Draumr

Tony was angry, which to him was justified. He’d been brought back inside when Natasha and Steve found him on the roof, laughing at the sky. They had brought him down, much to his protest because he had wanted to look at the pretty, green lights, whatever that had meant. And to top it all off, Natasha had jabbed a syringe into his neck for the second time, and whatever it was, it had completely flushed the alcohol from his system. Which had cost him much time wasted in the bathroom, emptying his bladder off almost an entire bottle of quality whiskey, which he had wasted most of on his shirt (although that was more on him than on the others).

Now he was sitting confined to a chair with three Avengers looking down at him. All Tony could think while he tried desperately not to look up at their disappointed faces was: I am way to sober for this shit. JARVIS had been reactivated, but hadn’t said anything to either him nor the Avengers, which only helped to increase the feeling of guilt which had returned all too soon once the alcohol was flushed. He just hoped and prayed the AI hadn’t instantly told Pepper. All in all, the situation was looking way too much like an intervention for his liking, and he was so relieved that Bruce wasn’t amongst them.

“Do you want to explain yourself?” Steve was the first to speak up, naturally.

Tony shook his head, not meeting the soldier’s eyes. “Not really”

Apparently, that wasn’t the answer Steve had expected nor hoped for. He stomped his foot angrily in the ground, which reminded Tony way too much like a three-year-old with a tantrum for the chuckle not to come out.

“You think this is funny, Tony?” Steve snapped at him, quickly choking the laughter in Tony. The inventor finally looked up, tired eyes staring at Steve’s nose rather than those blue eyes sparking with anger.

“Not at all. That was a very good bottle of whiskey and you just made me waste it”

“I think pouring it all over your shirt and roof was more wasting than Nat sobering you up again” Clint muttered from behind Steve. Tony sent a glare in his general direction, not caring if he hit the mark or not.

“Tony, what the hell were you thinking!?” Steve nearly shouted. His face had turned a deep shade of red, and for a second Tony was worried his head was going to pop. The soldier stepped closer to him, the inventor pushed away. He didn’t need to take this shit. Standing from his chair, with Steve still towering over him to assert his dominance or whatever it is animals do, he started towards the elevator doors. Now he had to find another bottle and-

Natasha stepped in front of him. Her shoulders relaxed, a sign Tony recognized as a warning before she lashed out. It was much easier to admit defeat than end up with a broken back. Still, he wanted to push against her, throw her aside and walk right out of the room.

Steve and Clint came up from behind, trapping him inside a small circle. He growled, but didn’t do anything to get to the elevator. Even Tony Stark could see when he was in a losing battle.

“What is this, huh? An intervention?” He hissed, turning to Steve with lightning in his eyes. The super soldier looked like he was trying to control his temper, doing a better job at it than Tony.

“We just want to talk to you, Tony. That’s all” Natasha said from behind him. Tony did a one-eighty, unable to stop the surprise on his face at the softness of her voice. She almost sounded sincere, and if Tony hadn’t fallen for the same crap several times before, he might have believed her. Instead, he sneered:

“Yes! Let us all sit down in a little circle while we braid each other’s hair and talk about life’s big problems. Hey, we can play truth or dare! Let’s start with you, Natalie”

Her face hardened.

“Stark!” Said Clint, coming to his friend’s rescue. Tony felt a hand on his shoulder, a loose yet warning grip from the Captain. He spun around, shaking it off while pushing through the two men standing side by side. So much for taking Pepper’s advice and relax. Fuck the Avengers, he thought bitterly, on his way to the fridge. If he was stuck here he might as well get something to eat. The sound of Steve’s footsteps followed closely behind him, and Tony was honestly tempted to turn around and smack him. His blood was boiling in his veins. A barely contained force just begging to be released, itching across his skin like ants.

He threw open the door to the fridge, glaring at the content. His appetite had all but dissipated. Instead, he took a few calming breaths, relishing in the calming cold air from the fridge. What did people usually do when they were angry? Count to ten, right. One, two, three, four, five, six- fuck it! The square root of one is one, of two is one-point-four-one-four-two, of three is one-point-seven-three-two-zero, of four-

A warm hand on his shoulder, no doubt an attempt to calm him down. Because every sane person only needed a hug and a pat on the back when pissed off. Great fucking logic, Steve!

“What do you want from me?!” It was supposed to come out as calm and collected, not blind rage. Sadly, Tony had never been one for impulse control. Steve pulled his hand back as if he’d been burned, staring at Tony with hard eyes. He could see it there, deep in those sky-blues. The need to start a fight, to set Tony in his place. It didn’t take a genius to know the same spark, the same need, burned in his own eyes as well.

“Tony,” He breathed, gathered his thoughts it seemed. “We’re a team. When something is going on, you need to tell us”

Tony could feel the anger from the captain in waves, despite his calmer tone. He could almost see the colour, the wavy lines of heat polluting the air around him. It was almost sickeningly sweet. Steve wasn’t fooling anyone.

“Okay, first; Nothing is going on. And second, even if there was I don’t have to tell you squat. Land of the free, Mr. America. I’m entitled my privacy” The inventor argued, glaring up at the blonde, his stance just as offensive as Steve’s. What had Bruce called them again? A chemical mixture waiting to go off. Tony could definitely feel the chemicals. His hands were shaking. In the back of his mind, there was a tiny little voice that questioned where this sudden anger came from. But right now, it was too easy to just lie down in the flames and let them fuel him further.

“Tony, we’re worried-”

“-That you can’t trust me?” The words slipped over his tongue before he could stop them.

“What?” Steve asked, looking taken aback for a second. He actually took a step away and Tony wanted to laugh. The two assassins had stepped back a bit, taking in the scene but always ready to intervene if they needed to. Hell, Tony wouldn’t be surprised if they pulled out a camera and a notebook. The calculating look in Natasha’s eyes was a dead give-away.

"No, we're worried about you" The soldier said, having picked himself up from the surprise of Tony's accusation. He continued: "First Jarvis wouldn't reply to any of us, and then we find you blackout drunk on the roof laughing"

Tony resisted the urge to roll his eyes, barely.

"What, I'm not allowed to get drunk in my own home, is that it?" He snapped, still feeling the anger like a pulsing fire, pooling at his hands and fingers, waiting to be released. But no, he wouldn't- couldn't do that. The image of the cabinet flashed dangerously in his mind, a warning that the risk was too great. The SHIELD spies were still so close, there was no doubt where they would go if they found out. No, Tony needed to get out, get to his lab. There he was safe, safe from SHIELD and the Captain, safe in his own little bubble in the world.

"What if something had happened, huh? What if there was another attack and we needed to be there. What would we do if you were too gone to show up?!" Steve had raised his voice as well. It was almost fascinating to see the embodiment of peace his father had never shut up about when he was still alive, so angry. A multitude of emotions passed through those eyes all at once, so many that Tony had trouble labelling them all.

"For your information, I have flown and fought in that suit while drunk several times before, and it's worked out pretty well so far" Okay, that might not have been the best thing to mention in front of Steve and two SHIELD agents. Steve's face became, if it was even possible, even redder.

"You what?!" He almost yelled, and Tony's breath actually caught in his throat. That voice, that angry yell, was almost exactly like Howard's. "Tony, do you have any idea how dangerous that is? The damage you could have caused?! What is wrong with you?"   

Too much to put to words…

“Come on, Cap. It’s not like the world will end just because I actually drink some of the overly expensive whiskey I keep buying” Tony argued, trying to bring back some of the earlier bravado. Steve had his shield, and Tony had his winning personality that would probably one day get him killed. The soldier looked stuck between a rock and a hard place. With his arms at his sides, fingers twitching slightly as if burning to do something, he looked almost pitiful. A man whose view on life didn’t fit, and he was only now realizing. This isn’t the war, captain. The world doesn’t consist of black and white.

“It’s irresponsible” Was his final argument, and Tony applauded him for it.

“Have you read anything at all since you were pulled out of the freezer? Irresponsible is my middle name” He said, voice a strange mix of a sneer and humour. The fire was still burning, blossoming under the thin layers of skin. Did Steve know anything about him at all? There were hundreds of articles, over a dozen biographies and psychoanalysis’. Especially since he came out as Iron Man.

“That isn’t an excuse Tony. We were scared something had happened to you” Oh sure you are, Tony thought bitterly. He wanted to leave the room, wanted out of the puffy air full of anger and heat. The anger was like a physical fire burning up inside him, and he wanted out before it burned a hole in his chest.

“Please, Steve” He growled, glaring up at the super soldier as if daring him to say anything. “The only reason I’m still on this team is because I make pretty toys for Fury and his kindergarten of an organisation. The only reason I’m still making toys for SHIELD is because they have proved themselves to be somewhat useful. This here” He motioned between them, Steve, Clint, Natasha and himself. “This is a business arrangement. Nothing else. We came together as a team to stop a maniac with a horn fetish, not to become BFFs and run around the park”

The words simply dripped from his tongue like venom, and Tony was caught in a moment where he was unsure if he meant them or not. Before he got to put more thought into it however, their Captain spoke:

“Do you have any idea how selfish you’re being? We’re trying to help you, why can’t you see that?!”

“Because I don’t need help. I’ve managed through life perfectly well on my own, and I’m not going to change the way I live just because an old man in spandex told me to”

This was where Natasha decided to unhelpfully cut in.

“The first time we met you were dying for the third time in a span of two years” He gave her a pointed glare, wishing he could wipe that smug look off her face.

“Thanks” He forced out sarcastically, turning back to Steve who was staring at him with a mix of anger and that damn worry Tony hated. If he could just rip that emotion out of him, life would be a hell of a lot better. Did he look like a man in need of pity? No, no he did not. “So I’ve had some bumps in the road. So what? Everyone has a bad day”

“You were dying, Tony, and you didn’t tell anyone about it” Natasha said again, stepping a bit closer. Like a loyal puppy, Clint followed suit. Tony felt himself being pressed into a corner, back pushed against the fridge. A constant reminder that there was nowhere he could go. If that convenient as fuck teleporting-thing would be useful, it was now. So of course, nothing happened.

“I want to leave. I want you to get out of my way, right the fuck now” He glared at them all, daring them to do or say anything. His hands were shaking, his knees weakened until they felt like jelly. Steve looked conflicted, and Tony could practically see those rusty old cogwheels turn in his head. He didn’t stick around for it however, moving to walk past the super soldier. The plan was to try the door again and if anyone of them tried to stop him, he would-

Someone, definitely Steve, grabbed his arm, bringing him to a sudden halt. “What would your father think-”

That was it. The final straw, the string cut, the glass overflowing, everything. Tony was sure his heart would leap out of his chest if it wasn’t for the arc reactor blocking it’s path. Or maybe it would just stop dead in it’s track? It didn’t matter.

“Fuck my father!” Tony yelled, feeling all the anger he’d been beating down on surge up inside of him all at once. And all because of one simple word. The lights flickered, blinking on and off in desperation. Tony didn’t even notice, too caught up in the burning feeling of Steve’s hand on his arm. He grabbed it, yanking it off with more force than necessary.

“My father was a worthless piece of shit who never gave two flying fucks about me or anyone else. The only thing he did seem to care about was bringing home a new woman to fuck every night and finding a frozen kid pumped up on steroids!”

The captain looked, for once in his life, shell-shocked. Like he couldn’t quite comprehend Tony’s words. The truth probably didn’t make much sense to Mr. Perfect, Tony thought.

“He wasn’t like that…” Tony could almost have felt bad for him. Suddenly, he looked a lot more like a lost boy than a strong, relentless soldier. “He was a good man. He saved lives”

Tony shook his head, feeling some of the fire quench. Steve looked so confused, he couldn’t tell if it was funny or sad. “Not the Howard Stark I knew. He worked on the world’s first nuclear bombs. Befriended killers and destroyed countless lives, including my own”

The soldier shook his head, denial dancing between his eyes.

“No. He was a hero. If it hadn’t been for him, I wouldn’t be here” He tried, but it was obvious the captain was losing. A twisted sense of glee twirled in Tony’s stomach. He would later think of how disgusting that was.

“A hero?” The word felt like a mockery. “Steve, if it hadn’t been for my dad, countless of lives would have been spared” There was a heavy silence in the room, and Tony could all but hear their thoughts. And what’s so different about you? Or was that his thoughts? He didn’t even know anymore. The thoughts of his father, the memories that had been brought up, tasted like bile.

“You’re wrong” Steve raised his voice again, catching his ground a bit. “Howard was a good man. He would give anything to protect the people he cared about” Unlike you…

The lights flickered again.

“Well then you and I got to know two very different sides of the same coin, because the Howard I knew didn’t have any people to give anything for. He was a cruel, greedy old man that couldn’t even spare his own son a second glance. My father was a murderer who didn’t care whose blood he spilled as long as he got what he wanted” Was he still talking about Howard? It was getting harder and harder to tell.

“Shut up, Tony. I knew Howard, worked with him for years before you were even born” Steve stepped closer, looming over Tony. The billionaire’s face hardened, and soon the two of them were standing so close their noses were almost touching.

“Yeah, and then you died. People change, Rogers. It’s about time you realized that. The world isn’t your private strip club, and whatever game you played back in the forties, it’s over. You were gone, and the world moved on. Just accept it already and do the same”

That damned silence passed between them again, while Steve tried to come up with a good comeback. The two assassins Tony had nearly forgotten about, exchanged glances, and he could have sworn it was like an entire conversation passed between them without a single word. Whatever it was, it probably meant bad news for him, but he didn’t get much time to ponder on it when Steve finally opened his mouth again. This time, he sounded almost defeated, which only sent another sudden spike of guilt straight to Tony’s growing pile.

“What would he say if he could see you now…” It was barely a whisper, but Tony caught it nonetheless. With a simple shrug, he replied:

“He’s probably rolling in his grave”

With that final blow, he left. This time, no one tried to stop his approach for the elevator. There was a heavy weight over his shoulders. He felt like a rubber band ready to snap at any given moment. Like all he needed was a small push before he would explode. Trying to take his mind off it, he focused on breathing heavily. Just like Bruce had told him when he explained how he kept the Hulk in check. In and out, calm and relaxed.

Before he even reached the panel for the elevator, the doors opened and speaking of the devil in green. Bruce stepped out, eyes instantly locking onto Tony. The inventor groaned inwardly, instantly recognizing the “I need to talk to you” look in Bruce’s eyes.

“Tony-” The doctor started, but Tony was already inside the elevator.

“Not now, Bruce” He all but snapped, feeling bad for the sharp edge in his throat that wasn’t supposed to be directed at Bruce. “Jarvis, lab. Now”

The elevator doors slipped closed.