents.
“Yes sir, but may I advise you-” Tony cut his AI Jarvis off mid sentence.
“No, you may not,” he said coldly. He didn’t need any more speeches about how he needed help. If the AI could sigh, Tony was sure Jarvis would’ve. Feeling bad, he softened his tone. “G’night J.”
“Good night Sir,” Jarvis replied. Now that that’s settled, Tony thought it’s time to sleep. With the lights left on, he closed his eyes.
He flies higher and higher into the sky, flinging himself through the portal. He loses all communication, his suit freezes over. Tony lets go of the missile, letting it hit the main ship above. I’m gonna die he thinks. This is it. He can feel the crushing blackness as he runs out of air and he can’t breathe…
And now he’s falling, and falling, and falling. He’s so tired, so he decides to just sleep for a little bit.
ROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAR
And Tony wakes up. What a shame he thinks. I was really tired. Realizing his friends were there, he immediately started to make jokes.
“What the hell? What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me?”
“We won,” Captain America said. Tony kept talking after that, not really paying attention to the words leaving his mouth. All he could think about was the cold, the dark…
“We’re not finished yet,” Thor said. So Tony payed attention.
He was back in the portal. No, this isn’t right, I got out! Tony panics, as he feels the ice covering his suit. The cold was reaching him through the metal, causing him to shiver. It was so dark, why couldn’t he see? Then the suit shut down, and everything went downhill from there. There was no more oxygen being run through the suit. Oh god, he was suffocating. Tony was paralyzed, gasping at nothing, his lungs burning. He was cold, and he was just getting colder. The dark was closing him in, covering him. So tired he thought to himself. Should jus sleep for a bit.. Tony closed his eyes as he fell. He was ready for a bit of peacefulness.
+++
Stark gasped as he woke up. He looked over to his clock: 2 am. He slept enough.
Stumbling as he left his bed, Tony made his way over to the kitchen for some coffee. If he was gonna get any work done today, he needed caffeine.
+++
The kitchen was cold, which sent Tony briefly shivering as he remembered his nightmare… the cold was creeping up on him, surround-
“Tony? Why are you up?”
Tony gasped as he heard the voice behind him, snapping him out of his thoughts.
“I could ask you the same thing,” Tony said, turning around to see Steve with a worried look on his face.
“I came to get a glass of water. We finished our game after you left and went to bed.. At least that's what you said you were doing. Now answer me.” Steve said, crossing his arms.
Tony sighed. It didn’t look like he was getting out of this one easily.
“I did go to bed, but now I'm awake. I'm gonna grab a coffee and get some work done.” Tony sad calmly, hoping Steve would drop the subject.
“You only slept for five hours. Tony, that's not enough.” Steve frowned, and even tried the puppy dog eyes.
Tony looked away. Dammit! I'm no match for the puppy eyes… How do I escape? “I know, but I had a really good idea for some new arrows for Clint and I didn't want to forget.” Tony said, avoiding the captain’s gaze.
“Couldn't you just write it down and work on it tomorrow.” Steve pointed out logically.
“Yeah but I don't have any pens in my room.” Tony sounded unsure.
“Tony, why are you really up?” The captain asked.
“My- my room is cold.” Tony shakily replied. This conversation was getting a bit to personal for comfort. “I came to get some warm coffee to warm up.”
“Can't you just have Jarvis turn up the heat?” Steve asked. He knew that Tony was hiding something.
“I'm sorry I'm not as smart as you to think that Capsicle, but I'm half asleep.” Tony spat towards his friend. I'll probably regret saying that later, he thought.
Steve looked upset. Now here comes the regret.
“I'm sorry Steve, I shouldn't have said that,” Tony sighed.
“You're apologizing? Tony, are you drunk?” Steve only looked like he was half joking.
“Nope, just tired.” Tony was glad the crisis had been avoided. He didn't need Steve
knowing about his nightmares. The great Steve Rogers would probably think he's pathetic and weak.
“You should go get some sleep Stark, you need it,” the captain said, laughing lightly. He yawned. “Have a good night.” Steve grabbed his water and went back to his room.
Tony started his coffee. He knew he wasn't going to sleep, bit it felt nice to know Steve cared about him. He smiled, thinking back to when he hated Steve. Sure, they still argued, but they were much better now.
As Tony walked down to his lab, he sipped his coffee and tried to forget his nightmare by thinking about his team.
+++
“DUMMY! FIRE!” Tony screamed to his bot.
The robot rushed over and doused the flames. It beeped proudly when finished.
“Why is it that you always seem to miss the real fires?!” Tony said fondly. “If you don't work on it, I may have to demote you.”
Dummy beeped, sounding scared. He waved his extinguisher, seeming to say ‘but it's my job!‘
Tony laughed. “I'm just kidding. You have the ability to blackmail me if I really made you mad.” Tony stroked his robot, sipping his second coffee for this hour.
“You'd probably set less fires if you slept,” Bruce said, walking into the lab.
“Sleep is for the weak,” Tony replied, remembering the cold, the darkness. He couldn't breathe, he was dying and oh God what could he do- Tony shook away the memory. Not now, not in front of Bruce. “How'd you get in here?”
“Jarvis let me in.” Bruce walked over to Tony, holding a sandwich out to him. “Eat,” he said.
“Not hungry.” It was true. Tony couldn't stop thinking about the portal after 2 weeks. It made him feel sick, and he didn't know if he could hold down food right now.
“Jarvis, how long has it been since Tony last ate?” Bruce asked Stark’s AI.
“Jarvis, don't answer him,” Tony said.
“I'm sorry Mr Banner, but that is classified information.” Jarvis said, sound as disapproving as he could.
“Okay… Jarvis, how many meals has Tony consumed in the last 4 days?” Bruce quickly muffled Tony's next words with his hand.
“Mr Stark has eaten -1 meals in the last 4 days,” Jarvis said, sounding smug.
“Tony, how do you eat negative one meals?” Bruce said, upset.
“Had a stomach virus the other day,” Tony mumbled. Bruce didn't need to know he puked because the nightmares had been too vivid.
“Are you better now?” Bruce asked, even more concerned.
“No,” Tony said, willing Bruce to go away.
“Well then come on, let's get you to bed to rest,” Bruce said.
“No,” Tony said a little too quickly. Bruce looked at Tony confused. “I mean, I haven't tried to eat, so I guess I'll try now.” Bruce smiled, handing Tony the sandwich. Tony inspected it. It was just ham and cheese on bread. He could do this. He carefully took a bite, chewed it, and swallowed it. He smiled through the nausea he felt immediately after.
He continued to eat, Bruce sitting with him while he did. On his last bite of the sandwich, Tony was fighting to get his body to accept it. Of course, he didn't tell Bruce about his internal war.
“How do you feel?” Bruce asked, both happy and concerned.
Dizzy. Sick.
“Great, thank you for making me eat that Brucie. It's nice to know you're looking out for me.” Tony smiled his TV smile. Bruce didn't notice how fake it was.
“Good. Do you want any help with… Whatever you're working on?” Bruce asked, not recognizing the scrap metal in front of Tony as anything.
Tony looked down too. He didn't know what he was making, just tinkering. He didn't care either. He needed Bruce to leave now. Sure, they were closer than the others, but Tony didn't want to run away to vomit in front of anyone, let alone his Science Bro. “Nah, I'm just playing around right now.”
“Okay, well then I'm gonna head upstairs then. Call me down if you need me,” Bruce said.
“Will do,” Tony replied, flashing Bruce a smile as his friend left. As soon as Bruce was out the door, Tony immediately dropped his fake smile. “Jarvis, lock the door and don't let anyone in.”
As he did so, Jarvis asked if he may know why.
“Don't need anyone to see me like this,” Tony said. He felt sick. His head hurt. And his lab was cold.
+++
After what he liked to call the “food incident”, Tony made sure his lab was always locked. Every now and then someone would want to get in to talk, and usually Tony would let them. It's been three weeks since New York now, and he made a discovery: As long as he didn't sleep, the memories weren't as present. Unless, of course, he was in complete darkness, or surrounded by silence. Then he freaked out. These problems were easily taken care of by leaving his lights on, and always playing music.
1 week later
Tony now had a coffee machine in his lab with him, so he didn't have to go upstairs. The others were worried about him. He didn't care. He had now gone a week straight without sleep. He looked like it too. He had dark circles under his eyes, his hair was a mess. Tony knew he would have to face the others soon, but today was not that day. At least, that's what he thought.
Everything had been fine, he was just upgrading some new arrows for Clint, when his eyes slipped shut. He jerked himself awake, and knocked over his coffee cup by accident. It shattered on the ground. With shaky hands, he tried to pick up the glass, only managing to cut his hand. Shit he thought, lifting his hand. He then tripped, landing in the glass. He looked at his arm. There was blood streaming now. His gaze traveled down, and he saw a large shard stuck in his side. When he touched it, he felt a sharp pain. Bad idea, he thought. His vision began to blur. As long as I'm on the floor, I guess I could sleep… Tony thought, for once forgetting his nightmares. He could hear Jarvis talking, but wasn't processing his words. He laid his head down.
“Sir… Calling… Overriding code…” Tony didn't care. He was too tired. He slept for the first time in a week.
When Tony woke up, he realized two things. 1) He hadn't had any nightmares. He almost smiled until he realized the second thing. 2)There was a sharp pain in his arm and side. He groaned.
“How are you feeling?” a voice said beside him.
“Like I've been stabbed,” Tony said, turning to look at Clint with a smile on his face.
“Good guess!” Clint said smiling. His smile faded though. “Do you remember what happened?”
Tony was deciding whether or not to lie. He sighed. He didn't want to lie to Clint.
“I collapsed from exhaustion,” Tony said bluntly, staring at the ceiling.
“What?” Clint asked, confused.
“I hadn't slept for a week, and I just collapsed,” Tony muttered.
“You can get meds for that you know,” Clint said.
Tony thought about it. “I'll think about it,” Tony said. He really would. What if it really helped?
+++
3 days later
Tony had gotten pills for sleep. He hasn't used them yet. He was afraid. Why do I need pills? Am I sick? Tony didn't like where his train of thought was going, so he stopped.
Suddenly, Jarvis spoke. “Sir, Steve is requesting entry into the lab to speak to you,” he said.
“Let him in J,” Stark answered, throwing the pills into a pile of scrap metal, out of view.
“Hey Stark!” Steve said as he walked in. “We're having a team movie tonight, and you are required to come!”
Tony weighed his odds. He could either argue with Steve and lose, or he could agree without a fight.
He went with the latter option. “I'll be there Capsicle. What are we watching?”
“Clint said we're watching this really cool movie called The Lion King! I'm so excited.
Tony laughed. Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad. Maybe things were really getting better.
If only he knew how it would really be…